AUTHOR'S NOTE:
No long notes or greetings this time dear readers! I'm really sorry, but it's past midnight, I'm dead tired, and I want to get this up on the site by tonight! Hey, it's all for you! ;p But if there are any questions, complaints, or violent reactions, you know how to reach me! BIG THANK YOUs to all the people who reviewed the last chapter in spite of the FF.net problems! ;p You guys rock! I really appreciate it.
Oh yeah, and for those who are wondering, this is the fourth to the last chapter of this fic.
ALSO: Have you all (the regular readers) gotten a copy of the theme song of this fic? "If I Never Knew You" by Jon Secada and Shanice from the Pocahontas OST? Well, let it be known that only those who have acquired a copy of that song and its lyrics has my full blessing to read the three chapters following this one. Listening to that theme song will really help get you in the mood, trust me! ;p
Anyways, on with the drama! Get out the tissue! Enjoy, girls! Hehehe. . .
HAPPY READING!
* * *
THE SACRIFICE
Chapter Eleven - Love
An angry cry broke through the usual silence of the peaceful Lorien evening as an infuriated elf prince stormed towards the deserted Silverlode bank. He paused in his tracks long enough to stoop down and pick up a rock from the grassy earth. Pulling his arm back, he flung the stone into the river waters as hard as he could, placing all his rage and frustrations into the deed.
His breath heavy with passion, Legolas succumbed to the tears that were clouding his darkening vision. With a choked sob, he fell to his knees and slammed his clenched fists upon the ground. For some minutes he stayed frozen in that position, his soundless weeping causing his broad shoulders to shudder relentlessly.
Never before had he felt so much pain and grief, so much desire to just cease living. It was as though his heart had been trampled on and shredded to pieces, never to be the same again.
What had just happened?! Was it not only an hour ago when they had been so happy in each other's arms, confident that nothing in the world could break their love? Just the previous night they had declared their undying devotion to each other and had gotten engaged. How could it be possible that now it was all over, just like that?
"Armir. . ." Legolas whispered, her name escaping his lips unconsciously. An overwhelming ache filled him at the memory of her beauty and sweet kisses, and then of the knowledge that they were no longer his to cherish.
It couldn't be. It just couldn't. Armir could not have stopped caring for him just like that. He could not have just imagined the desire and love he had seen in her eyes when they had kissed. Something must have gone wrong for her to suddenly deny him like this.
But what?
Calm down, Legolas told himself firmly. He was not going to find any answers if he went on being emotional about it. Wiping away the last of his tears impatiently with the back of his fist, the elf seated himself properly on the grass and tried to recall his earlier conversation with Armir.
"You do not really love me, Legolas!"
He could still remember the great shock that he felt upon hearing such an accusation come from her mouth. It seemed to be the greatest joke in the world. How could taking care of her, protecting her, risking his life for her, and worshiping her as the most important person in his existence not be called love?
"Because it is not real!" she had tried to explain to him. "Because I am an enchantress who manipulates the feelings of others towards me. . ."
Legolas shook his head. He understood that such abilities did exist in some gifted elves; he had heard stories about them often enough. It was not difficult to believe that Armir, in her kindness and purity, would possess that special gift. What he was certainly not willing to believe was that all the tenderness and affection he felt towards her were no more than a result of that power to influence feelings.
"How could it be false?" Legolas thought desperately, struggling to recall anything he may have done to make Armir doubt the sincerity of his feelings towards her.
". . . when I see all the things you do to care for me and protect me, I become frightened. You risk too much. You become irrational. You fall into emotions and actions that I know are not really of your nature.
She speaks of the time I fought with Haldir, Legolas realized suddenly. He should have suspected sooner that Armir had not truly forgiven or forgotten that mistake of his. He didn't recognize that irrational jealousy was a fault that would affect her so deeply.
Then, with an afterthought, the elf frowned. No, that could not have been just it. That one occurrence could not have been enough for Armir to start making such ridiculous accusations.
Perhaps it was a mistake to propose to her so quickly and suddenly. Perhaps the haste of their relationship was beginning to frighten Armir, and she did no know how to express this anxiety to him. But did time really matter in a love as deep as theirs? It was true that everything was going so fast. They had known each other for barely more than two months, and already they had gotten engaged. That was certainly something uncommon to their kind. Usually it took many years before two elves were able to decide they loved each other enough to spend the rest of eternity together.
But did any of that really matter? Like Gimli had told him before, just because their love was different, it did not mean it was false. . .
That was when it struck him.
He remembered the day of his conversation with Gimli, when he had poured out his heart to him because he had been worrying about his feelings for Armir. There was a point when he himself had been doubtful of the realness of his love. He himself had been alarmed by the intensity of his passions towards Armir, and the onslaught of new and strange feelings he had been experiencing ever since he met her.
"It is as though you are under a spell. . . "
Legolas felt a strange tug in his chest as the realization grew stronger in him. Could this be what Armir was trying to telling him? Had he been right all along in doubting that his deep feelings for her were just normal?
No!
Something at the back of Legolas' head screamed in denial. He rose from his seat, overwhelmed with anger at himself for even thinking such things. It could not be false. It just couldn't. If there was one fact he was certain of in his whole life, it was that beautiful things could never be untrue. And his love for Armir, as well as the happiness and purpose it brought into his life, was the most beautiful and precious thing he had ever felt or known.
"I will never give it up for anything." Legolas thought determinedly. "I will not just stand by and allow myself to lose her."
He recalled the fear and sorrow he saw on Armir's face when she had begged him to stop loving her. She had seemed very upset when he had tried to express how much he cared for her and would do anything for her. That was when she began to push him away, in a manner that almost seemed desperate.
Legolas frowned at the memory of her tears and the pain in her eyes. There was something bothering Armir, a problem she was hiding from him. There was more to her actions that what her words had expressed. The excuses she had given him were not the whole truth.
Making up his mind, Legolas spun on his heel and began to walk in the direction of Armir's talan. He had to find her and speak to her again. There were questions that needed to be answered, and he was not going to find peace until all his doubts were resolved. But, no matter what, he knew one thing was for certain.
He would never give up Armir without a fight, and for their love he was willing to fight to the end.
* * *
Haldir slipped off the cloak the covered his broad shoulders and reached over to the elf maiden who was moving alongside him. Armir looked up with surprise as he draped the soft cloth around her.
"You are in more need of it than I." Haldir told her firmly as an explanation. "The winds seem to be turning ill this night."
Armir nodded. "Diolla lle. (Thank you)" she whispered, before turning her aggrieved face away again and proceeding with their walk to her talan.
Haldir felt another pang of anger strike his heart as he noticed yet another tear escape his beloved's weary eyes. He choked down the desire to avenge her and instead tried to focus on finding some way to give her comfort.
"So you shall be leaving Lorien tomorrow morning with the others, then?" he asked softly, continuing their conversation from where it had been left off.
"Yes." Armir answered with a sniff. "I have been told that my task is not over yet. The Fellowship is still in great need of me."
"It is difficult to understand." Haldir mumbled. "A young elf maiden like you. How could Fate force such an innocent life to become involved in this ominous deed?"
