A/N : Okay, we're heading back into the sad and depressed world with this chapter, hence the reason why I waited to post this so I could post the next chapter of 'Spell Bound' at the same time. Glad you liked the previous chapter and big thanks to tinkerbell42, Spikes Bint, Azrielle, SpIkEs AnGeL, LunarFaerie, RoboShiflo for the great reviews - I luv you guys! You make me smile everytime! :-) I would say that I hope you enjoy this chapter, but maybe 'enjoy' is the wrong word...

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 17 - Nature's Way

The sounds of the town getting ready for a new day awoke Spike from his pleasant dreams. He'd been dreaming about Buffy and himself, just being together, talking and kissing, laughing, being happy. It wasn't an exciting dream but it was a wish from his heart that his subconscious let him see inside his head at night, and he would almost be completely content to never wake up if he could just stay in that non-reality with her, the place where she was in love with him as he was with her.

As his eyes flickered open and he shifted his body, he realised he was not alone, that his arms were around the friend he'd just been thinking of. He didn't remember how she got there or how they'd got into this position, clasped together on the sofa, and whilst he knew it didn't change things, that she was nothing more than just his friend and probably never would be, he loved how it felt to have her there with him.

She'd slept in his arms a hundred times before, and he always liked to have her close to him, but it was different now, a different kind of nice feeling as she lay in his arms, her heart beating steadily against him, a slight smile on her lips. She looked like a fallen angel to him, her golden hair framing her perfect face, God how he wanted to kiss her in that moment.

As if she felt his eyes upon her, Buffy opened her own and looked up at the man that held her. His crystal blue orbs were boring into her, watching her so intently, as she looked back at him in a similar way. What did she say now? How did she explain her coming to him in the night? How was she supposed to resist this urge she had to kiss him right now?

"Hi" she said somewhat shyly, glancing away and then back at his face.

"Hey" came his reply, "er...I don't remember going to sleep like this" he smiled a little and she almost laughed. It must seem strange to him to just wake up and find her half on top of him, it had been strange for her, despite the fact she'd put herself into that position just a few hours before.

"I had a nightmare..." she started to say but Spike didn't really hear her, something was making his legs uncomfortable and it wasn't just having her on top of him that was doing it either. He absently wondered if he'd spilt the glass of water he'd fetched before he went to sleep, but water was wetter than this and not half so sticky.

Buffy was still talking, but he didn't hear a word as he looked down at the blanket that covered him and part of her, a nasty shock making his eyes go wide.

"...and I was a little freaked so I...something wrong?" she stopped mid-ramble to ask her question as she saw how strangely he was looking not at her but kind of past her.

"Pet, erm, you in any pain at all?" he asked her carefully and her face screwed up in confusion.

"No" she answered immediately, "Well, a little pain in my stomach but I figured what with well...y'know" she meant of course the baby, "and all the crying I did and not so much eating..." she trailed off, resting her head on his chest once more, snuggling close and enjoying feeling safe and cared for, momentarily forgetting the uncomfortable-ness between them before.

Spike closed his eyes and breathed deeply, braced himself for all kinds of bad reactions Buffy might have to what he knew he had to tell her.

"Sweetheart" he urged her to raise her head and look at him, which she did, with worried eyes at his serious tone, "Buffy, luv, you're bleeding, I think it's..." he couldn't say what he thought it was, what he was almost a hundred percent sure that it was. How do you tell a woman she has probably lost or is losing her child? Even if said child isn't really a child yet? Even if the father of the creation is no longer in the picture, and you're glad about it too?

Buffy frowned, not entirely understanding as carefully she rolled herself off her friend and got to the feet. The bottom of the long T-shirt she wore was only white to her middle, beneath that was stained and streaked in red as was part of the blanket they'd slept with and the sofa they'd been on.

"Oh my God" she whimpered, partially from shock, a little from pain as her body fully awoke and protested at what was happening, the bleeding and the getting up too fast combined, "Spike, what's happening?"

His shock subsiding as her panic rose, Spike leapt from the sofa and quickly fetched his robe, wrapping it around her he pulled on his jeans from the day before, not even thinking about the blood that streaked his legs.

"It's going to be okay, luv" he promised Buffy with much less certainty than he sounded like he had, "You are going to be okay"

Her tears began again and understandably so as Spike grabbed her purse from the table an rummaged in it for her car keys, on finding them he moved back to his friend, put an arm around her and explained.

"Buffy, I'm going to take you to the hospital" he told her, and she barely nodded, shock stopping her from crying too much, from feeling anything at all really. Realising he couldn't take her just in a robe he rushed to get his leather coat and hung than around her shoulders too, encouraging her arms through the sleeves just as he had with the robe.

"Come on now, luv" he urged her towards the door but she didn't move and he realised that whilst he had slipped his feet into his boots, she was still barefoot, a glazed look in her eyes as her gaze never shifted from the blood she could see on the little clothing she wore.

Not knowing what else to do, Spike put an arm around her back and another behind her knees, scooping her up like Superman preparing to fly off with Lois, only wishing he could fly now and get her to a hospital in time to help her and her would be child, but in his heart Spike knew whatever he did would be too late for the Angel-Buffy combination that had been growing inside of her.

