A/N : Hey, thanx for all the great reviews! Star-Crossed Lover1 - if you really want to know if you're right you'll have to email me and I'll tell you, but I'm not going to write it here and spoil it for everyone else. :-) Hope everyone continued to enjoy the story, although I'm not so sure enjoy is the right word given all the angst and upset...I promise there will be a happy ending, but the ending is a long way off yet...please review! :-)

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 5 - The Morning After

He didn't sleep, how could he with her there? It was a strange feeling for Spike, who usually got so much comfort from being close to his best friend, Buffy, but now having her there beside him in his bed was creating every feeling but comfort.

Once Buffy had calmed down from her crying, both she and Spike had realised just how late it was. Both emotionally drained, they went to his room, nothing more than sleep on her mind, as ever when she shared his bed, but strangely every thought but sleep on his.

Now, six hours later and almost eight in the morning, Spike had hardly slept at all. He lay on his side, head propped up by his elbow, watching the woman he loved sleep. She looked so peaceful and content, a slight smile on her lips. He hoped she was dreaming of something pleasant, when she awoke to reality things wouldn't be so happy, she deserved at least a little comfort as she slept. He wondered briefly if she'd ever dreamt of him, ever thought of him the way he saw her now, but he dismissed it as a stupid concept. She loved Angel, probably still did, despite what had happened. Finding out about his wife hadn't made a difference to her feelings for the ponce, why would his being angry at her change anything?

It was so hard to comprehend how things had changed so much, Spike thought as he watched Buffy breathe slowly in and out, one hand up by her face on the pillow, the other near her stomach. God how things had really changed, he thought, 'there's practically three people in this bed!'

Jealously was another thing Spike was feeling, though it was only now that he truly realised it. Buffy was having a baby, shocking enough in itself, but that baby was not his. He'd never been with her that way though they'd shared a bed more nights than he could count. As he thought about it now, it did seem a little strange, but he knew why he hadn't thought so before.

Spike had been blind, to a great many things, the biggest of which was the type of love he had for this woman. He'd thought of her as a best friend, maybe at some time as a sister, mostly just as his missing piece, but until today, the thought that she might be the woman he was supposed to be with forever, to marry, to have children with, to love, honour, and cherish until death, why had that thought never occurred to him?

'She's beautiful, she's caring, she kind, she makes me laugh, she's everything, she's...oh God, she's awake' Spike mentally rambled coming to an abrupt halt when her eyes open and looking into his.

"Hi" she whispered, and Spike had to physically shake his head to come back to reality and answer her.

"Morning, pet" he smiled, "You sleep okay?" he asked, knowing full well how she'd slept since he'd watched her all night but really at a loss as to what else he might say.

"Yes, actually" she told him, turning from her side to her back and stretching a little, inadvertently making Spike a little more comfortable by breaking their eye contact, but only making things worse as her foot accidentally ran up his leg.

Spike jumped so much he was mere centimetres from falling completely out of the bed and Buffy noticed there was as much distance between them as was physically possible.

"Are you okay?" she asked him with a hint of a frown, "You seem kind of jumpy"

"I'm fine" he replied too fast, a complete lie he knew, but what was he going to say? 'No, I'm not fine, I haven't slept all night because I've just realised sharing a bed with you isn't normal, and if I tell you what I've been thinking about all night you'd probably slap me' Yeah, that would have been an award winning response, so Spike had gone for the easy option of lying, something he'd always sworn never to do when it came to his friends, especially Buffy.

Thankfully the girl accepted his lie for now and asked no more questions as she lay there a few more moments, waking up and stretching, before finally deciding she had to get out of bed, even if she was going to blow off work today.

"You mind if I take a shower?" she asked Spike, noticing again how far across the bed he seemed and wondering why.

"Course not, luv" he attempted to smile when he said it but things were playing on his mind and he did not look convincingly cheery. He had to force himself not to look as she jumped out of bed and made for the bathroom, knowing if he saw her in all her glory right now it was going to make for an embarrassing conversation over breakfast.

Once she was gone from the room, he sighed, rubbing his hands over his face and back through his hair. How had he got into this mess? A month ago, hell even a week ago, everything was so much easier, Buffy was his friend and nothing else and he'd probably be a whole lot better off if things had stayed that way, but then Buffy would still be pregnant and he'd still want to kill Angel, so maybe things weren't as different as he thought...

He heard the water begin to run in the next room and he felt both strange and guilty as his mind wandered to places it had never been where Buffy was concerned.

"Breakfast" he said aloud, hopping out of bed, forcing on his black jeans and humming the first tune that came into his head, desperate to drown out the sounds from the bathroom and more so the images said noises were conjuring in his mind.

Spike headed for the kitchen and made a start on toast and...not much else, since the cupboards and fridge were mostly empty save for the loaf of bread he found and a couple of other things that really weren't breakfast food.

Buffy hadn't been around the last couple of days and it was showing in his home, they always grocery shopped together and without her around to remind him, Spike just didn't think about it.