"Alas, Fate is not always kind." Armir sighed. "But for the good of all, I must follow what She requires of me. I fear that refusing my duties shall only bring disaster."
"And your duty is what?" Haldir said, a slight scowl forming on his lips. "To rouse the spirits of your companions? To act as a vessel for their fears and weaknesses and a source of their strength and courage?"
"That is right." Armir replied. "It is as I had explained to you earlier."
"That is not fair." Haldir muttered, shaking his head in disapproval. "So many burdens are placed upon you. You have done nothing to deserve such suffering."
"It cannot be helped, I suppose." Armir said quietly. "It seems that I was really destined for this task, as the abilities required for it have been placed in me even at birth."
Haldir's frown deepened. "And these abilities, this gift you speak of, you believe they have also affected Legolas' feelings towards you? You think they are the only reason why he has fallen in love with you all this time?"
"That is what I fear." the maiden admitted. The sadness on her face grew as she spoke. "I may be wrong, but I do not wish to take that chance. It is better that I stay away from him than allow him to risk having his feelings toyed with."
"You made the right choice." Haldir assured her. "Do not forget that you also must protect your own welfare. You do not deserve a love that may be untrue."
"I only wish I did not have to hurt him this way." Armir murmured sorrowfully. "He could have been spared all this, had I only realized what I was doing sooner. This is all my fault."
"No it is not." Haldir objected. "You are as much the victim in this as he, Armir. There is nothing you should blame yourself for."
There was a moment of complete stillness as Armir fell silent at these words. After a while, she looked back at the March Warden at last.
"I just love him so much, Haldir." she whispered. "Though the sincerity of his feelings for me is unclear, my love for him cannot be any truer. If only things did not have to turn out this way between us. . ."
The rest of what she said was lost on Haldir as he was paralyzed by both the dejection in her eyes and the meaning of her words. This infallible proof that Armir really did care so much about Legolas wounded him more than anything ever had in his life. It never fully occurred to him just how much Armir did love his rival; now she was telling him herself, right to his face, unknowing of how much her declarations were hurting him.
But as he gazed upon her tear-streaked face, and at the beauty of her gentleness and fortitude in spite of all the suffering she was going through, a fierce resolve was rekindled in Haldir's heart. All of a sudden he felt the desire to fight for her once again, and to do whatever he can to protect her from any further grief or tears.
"I do not want you to go, Armir." he blurted out abruptly.
Cut off by his sudden outburst, Armir stopped in her tracks and stared at him in surprise. "What?"
Haldir took a deep breath. "I do not want you to leave Lorien." he repeated slowly. "Stay here. Stay here with me where you will be safe."
Armir looked at him through wide eyes. "I cannot, Haldir! I have already explained it to you. You know I must go. It is my duty."
"No." Haldir said stubbornly. "It is far too dangerous. I do not want you risking yourself all over again and subjecting yourself to any more torment. There must be some other way."
He reached out and took her hands in his. "I will find another way."
Armir shook her head. "I wish it could be so." she whispered. "My greatest worry is that my presence will put at risk Legolas' life. It would be so much better if I were not in the way, for he forgoes his own safely all too often for the sake of mine."
Haldir gritted his teeth, struggling to keep his temper in check even at the mention of his rival's name. "I would do as much for you." he told her firmly.
But still Armir remained oblivious to the March Warden's assertions. She turned her face away with a heavy sigh.
"But why must it be so?" she murmured. "Can he not see that I am not worth it? The thought of him endangering himself for my sake only pains me more . . ."
"Armir, stop it!" Haldir shouted, losing control of his self-restraint at last.
Before he even realized what he was doing, he had grabbed Armir roughly by the arms and pulled her to the side. The maiden looked up at him with a half-shocked, half-terrified expression on her face as he pushed her against a tree, towering over her menacingly. For a while Haldir was too overcome with his emotions to speak, so he just stood there glaring down at the cornered maiden.
"Haldir, what are you doing?" Armir demanded, struggling uselessly against his grip upon overcoming her initial surprise.
"Why must you think of him so much?" Haldir snarled back in response. "Why are you so afraid to lose him as though he is the only elf to ever care for you?"
The maiden stared up at him, her mouth slightly open. The confusion in her eyes gradually changed into realization. Her lips moved as though she meant to say something, but Haldir placed a finger over them before any words could come out. Sliding one hand around her waist and the other to the side of her face, he leaned over and kissed her deeply.
He had forgotten how intoxicating the sweetness of her soft lips was. At first Armir seemed to be too shocked to resist him, but after a while he eventually felt her uneasiness as she tried to pull away from him. Instead of drawing away he held her even more securely and continued to intensify the kiss.
When he finally released her, they both were breathless from the passion of their intimate contact. Haldir felt slight guilt at the sight of offense in Armir's eyes, knowing she had never had anyone force himself upon her that way before.
"Amin hiraetha (I am sorry)." he murmured, cupping Armir's cheek in one hand. "I know we had an agreement, and I was supposed to have stopped caring for you this way a long time ago. But I cannot deny what my heart says any longer. My feelings for you have not changed, Armir. They never have."
Tears began to flow from Armir's eyes once again as she shook her head weakly. "No, Haldir." she begged helplessly. "It cannot be. . ."
"But it is, Melamin." Haldir interrupted gently, caressing her face with his fingertips. "And I am prepared to fight for it. I will not lose you again. Not this time."
Armir closed her eyes and fell silent, succumbing to her weariness and desperation. As she wept, Haldir kissed her face tenderly, and continued to hold her close. Sensing that she was no longer holding him back, he tilted her chin up.
"Armir, do not cry." he urged her soothingly. "Look at me."
Slowly Armir opened her eyes to meet his, and Haldir felt relief in what he found in them.
"Amin mela lle." he whispered, as he leaned in to kiss her again.
But before their lips could meet for the second time, Armir jerked away suddenly. Her gaze had moved away from Haldir and became horrified as it focused on something right behind him.
* * *
Legolas stood frozen where he stood. His mind seemed to be far too filled with shock and disbelief to control any further actions. When his thoughts gradually began to clear and register what his eyes had seen taking place before him, the numbness was replaced with an uncontrolled surge of emotions that threatened to bring him to his knees.
He shook his head, unwilling to believe what he had just witnessed. It was not possible. It was a mistake. It just had to be.
But then his gaze crossed over the distance between him and the two elves and met the eyes of his beloved. The guilt and horror he caught sight of was proof enough to shatter his state of denials.
Armir had lied to him. She had betrayed him.
He staggered backward a few paces as realizations stuck him one after the other. With each thought came a new emotion, and with each emotion a desire. He was too confused to decide on which one to follow. All he could manage was to simply stand there and stare through eyes which were quickly blurring over with involuntary yet irrepressible tears.
"Legolas. . ."
He watched dazedly as Armir began to move slowly towards him, reaching out with a timid hand. Still he could not seem to move his feet, or any part of his body for that matter. He kept his gaze locked firmly on her distressed, but nonetheless lovely, face. A sickening feeling filled his heart at the realization that he, for the first time, felt no admiration at the sight of her beauty.
All he sensed was a disgust that was almost close to hatred.
