Joy beyond Hope
Part 1
I know not how long I wept. Shocked, I lay, wishing I had never been born, never seen Middle-Earth or the face of mortal maid. A little maid, with blue-grey eyes and dark hair she wore loose or in a single braid. She had talked to me without fear, or thought of winning favour for her people, the first mortal woman who had behaved so with me. She was simply interested in me because, I think, at first she had sensed the shadow of the Curse of the Noldor on me. My brother Finrod had told me that some amongst the House of Beor were gifted with some ability to 'see' into others. Not in the quite the same way or depth an elf would, but in a shallower way that was less clear. Andreth had seen my shadow that day we met, she knew not what had me in a somber mood, but she knew I needed cheering up, and so she had done, indulging my fancy to sit by the lake, and listening to my tales, and her compassion was changed to love. If only she had been an elf-maid! For I loved her truly, and I had hurt her, and let her down, for I know she expected me to wed her, but I lacked the courage. I, a warrior known for my valour in battle, could not face telling my lady of my decision, like a coward I fled, and I have long regreted that I had through both fear of her reaction and the knowledge if I saw her again I should be unable to leave her again, that I had not told Andreth the truth from my lips.
So I lay where I fell, and wished to somehow be totally destroyed, for my fear to cease to exist, as I could not even die from grief for I was already dead. Was this some kind of cruel joke? Or was it just the Curse of the Noldor again?
Coherent thought left me, although once I knew first Nienna, and then Mandos himself had tried to reach me. So had Grandfather, but I wrapped my grief tighter about me and refused to listen even though I knew they feared for me. Perhaps it was possible I could utterly destroy myself? I could hope.
Then I became aware of a scent, that of lavender? I knew only well one lady who had always used lavender scent. Then there was a voice, a woman's voice, one I never believed I could hear again. For the fates of mortals were separate from the fate of the Elves, but, wait! Did not mortals also come to the Halls of Mandos, for a period of rest and instruction before passing on beyond the Circles of the World? Then maybe I was not dreaming or mad? It really could be she, Andreth.
A hand brushed my hair from my face. I had a hroa? Confused, and more than a little curious I partly opened my eyes, and then opened them wide in shock for it was Andreth, and she looked just as she had when she and I had danced on the lake shore. 'How?' I whispered, my voice harsh from weeping.
'Mandos and Nienna became concerned when neither they, nor your grandfather could rouse you from your grief. I was fetched from the part of the Halls reserved for the temporary stay of mortals to see if I could reach you,' she said, her hands now wiping the tears from my cheeks. I captured one of her tiny hands in mine, and kissed it, and was rewarded by the glimmer of a smile on her worried face. 'I know you grieve because of me, but why? Your choice to abandon me was made years ago, so why are you so stricken now?' she asked.
A fair question, I thought as I sat up. I was so filled with happiness to see her, that in truth I cared not she was angry with me. 'You have not seen the tapestries?' I asked. 'And how is it our fea have been clothed in flesh and blood?'
'I know only Mandos decided we needed bodies for some reason.' Her face showed puzzlement as she spoke, 'what are the tapestries you speak of?' she questioned.
'Oh,' she said, clearly confused. Not that I blamed her; I was confused too.
,br> 'Shall we show the lady?' I looked up, and saw grandfather again, smiling from the doorway. He too, had been given a body! I shook my head, lately I had had far too many shocks and unusual things happen to me. The Halls of Mandos were supposed to bring me peace; oblivion, rest, and all I had were shocks and distress. And unexpected joy too, I thought, looking at Andreth.
'If you think it wise.' I stood, and held out my hand to Andreth. She walked by my side as we followed Grandfather to the Tapestries.
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