Faith and Hope Part 3
"Do you think Mole is eating your furniture right about now?" Declan unlocked the old door to his lakeside bungalow and let Peggy inside. She sidestepped his huge backpack and several other duffel bags on the floor.
"No. I left him plenty of food and water. I left the TV on too. He thinks it's company."
Declan looked at her in amazement. "Are you drugging my dog, Doctor Fowler?"
"It doesn't take drugs to respond to an animal's preferences. Mole is a smart dog. Just pay attention to his needs."
"Yeah, right. He doesn't need any more attention. Sounds like he got plenty of that while I was gone." Declan plugged in his coffee pot and rifled through kitchen cabinets to find cups. Peggy sat on the sofa within earshot of the little kitchen area. Looking around Declan's home was like visiting a tiny museum. He had accumulated many pieces of ancient history and anthropology over his academic years. Every time she visited there was something new that caught her eye.
Declan joined her on the sofa. "Coffee's brewing. Smell that aroma?"
"Mmmnn. I love it." Peggy sat back and closed her eyes. A lazy smile appeared. "I really am tired, you know. I should be home sleeping or getting ready for tomorrow."
"I wanted to be alone with you." His voice was low and coarse. "I missed you, Peg" He watched her sigh with eyes half closed.
"Declan, where are your glasses? I just noticed you haven't had them on all night?"
"Lost them somewhere in a cave. I'm picking up new ones tomorrow afternoon. I have my old contacts in now." Declan moved closer and let his arm rest behind her neck. "What's wrong, Peggy?"
Her eyes traveled to his and she felt warm. His eyes watched her lips as she spoke. "Nothing's wrong. I missed you too. I feel like I have to get used to being with you like this all over again. Isn't that funny?"
Declan pulled her to him. She thought he was going to hug but instead his lips sought hers and they were kissing. Peggy wrapped her arms possessively around his neck and surrendered to his probing mouth. This kiss was not tender like before. They were on new ground. Declan chastised himself for letting his control slip this far but Peggy was not pushing away. His hands caressed her back while his lips became more demanding. Peggy responded with a soft moan. Her hands moved restlessly through his hair. She heard his breath catch and felt a hand stroking her face. Declan was pulling slowly away from her. His arms relaxed and he hesitantly relinquished her mouth. Their heads remained together while they struggled to regain control.
"Whoa." Declan breathed. "This feels great."
"It does, Declan, but . I'm not sure-"
"It's okay Peggy. I don't want to do anything you don't want to." He stroked her hair.
"I want .. when the time is right .. I just want you to know that I am physically attracted to you. I guess I need more time."
"I'm glad," Declan smiled broadly, "that you're attracted to me." The smile faded. "Forgive me. I'm usually good at holding myself together. It's easy actually because women are not falling down in front of me, you know." He laughed a little before continuing. "You, like, do this thing to me. I can't describe it."
Peggy ran a finger over his lips. "You don't have to explain anything to me. We're good, Declan. Really good."
Declan let his lips touch hers in a soft and lingering kiss. He pulled his head back just enough to whisper, "I hope so. Cause I'm pretty sure that thing I can't describe is related to me being in love with you."
Peggy swallowed hard and felt a lump growing in her throat. Declan's eyes were closed and his head was down. She imagined him waiting for an axe to fall. Love? Her heart was soaring and she couldn't believe how much she felt for this man.
"Peg? Are you crying? Damn, I'm sorry." He lifted his head and watched the wordless emotions cross her face.
"No, I'm okay." She wiped away the unexpected tears.
Declan continued to hold her. "I wasn't suppose to say that. Every thing just comes to the surface when I'm around you. The whole time in Africa, I thought about you. I was scared at first because I was having trouble sleeping at night. I was afraid you were back here changing your mind about us. I tried to convince myself that I'd accept whatever happened. Que sera, sera, right?" He shook his head. "No way. Couldn't turn back. On the plane coming home I decided to let you know how important you are to me. I just didn't plan on blurting it out like that."
He let his arms fall from her shoulders. "Now you know, Peg. All I can ask is that you don't think I'm pushing or anything. I'm okay with things as they are."