When she was able to come close enough for him to smell the sweet scent of her silken hair and skin, Legolas broke free from his trance. He recoiled instantly, an automatic scowl marring the fairness of his face. Uncaring of the immediate hurt he saw flash across her attractive features, he spun on his heel and began to storm away.
"Legolas, wait!"
He could hear her pleas as she went after him, yet he could barely grasp at what she was saying. The mounting shock and anger he was feeling with each moment was shutting everything out. All he desired now was to leave, to get away from her as quickly as he could. . . before he did something he may regret. His obvious fury, however, did nothing to discourage the maiden from pursuing him.
"Legolas, please. I can explain. Allow me to explain." Armir begged desperately, increasing the speed of her steps to catch up with his long, infuriated strides.
Before she could even stretch her hand out to grab his arm and restrain him, the prince stopped in his tracks whirled around abruptly, causing her to collide with his strong chest. Armir staggered back due to the sudden impact, surprised by the harshness of his movements. Legolas made no attempt to even help her regain her balance. All he did was glare down at her with a rage that drove terror into Armir's soul.
"You shall explain nothing!" Legolas snarled, his tone harsher and louder than any he had ever used on her before. "I have had enough!"
Armir stood helplessly before him, a pitiful form, weeping and shaking uncontrollably in her fear and grief. Yet, for the first time, not even her tears could melt the iron that had been forged into the elf- prince's heart.
"I know what it is you are thinking, but it is nothing like that!" she cried out in a choked voice. "Haldir and I . . ."
"Silence!" Legolas roared, now too enraged to hold himself back any longer. "I will have no more of your lies!"
"I do not lie! I have never lied to you!" Armir cried. "Legolas, I love you!"
Legolas stared at her with disgust and disbelief. "Are you not satisfied with what you have already done?" he growled. "Must you mock me some more with such words? I never knew you could be so cruel a creature. But now I see. I see what this is all about. And I will not be a fool to stand for it any longer!"
He stood before her with hot tears spilling freely down his cheeks, void of any shame of showing his emotional weakness. "I trusted you. I gave you my heart freely, a heart that has never been offered to another. I made you my world, and strove to be everything for you. And now look at how easy you find it to deceive and hurt me this way!"
"Legolas, it is not so! I . . ." Armir tried to cut in, but to no avail.
"If you had wanted me out of the way, you could have simply told me the truth!" Legolas shouted. "You should have spared me the accusation of my love being insincere. You sinful hypocrite! If there is anyone here who has dealt with false love, it is you!"
As soon as the last word erupted uncontrollably from his lips, he knew he had gone too far. The terrible injury he saw in Armir's eyes at his harsh declarations caused him to momentarily feel a twinge of guilt, but the hurt he himself felt was too strong to bring him any remorse. This was enough. He had said all he needed to say to her.
Mustering up the remaining strength he had left in his voice, he gave her his final statement.
"I hope you and the March Warden will be very happy with each other."
Having spat these words out, he turned back around and left for the second time that night the elf that had just broken his heart.
* * *
It was a cold night, one unusually cold for the gentle climate of the fair Lorien realm. Midnight had come to the Golden Wood, and all was still throughout the area as the Galadrim lay sleeping peacefully in their homes in preparation for another day to come. That is, save for one elf who had just retired to her bed a half hour ago after spending an hour in tears that threatened to impair the beauty of her eyes and the strength of her spirit forever.
Armir whimpered softly and buried her cheek against the pillows, squeezing her sore eyes shut in a futile attempt to ease the agonizing pounding in her head. Her headache, however, was of no match in painfulness to the sorrow that was crushing and suffocating her heart.
She could not move from her mind the memory of her beloved Legolas' hurt face. She knew at the moment when she had seen him weeping that he would never be able to look at her the same way again. She had wounded him mortally, and deserved every harsh word that came out of his mouth to strike her.
Armir bit her lower lip to keep it from quivering as she struggled against the compulsion to burst into tears for the hundredth time that night. How could she do this to him?! It was horrible enough of her to hurt him the way she did when she had broken their engagement and brushed off all his pleas to reconsider his love. But then the kiss with Haldir had to happen, right when Legolas arrived to witness the unfortunate incident with his own eyes. Armir could not blame him for being furious. She knew what the scene must have looked like to his eyes.
"But my heart does not belong to Haldir! It is yours alone, Legolas!" she cried desperately in her thoughts. "I never meant to hurt you this grievously. If only you had given me a chance to explain."
Earlier she had seriously considered running after Legolas and persisting in making him hear the truth. Her heart ached with the desire to beg his forgiveness. She could not stand the idea of having him so angry at her, but then realized that this was exactly what she wanted. She had succeeded in earning the Mirkwood prince's wrath. Now she could be certain that he would not longer be so eager to serve and protect her, and thus keep himself away from danger. She had done the right thing.
"This is for his own good." Armir repeated over and over again to herself. "Now he will be out of harm's way, and that dreadful vision will never come to pass. Legolas will be safe, and that is what matters most."
But no matter how hard the maiden tried to convince herself of this logic, she could not shake off the feeling that there was something amiss. If this was the right thing and if this was what she had intended to happen, why did it fill her with so much anguish?
"Stop." a voice at the back of her head scolded. "Just because it does not bring you happiness, does not mean it is not right. Oftentimes suffering has to be endured for the sake of what is good."
Armir sighed and sat up in bed, rubbing her face wearily. The confusing jumble of thoughts that were flooding her mind were troubling her too much to let her get any rest. Maybe it would help if she just got out of her talan for a while and took a little walk. The fresh air might help clear up her head.
After pulling on an extra robe as well as a thick cloak over her nightgown, the princess climbed down the ladder of her talan and began to walk down the trail that wound through the woods. Though the aches and upsetting thoughts did not leave her, the peace and quiet of the night seemed to ease some of her grief. As she went of her way, not knowing or caring of where she was headed, she continued to ponder on the complications of the events that have taken place over the past few hours.
However, she had barely gone ten meters away from her talan when she came across a tall, shadowy figure lurking in the shade of a nearby mallorn. Instinctively Armir felt her body tense up in alertness as she neared the mysterious, unmoving silhouette.
"Who's there?" the maiden demanded uneasily, prepared to defend herself in case the need arose.
"You should not be wandering around alone like this." a deep voice told her gently. "It is not always safe, especially at this time of the night."
"Haldir!" Armir exclaimed, recognizing the voice instantly. Her eyes widened as she watched the handsome elf step out from the darkness to reassure her with a clear view of him. "Wh-what are you doing here?"
'I could not sleep." Haldir replied austerely. His striking grey eyes gazed at her with a slight smirk and shrugged. "From the looks of it, neither could you."
Armir's eyes narrowed. Her feelings toward the March Warden because of what he had done were still unclear. She upset at his causing all this trouble between her and Legolas, yet somehow she could not find it in herself to pin any blame nor harbor any real anger against him. This whole mess was not entirely his fault. However, she was at least certain that she did not want to speak with him as of the moment. She was simply not ready for another confrontation just yet, while she was still at a complete loss as is.
"I just felt like getting some air." she responded curtly, turning away from him. "Also, I needed some time alone to think clearly. So if you will excuse me, I desire solitude. . ."
"Armir, wait." Haldir said quickly, reaching out to gently grab her arm. "We must talk."
