DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. I also don't own anything else in this fic.
A\N: Big thanks to Tiny_Hillz for betaing this chapter, also great big thanks to Zohar Alon a.k.a Oaken Glow for a bit of inspiration..
How To Take Over The World In Five Days
Chapter 3\day 3
"Arrrg, Hermione, I am a man, I don't want to cuddle," Harry Potter mumbled in his sleep, tied to a chair in Voldemort's lair. Hermione was tied to a chair next to him and mumbled "You're the man, you're the man!" and sounded somewhat doubtful.
"Wake up, man!" Voldemort shouted into Harry's ear.
Harry's eyes sprang open.
"What? What? Voldemort!" he tried to take a swing at him only to find out he was strapped to the chair.
"Where am I? Where is Hermione," he calmed a bit when he saw Hermione next to him, still sleeping with a bit of drool coming out of the left corner of her mouth. Then he saw two wizards standing behind Voldemort.
"I believe you know my colleague, Lucius Malfoy," he pointed to his left. Malfoy and Harry nodded.
"But I don't think you had the chance to meet my new friend," He looked to his right.
"Max Power, Harry Potter," Voldemort looked back at him.
"Harry Potter, Max Power," Voldemort looked back at Power.
"Max Power, Lucius Malfoy," they nodded.
"Lucius Malfoy, Max Power," they nodded.
"Lucius Malfoy, Harry Potter," they nodded.
"Harry Potter, Lucius Malfoy," they nodded.
"Harry Potter, Max Power," they nodded.
"Max Power, Harry Potter," they nodded.
"Harry Potter, Sherry Bobbins," they nodded.
"Sherry Bobbins, Harry Potter," they nodded.
"Sherry Bobbins, Lucius Malfoy," they nodded.
"Lucius Malfoy, Sherry Bobbins," they nodded.
"Sherry Bobbins, Max Power," they nodded.
"Max Power, Sherry Bobbins," they nodded.
"Sherry Bobbins, Harry Potter," they nodded.
"Harry Potter, Sherry Bobbins," they nodded.
"Harry Potter, chair,"
"Chair, Harry Potter,"
"Chair, Sherry Bobbins,"
"Sherry Bobbins, chair,"
"Chair, Lucius Malfoy,"
"Lucius Malfoy, chair,"
"Chair, Max Power,"
"Max Power, chair,"
"Max Power, Plenty O'tool,"
"Hold it! Plenty, what are you doing here this isn't a James Bond film? Go away!"
And as Plenty left the room, "Now that we are done with the introductions, I finally have you where I wanted you for twenty long years, Harry James Potter" Voldemort grinned.
"Strapped to a chair like some kind of…" Harry paused searching for a word. "Prisoner?" Harry spat.
Voldemort seemed disappointed.
"Well actually I wanted you duck taped naked to a chair, but this will do."
"Somebody made a mistake, my lord. Henrico come here," A very small man with a long beard wearing purple robes came in hesitantly.
"Avada Kedavra!" And the wizard only known as Henrico fell to the hardwood floor.
"Lucius!" Voldemort whined.
"I'm sorry." He bowed apologetically.
"What are your plans, Voldemort?" Harry decided to interrupt them.
"Oh yes my master-plan" Voldemort took a long breath. "I'm going to use the stone of Rebb-ur to spread the potion known as "the dumb-dumb potion" and to dumb down all the nation's leaders of the world and have them surrender their nations, To me!" he waved his hands cheerfully.
"But the leaders of the world's nations are already complete nitwits" Harry was trying to spoil Voldemort's plans.
"Well, think how they would be if they were even more idiotic" Voldemort laughed an evil laugh.
"You're evil!"
"I know." He continued to laugh.
"What about Lichtenstein?" Harry asked suddenly.
"Excuse me?"
"Do you want to control Lichtenstein as well?"
Voldemort petted a beard he was trying to grow.
"Yes! Even Lichtenstein!"
"What about Australia?"
"Oh I don't need that," Voldemort made a nasty gesture towards that part of the world's map that was in a far corner of the room.
"So I'll take all the world's nations, including Lichtenstein but without Australia" Voldemort laughed again.
"Kill him, Max." Voldemort strolled into another room and Power aimed his wand at Harry's face.
But Harry was ready, he leaned backwards and the chair fell to the floor, and the curse just missed him. He then made a strong and quick move with his legs and broke the bottom of the chair. He kicked Power's hand and his wand flew away.
With another strong move of his hips, he broke the chair almost completely, and was able to stand up, with his hands still tied behind his back.
Harry ran and knocked Power out before he was able to get his wand. And then he felt a sting in his back. He was hit with the stun curse by Malfoy had been sent to check on Power.
~^~^~^~
"The situation is under control, master. Power is taking Potter and the girl to the torture room, Snape will join him soon." Lucius reported while engaged in a deep bow.
"Excellent." Voldemort said in a low voice.
RING, RING a high-pitched sound was heard from near Voldemort's chair.
"Eek! What is this?" Voldemort jumped into Lucius' Arms.
"It is that muggle thing you bought, I think it is called a Mellowphone." Lucius hugged his master protectively.
"Oh, yes, I really don't know why I bought that bloody thing."
"You said it makes scary sounds to confuse the enemy." It finally stopped ringing and a scary low voice was heard from the machine. It was obvious the speaker was half intoxicated.
The voice was Voldemort's voice, and it was singing,
Believe it or not Voldemort isn't at home
So leave a message, after the beep
I must be out or I'd pick up the phone
Where could I be?
Believe it or not Voldemort's not home
A few clicks were sounded and it all stopped.
"Well, I think it is time to check on the potion." Lucius carried Voldemort out of the room.
~^~^~^~
Harry was tied harder to a bigger chair this time. He knew they had taken him somewhere else, he was glad Hermione was next to him.
"What are you going to do to us?" he asked Max Power.
"Wait until my friend comes and you will find out." Harry ran a few scenarios through his head while they waited and they didn't look good. But he forgot them all when he saw who the 'friend' they were waiting for was: Snape.
"Hello, Potter." Snape spat.
"Hello, Snape." Harry spat back.
"What are you doing here? I thought you were entertaining Malfoy," he continued.
"Very funny, Potter." Snape replied in his low voice.
"Do you know what time it is, Potter?" he grinned. "It's naked time!" Snape answered himself, and was about to throw off his robe when Power stopped him.
"No Snape, this isn't naked time yet. Bring in the muggle machine I think is called a Gallevision," Power shouted and two wizards came in holding a fifty-two inch, wide-screen television.
"Now, what do I do here? Press this… and this," Power said to himself and the TV was turned on.
What was on the TV was more a torture than Crucio, more deadly than Avada Kedavra, and more mind-numbing than Imperio:
There was a big purple dinosaur singing songs to little kids.
"No! Stop! No! No!" Harry and Hermione shouted simultaneously while they writhed in their seats.
Hermione was the first to break. Her last words before she passed out were "Harry, if I don't make it kill…" Harry tried to break free, knowing he could not withstand more of the demonic purple dinosaur.
But it was no use, he blacked out as well for the third time in the last two days, and he and Hermione were carried out by Power.
Finally, Snape was left in the room. He looked left and right, checking he was alone.
"Naked time!" he shouted, and he took off his robes and began Irish-step-dancing stark naked.