Peggy was trying to stay composed while he talked but his words spoke to her own heart. Weeks of denial came to a crashing end. She weighed her feelings. "I appreciate you being honest . I know it wasn't easy-"
"It was too easy, Peg. This isn't a giant leap for me like it is for you." He abruptly stood up from the sofa and went into the kitchen. Peggy sat staring out of the large picture window beside the front door. Declan returned with steaming coffee mugs. He sat beside her again silently sipping the brew.
"Look Declan, I was hoping that it wouldn't be this hard to move slowly." She put the mug on the end table next to the sofa. "I can't change my past. I can't change what happened to my husband or how it changed my life. I'm not sure how I've gotten this far since his death. But here I am, with you." Peggy placed a hand on his knee and he turned to her. "And I want to be here, Declan."
He squeezed her hand and sat back on the sofa. "Do you still feel married, Peg? I mean, is it hard to imagine being with someone else."
"Sometimes." She whispered. "But when I'm with you I don't feel that way. I think I feel guilty because I don't feel like I'm betraying my late husband."
Declan let out a long breath tinged with frustration. " So you're mad at yourself for opening the door to another relationship?" He was shaking his head now. "Peggy, you're a head doctor. Think about what you're doing to yourself."
"I know it's unfair that's why -"
"It's very unfair." Declan interrupted. "You deserve to be loved. You're young, beautiful, smart." He looked down at her hand in his. "It doesn't have to be me, you know. I promised not to push you into something you don't want. All I ask is that you let someone in, one day."
Peggy watched him get up from the sofa and stand at the picture window. She followed him restlessly anxious to make him listen. He slipped an arm around her waist and continued to stare out into the night.
"Declan, are you trying to tell me that you're tired of things as they are," she asked softly as she laid a hand along the side of his face. " Cause I'm tired too." He turned his head to stare at her with sad, questioning eyes. " Yes, Declan I have doubts. I'm a jumble of emotions every minute I'm with you. Even worse when I'm not. I haven't trusted another man like this since my husband and it feels strange. And then, you tell me you're in love with me."
"It feels right." His eyes bore into hers. "But I won't stop you -" "Hey, I'm the psychiatrist here. Let me do the analysis." She smiled and stepped in front of him and suddenly she was in his arms. He gathered her hair in one hand and kissed her with everything he felt and held back for months. Peggy pressed against him, wanting to never break the connection. She felt giddy and warm. Her lips retreated from his after several heated seconds, just far enough to whisper. "I love you, Declan."
He let his head fall to her neck and he sighed raggedly trying to control the tears that threatened to expose his joy. Peggy kissed his ear and neck enjoying the feel of him and his possessive embrace.
" I think I knew that." He managed to murmur. "I couldn't imagine you not feeling what I feel. I was hoping you trusted me enough to stay."
"My legs wouldn't carry me away." She was giggling. Declan smiled in amusement at the woman who rarely laughed out loud. "When I saw you get out of your truck this evening it hit me so hard. I knew I missed you but I didn't know how much until that moment. And yes, I was trying to avoid it." Peggy lowered her eyes to his chest. "You always make me go places I'm afraid to go."
Declan traced a finger along her cheek. "That's what love is, Peg. I trust you to make me go places I'm afraid to go too." He pecked her lips lightly. "I wonder if I could ever love you more than I do right now." He let his lips connect with Peggy's. Declan shook with desire. He willed his hands to behave as he caressed her back and felt eager hands clenching against his shoulders. "Peg, we better stop cause I'm -"
The hoarseness of Declan's voice made the flames dance higher. Peggy clutched him tighter in response. "I can't figure out how ."
They allowed the fire to burn. Declan lifted her feet several inches from the floor, lips still locked, prepared to carry her to his bedroom. Suddenly, they heard an approaching vehicle. The picture window was immediately bathed in bright light blinding the frozen couple. A motorcycle coasted to a stop in the short driveway with the one-eyed headlight aimed at Declan and Peggy. They remained entangled in their lovers embrace.
"Oh God. It's Miranda." Peggy gasped.
"We're dead. And I bet Drew Flanagan is too."
They watched her approach the glass, a grim smile on her solemn face. "Hey guys." She yelled, "Got a minute?"
