Steffie: I know, I know, I'm supposed to be writing the next installment of
"Coffee!" but I'm feeling too angsty for humor right now. Please bear with
me. I swear the next chapter will be up as soon as I get a chance.
Disclaimer: I don't own much of anything, and I certainly don't own Inu Yasha. (Which, consequently, explains my lack of things.)
Before I die
How could she have possibly been so stupid? How could she have set herself up for this again?
Kagome threw herself on her bed. Her hair spilled out over the edge, her arms and legs askew as she lay crying. Kikyo had shown up again. She had run to the well the instant Inu Yasha had taken a step towards the dead miko. Kagome knew that she would have gone crazy if she'd had to watch yet another encounter with those two.
Abruptly, she stood up. "Stupid bitch! Why can't she just give the hell up? It's not like he cares for me at all, so she doesn't have to show up and rub it in my fucking face!" She raged around her room, thankful that her family wasn't around to hear her. She accidentally knocked a glass from her desk and it shattered on the floor.
"Fuck!"
The girl stood motionless, staring at the shards of glass on the floor. Those damned shards. Her anger rising at the memory of the hanyou saying that she was just a shard detector, she kicked at the desk, knocking more things over. The glass in a picture frame shattered.
"And him! As if it would kill him to ever say something nice to me and not have to immediately take it back! Am I that motherfucking horrible that any compliment has to be made out to be an insult?" more crashes followed her angry words. Glass covered the floor. Realizing too late that she only had on socks, she felt the jagged edges cut her feet.
"Shit! Well, this is just wonderful. Now, not only do I have to go back there after that smug little cunt paraded her ass around for dog boy, I have to do it on cut feet!"
Wait. No, she most certainly wouldn't. She would stay right here until she deemed that her feet were better. No more running off with fresh or partly healed wounds. No matter how much it tore at her heart to be away from him, from now on, she was going to just make him wait for her.
"Because I'm worth it. Even if he doesn't think so, I am. I'm worth waiting for."
She sat on her bed, and pulled her socks off with a grimace. At least if Inu Yasha showed up, he'd have a little surprise if he tried sneaking in after she was asleep.
Feeling a little lethargic as the adrenaline of her outburst drained from her, she merely lay on her bed. She decided to wait for her mom to get home. It would make her feel better to be pampered for a change. She felt her frustration return as she recalled all the times she had put her hurts last because of him. Indulging herself, she took a deep breath and screamed. She sat up and screamed again, relishing the shrillness of it, and how free it made her feel. She was about to scream again when there was a noise at her window.
"Kagome?"
It was Inu Yasha. He was sitting on her windowsill, staring at her in shock. "Do your feet hurt that badly? What happened? Were you attacked?" he asked in a worried rush.
She gaped at him. He had dared to come here after he had been with Kikyo? And to feign concern? She wasn't going to stand for it. She wasn't going to beg for scraps of attention any longer. Best to stop them altogether rather than be continually hurt by them.
"Why are you here?"
"N-nani?"
"Why are you here? Did Kikyo leave already? Did she leave before you had enough and now you've come to look at her reflection?"
Oh, how it hurt to say. Knowing it was one thing, but to actually say it hurt in a way that was more damaging than any physical injury she could ever receive.
Inu Yasha looked like he had been shot by a thousand arrows. "You ran off so suddenly, I was worried-"
Kagome snorted. "I'll bet. What, was she just passing through, then?"
Inu Yasha started to come into her room, but seeing the glass, stayed where he was. "Iie. I don't know what she was doing."
"Oh? She didn't throw herself at you again? Or didn't she have to?" Kagome was being deliberately malicious. She was hurt, and right now she felt like sharing.
Inu Yasha shook his head, his silver hair glinting in the moonlight. "I told her to go. I stepped in front of you in to protect you. I know she's tried to hurt you, Kagome, even though you've never told me. When I turned back around, you were gone."
What was he saying? He had told her to go away. Was that true?
"Why did you tell her to leave?"
Inu Yasha took off his Fire Rat robe and threw it on the floor. He slid both feet onto it and stood at the edge of her bed.
"I told her to leave because..."
He looked so unsure of himself. Before she could remind herself that she was trying to push him away, she had taken his hand. She squeezed it gently as if saying that it would be alright.
"I made her go because I've had enough. I know the blame for her death lies with me. It's my fault her powers weakened, but that doesn't mean that she owns me. I can take down Naraku and avenge her death - without being her lap dog. I don't feel like I have to go to hell with her, it won't solve anything."
He was rambling. The great and fearless Inu Yasha was standing in her bedroom, rambling. Why was he so nervous? So he.. did he not love Kikyo anymore?
"Inu Yasha?"
He put one clawed finger over her lips, silencing her. "Let me finish, it's important."
She was at once thrilled and afraid. He was opening up to her as she had always wanted, but at the same time she dreaded what he might tell her.