Turning on the radio to help with the sound and thought drowning, the bleach blond put bread in the toaster, dug a carton of juice from the back of the fridge and was even lucky enough to find a couple of eggs back there. He tapped his foot and bobbed his head, getting into the rhythm of the song, humming most of the tune and singing the few words he actually knew, not noticing his little performance had an audience.

Lone applause from the doorway made him turn sharply, dropping an egg onto the floor, thankfully just the shell as the edible part had recently made it into the pan on the stove.

"Buffy" he said pointlessly, who else would it be. She smiled at the slight embarrassment on his face as he knelt on the floor to clean up the mess he made. He actually found the floor a much safer place to look anyway as Buffy stood not two feet away in nothing but a robe...his robe, actually. It was only now he really noticed his own lack of clothes, the jeans he'd pulled on were literally all he wore.

"Er, toast is almost done, eggs are cooking and juice is on the table" he gestured around the room, as he finished up his floor cleaning, "I should get dressed" he added, quickly exiting the room via the second door, the one Buffy was not standing in.

The girl frowned hard as she pushed her wet hair back from her face again.

'What was up with Spike?' she wondered absently as he took the former bread from the toaster and shifted the eggs in the pan with the spatula that she instantly knew where to find. 'Well, he's never been much of a morning person' she shrugged to herself, her mind soon becoming filled with more serious thoughts about Angel and his baby that she carried. She didn't cry, she had no tears left after the day before, besides, here with Spike she knew she was safe, with her best friend by her side, she could face anything. 'Because he definitely cares about me and loves me' she told herself with a smile, if only she knew...

When Spike emerged from his bedroom, now fully clothed, Buffy was using the phone to call the office where she worked. Her impression of the 'too sick to work' employee was admirable as ever, he noticed. This was far from the first time she'd done such a thing and he'd done it too, sometimes for important reasons like today when they needed each other through a hard time, other times it had just been for fun, to spend the day together talking and laughing and watching videos.

Spike was brought out of his thoughts by the click of the receiver in the cradle, telling him she'd finished her call.

"Your turn" she told him, gesturing to the phone and like a reflex action Spike picked up the phone and dialled his work number, before putting on an act equally as good as his friends and scoring the day off work.

"So" he sighed a she replaced the receiver, "What happens next?" he asked Buffy who shrugged in response.

"I guess we eat and then I put some clothes on and..." she began but she was interrupted.

"No" Spike drew out the word, "What happens next with your...situation" he put it as delicately as he could, "You have to think about where you're going to go from here" he told her, sitting down at the table as she did the same.

Picking up a fork, Buffy pushed the scrambled egg around the plate, staring down at it as if it held the answer to her problems.

"Buffy?" Spike prompted her to answer him, and she looked up at him with a sad sigh.

"I don't know, Spike, I don't know what to do about any of it...things were so clear but now, it's all muddled and I can't make sense of it" Buffy complained, dropping her fork onto the plate with a clunk and putting her head in her hands, supported by her elbows on the table.

As desperately sorry as he felt for her, as much as he wanted to help, Spike knew there was very little he could say. If he dived in feet first, all raised voice and insults aimed at Angel, she'd just get more upset and possibly angry at him again. If he tried to comfort her he'd only end up in the awkward position that last night saw him in, wanting to tell her he loved her and knowing he couldn't. He dared to reach a hand across the table to bring her own hands away from her face.

"It'll all work out Buffy" he promised, "I'm here if you need me and whatever you decide to do, I'll stand by you. You do know that, don't you?"

"I know" she nodded as a watery smile formed on her lips. She turned her hand over to hold onto his and found she got at least a little strength simply from the contact and the small smile he gave her.

"What would I do without you?" she wondered aloud.

"Much the same as I'd do without you" he told her with a smile, "Be bloody miserable I reckon"

She managed a laugh at that, just a small chuckle but it was an improvement. It was enough to make the mood a little more relaxed and Spike was able to handle having her there without having to constantly fight the urge to kiss her of declare his new-found love.

"That's better" he told her, "You actually look half decent when you smile" he grinned, standing up to clear away the unwanted food and Buffy swatted his leg as he walked past her to the sink.

As he began to wash the dishes, Buffy stood up beside him, a much more serious look on her face than that which had been there a moment ago.

"I'm sorry, y'know" she told him, "I know I already said it and it doesn't make all that much difference, but I am sorry" she meant it all so absolutely it was painful for him to hear as well as for her to say.

"I know, pet" Spike's voice was much smaller than usual as he answered her, "what was said before, doesn't matter now" he told her, barely able to look at her when he said it.

There was a brief moment where the only sounds were the water running over the contents of the sink and the faint drip of some said water escaping from a pipe that Spike had been meaning to fix forever.

"I should go get dressed" Buffy said quietly slipping out of the kitchen and back to the bedroom. Spike finally allowed himself to breathe when she was gone from his side. When she was that close to him, it was as bad as the night before in his bed, especially considering the fact she had the minimum in clothing on and what she did wear was his.

"Spike, mate" he said quietly to himself, "You are well and truly buggered"

To Be Continued...