"We have naught to talk about, Haldir." Armir replied sharply, yanking her arm free from his grasp. "Just let me be!"
Haldir sighed, and Armir fought to ignore the guilt she felt at the hurt look that crossed her friend's face.
"I know you are angry with me." he said slowly, his gaze falling to the ground as shame overshadowed his expression. "And you have every right to feel that way. But I only came here because I wanted to offer you an apology. It was wrong of me to abandon you just like that after Legolas left, and I . . ."
"All is forgiven." Armir said hastily and dismissively. She felt bad at the brusque manner with which she was treating Haldir when he obviously was sorry for what he had done, but all she wanted right then was to get out of there, before she suffered another breakdown. "Think no more of it, and let us just pretend like it never even happened."
At that, she began to resume her walk, determined to get away from Haldir as soon as possible. But the elf caught her elbow before she could succeed in taking her leave, causing her heart to sink in despair and anxiety.
"You did not let me finish." Haldir told her firmly, shaking his head. "I came also because . . . I could not stop thinking about you. About the kiss."
Armir felt her knees tremble as her stomach did a sickening twist. This conversation was the very last thing she needed to top off that dreadful evening.
"Haldir, please. . ." she said in voice that suddenly turned weak and quivery, filled with dread to add anything else. "Do not do this. Please."
Haldir stared back at her sadly. "Armir, please. Do not look at me as though I am one who intends to hurt you." he said softly. "I just need to speak to you about this now, before it drives me mad. Give me this one chance, and I promise I will not bother you again once I have my answers."
Armir closed her eyes, both to shield herself from the look on Haldir's face and to force back the tears threatening to escape. This could not be happening! It was as if there was no end to the string of horrible episodes of this night.
"What do you need from me, Haldir?" she whispered resignedly. "What is it that you want me to say?"
Haldir reached out and brushed a tear off her cheek with a gentle thumb. "I want you to speak from your heart." he began, caressing her troubled face with his warm hand. "And tell me if there is still any chance that you could love me the same way I do you."
Armir's eyes fluttered open, and her gaze met with Haldir's. The hopefulness she saw in the depths of his grey eyes stole her breath away and paralyzed her for a moment.
"Haldir, do not ask this of me. Please, not now." she begged feebly. "I. . . I cannot. . ."
"Forgive me for being so demanding of you." Haldir interrupted. "I know I have been terribly disrespectful, but please try to understand me. I recognized that I was still in love with you the first day you arrived at Lothlorien. When I saw how you were already in love with Legolas of Mirkwood, I lost all hope of rekindling any feelings you had left for me." He paused and took her tow hands in his, squeezing them meaningfully. "But tonight, when we kissed, I felt something. I realized how wrong I was in giving up hope so easily."
"That kiss should never have happened, Haldir!" Armir blurted out. "It was a mistake."
Haldir fell silent at her outburst, but he did not release his tender hold on Armir's hands. Armir closed her eyes again, fearful of seeing any more hurt on his face. She was struck with great surprise moments later when suddenly she felt Haldir's strong arms slide fully around her body. She was unable to resist him as he pressed his gentle lips softly but determinedly against hers. He ended it even before the maiden gathered up enough wits to push him back.
"You know as well as I do that is was more than a mere mistake." Haldir murmured in her ear as he drew away. "Do not hold back what you really feel, Tarien (Princess)."
"Haldir . . . you cannot do this to me anymore." Armir whispered. She placed her hands on Haldir's muscular chest and forced him a few inches away from her, though she could not fight against the powerful and unyielding hold he had around her waist. "We were lovers once, but all that was a long time ago, and it is over. You must understand this. I love Legolas now."
Haldir opened his mouth as though he meant to remonstrate, but Armir placed her hand lightly over his lips to silence his words. "Only him." she said firmly.
Haldir shook his head sadly. "Why do you insist on loving him?" he muttered, lowering his gaze. "That is what I cannot understand. He makes you weep and suffer so yet you continue to grieve your heart for his sake."
He lifted his eyes back up, and Armir was horrified to see that they were shining with tears. Haldir had never cried before in his life.
"I would never do that to you." he whispered. "Would it be really so difficult for you to care for me in his place?"
As Armir stared into his eyes, an epiphany struck her deeply. It was only at that moment when she clearly saw how much Haldir really did still care about her. She could see in his soul all the love he held for her, and all the misery and envy he was carrying at the thought of her heart belonging to another other than him.
Pity caused tears to spring back to Armir's eyes. Poor Haldir. . . she was a thoughtless fool to have never realized how much her relationship with Legolas had been tormenting him all this time.
"Haldir, I am so sorry." she murmured, placing her hand on his cheek. "I did not see. I never meant to hurt you. But I cannot change how I feel."
Haldir shrugged dismissively. "It does not matter what I feel or must go through. My concern is for you. What is it that you intend to do now?" he asked her quietly. "It is over between you and Legolas. You have refused him, and he has turned from you. There is nothing left for you to hope for from him. What will become of you now?"
His words struck Armir and caused her to fall into more thinking. The March Warden was right. It was over between her and Legolas. No longer would she ever be able to count on him for love or support. She no longer had the privilege of enjoying his company or his protection, his kisses and embraces. The full realization of this truth had never reached her until now.
Thus she began to cry. Closing her eyes, she felt her weary body give way to all the sorrow and confusion that had been building up for the past hours. As she in her dizziness stumbled, Haldir held her closer in his arms, cradling her while whispering to her comfortingly.
"Armir, please." he told her gently. "It pains me seeing you suffer like this. You have wept too much for one night. It need not be so."
He tilted her chin up gently, stroking her hair as he stared lovingly into her eyes.
"If you believe that Legolas is the only elf in whom you can ever find love, you are gravely mistaken." he murmured. "I am here too. Have you truly forgotten and thrown away from your heart all that we have ever shared? Will you not believe in me anymore?"
"I do not know, Haldir." Armir sobbed into his chest. She just felt so tired. She was too exhausted to speak, to move, or to even think. Right then all she wanted was someone to hold onto, while she felt so alone and so vulnerable. "I do not know what I want or believe in anymore."
Haldir pulled back from their embrace and cupped Armir's face between his large, soothing hands. With grave determination on his handsome face he looked down upon the maiden.
"I shall do whatever it takes to help you believe again, Armir." he said resolutely. "Nothing is more important to me now than restoring your faith in what he had. I wish for you to be happy. Please know this-- over our years apart I have grown in greater realization that it is impossible for me to love another. There is only you. It will always be just you."
Suddenly, he released her face and instead grasped her hands. Armir gaped at him as went down on one knee and stared up at her through eyes filled with desire and a profound adoration that melted her aching heart.
"Armir of Rivendell. . . will you grant me the honor of having you as my wife?"
* * *
COMING UP . . . Chapter 12 - Wish
Okay, I confess there was supposed to be more in this chapter, but I decided to end it at this point for now so I can be cruel and have a cliffie! Bwahaha . . . looks like you're all going to have to wait and see in the next chapter who really is going to win the fair maiden! ;p I'll try to get it done ASAP, promise! But it's definitely going to be a LONG chapter.
Thanks for reading! Don't forget to keep those review coming! ;p Till next time!
