A/N : Well, here we are, the morning after that magical night before! What will become of our beloved characters now? Will everyone be happy about what they did or will the rising on the sun bring some serious regrets? Read on to find out...(oh, and thanks for the reviews on chapter 10, don't forget to review this chapter too, thanks!)

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 11 - To Laugh & To Cry

The sunlight through the bedroom window lit up her face and Spike marvelled at just how beautiful Buffy really was, even more so to him after the night they'd shared. It wasn't as if he'd never slept with a woman before, and he knew he was completely in love with her, but he'd felt things last night that he didn't even know were possible. He'd been to the moon and back, at least it had felt like flying. Perhaps it had happened for a couple of dubious reasons and he had no doubt that if things hadn't gone so wrong with Angel, Buffy would not even have kissed him last night, nevermind spent the night in his bed bringing some of his fantasies from the last few days to life in glorious technicolor.

Realising he'd been watching the girl sleep for a good ten minutes now and it was fast becoming the middle of the morning, Spike moved carefully out of the bed, so as not to wake his Sleeping Beauty, pulled on his jeans and headed for the kitchen. Breakfast in bed was the plan, she would no doubt be hungry, first from the crying, second from the other displays of emotion.

As he buttered the toast he was making, Spike was suddenly aware of another presence in the kitchen. He turned to see her there, again in his dressing gown, now looking so perfect in it he just wanted to take it off her again immediately, but he wouldn't...

"Mornin' pet" he grinned and she half-smiled as she sat down at the table with a thump. Her eyes half-closed, her brain not fully awake, she wasn't aware of how close Spike was to her until a plate of toast appeared in front of her and his lips were on her face as he crouched beside her seat.

"What are you doing?" she asked, jerking away, her tone sounding a little shocked and Spike didn't really know what to say.

"Kissing you?" he ventured as an answer to her question, wondering why she was asking such a thing after what they'd done the night before.

"Why?" she asked, wide-eyed like she didn't understand and it appeared that she really didn't. This in turn, caused shock for Spike who shook his head as if to clear his thoughts as he stood up to his full height again.

"I'm sorry" he said slowly, still lightly shaking his head and blinking hard as if trying to make sense of a riddle, "did I dream last night or did we make love several times?" he asked her, looking her straight in the eye, his words and the intensity of his gaze made her flinch and look away.

"We had sex Spike, there's a difference..." the hurt in his eyes made her instantly wish she hadn't said it, because she did love him, just not like that "not that it wasn't great" she back-pedalled "but, it didn't mean...I mean, we're not in love or anything" she tried to explain "I just needed something, someone" she stood up and moved toward him "and you were there for me like you always are" moving to put her arms around him in a friendly, grateful kind of a hug, she was stupidly surprised when he flinched away, backed-up two or three steps until the kitchen counter prevented him going any further.

"What's the matter with you?" she asked with a frown before his anger exploded like Vesuvius.

"What's the matter with me?!" he yelled, louder and more livid than Buffy had ever seen him "How can you stand there and..." his eyes stung with angry and painful tears and as he looked over at her, he realised she didn't even see what she'd done to him. How could she know how much it would break him to have her and lose her like that all so fast, "I can't, I can't do this" he mumbled, grabbing his jacket and practically running for the door, she didn't understand and he couldn't explain, not now. He just couldn't be near her , he needed time, needed space...

"Spike, where are you going?" Buffy tried to follow but he was too fast, slamming the door as he replied.

"Anywhere away from you" with some disgust in his tone.

"Spike!" she called behind him, tears coming to her own eyes yet again, truly not understanding just what she'd done to him, never able to comprehend just how much he was hurting, just how much his heart was breaking...and because of her.

"Stupid, selfish, unfeeling bint" Spike seethed as he strode away from the apartment building at some considerable speed, no particular destination in mind, just desperate to accelerate away from Buffy as much as possible.

How was it possible, he began to wonder, to be so inordinately happy one moment and your whole world come crashing down the next. He thought he'd reached rock bottom when he'd realised his deeper feelings for his friend too late, but he was introduced to a new kind of pain with the news of her pregnancy. Now the agony was indescribable. The woman he loved most in the world, had used him. Of course he'd done what he'd done willingly but he'd had no idea she would be so cold in the morning, that she had slept with him out of convenience, for cold comfort after Angel had told her where to shove it.

