A/N : Here's the next chapter. Thanx to those who have reviewed so far, hope you continue to enjoy the story! :-)

(For disclaimer, etc. see chapter 1)

Chapter 3

How had it happened? That was the question most dominant in Spike's mind as he lay in his room. His friends, Xander and Willow, had left shortly after his revelation, when he told them he needed time to think. Now laying there on his back, studying the ceiling, he tried to figure out how he hadn't seen it coming. How had he not realised he was falling in love with Buffy?

She was his best friend, like Xander and Willow were best friends, nothing more and nothing less, and he always loved her, but in love, that was something different.

Spike had been in love with Drusilla, at least he thought he had. She was beyond attractive, to him at least, she was different, she was exciting, she was...off her rocker most of the time, but that only increased Spike's attraction to her because it made her more interesting and that little bit dangerous too.

Then came the night he'd found a note, not from her but from one of his best mates on the male side of things. He and Riley had known each other in high school and roomed together in college, until the day that he ran off with Dru, of course. And Spike had cursed and cried and yelled, and ultimately leant on Buffy for a few months. She was his helping hand, his comfort, his everything, but that was what best friends were, right? Wrong. As he looked back on it now he saw that she'd gone way above and beyond to help him out as he had for her too. When they went out together they never hit on other people, although they could have since they weren't dating each other. He'd only had one girlfriend and that was Drusilla, and this scum Angel was Buffy's first bloke.

"How stupid am I?" Spike asked himself aloud, for about the fifth time in as many minutes. Well, they say love is blind, and God how blind he really had been. The next question that came to mind was 'does she know?' quickly followed by 'does she feel the same?'

Spike was pretty sure it was no on both counts. She'd hardly be dating the great poof if she had feelings for him, right? But then, if it had taken Spike all this time to realise what he felt, maybe it was just the same for Buffy, or was that no more than wishful thinking?

A hundred different emotions were coursing through Spike as he tried to fathom out where to go from here. He was still angry that Buffy would choose to believe more of what Angel said than him. He was upset because she was upset and her pain was his pain, always. He was slightly relieved that he'd figured out his feelings for the girl, but also frustrated that he'd realised it at the most inappropriate time.

If Buffy loved Angel, as she said she did, and was quite willing to be continually used, Spike couldn't be around her. The realisation that he was in love with her only made it worse and he knew there was no way their friendship was going to survive if Liam O'Connor remained in the picture.

Burying feelings was not something Spike did well. He was all for saying what you mean and meaning what you say. How could he spend so much time with Buffy as he had before without letting her know how he truly felt. He'd never be able to keep his mouth shut and he knew he'd get shot down because as much as the girl professed to care for him, her heart belonged to the using piece of filth they called Angel.

Right now, Spike wasn't even sure if Buffy like him, never mind loved him. Flaming rows were not their usual way of communicating, in fact, he couldn't remember ever having such a fight with his best friend as he had two days ago and again today. He shut his eyes tight, determined not to be a ponce and cry again but finding out just how much Buffy meant to him, only to realise she would never be his that was tore him apart from the inside out, and the tears he'd been trying to hold back broke forth as he realised as his heart physically stung as it broke in his chest.

An hour passed, maybe two, and with no tears left and no thought that hadn't already gone round his head twice, Spike called it quits and decided he needed to pull himself together. No chit was going to turn him into a blubbering mess on permenant basis, not even Buffy Summers, he told himself as he got up from his bed and went over to the window. The sun was going down and a quick glance at the clock told him why, it was getting late in the day, a day he had spent mostly thinking about Buffy in one way or another, and it was time he thought of something else.

A shower and a change of clothes made him feel a little better as did the sandwich he managed to make and eat. Walking back through the living room he saw something on the coffee table glint in the fading sunlight from the window. Walking over he picked up the silver item and the note it was acting as paper-weight to.

'Spike,

Cleaned up the living room as best we could.

Retrieved this from the devastation.

Feel better and call us soon

Willow & Xander'

He read the words and smiled a little. At least he had two other mates who cared, but they were Buffy's mates too and when it came to choosing sides, well, it really wasn't fair to make them take sides anyway but if they had to they would choose her, especially Red - all girls together and all that rot.

The item 'retrieved from the devastation' was of course another painful memory -his lighter. He squeezed it tightly in his hand before walking over to the dresser and dropping it into the drawer, at the same time retrieving one of the disposables he kept there, just in case. He just couldn't bring himself to use the present from her, not right now.

Spike decided a night out was what he needed. Not to get to drunk, he'd done that already today, what was the point in going back to square one? And as much as he would have liked to call his mates he knew to leave them out of it for a while was probably more fair.

Alone in more ways than one, Spike picked his leather jacket up from the back of the chair and pulled it on. A quick check of his bleach blond hair in the mirror and a moment spent grabbing his keys and Spike was out of the door. He needed to get out of the apartment, get some distance and perspective, he thought as he jogged down the three flights of stairs and out of the building.