No long notes or greetings this time dear readers! I'm really sorry, but it's past midnight, I'm dead tired, and I want to get this up on the site by tonight! Hey, it's all for you! ;p But if there are any questions, complaints, or violent reactions, you know how to reach me! BIG THANK YOUs to all the people who reviewed the last chapter in spite of the FF.net problems! ;p You guys rock! I really appreciate it.
Oh yeah, and for those who are wondering, this is the fourth to the last chapter of this fic.
ALSO: Have you all (the regular readers) gotten a copy of the theme song of this fic? "If I Never Knew You" by Jon Secada and Shanice from the Pocahontas OST? Well, let it be known that only those who have acquired a copy of that song and its lyrics has my full blessing to read the three chapters following this one. Listening to that theme song will really help get you in the mood, trust me! ;p
Anyways, on with the drama! Get out the tissue! Enjoy, girls! Hehehe. . .
HAPPY READING!
* * *
THE SACRIFICE
Chapter Eleven - Love
An angry cry broke through the usual silence of the peaceful Lorien evening as an infuriated elf prince stormed towards the deserted Silverlode bank. He paused in his tracks long enough to stoop down and pick up a rock from the grassy earth. Pulling his arm back, he flung the stone into the river waters as hard as he could, placing all his rage and frustrations into the deed.
His breath heavy with passion, Legolas succumbed to the tears that were clouding his darkening vision. With a choked sob, he fell to his knees and slammed his clenched fists upon the ground. For some minutes he stayed frozen in that position, his soundless weeping causing his broad shoulders to shudder relentlessly.
Never before had he felt so much pain and grief, so much desire to just cease living. It was as though his heart had been trampled on and shredded to pieces, never to be the same again.
What had just happened?! Was it not only an hour ago when they had been so happy in each other's arms, confident that nothing in the world could break their love? Just the previous night they had declared their undying devotion to each other and had gotten engaged. How could it be possible that now it was all over, just like that?
"Armir. . ." Legolas whispered, her name escaping his lips unconsciously. An overwhelming ache filled him at the memory of her beauty and sweet kisses, and then of the knowledge that they were no longer his to cherish.
It couldn't be. It just couldn't. Armir could not have stopped caring for him just like that. He could not have just imagined the desire and love he had seen in her eyes when they had kissed. Something must have gone wrong for her to suddenly deny him like this.
But what?
Calm down, Legolas told himself firmly. He was not going to find any answers if he went on being emotional about it. Wiping away the last of his tears impatiently with the back of his fist, the elf seated himself properly on the grass and tried to recall his earlier conversation with Armir.
"You do not really love me, Legolas!"
He could still remember the great shock that he felt upon hearing such an accusation come from her mouth. It seemed to be the greatest joke in the world. How could taking care of her, protecting her, risking his life for her, and worshiping her as the most important person in his existence not be called love?
"Because it is not real!" she had tried to explain to him. "Because I am an enchantress who manipulates the feelings of others towards me. . ."
Legolas shook his head. He understood that such abilities did exist in some gifted elves; he had heard stories about them often enough. It was not difficult to believe that Armir, in her kindness and purity, would possess that special gift. What he was certainly not willing to believe was that all the tenderness and affection he felt towards her were no more than a result of that power to influence feelings.
"How could it be false?" Legolas thought desperately, struggling to recall anything he may have done to make Armir doubt the sincerity of his feelings towards her.
". . . when I see all the things you do to care for me and protect me, I become frightened. You risk too much. You become irrational. You fall into emotions and actions that I know are not really of your nature.
She speaks of the time I fought with Haldir, Legolas realized suddenly. He should have suspected sooner that Armir had not truly forgiven or forgotten that mistake of his. He didn't recognize that irrational jealousy was a fault that would affect her so deeply.
Then, with an afterthought, the elf frowned. No, that could not have been just it. That one occurrence could not have been enough for Armir to start making such ridiculous accusations.
Perhaps it was a mistake to propose to her so quickly and suddenly. Perhaps the haste of their relationship was beginning to frighten Armir, and she did no know how to express this anxiety to him. But did time really matter in a love as deep as theirs? It was true that everything was going so fast. They had known each other for barely more than two months, and already they had gotten engaged. That was certainly something uncommon to their kind. Usually it took many years before two elves were able to decide they loved each other enough to spend the rest of eternity together.
But did any of that really matter? Like Gimli had told him before, just because their love was different, it did not mean it was false. . .
That was when it struck him.
He remembered the day of his conversation with Gimli, when he had poured out his heart to him because he had been worrying about his feelings for Armir. There was a point when he himself had been doubtful of the realness of his love. He himself had been alarmed by the intensity of his passions towards Armir, and the onslaught of new and strange feelings he had been experiencing ever since he met her.
"It is as though you are under a spell. . . "
Legolas felt a strange tug in his chest as the realization grew stronger in him. Could this be what Armir was trying to telling him? Had he been right all along in doubting that his deep feelings for her were just normal?
No!
Something at the back of Legolas' head screamed in denial. He rose from his seat, overwhelmed with anger at himself for even thinking such things. It could not be false. It just couldn't. If there was one fact he was certain of in his whole life, it was that beautiful things could never be untrue. And his love for Armir, as well as the happiness and purpose it brought into his life, was the most beautiful and precious thing he had ever felt or known.
"I will never give it up for anything." Legolas thought determinedly. "I will not just stand by and allow myself to lose her."
He recalled the fear and sorrow he saw on Armir's face when she had begged him to stop loving her. She had seemed very upset when he had tried to express how much he cared for her and would do anything for her. That was when she began to push him away, in a manner that almost seemed desperate.
Legolas frowned at the memory of her tears and the pain in her eyes. There was something bothering Armir, a problem she was hiding from him. There was more to her actions that what her words had expressed. The excuses she had given him were not the whole truth.
Making up his mind, Legolas spun on his heel and began to walk in the direction of Armir's talan. He had to find her and speak to her again. There were questions that needed to be answered, and he was not going to find peace until all his doubts were resolved. But, no matter what, he knew one thing was for certain.
He would never give up Armir without a fight, and for their love he was willing to fight to the end.
* * *
Haldir slipped off the cloak the covered his broad shoulders and reached over to the elf maiden who was moving alongside him. Armir looked up with surprise as he draped the soft cloth around her.
"You are in more need of it than I." Haldir told her firmly as an explanation. "The winds seem to be turning ill this night."
Armir nodded. "Diolla lle. (Thank you)" she whispered, before turning her aggrieved face away again and proceeding with their walk to her talan.
Haldir felt another pang of anger strike his heart as he noticed yet another tear escape his beloved's weary eyes. He choked down the desire to avenge her and instead tried to focus on finding some way to give her comfort.
"So you shall be leaving Lorien tomorrow morning with the others, then?" he asked softly, continuing their conversation from where it had been left off.
"Yes." Armir answered with a sniff. "I have been told that my task is not over yet. The Fellowship is still in great need of me."
"It is difficult to understand." Haldir mumbled. "A young elf maiden like you. How could Fate force such an innocent life to become involved in this ominous deed?"
"Alas, Fate is not always kind." Armir sighed. "But for the good of all, I must follow what She requires of me. I fear that refusing my duties shall only bring disaster."