End of Part 3
"Do you think Mole is eating your furniture right about now?" Declan unlocked the old door to his lakeside bungalow and let Peggy inside. She sidestepped his huge backpack and several other duffel bags on the floor.
"No. I left him plenty of food and water. I left the TV on too. He thinks it's company."
Declan looked at her in amazement. "Are you drugging my dog, Doctor Fowler?"
"It doesn't take drugs to respond to an animal's preferences. Mole is a smart dog. Just pay attention to his needs."
"Yeah, right. He doesn't need any more attention. Sounds like he got plenty of that while I was gone." Declan plugged in his coffee pot and rifled through kitchen cabinets to find cups. Peggy sat on the sofa within earshot of the little kitchen area. Looking around Declan's home was like visiting a tiny museum. He had accumulated many pieces of ancient history and anthropology over his academic years. Every time she visited there was something new that caught her eye.
Declan joined her on the sofa. "Coffee's brewing. Smell that aroma?"
"Mmmnn. I love it." Peggy sat back and closed her eyes. A lazy smile appeared. "I really am tired, you know. I should be home sleeping or getting ready for tomorrow."
"I wanted to be alone with you." His voice was low and coarse. "I missed you, Peg" He watched her sigh with eyes half closed.
"Declan, where are your glasses? I just noticed you haven't had them on all night?"
"Lost them somewhere in a cave. I'm picking up new ones tomorrow afternoon. I have my old contacts in now." Declan moved closer and let his arm rest behind her neck. "What's wrong, Peggy?"
Her eyes traveled to his and she felt warm. His eyes watched her lips as she spoke. "Nothing's wrong. I missed you too. I feel like I have to get used to being with you like this all over again. Isn't that funny?"
Declan pulled her to him. She thought he was going to hug but instead his lips sought hers and they were kissing. Peggy wrapped her arms possessively around his neck and surrendered to his probing mouth. This kiss was not tender like before. They were on new ground. Declan chastised himself for letting his control slip this far but Peggy was not pushing away. His hands caressed her back while his lips became more demanding. Peggy responded with a soft moan. Her hands moved restlessly through his hair. She heard his breath catch and felt a hand stroking her face. Declan was pulling slowly away from her. His arms relaxed and he hesitantly relinquished her mouth. Their heads remained together while they struggled to regain control.
"Whoa." Declan breathed. "This feels great."
"It does, Declan, but . I'm not sure-"
"It's okay Peggy. I don't want to do anything you don't want to." He stroked her hair.
"I want .. when the time is right .. I just want you to know that I am physically attracted to you. I guess I need more time."
"I'm glad," Declan smiled broadly, "that you're attracted to me." The smile faded. "Forgive me. I'm usually good at holding myself together. It's easy actually because women are not falling down in front of me, you know." He laughed a little before continuing. "You, like, do this thing to me. I can't describe it."
Peggy ran a finger over his lips. "You don't have to explain anything to me. We're good, Declan. Really good."
Declan let his lips touch hers in a soft and lingering kiss. He pulled his head back just enough to whisper, "I hope so. Cause I'm pretty sure that thing I can't describe is related to me being in love with you."
Peggy swallowed hard and felt a lump growing in her throat. Declan's eyes were closed and his head was down. She imagined him waiting for an axe to fall. Love? Her heart was soaring and she couldn't believe how much she felt for this man.
"Peg? Are you crying? Damn, I'm sorry." He lifted his head and watched the wordless emotions cross her face.
"No, I'm okay." She wiped away the unexpected tears.
Declan continued to hold her. "I wasn't suppose to say that. Every thing just comes to the surface when I'm around you. The whole time in Africa, I thought about you. I was scared at first because I was having trouble sleeping at night. I was afraid you were back here changing your mind about us. I tried to convince myself that I'd accept whatever happened. Que sera, sera, right?" He shook his head. "No way. Couldn't turn back. On the plane coming home I decided to let you know how important you are to me. I just didn't plan on blurting it out like that."
He let his arms fall from her shoulders. "Now you know, Peg. All I can ask is that you don't think I'm pushing or anything. I'm okay with things as they are."
