A/N : Quick thankyou to everyone who is still reading and reviewing this fic; LunarFaerie, fictionfreak2, Michelle, tinkerbell42, Spikes Bint, SpIkEs AnGeL, Spoiler Babe - you guys are the best, you make me a very happy author! :-) Here's the next chapter for you...

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 15 - I'll Be There

Buffy had entered the apartment by way of her key when Spike had not answered her knocking. She was a little worried since she could hear noises coming from inside the apartment and yet her friend did not respond.

It had taken her a week, seven days to put everything straight in her head. She wasn't in love with Angel anymore, she saw what he was and she hated him. It had taken that day, the day when she'd seen Darla as pregnant as she could be, the day Angel had said she was nothing, the day she had fallen into Spike's arms and then his bed.

It was so clear to her now that Liam O'Conner was indeed the devil incarnate that everyone professed him to be, and she knew she was much better without him in her life. If course one part of him was still in her life, the creation that resided inside her, half herself and half her former lover. She could have got rid of it, still had the chance, but the thought of wilful destroying a life like this turned her stomach, made her feel physically sick. Buffy could not understand how she had ever agreed to such a thing before, but then she'd been in so deep with Angel, he could have told he to jump off the Brooklyn bridge and she probably would have done so willingly, without a second thought.

It scared the girl when she thought about it, when she realised just what a hold he'd had on her, but no more. She was her own woman now, with her own thoughts and feelings. If only these thoughts that she now had control over were not so muddled, she might be okay.

Spike, her best friend and her lover for just one faithful night, he'd taken up a lot of space in her head too, and dare she say also in her heart. She loved him, of course she did, had done since they were kids and knew she would forever, but to be in love with him...Buffy had just never looked at Spike in a physical attraction kind of a way. Sure, they'd slept together that night, he'd taken her to places that she'd never even dreamed she could go, but, well, it never occurred to her that it could be because she was in love with him, not until now.

Bt what she'd done to this man, the horror of how badly she'd treated him, that haunted her. He may be able to forgive her, in time, but she was sure he could never be in love with her. Even if he had been before, which she thought was unlikely, how could he ever be now. It was all such a mess, but Buffy had felt she had a solution, a solution that right now was just not working.

Things needed to go back to normal. Buffy had been sure when she got on the train to come back to Sunnydale that given time, and some extreme hormone battling on her part, she could get over what ever this thing was that she'd started to feel for Spike, they could both move on from their little indiscretion and be best friends again like they had always been.

Walking in and seeing him looking like that, so very... 'no, don't go there' she'd reprimanded herself, as he stood before her, and all she wanted to do was re-enact things she'd been trying to repress. Now, ten minutes later, here he was again and despite the fact he was now dried off and in different clothes, he still looked gorgeous and Buffy was seriously beginning to wonder how she'd ever been so blind, that she hadn't noticed until now just how attractive Spike really was.

"I think we need to talk" he said too quietly, Buffy was not used to such a nervous tone or look from this man. She nodded once and they moved to sit down, pushing themselves into the ends of the sofa, the biggest gap between them as was possible on a couch that would barely seat three people who were fairly close anyway.

"Where did you go?" was his first question, and she was almost relieved that the first of the many she was sure were coming was so easy.

"LA" she said in a whisper, "I visited Cordelia"

Spike nodded, and smiled a little, he had no doubt Cordy would have a few choice words to say on the subject of Angel and himself and everything else. She had been a good friend to Buffy and himself during college and then she'd gone on to Los Angeles to find a career in acting. She was a nice enough girl and Spike always liked her, as Buffy did, he wondered though, just how much of the story of the past couple of weeks Buffy would have divulged to Miss Chase.

"I didn't tell her everything" Buffy continued, answering the question in Spike's head as if she'd read his mind, she did things like that a lot, "Just that Angel and me broke up and I felt like a break from Sunnydale, wanted to see my friend..." she trailed off, realising Spike was still looking at the floor and the walls and everywhere that wasn't at her. Was he even listening?