"And your duty is what?" Haldir said, a slight scowl forming on his lips. "To rouse the spirits of your companions? To act as a vessel for their fears and weaknesses and a source of their strength and courage?"
"That is right." Armir replied. "It is as I had explained to you earlier."
"That is not fair." Haldir muttered, shaking his head in disapproval. "So many burdens are placed upon you. You have done nothing to deserve such suffering."
"It cannot be helped, I suppose." Armir said quietly. "It seems that I was really destined for this task, as the abilities required for it have been placed in me even at birth."
Haldir's frown deepened. "And these abilities, this gift you speak of, you believe they have also affected Legolas' feelings towards you? You think they are the only reason why he has fallen in love with you all this time?"
"That is what I fear." the maiden admitted. The sadness on her face grew as she spoke. "I may be wrong, but I do not wish to take that chance. It is better that I stay away from him than allow him to risk having his feelings toyed with."
"You made the right choice." Haldir assured her. "Do not forget that you also must protect your own welfare. You do not deserve a love that may be untrue."
"I only wish I did not have to hurt him this way." Armir murmured sorrowfully. "He could have been spared all this, had I only realized what I was doing sooner. This is all my fault."
"No it is not." Haldir objected. "You are as much the victim in this as he, Armir. There is nothing you should blame yourself for."
There was a moment of complete stillness as Armir fell silent at these words. After a while, she looked back at the March Warden at last.
"I just love him so much, Haldir." she whispered. "Though the sincerity of his feelings for me is unclear, my love for him cannot be any truer. If only things did not have to turn out this way between us. . ."
The rest of what she said was lost on Haldir as he was paralyzed by both the dejection in her eyes and the meaning of her words. This infallible proof that Armir really did care so much about Legolas wounded him more than anything ever had in his life. It never fully occurred to him just how much Armir did love his rival; now she was telling him herself, right to his face, unknowing of how much her declarations were hurting him.
But as he gazed upon her tear-streaked face, and at the beauty of her gentleness and fortitude in spite of all the suffering she was going through, a fierce resolve was rekindled in Haldir's heart. All of a sudden he felt the desire to fight for her once again, and to do whatever he can to protect her from any further grief or tears.
"I do not want you to go, Armir." he blurted out abruptly.
Cut off by his sudden outburst, Armir stopped in her tracks and stared at him in surprise. "What?"
Haldir took a deep breath. "I do not want you to leave Lorien." he repeated slowly. "Stay here. Stay here with me where you will be safe."
Armir looked at him through wide eyes. "I cannot, Haldir! I have already explained it to you. You know I must go. It is my duty."
"No." Haldir said stubbornly. "It is far too dangerous. I do not want you risking yourself all over again and subjecting yourself to any more torment. There must be some other way."
He reached out and took her hands in his. "I will find another way."
Armir shook her head. "I wish it could be so." she whispered. "My greatest worry is that my presence will put at risk Legolas' life. It would be so much better if I were not in the way, for he forgoes his own safely all too often for the sake of mine."
Haldir gritted his teeth, struggling to keep his temper in check even at the mention of his rival's name. "I would do as much for you." he told her firmly.
But still Armir remained oblivious to the March Warden's assertions. She turned her face away with a heavy sigh.
"But why must it be so?" she murmured. "Can he not see that I am not worth it? The thought of him endangering himself for my sake only pains me more . . ."
"Armir, stop it!" Haldir shouted, losing control of his self-restraint at last.
Before he even realized what he was doing, he had grabbed Armir roughly by the arms and pulled her to the side. The maiden looked up at him with a half-shocked, half-terrified expression on her face as he pushed her against a tree, towering over her menacingly. For a while Haldir was too overcome with his emotions to speak, so he just stood there glaring down at the cornered maiden.
"Haldir, what are you doing?" Armir demanded, struggling uselessly against his grip upon overcoming her initial surprise.
"Why must you think of him so much?" Haldir snarled back in response. "Why are you so afraid to lose him as though he is the only elf to ever care for you?"
The maiden stared up at him, her mouth slightly open. The confusion in her eyes gradually changed into realization. Her lips moved as though she meant to say something, but Haldir placed a finger over them before any words could come out. Sliding one hand around her waist and the other to the side of her face, he leaned over and kissed her deeply.
He had forgotten how intoxicating the sweetness of her soft lips was. At first Armir seemed to be too shocked to resist him, but after a while he eventually felt her uneasiness as she tried to pull away from him. Instead of drawing away he held her even more securely and continued to intensify the kiss.
When he finally released her, they both were breathless from the passion of their intimate contact. Haldir felt slight guilt at the sight of offense in Armir's eyes, knowing she had never had anyone force himself upon her that way before.
"Amin hiraetha (I am sorry)." he murmured, cupping Armir's cheek in one hand. "I know we had an agreement, and I was supposed to have stopped caring for you this way a long time ago. But I cannot deny what my heart says any longer. My feelings for you have not changed, Armir. They never have."
Tears began to flow from Armir's eyes once again as she shook her head weakly. "No, Haldir." she begged helplessly. "It cannot be. . ."
"But it is, Melamin." Haldir interrupted gently, caressing her face with his fingertips. "And I am prepared to fight for it. I will not lose you again. Not this time."
Armir closed her eyes and fell silent, succumbing to her weariness and desperation. As she wept, Haldir kissed her face tenderly, and continued to hold her close. Sensing that she was no longer holding him back, he tilted her chin up.
"Armir, do not cry." he urged her soothingly. "Look at me."
Slowly Armir opened her eyes to meet his, and Haldir felt relief in what he found in them.
"Amin mela lle." he whispered, as he leaned in to kiss her again.
But before their lips could meet for the second time, Armir jerked away suddenly. Her gaze had moved away from Haldir and became horrified as it focused on something right behind him.
* * *
Legolas stood frozen where he stood. His mind seemed to be far too filled with shock and disbelief to control any further actions. When his thoughts gradually began to clear and register what his eyes had seen taking place before him, the numbness was replaced with an uncontrolled surge of emotions that threatened to bring him to his knees.
He shook his head, unwilling to believe what he had just witnessed. It was not possible. It was a mistake. It just had to be.
But then his gaze crossed over the distance between him and the two elves and met the eyes of his beloved. The guilt and horror he caught sight of was proof enough to shatter his state of denials.
Armir had lied to him. She had betrayed him.
He staggered backward a few paces as realizations stuck him one after the other. With each thought came a new emotion, and with each emotion a desire. He was too confused to decide on which one to follow. All he could manage was to simply stand there and stare through eyes which were quickly blurring over with involuntary yet irrepressible tears.
"Legolas. . ."
He watched dazedly as Armir began to move slowly towards him, reaching out with a timid hand. Still he could not seem to move his feet, or any part of his body for that matter. He kept his gaze locked firmly on her distressed, but nonetheless lovely, face. A sickening feeling filled his heart at the realization that he, for the first time, felt no admiration at the sight of her beauty.
All he sensed was a disgust that was almost close to hatred.