Squeezing his eyes tight shut for a moment, Spike was desperate not to let the imminent tears fall, but there was just no stopping them. He wondered after so many painful, tearful days, how there was still any salty liquid left in his body to escape from his eyes, but there was some and it put in a big appearance as he walked faster and faster, almost trying to outrun the stabbing pain in his heart. Of course, he never could.

Buffy cried, as she sank to the floor of the apartment, her back against the recently slammed door. It was a wonder she had any tear left to cry, and even more of a wonder that the door she leant on was still on it's hinges after the amount of abuse that had been thrown at it these past few days.

Buffy's mind however, was stuck on the abuse she had caused to Spike, the damage she had done. She'd been so selfish and she saw that now. She'd used him cruelly, but at the time she'd not even realised.

Angel had dumped her, she as so desolate and lost, and Spike was there like he always was, bringing comfort, making the sun shine again in her dark and dank little world. His arms protected her, his voice soothed her, and last night, well Buffy had to admit she'd never felt anything like what his body had done to hers.

When she'd woken up that morning, the brief moment before her brain functions kicked in when everything was blank and calm and quiet, it had been bliss. Then her memories of the day before came flooding back and with them a tsunami of confused emotions. She was so hurt about Angel, so worried about their creation, so comforted and yet confused by thoughts of Spike, and so very unsure of what would happen next.

Finding she was alone in the bed and the room, she had ventured out into the kitchen where she could hear her friend pottering around, presumably making breakfast for them. How exactly would Spike have viewed last night? Buffy had no idea. Would he take it for what she had, for what it was? Comfort in her hour of need, a reunion between to friends who just needed some love, some contact, something..just something so that they weren't alone. Or had it meant more to him?

'Did it mean more to him?' she wondered now as she sat on the floor of his apartment, tears suddenly ceasing as the shocking truth hit her right between the eyes. Could it be that Spike loved her? Not as the best friend he had always done, but as a lover? As a possible girlfriend? She hoped to God she was wrong, because if she was right, she was the most heartless bitch on the planet and she'd just hurt her best friend in cruellest most horrible way imaginable...knowing that shed never be happy again if shed truly lost her best friend, Buffy cried.

"Hey" came Willows shy greeting to Xander as he opened his eyes and looked own at her.

"Hey" he answered in kind, both of them smiling, pleased to see the others head on the next pillow.

"How are you?" Willow asked politely, unsure what she was really supposed to say in this situation.

"I'm good" Xander nodded, a little nervous too, to be honest "you?"

"Good too" came the red-head's answer.

"That's good"

Silence reigned as neither knew what the other was thinking or even what they were thinking themselves. They'd been to places last night that they'd never thought imaginable, especially with each other and now, the morning after, everything was a little daunting.

"Will, about what happened...?" Xander began eventually, realising that one of them was going to have to bring up the subject of how they ended up as they were now, both naked beneath the covers of Willow's bed, having only had an hour or so of actual sleep.

"I know what you're going to say" the girl interrupted him, speaking fast with nerves "it was a horrible mistake and we should just be friends and nothing else" her hands gripped the top of the sheets so tight that her knuckles were going white as she fought the urge to cry all over the place.

"Is that what you want me to say?" the man beside her asked neither daring to look at the other just yet.

"Oh no" came her reply as she dared to glance at him "unless you want to say it? You don't, do you?" she begged with her eyes for him to be kind, and if he really did want to put it down to experience and forget all about it, at least she hope he'd let her down gently.

"Willow, baby" he said in a soft tone that she was glad to hear "I've always loved you and, somewhere along the line, I fell in love with you" he smiled as she looked over at him, his eyes boring into her, nothing but love and affection there "So no, last night was not a mistake or something I regret" he said reaching over to take one of her hands in his "it's something that was very special, just like you"

"Oh..." Willow sighed, shifting over closer to him until their lips met in a loving kiss.

"You do know I'm in love with you too right" she checked as they broke apart "like completely"

Xander would've laughed at the speed she spoke and the look on her face when she said it but for once it was not all about jokes and things being funny, he was seriously in love with this girl.

"I didn't know, til last night" he confessed "but you kind of showed me then"

Willow had to giggle even if Xander didn't think it was appropriate right now.

"Want me to show you again?" she asked him, a distinctly mischievous twinkle in her eyes. Without a second thought, Xander grabbed her and pulled her to him in one movement.

"Well, it'd be rude of me to refuse an offer like that, right?" he smirked, pulling her into a kiss that soon became a whole lot more, as they showed each other just how in love they were, all over again.

To Be Continued