"Spike?" she prompted, putting her hand on his arm without thinking and causing them both to jump as he looked over at her suddenly, "I'm sorry" she said quietly, not sure exactly what she was apologising for, but knowing she just wanted to. She was sorry for hurting her best friend, sorry for lying, sorry for herself, sorry for everything.

"I know" came her friends reply, "I know that you're sorry"

Of course he meant something different. He thought she was sorry for the night they'd spent together, the night he thought was about true love and that she said was only for comforts sake, he thought she regretted that and it hurt more than anything else ever had. But she was still his friend, his best friend, and even if he could never have her as a lover, he had to have her as a friend, couldn't bear to live in a world where she wasn't at his side.

"So..." he sighed, "S'pose we should put all this behind us now" he said as he looked over at her, "Move on"

"As friends?" Buffy checked, so scared he meant move on without each other, tears coming to her eyes again, her voice barely audible as emotion took it.

"As best friends luv" he managed a smile, "Wouldn't have it any other way"

Buffy cried then, for joy and sadness. She moved closer to her friend, dared to put her arms around him and hugged him close, so happy to be there again, in that apartment, in those strong arms. Tears fell because she was so glad to be back there with him, so glad they could still be friends, but some pain was felt within her as she realised she had been right and friends was all he wanted.

Spike was having the same feelings, though neither knew of the others mixed emotions. As he hugged her tightly to him, breathed in the scent of her hair, fought back the droplets that tried to escape his eyes, he told himself to be thankful for what he had got, instead of wishing for those things he could never have. He had his best friend back in his life, for now at least, that was enough. It was only as the pair came out of each others embrace, that a thought hit him...

"Buffy, pet" he began, not hugging her anymore but still sitting close, almost uncomfortably so, "the baby?" he had to ask what had happened about that. Had she gone through with the termination or had things changed since Angel dumped her?

"I can't" she choked out, her emotions still causing tears and a lack of voice.

Spike sighed as he looked at her, not the strong woman she used to be, but a scared little girl since Angel, the great wanker, had got his claws into her.

"It's okay, luv" he assured her, pushing a few stray strands of her blonde hair behind her ear, "I'll be with you, even come to the place with you if you want" he promised, "I understand that you can't cope with a kid and..."

"No" Buffy shook her head violently, "No, I can't do it" she tried to explain, "I can't get rid of it"

Spike wasn't sure whether that was good or bad. Of course to destroy what could be a child soon seemed callous and cruel, but this creation was half made of that bastard Angel and he hated the thought of Buffy having any connection to him at all. It was her life though, her creation inside her body, and therefore her decision to make.

"Well" he said slowly, "I'll still be here" he told her, looking away and then into her eyes, "Every step of the way Buffy" he said, taking hold of her hand in his and looking completely serious, "I will be here for you, always"

Not quite the reaction he was expecting, but Buffy began to sob uncontrollably before he'd even finished speaking. She was so happy that he would want to help her like that at the same time feeling so unworthy of his affection for her. He would help her through her pregnancy, she knew he meant it, just as he would have supported her should she have chosen to abort the not-yet child. She cried harder and Spike wrapped his arms around her once again, rubbing a hand up and down her back to soothe her tears as salt water soaked the front of his shirt, again.

So many tears had been shed, this past week or two. Her tears and his, not to mention those he knew they had caused their other friends to shed. But no more, he told himself. Things had to go back to normal, them being best friends, no more and no less. No more tears or heartache, there had been enough of that, but after all that had happened, with his feelings for her and her having Angel's baby, could things ever go back to normal?

As Buffy sobbed into her friends chest, she wished and wondered the same way. She would have her ex-lovers child, too afraid to let it go. She would repress her greater feelings for her best friend because it would cause less trouble. She would make things be the way they were, in time, she had to. But right now, all she could do was cry.

To Be Continued...