When she was able to come close enough for him to smell the sweet scent of her silken hair and skin, Legolas broke free from his trance. He recoiled instantly, an automatic scowl marring the fairness of his face. Uncaring of the immediate hurt he saw flash across her attractive features, he spun on his heel and began to storm away.
"Legolas, wait!"
He could hear her pleas as she went after him, yet he could barely grasp at what she was saying. The mounting shock and anger he was feeling with each moment was shutting everything out. All he desired now was to leave, to get away from her as quickly as he could. . . before he did something he may regret. His obvious fury, however, did nothing to discourage the maiden from pursuing him.
"Legolas, please. I can explain. Allow me to explain." Armir begged desperately, increasing the speed of her steps to catch up with his long, infuriated strides.
Before she could even stretch her hand out to grab his arm and restrain him, the prince stopped in his tracks whirled around abruptly, causing her to collide with his strong chest. Armir staggered back due to the sudden impact, surprised by the harshness of his movements. Legolas made no attempt to even help her regain her balance. All he did was glare down at her with a rage that drove terror into Armir's soul.
"You shall explain nothing!" Legolas snarled, his tone harsher and louder than any he had ever used on her before. "I have had enough!"
Armir stood helplessly before him, a pitiful form, weeping and shaking uncontrollably in her fear and grief. Yet, for the first time, not even her tears could melt the iron that had been forged into the elf- prince's heart.
"I know what it is you are thinking, but it is nothing like that!" she cried out in a choked voice. "Haldir and I . . ."
"Silence!" Legolas roared, now too enraged to hold himself back any longer. "I will have no more of your lies!"
"I do not lie! I have never lied to you!" Armir cried. "Legolas, I love you!"
Legolas stared at her with disgust and disbelief. "Are you not satisfied with what you have already done?" he growled. "Must you mock me some more with such words? I never knew you could be so cruel a creature. But now I see. I see what this is all about. And I will not be a fool to stand for it any longer!"
He stood before her with hot tears spilling freely down his cheeks, void of any shame of showing his emotional weakness. "I trusted you. I gave you my heart freely, a heart that has never been offered to another. I made you my world, and strove to be everything for you. And now look at how easy you find it to deceive and hurt me this way!"
"Legolas, it is not so! I . . ." Armir tried to cut in, but to no avail.
"If you had wanted me out of the way, you could have simply told me the truth!" Legolas shouted. "You should have spared me the accusation of my love being insincere. You sinful hypocrite! If there is anyone here who has dealt with false love, it is you!"
As soon as the last word erupted uncontrollably from his lips, he knew he had gone too far. The terrible injury he saw in Armir's eyes at his harsh declarations caused him to momentarily feel a twinge of guilt, but the hurt he himself felt was too strong to bring him any remorse. This was enough. He had said all he needed to say to her.
Mustering up the remaining strength he had left in his voice, he gave her his final statement.
"I hope you and the March Warden will be very happy with each other."
Having spat these words out, he turned back around and left for the second time that night the elf that had just broken his heart.
* * *
It was a cold night, one unusually cold for the gentle climate of the fair Lorien realm. Midnight had come to the Golden Wood, and all was still throughout the area as the Galadrim lay sleeping peacefully in their homes in preparation for another day to come. That is, save for one elf who had just retired to her bed a half hour ago after spending an hour in tears that threatened to impair the beauty of her eyes and the strength of her spirit forever.
Armir whimpered softly and buried her cheek against the pillows, squeezing her sore eyes shut in a futile attempt to ease the agonizing pounding in her head. Her headache, however, was of no match in painfulness to the sorrow that was crushing and suffocating her heart.
She could not move from her mind the memory of her beloved Legolas' hurt face. She knew at the moment when she had seen him weeping that he would never be able to look at her the same way again. She had wounded him mortally, and deserved every harsh word that came out of his mouth to strike her.
Armir bit her lower lip to keep it from quivering as she struggled against the compulsion to burst into tears for the hundredth time that night. How could she do this to him?! It was horrible enough of her to hurt him the way she did when she had broken their engagement and brushed off all his pleas to reconsider his love. But then the kiss with Haldir had to happen, right when Legolas arrived to witness the unfortunate incident with his own eyes. Armir could not blame him for being furious. She knew what the scene must have looked like to his eyes.
"But my heart does not belong to Haldir! It is yours alone, Legolas!" she cried desperately in her thoughts. "I never meant to hurt you this grievously. If only you had given me a chance to explain."
Earlier she had seriously considered running after Legolas and persisting in making him hear the truth. Her heart ached with the desire to beg his forgiveness. She could not stand the idea of having him so angry at her, but then realized that this was exactly what she wanted. She had succeeded in earning the Mirkwood prince's wrath. Now she could be certain that he would not longer be so eager to serve and protect her, and thus keep himself away from danger. She had done the right thing.
"This is for his own good." Armir repeated over and over again to herself. "Now he will be out of harm's way, and that dreadful vision will never come to pass. Legolas will be safe, and that is what matters most."
But no matter how hard the maiden tried to convince herself of this logic, she could not shake off the feeling that there was something amiss. If this was the right thing and if this was what she had intended to happen, why did it fill her with so much anguish?
"Stop." a voice at the back of her head scolded. "Just because it does not bring you happiness, does not mean it is not right. Oftentimes suffering has to be endured for the sake of what is good."
Armir sighed and sat up in bed, rubbing her face wearily. The confusing jumble of thoughts that were flooding her mind were troubling her too much to let her get any rest. Maybe it would help if she just got out of her talan for a while and took a little walk. The fresh air might help clear up her head.
After pulling on an extra robe as well as a thick cloak over her nightgown, the princess climbed down the ladder of her talan and began to walk down the trail that wound through the woods. Though the aches and upsetting thoughts did not leave her, the peace and quiet of the night seemed to ease some of her grief. As she went of her way, not knowing or caring of where she was headed, she continued to ponder on the complications of the events that have taken place over the past few hours.
However, she had barely gone ten meters away from her talan when she came across a tall, shadowy figure lurking in the shade of a nearby mallorn. Instinctively Armir felt her body tense up in alertness as she neared the mysterious, unmoving silhouette.
"Who's there?" the maiden demanded uneasily, prepared to defend herself in case the need arose.
"You should not be wandering around alone like this." a deep voice told her gently. "It is not always safe, especially at this time of the night."
"Haldir!" Armir exclaimed, recognizing the voice instantly. Her eyes widened as she watched the handsome elf step out from the darkness to reassure her with a clear view of him. "Wh-what are you doing here?"
'I could not sleep." Haldir replied austerely. His striking grey eyes gazed at her with a slight smirk and shrugged. "From the looks of it, neither could you."
Armir's eyes narrowed. Her feelings toward the March Warden because of what he had done were still unclear. She upset at his causing all this trouble between her and Legolas, yet somehow she could not find it in herself to pin any blame nor harbor any real anger against him. This whole mess was not entirely his fault. However, she was at least certain that she did not want to speak with him as of the moment. She was simply not ready for another confrontation just yet, while she was still at a complete loss as is.
"I just felt like getting some air." she responded curtly, turning away from him. "Also, I needed some time alone to think clearly. So if you will excuse me, I desire solitude. . ."
"Armir, wait." Haldir said quickly, reaching out to gently grab her arm. "We must talk."