Peggy was trying to stay composed while he talked but his words spoke to her own heart. Weeks of denial came to a crashing end. She weighed her feelings. "I appreciate you being honest . I know it wasn't easy-"
"It was too easy, Peg. This isn't a giant leap for me like it is for you." He abruptly stood up from the sofa and went into the kitchen. Peggy sat staring out of the large picture window beside the front door. Declan returned with steaming coffee mugs. He sat beside her again silently sipping the brew.
"Look Declan, I was hoping that it wouldn't be this hard to move slowly." She put the mug on the end table next to the sofa. "I can't change my past. I can't change what happened to my husband or how it changed my life. I'm not sure how I've gotten this far since his death. But here I am, with you." Peggy placed a hand on his knee and he turned to her. "And I want to be here, Declan."
He squeezed her hand and sat back on the sofa. "Do you still feel married, Peg? I mean, is it hard to imagine being with someone else."
"Sometimes." She whispered. "But when I'm with you I don't feel that way. I think I feel guilty because I don't feel like I'm betraying my late husband."
Declan let out a long breath tinged with frustration. " So you're mad at yourself for opening the door to another relationship?" He was shaking his head now. "Peggy, you're a head doctor. Think about what you're doing to yourself."
"I know it's unfair that's why -"
"It's very unfair." Declan interrupted. "You deserve to be loved. You're young, beautiful, smart." He looked down at her hand in his. "It doesn't have to be me, you know. I promised not to push you into something you don't want. All I ask is that you let someone in, one day."
Peggy watched him get up from the sofa and stand at the picture window. She followed him restlessly anxious to make him listen. He slipped an arm around her waist and continued to stare out into the night.
"Declan, are you trying to tell me that you're tired of things as they are," she asked softly as she laid a hand along the side of his face. " Cause I'm tired too." He turned his head to stare at her with sad, questioning eyes. " Yes, Declan I have doubts. I'm a jumble of emotions every minute I'm with you. Even worse when I'm not. I haven't trusted another man like this since my husband and it feels strange. And then, you tell me you're in love with me."
"It feels right." His eyes bore into hers. "But I won't stop you -" "Hey, I'm the psychiatrist here. Let me do the analysis." She smiled and stepped in front of him and suddenly she was in his arms. He gathered her hair in one hand and kissed her with everything he felt and held back for months. Peggy pressed against him, wanting to never break the connection. She felt giddy and warm. Her lips retreated from his after several heated seconds, just far enough to whisper. "I love you, Declan."
He let his head fall to her neck and he sighed raggedly trying to control the tears that threatened to expose his joy. Peggy kissed his ear and neck enjoying the feel of him and his possessive embrace.
" I think I knew that." He managed to murmur. "I couldn't imagine you not feeling what I feel. I was hoping you trusted me enough to stay."
"My legs wouldn't carry me away." She was giggling. Declan smiled in amusement at the woman who rarely laughed out loud. "When I saw you get out of your truck this evening it hit me so hard. I knew I missed you but I didn't know how much until that moment. And yes, I was trying to avoid it." Peggy lowered her eyes to his chest. "You always make me go places I'm afraid to go."
Declan traced a finger along her cheek. "That's what love is, Peg. I trust you to make me go places I'm afraid to go too." He pecked her lips lightly. "I wonder if I could ever love you more than I do right now." He let his lips connect with Peggy's. Declan shook with desire. He willed his hands to behave as he caressed her back and felt eager hands clenching against his shoulders. "Peg, we better stop cause I'm -"
The hoarseness of Declan's voice made the flames dance higher. Peggy clutched him tighter in response. "I can't figure out how ."
They allowed the fire to burn. Declan lifted her feet several inches from the floor, lips still locked, prepared to carry her to his bedroom. Suddenly, they heard an approaching vehicle. The picture window was immediately bathed in bright light blinding the frozen couple. A motorcycle coasted to a stop in the short driveway with the one-eyed headlight aimed at Declan and Peggy. They remained entangled in their lovers embrace.
"Oh God. It's Miranda." Peggy gasped.
"We're dead. And I bet Drew Flanagan is too."
They watched her approach the glass, a grim smile on her solemn face. "Hey guys." She yelled, "Got a minute?"
End of Part 3