"I loved Kikyo. No, let me finish. I did. But, now she's gone and what was can't be. I don't want it to. I find myself happy in the company of someone that's almost completely different from her."
Kagome brushed his finger aside. Tears formed in her eyes and she shook her head. She heard the bed creak and felt another weight added to the mattress. Inu Yasha pulled her into his arms.
"At first, I was confused. I didn't know what I was looking at. I thought I saw my former love come back to me. Now, though, I know differently." His voice was soft next to her ear.
"Why are you telling me this now? What's changed?"
"I heard you yelling. I.."
"You were here the whole time? And you didn't say anything?" she was angry again. He'd just let her think....
"I didn't think you wanted me around, so I sat on the roof. When I smelled blood..." he stopped.
Kagome felt her anger melt away. As soon as he had thought there was danger, he'd rushed to her. She was about to speak when his soft voice floated to her again.
"What you said, about me not caring- Kagome it's not true."
The tears that had been threatening to fall now flowed down her cheeks. She felt weak and foolish. She had been condemning to all kinds of hell and here he was, telling her exactly what she had wanted to hear all along.
"I didn't mean any of it. I was just hurt. I thought you were leaving me for her and I just couldn't bear to watch. I love you so much and it was killing me slowly to watch you hold on to her."
This wasn't coming out at all like she wanted. Oh what she would have given to be one of those people that could string words together with such beauty that it made you cry just to hear them. She felt his arms tighten around her. She cried harder for the sheer joy that he was holding on to her as if for dear life, and the fact she had been so angry earlier.
Suddenly, she put her arms around him, holding him with all her strength. She feared to look up, afraid that she was imagining his presence. It seemed to her that time was passing incredibly fast, but found that it had been mere seconds since she had last spoken.
She felt his hand under her chin, gently asking her to look at him. She obeyed. His eyes were more beautiful than she had ever thought. He was looking at her as if she were the only thing in the universe, glassy with unshed tears. When he spoke, his voice was low and husky, as if he were trying not to cry himself.
"Would.. would you... hate me.. if I kissed you?"
They were mere inches away from each other. She could barely force out a whisper, but was sure he would hear.
"I'll hate you if you don't."
Downstairs, the doorbell rang. Her mom must have forgotten her key and was hoping that Kagome had returned.
"Saved by the bell?"
"I don't hear anything."
"You sure?"
"Please, kiss me before I die."
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Steffie: I hate the title. I simply couldn't think of anything to call this fic. I'm sorry if it sucks. I'm feeling angsty right now, and this made me cry. I feel better now. Goodnight.
Disclaimer: I don't own much of anything, and I certainly don't own Inu Yasha. (Which, consequently, explains my lack of things.)
Before I die
How could she have possibly been so stupid? How could she have set herself up for this again?
Kagome threw herself on her bed. Her hair spilled out over the edge, her arms and legs askew as she lay crying. Kikyo had shown up again. She had run to the well the instant Inu Yasha had taken a step towards the dead miko. Kagome knew that she would have gone crazy if she'd had to watch yet another encounter with those two.
Abruptly, she stood up. "Stupid bitch! Why can't she just give the hell up? It's not like he cares for me at all, so she doesn't have to show up and rub it in my fucking face!" She raged around her room, thankful that her family wasn't around to hear her. She accidentally knocked a glass from her desk and it shattered on the floor.
"Fuck!"
The girl stood motionless, staring at the shards of glass on the floor. Those damned shards. Her anger rising at the memory of the hanyou saying that she was just a shard detector, she kicked at the desk, knocking more things over. The glass in a picture frame shattered.
"And him! As if it would kill him to ever say something nice to me and not have to immediately take it back! Am I that motherfucking horrible that any compliment has to be made out to be an insult?" more crashes followed her angry words. Glass covered the floor. Realizing too late that she only had on socks, she felt the jagged edges cut her feet.
"Shit! Well, this is just wonderful. Now, not only do I have to go back there after that smug little cunt paraded her ass around for dog boy, I have to do it on cut feet!"
Wait. No, she most certainly wouldn't. She would stay right here until she deemed that her feet were better. No more running off with fresh or partly healed wounds. No matter how much it tore at her heart to be away from him, from now on, she was going to just make him wait for her.
"Because I'm worth it. Even if he doesn't think so, I am. I'm worth waiting for."
She sat on her bed, and pulled her socks off with a grimace. At least if Inu Yasha showed up, he'd have a little surprise if he tried sneaking in after she was asleep.
Feeling a little lethargic as the adrenaline of her outburst drained from her, she merely lay on her bed. She decided to wait for her mom to get home. It would make her feel better to be pampered for a change. She felt her frustration return as she recalled all the times she had put her hurts last because of him. Indulging herself, she took a deep breath and screamed. She sat up and screamed again, relishing the shrillness of it, and how free it made her feel. She was about to scream again when there was a noise at her window.
"Kagome?"