"We have naught to talk about, Haldir." Armir replied sharply, yanking her arm free from his grasp. "Just let me be!"
Haldir sighed, and Armir fought to ignore the guilt she felt at the hurt look that crossed her friend's face.
"I know you are angry with me." he said slowly, his gaze falling to the ground as shame overshadowed his expression. "And you have every right to feel that way. But I only came here because I wanted to offer you an apology. It was wrong of me to abandon you just like that after Legolas left, and I . . ."
"All is forgiven." Armir said hastily and dismissively. She felt bad at the brusque manner with which she was treating Haldir when he obviously was sorry for what he had done, but all she wanted right then was to get out of there, before she suffered another breakdown. "Think no more of it, and let us just pretend like it never even happened."
At that, she began to resume her walk, determined to get away from Haldir as soon as possible. But the elf caught her elbow before she could succeed in taking her leave, causing her heart to sink in despair and anxiety.
"You did not let me finish." Haldir told her firmly, shaking his head. "I came also because . . . I could not stop thinking about you. About the kiss."
Armir felt her knees tremble as her stomach did a sickening twist. This conversation was the very last thing she needed to top off that dreadful evening.
"Haldir, please. . ." she said in voice that suddenly turned weak and quivery, filled with dread to add anything else. "Do not do this. Please."
Haldir stared back at her sadly. "Armir, please. Do not look at me as though I am one who intends to hurt you." he said softly. "I just need to speak to you about this now, before it drives me mad. Give me this one chance, and I promise I will not bother you again once I have my answers."
Armir closed her eyes, both to shield herself from the look on Haldir's face and to force back the tears threatening to escape. This could not be happening! It was as if there was no end to the string of horrible episodes of this night.
"What do you need from me, Haldir?" she whispered resignedly. "What is it that you want me to say?"
Haldir reached out and brushed a tear off her cheek with a gentle thumb. "I want you to speak from your heart." he began, caressing her troubled face with his warm hand. "And tell me if there is still any chance that you could love me the same way I do you."
Armir's eyes fluttered open, and her gaze met with Haldir's. The hopefulness she saw in the depths of his grey eyes stole her breath away and paralyzed her for a moment.
"Haldir, do not ask this of me. Please, not now." she begged feebly. "I. . . I cannot. . ."
"Forgive me for being so demanding of you." Haldir interrupted. "I know I have been terribly disrespectful, but please try to understand me. I recognized that I was still in love with you the first day you arrived at Lothlorien. When I saw how you were already in love with Legolas of Mirkwood, I lost all hope of rekindling any feelings you had left for me." He paused and took her tow hands in his, squeezing them meaningfully. "But tonight, when we kissed, I felt something. I realized how wrong I was in giving up hope so easily."
"That kiss should never have happened, Haldir!" Armir blurted out. "It was a mistake."
Haldir fell silent at her outburst, but he did not release his tender hold on Armir's hands. Armir closed her eyes again, fearful of seeing any more hurt on his face. She was struck with great surprise moments later when suddenly she felt Haldir's strong arms slide fully around her body. She was unable to resist him as he pressed his gentle lips softly but determinedly against hers. He ended it even before the maiden gathered up enough wits to push him back.
"You know as well as I do that is was more than a mere mistake." Haldir murmured in her ear as he drew away. "Do not hold back what you really feel, Tarien (Princess)."
"Haldir . . . you cannot do this to me anymore." Armir whispered. She placed her hands on Haldir's muscular chest and forced him a few inches away from her, though she could not fight against the powerful and unyielding hold he had around her waist. "We were lovers once, but all that was a long time ago, and it is over. You must understand this. I love Legolas now."
Haldir opened his mouth as though he meant to remonstrate, but Armir placed her hand lightly over his lips to silence his words. "Only him." she said firmly.
Haldir shook his head sadly. "Why do you insist on loving him?" he muttered, lowering his gaze. "That is what I cannot understand. He makes you weep and suffer so yet you continue to grieve your heart for his sake."
He lifted his eyes back up, and Armir was horrified to see that they were shining with tears. Haldir had never cried before in his life.
"I would never do that to you." he whispered. "Would it be really so difficult for you to care for me in his place?"
As Armir stared into his eyes, an epiphany struck her deeply. It was only at that moment when she clearly saw how much Haldir really did still care about her. She could see in his soul all the love he held for her, and all the misery and envy he was carrying at the thought of her heart belonging to another other than him.
Pity caused tears to spring back to Armir's eyes. Poor Haldir. . . she was a thoughtless fool to have never realized how much her relationship with Legolas had been tormenting him all this time.
"Haldir, I am so sorry." she murmured, placing her hand on his cheek. "I did not see. I never meant to hurt you. But I cannot change how I feel."
Haldir shrugged dismissively. "It does not matter what I feel or must go through. My concern is for you. What is it that you intend to do now?" he asked her quietly. "It is over between you and Legolas. You have refused him, and he has turned from you. There is nothing left for you to hope for from him. What will become of you now?"
His words struck Armir and caused her to fall into more thinking. The March Warden was right. It was over between her and Legolas. No longer would she ever be able to count on him for love or support. She no longer had the privilege of enjoying his company or his protection, his kisses and embraces. The full realization of this truth had never reached her until now.
Thus she began to cry. Closing her eyes, she felt her weary body give way to all the sorrow and confusion that had been building up for the past hours. As she in her dizziness stumbled, Haldir held her closer in his arms, cradling her while whispering to her comfortingly.
"Armir, please." he told her gently. "It pains me seeing you suffer like this. You have wept too much for one night. It need not be so."
He tilted her chin up gently, stroking her hair as he stared lovingly into her eyes.
"If you believe that Legolas is the only elf in whom you can ever find love, you are gravely mistaken." he murmured. "I am here too. Have you truly forgotten and thrown away from your heart all that we have ever shared? Will you not believe in me anymore?"
"I do not know, Haldir." Armir sobbed into his chest. She just felt so tired. She was too exhausted to speak, to move, or to even think. Right then all she wanted was someone to hold onto, while she felt so alone and so vulnerable. "I do not know what I want or believe in anymore."
Haldir pulled back from their embrace and cupped Armir's face between his large, soothing hands. With grave determination on his handsome face he looked down upon the maiden.
"I shall do whatever it takes to help you believe again, Armir." he said resolutely. "Nothing is more important to me now than restoring your faith in what he had. I wish for you to be happy. Please know this-- over our years apart I have grown in greater realization that it is impossible for me to love another. There is only you. It will always be just you."
Suddenly, he released her face and instead grasped her hands. Armir gaped at him as went down on one knee and stared up at her through eyes filled with desire and a profound adoration that melted her aching heart.
"Armir of Rivendell. . . will you grant me the honor of having you as my wife?"
* * *
COMING UP . . . Chapter 12 - Wish
Okay, I confess there was supposed to be more in this chapter, but I decided to end it at this point for now so I can be cruel and have a cliffie! Bwahaha . . . looks like you're all going to have to wait and see in the next chapter who really is going to win the fair maiden! ;p I'll try to get it done ASAP, promise! But it's definitely going to be a LONG chapter.
Thanks for reading! Don't forget to keep those review coming! ;p Till next time!