A/N : This chapters a little shorter than some of the others but I think you'll like it, at least I hope so - I enjoyed writing it. Thanks to my reviewers; buffy_freak2002, fictionfreak2, Azrielle, tears-of-silver, tinkerbell42, EvilWillow666, Karen, spikes1pet, SpIkEs AnGeL, SouthernRain, LunarFaerie, bherycherry, Spoiler Babe, RoboShiflo - you guys are the best and always make me smile. Anyone who guessed that the movie in the last chapter was My Best Friends Wedding was correct - Spike-bots for all of you smart people! ;-) Now, on with the next chapter, cos I know the cliffhanger was just plain mean, so here ya go, don't say I never give you anything, oh and there will be three more chapters after this if all goes according to plan...keep the reviews coming please...

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 21 - Darla's Letter

Spike's eyes went as wide as Buffy's as he moved to sit beside her on the sofa.

"Why's the bloody wankers Mrs writing to you?" he asked with a frown and Buffy shook her head in response. She was too shocked even to reprimand Spike on his choice of words. Buffy had no real reason to hate Darla, Angel had fooled them both for long enough. If anything, the apparently ex-Mrs O'Connor should dislike Buffy, but it didn't seem as though that was what the letter was about.

Buffy started to wonder then, about the very same question Spike just voiced. Why on earth was this woman writing to her? If she was indeed divorced from Angel or planning to be perhaps it was just going to be a page full of 'I hate Angel, so should you' or alternatively, 'You wrecked my marriage, you whore', but Buffy soon realised the writing in front of her was nothing like either of those things.

Deciding to carry on reading aloud so Spike could hear what Darla had to say too, Buffy became the voice of the woman her ex-lover had previosuly loved as she recited the words the other blonde had written to her.

"I'm probably the last person you'd ever expect a letter from, never mind want to hear from, and it probably feels strange for you to think that I would want to write to you, but I feel like you deserve to know the truth about Angel. Please, don't stop reading yet, I know you will want to, you think I'm going to bad-mouth the man we both loved, but all I want to do is tell the truth.

I don't blame you, Buffy, for the way Angel behaved toward me, he was the way he was long before you came along. I don't know exactly how he treated you, but I can't imagine it was much better than the way he treated me.

Sometimes he could be so kind, it felt like he loved me so much and that his whole world revolved around my happiness, I have no doubt that in the beginning this was how he was with you.

But most of the time, he was distant, he was harsh and cold, he delivered mental and sometimes physical blows. I thought I was strong for taking the abuse and staying with him, but I was weak for allowing myself to be emotionally and physically beaten down.

At one point I did walk away, but I also went back to him because he promised me the earth and assured me he'd changed and, like the woman in love that I was, I believed him and ran back into his arms.

As time went on, of course things turned nasty again, but this time it was different. I was pregannt, as you know, and the thoughts of raising a baby alone (I have no family to speak of) was far more frightening than staying with him and taking his abuse in it's many kinds.

The one and only time you and I saw each other, well it was after that moment that I asked who you were, repeatedly until he finally admitted he'd been having an affair. I was not wholly surprised, how could I be? A man that was capable of beating a woman he was supposedly in love with, why would be not be capable of cheating on her too?

The baby was born, happy and healthy, I was relieved to know, and Angel seemed to change. He doted on the child whilst we were in the hospital, and when we came home he was daddy's son, mommy barely got a look in.

Then he got bored, just as he got bored of everything. When Jack cried, Angel complained, when I held the baby instead of him, he complained some more. Complaints turned to anger and anger to violence. I was used to his punches and I could take them, but when he raised a hand to our child...

I can't explain what happened, I'm not sure I understand it myself. I was told by a neighbour who saw it happen, who broke down the front door when he heard the commotion, that I did the only thing I could do to save my child. They called it self defence and for many legal and complex reasons it means there are no charges against me. The truth is, Buffy, Angel is dead..."

Buffy's voice ceased to be on the word 'dead', tears filled her eyes and she felt as sick as ever she had. In her distress, the letter slipped from her hand and fell to the floor. Needing to know for himself as well as for Buffy, Spike scooped up the page and read aloud, being Darla's voice for the final paragraph, right from where Buffy had left off...

"...Angel is dead and it was me that dealt the final blow. I didn't realise what I'd picked up in my hand until I'd struck him with it and he fell to the floor, dead on impact, they tell me, the iron was too heavy for him to survive.

I cannot say I regret what I did. I did love Angel, but I also loathed him, and my child deserved the life he could never have if his father continued to breathe. The point of this letter is really to tell you that Angel is gone and that as much as I know this will probably hurt you, I am not at all sorry. I know that my son, Jack, and I will have a better life now, I only hope the same will be true for you.

Be happy Buffy, don't let his shadow loom over you. He almost ruined my life, don't let him ruin yours.

Yours sincerely, Darla Johnson"

To Be Continued...