It was Inu Yasha. He was sitting on her windowsill, staring at her in shock. "Do your feet hurt that badly? What happened? Were you attacked?" he asked in a worried rush.
She gaped at him. He had dared to come here after he had been with Kikyo? And to feign concern? She wasn't going to stand for it. She wasn't going to beg for scraps of attention any longer. Best to stop them altogether rather than be continually hurt by them.
"Why are you here?"
"N-nani?"
"Why are you here? Did Kikyo leave already? Did she leave before you had enough and now you've come to look at her reflection?"
Oh, how it hurt to say. Knowing it was one thing, but to actually say it hurt in a way that was more damaging than any physical injury she could ever receive.
Inu Yasha looked like he had been shot by a thousand arrows. "You ran off so suddenly, I was worried-"
Kagome snorted. "I'll bet. What, was she just passing through, then?"
Inu Yasha started to come into her room, but seeing the glass, stayed where he was. "Iie. I don't know what she was doing."
"Oh? She didn't throw herself at you again? Or didn't she have to?" Kagome was being deliberately malicious. She was hurt, and right now she felt like sharing.
Inu Yasha shook his head, his silver hair glinting in the moonlight. "I told her to go. I stepped in front of you in to protect you. I know she's tried to hurt you, Kagome, even though you've never told me. When I turned back around, you were gone."
What was he saying? He had told her to go away. Was that true?
"Why did you tell her to leave?"
Inu Yasha took off his Fire Rat robe and threw it on the floor. He slid both feet onto it and stood at the edge of her bed.
"I told her to leave because..."
He looked so unsure of himself. Before she could remind herself that she was trying to push him away, she had taken his hand. She squeezed it gently as if saying that it would be alright.
"I made her go because I've had enough. I know the blame for her death lies with me. It's my fault her powers weakened, but that doesn't mean that she owns me. I can take down Naraku and avenge her death - without being her lap dog. I don't feel like I have to go to hell with her, it won't solve anything."
He was rambling. The great and fearless Inu Yasha was standing in her bedroom, rambling. Why was he so nervous? So he.. did he not love Kikyo anymore?
"Inu Yasha?"
He put one clawed finger over her lips, silencing her. "Let me finish, it's important."
She was at once thrilled and afraid. He was opening up to her as she had always wanted, but at the same time she dreaded what he might tell her.
"I loved Kikyo. No, let me finish. I did. But, now she's gone and what was can't be. I don't want it to. I find myself happy in the company of someone that's almost completely different from her."
Kagome brushed his finger aside. Tears formed in her eyes and she shook her head. She heard the bed creak and felt another weight added to the mattress. Inu Yasha pulled her into his arms.
"At first, I was confused. I didn't know what I was looking at. I thought I saw my former love come back to me. Now, though, I know differently." His voice was soft next to her ear.
"Why are you telling me this now? What's changed?"
"I heard you yelling. I.."
"You were here the whole time? And you didn't say anything?" she was angry again. He'd just let her think....
"I didn't think you wanted me around, so I sat on the roof. When I smelled blood..." he stopped.
Kagome felt her anger melt away. As soon as he had thought there was danger, he'd rushed to her. She was about to speak when his soft voice floated to her again.
"What you said, about me not caring- Kagome it's not true."
The tears that had been threatening to fall now flowed down her cheeks. She felt weak and foolish. She had been condemning to all kinds of hell and here he was, telling her exactly what she had wanted to hear all along.
"I didn't mean any of it. I was just hurt. I thought you were leaving me for her and I just couldn't bear to watch. I love you so much and it was killing me slowly to watch you hold on to her."
This wasn't coming out at all like she wanted. Oh what she would have given to be one of those people that could string words together with such beauty that it made you cry just to hear them. She felt his arms tighten around her. She cried harder for the sheer joy that he was holding on to her as if for dear life, and the fact she had been so angry earlier.
Suddenly, she put her arms around him, holding him with all her strength. She feared to look up, afraid that she was imagining his presence. It seemed to her that time was passing incredibly fast, but found that it had been mere seconds since she had last spoken.
She felt his hand under her chin, gently asking her to look at him. She obeyed. His eyes were more beautiful than she had ever thought. He was looking at her as if she were the only thing in the universe, glassy with unshed tears. When he spoke, his voice was low and husky, as if he were trying not to cry himself.
"Would.. would you... hate me.. if I kissed you?"
They were mere inches away from each other. She could barely force out a whisper, but was sure he would hear.
"I'll hate you if you don't."
Downstairs, the doorbell rang. Her mom must have forgotten her key and was hoping that Kagome had returned.
"Saved by the bell?"
"I don't hear anything."
"You sure?"
"Please, kiss me before I die."
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Steffie: I hate the title. I simply couldn't think of anything to call this fic. I'm sorry if it sucks. I'm feeling angsty right now, and this made me cry. I feel better now. Goodnight.