There sat his motorcycle, just waiting to burn up the roads. Venting his frustration by doing sixty in the forty zone would have been somewhat therapeutic but also dangerous and pointless as he'd feel just as bad when it was over, worse probably, knowing how disapproving Buffy would be about it, not to mention Willow.

No, he would walk, walk to the nearest club, find some interesting people to chat to about anything other than Buffy and his own problems. He might dance with a few girls, have a few drinks, live his life and for once without his right hand girl attached to him. He could do that, of course he could, he could live without her, he could make it through on his own. Didn't need Buffy and her tragic taste in men hanging around him, free to be his own man now...if only Spike could actually convince himself that it were true...

It was a long but fairly uneventful night for Spike. As it turned out, he really wasn't as good at talking to strangers as he thought and when he started a conversation he soon realised the women he chose to talk to were not exactly interested in his words, but either his body or his money, or both, instead.

There was some drinking involved, but knowing no amount of spirits would either lift his own or drown the torch that burned inside him for his precious Buffy, Spike didn't really even attempt to get drunk.

It was after midnight when the young man arrived back at the apartment block where he lived, climbing the steps much more wearily than he'd run down them. It was much harder than he'd thought, living life alone. One night without Buffy and his other mates and he was bored and horribly depressed. There was a moment when he'd considered hunting down Liam O'Connor and ripping off his knee-caps just for something fun to do, but Buffy already seemed to have enough reasons to be mad at him, he didn't want to add to the list. Besides 'Angel' was quite a big bloke, Spike seemed to remember, despite the fact he'd only really met the guy two maybe three times.

Looks-wise the two men had no similarities at all. Angel was taller than Spike by several inches and had dark hair and eyes in comparison to Spike with his bleach blonde curls and crystal blue orbs. It made Spike wonder, if the two of them looked so unlike each other and behaved so differently, and yet Buffy was in love with Angel, did he really stand any chance of her liking him that way, of her being in love with him?

Realising his thoughts had strayed back to the girl he'd been trying to block from his mind, Spike cursed and hunted for his keys. Outside his own front door, Spike reprimanded himself, 'You will not think about Buffy' he thought sternly, 'you will put her out of your mind and out of your life for everybody's sake...'

He finally located his keys, slipped the appropriate one in the lock and let himself inside. He regretted the move almost as soon as he'd done it.

"Bloody hell" he muttered running a hand back through his hair.

"Buffy, what are you doing here?" Spike sighed in annoyance as he entered his apartment and found his ex-best friend sitting on his sofa, head in her hands, "We said all we had to say before" he continued, not really looking at her as he closed the door behind himself and walked across the room, a night of trying to do without her had gone horribly wrong, he couldn't deal with this now "And I'll have my spare key back if you don't mind, considering the fact that..." his sentence ended very abruptly as he reached her side and the girl looked up from her hands.

Red and blotchy, streaked with tears, hair in disarray and make-up all where it wasn't supposed to be, Buffy looked nothing less than a mess, a very broken and upset mess. Spike closed his eyes, expelling a breath as he dropped down onto the sofa beside her. She was in pain, he could see it in her eyes, intense pain that he was almost certain Angel had caused and he himself was adding to right now. Thoughts of abandoning her the furthest from his mind that they could be, he asked the question he feared the answer to.

"What did he do?" he said quite calmly, but Buffy just looked away. Spike repeated his question, slightly more angrily now, his blood increasing in temperature a little more every second that Buffy kept up her silence. What did she think she was achieving, protecting him like this? If he'd done something Spike wanted to know, because God help him this had gone far enough, he was going to tear Liam O'Connor limb from limb, and he was going to savour every moment of it.

"He didn't....he, I..." Buffy stammered, more tears spilling from her red eyes as she sobbed once more.

Spike's arm wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her head to his chest, his second arm rounding the other side of her, holding her tightly, protecting her from the whole world, or at least trying to.

"Tell me" he said, his anger dissipating as he felt her pain, his sympathy and sheer love for the girl even stronger than his hate for the man who'd caused her heat-ache, "Come on" he urged as he rocked her gently, squeezed her tightly to him, "I know we had a stupid row but you can still tell me anything"

"You'll hate me" the sobbing girl choked out, and that only made Spike angry again. Grabbing her firmly but gently by her upper arms, he pulled her up to look into her face.

"Never" he said simply but definitely, the look in his eyes shocking Buffy out of her sobbing frenzy and into complete calm and silence. The girl would have been scared by this kind of intense gaze from anyone else, but this was Spike and that made everything okay.

There was the briefest of moments when Spike considered, 'now I could tell her how I feel' but he soon realised just how inappropriate his timing would be. She would likely run a mile, or worse, say she felt something she didn't as a kind of rebound thing, and that would break his heart into more pieces than the two it was already in.

"Now tell me" Spike repeated more gently.

Buffy closed her eyes, took a deep breath and said what she must, before collapsing into waves of tears all over again.

"I'm pregnant"

To Be Continued...