He put her in the car and drove to the hospital, perhaps a little faster than he should have done, carrying her from the car to a doctor as soon as they arrived.

"Her name's Buffy and she's bleeding" he explained, "she's pregnant, or she was, she..I think.." he wasn't sure if she could stand to actually hear the words, but then he wasn't sure she would hear them if he said them. The doctors understood anyway, immediately getting Buffy to a bed and doing what they could for her.

Spike was kept in the waiting room for the longest twenty minutes of his life, part of him praying she would not lose the child, part of him not so bothered, and a further part feeling guilty about the part that didn't care. It wasn't about caring for Buffy, he loved her more than she would ever know, more than he could ever explain, but that which she carried was half an O'Connor, and as much as he'd promised he would help her and support her with the child., Spike knew it would be torture to have a mini-Angel running around the place, probably looking to himself as a father in the absence of the git who helped create him. But then it might have been a girl, a mini-Buffy and the idea of being connected to another being as sweet as her, well, even at this dire moment he had to smile at the thought.

"Mr Summers?" he heard a voice say and he looked up to see a nurse coming towards him, "You are Buffy Summer's husband?" she checked.

Spike was a little taken aback by that, before he realised why the mistake had been made. He'd rushed into a hospital panicking about the girl in his arms and the baby she might be losing. Naturally the staff had assumed it was his wife and his child.

"Is she okay?" he asked, not wanting to lie to the woman before him but knowing she would assume she was right without him saying so anyway.

"I'm sorry sir, she has lost the child" the nurse told him sadly and to be honest Spike wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. Angel was truly gone now but a little life had been lost, a part of Buffy and she would surely be pained by that as he was.

"But Buffy, she's okay herself?" he needed to know.

"She's upset obviously, and the doctor thinks she's a little run down, but medically she should be okay" the dark haired woman with the badge that read 'My name is Tina' told him.

"Can I see her?" was the next question she was expecting and of course she got it.

"Right this way" she gestured for Spike to follow her down the corridor, leaving him alone by the door of a room where he was told 'his wife' was staying for the day, possibly over night.

Peering in through the glass of the door, he could see his precious girl. She looked so pale and weak, he noticed, not at all herself. The large hospital bed made her look small and frail, her hair hanging somewhat limply around her face that was tear streaked, her expression pained.

Carefully he pushed open the door and went inside, expecting her to notice his entrance, speak to him, at least look up, but she didn't move, didn't even blink.

"How're you feeling, pet?" he asked her as he came to sit on the chair beside her bed. Still she did not move, did not answer. She was starting to scare him now.

"Buffy?" he called her name, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, trying to see her face more clearly as she stared off to the side, away from him, "Buffy, please" he begged her to acknowledge his presence and finally she looked up at him, as if she'd noticed him for the first time since he entered the room.

"Spike" she whispered hoarsely.

"I'm here, pet" he assured her and no sooner had the words left his mouth than she was in his arms, pulling him close to her, needing him just to hold her and tell her it would all be okay.

"I lost it, Spike, oh God, I didn't mean to" she sobbed into his shoulder as he held her close, stroked her hair and rubbed her back alternately.

"Sshh now luv" he murmured into her hair, "It's alright, it's not your fault, it's no-one's fault" he kissed the top of her head as he rocked her and she cried and cried. He wondered how she still had salt left to spill after all that had happened, but her sobs continued and so his comforting words and gestures did too. Neither was sure how much time passed as she let out all of her pain and he burdened as much as he could for her. He'd gladly soak every ounce of her heartache into himself so she would not have to suffer it if only he could, he didn't care how much his heart got beaten and scarred, it was all worth the agony just knowing she felt a little easier.

When the tears finally slowed and her body shook less, Spike still did not let up his hold on her and she was in no rush to leave the circle of his arms, or his love. With a loud sniff, Buffy found her voice and shakily told him the thought most paramount in her mind.

"I knew" she said her voice wavering as she spoke, "I knew it would happen, she told me"

"Who told you what, sweetheart?" Spike asked her gently, still holding her to him, rocking her gently, gaining as much good feeling from the closeness as she did.

"The baby" her voice cracked on the words, "I dreamt...she told me I didn't deserve her..." tears returned to her eyes and panic rose again in her voice as she pulled her head from Spike's shoulder and looked him the eye, never pulling back too far, still needing his arms around her, "and before I wondered, I thought it would be easier if...oh God Spike I didn't mean too" again the emotion took over and a fresh waterfall escaped her eyes as she buried her head in his shoulder once again.

Of course Spike knew the real reason why she cried now. It wasn't just the loss, it was guilt. There had been times over the past few days when she'd thought how much simpler things might be without the child she carried. She had nearly had an abortion after all, and now she'd lost the little bundle, well, she was blaming herself.

"Now you listen to me Buffy" he said seriously, but still with kindness as she sobbed, "This is not in any way your fault, it's just nature's way, these things, I don't know why they happen exactly, but sometimes they just do" he explained lamely, "but sweetheart, you couldn't control this, no-one could"

"But I feel so awful" she cried and how he wished he could make it better for her, wished he could turn back time and put it all right but there was just no way.

"I know, pet" he sympathised, "but you're going to be okay" he promised her, "Spike's here and he's going to look after you, always"

To Be Continued