I saw Potter at Platform 9 ¾, followed by a large, black dog. "I thought you said they expelled him," I told Jim.
"They did," he protested, "but then he got off. The Ministry is a bunch of jerks. They've assigned us a DADA teacher this year, and trust me, she's a demon from hell."
"Worse than Snape?" I asked, grinning. No one could be worse than Snape.
"Worse than Snape," Jim confirmed, and I began to feel faint. I could almost feel the blood draining from my face as I went numb. So this is why some people faint when they're scared. The blood drains out of their head. Trust me to figure out the answer to a problem that's been bugging me for years while I'm scared to death.
"No way," I said. "There is no freaking way anyone could be worse than Snape."
Jim said grimly, "Snape is a cute, cuddly teddy-bear compared to this woman."
"Well," Zach said, "then we'll just have to add her to our list of targets."
"She has got to be clueless," I said. "She must misinterpret everything. You know what, I could pull off my fainting trick in her class. And I'm sure the Stormwinds would oblige us by playing a bunch of pranks on her."
"No need to even talk to them," Rachel said. "They'll put a new teacher at the top of their victim list as a matter of course."
The Stormwinds were purebloods, mostly in Ravenclaw, who liked playing pranks on people. They were worse than the Weasley twins, who usually got the blame for their pranks—worse than Peeves, their "buddy," who was also a common victim. Poor Peeves. That was how bad the Stormwinds were—they made me feel sorry for Peeves.
"Listen," I said, "I have some great prank ideas, involving the Chaos Tunnel. I'm wondering if it goes to Hogwarts."
"Let's find out," said Zach, and we began singing, at the top of our lungs just to annoy the other people on the train, "I see beauty in destruction…." The cloud appeared before us, and we stepped through into the tunnel. "Hogwarts," Zach said, and we stepped out of another cloud into the Great Hall.
"Ooh," said Peeves, "naughty, naughty, you'll get caughty. You're not supposed to be here yet."
"Well, Peeves, we won't get caught unless you turn us in, and you wouldn't do that, now would you? It's your responsibility as an honorary member of the Chaos Club to watch our backs."
"Brilliant, Zach!" I exclaimed as Peeves happily agreed not to tell on us. "Oh, Peeves, there's a new teacher at the school. If you would please try to play a few pranks on her."
Peeves cackled maliciously.
"Come on!" Rachel hissed. "We have to hide until the train gets here."
"We have the whole school to ourselves," Jim observed. "Perfect time to look for secret passageways."
"We have the Chaos Tunnel," Zach scoffed. "What else do we need?"
"What if we're running away, and don't have time to sing that song?" I pointed out. "And that cloud is rather noticeable—much better if we appear from behind a tapestry than if we come running out of a black cloud at ground level."
"Right," agreed Rachel, the only sane one. "But we need to be back in time for the Sorting."
That was when Filch appeared. "What have we here?"
Peeves, who hadn't moved, suddenly flew off. Well, at least we knew he hadn't alerted Filch.
"We were visiting Hogsmeade with our parents," Rachel explained. "But since it's about time for everyone else to arrive, they let us walk over to the school." It was a pretty good explanation, and Filch was at a loss for what to say.
"Nice kitty," I said, scratching Mrs. Norris behind the ears. "Isn't she precious?"
Once Filch left, Rachel turned to the rest of us. "I've decided to tell you my thoughts one Mera having the 'symbol of Chaos,'" she announced. "The symbol of Chaos is a lightning bolt. Who do we know with a lightning bolt scar?"
"Harry Potter," Jim gasped. "But it can't be. We don't even know how he survived that. There's no way--."
My hand involuntarily went to my forehead. "So, you think someone is going to use vada-davra on me, and I'll survive?" Jim was right; it was impossible.
"I don't know what to think," Rachel admitted. "Surely you can't be in any danger, Voldemort doesn't even know who you are."
Then I had another thought. "The Stormwinds. Ariana Stormwind, mentioned in the excerpt. You think they could be--?"
Zach laughed. "They certainly create enough chaos."
"That they do," I agreed. "We should talk with them, don't you think?"
"Yeah, we should," Jim agreed thoughtfully. "Have you ever seen their ears?"
"What about them?" I asked, intrigued but a bit annoyed.
"They're slightly pointed—like yours." His voice deepened considerably. "Their ears are pointed because they have legendary elf blood."
"Elf blood?" Zach asked, confused. "You mean they're descended from House-elves?"
"Of course not, silly," Rachel chided. "There are other elves than House-elves. Haven't you read any mythology? The elves of legend were tricksters, much like the Stormwinds. They had powerful magic, as well."
"The elves of legend were not true elves, but Kheosinz who came to Earth through the Chaos Tunnel." Jim's voice was still deep and mysterious. "The Stormwinds are descended from these 'elves.'"
"Come on," Zach said. "We were going to discover secret tunnels."
For the next hour, we searched the castle for places that could hide secret tunnels. Rachel drew a map of everywhere we went, and wherever there was room for an extra hallway, we searched for places that could be entrances to hidden passageways. We found quite a few that way, but entered the Great Hall convinced that there were several more hidden behind the moving staircases—in other words, we were paranoid, and seeing hidden tunnels everywhere.
"Hey there, walking encyclopedia," one of the Stormwinds greeted me. "I didn't see you on the train. Where were you?"
"I was discussing with my friends who your ancestors might be," I replied primly, struggling to keep from laughing at his confused expression. "We concluded that you must be descended from the elves of legend, who aren't true elves but are really people from a land called Chaos."
"Oh, sure, and you're the Queen of Chaos," Stormwind replied sarcastically, and ironically as well—but that part comes later, and I mustn't get ahead of myself.
"Actually, I'm serious," I informed him. "We were reading something about Chaos, and apparently one Lester Stormwind was the son of Kilara Kheosin, the daughter of the last King of Chaos. Interesting, yes?"
"You're making it up," Stormwind said incredulously.
"It's true," I insisted. "Anyway, it explains why you're so much more powerful than everyone else."
Stormwind raised his eyebrows. "You're just stroking my ego."
Jim caught my eye from the Gryffindor table. He's an Animagus. He became one during his second year. His alternative form is a weasel. I didn't have time to wonder at this, so I put that off for later.
"Am not!" I protested. I lowered my voice. "I know you're an Animagus. You've been one since your second year."
Stormwind didn't have the decency to look surprised. "You're not supposed to know. Tell me, did you find out as Mera or as Lightning."
Now it was my turn to look surprised, and I couldn't keep the startled expression off my face, much to my disappointment. "How do you know about Lightning?" I hissed. No one was supposed to know about Lightning except Jim, Zach, and Rachel.
"I have my methods." He smirked. "Actually, I found out while in weasel form. Pretty dumb Animagus animal, isn't it?"
"Yeah," I agreed, "it is. So, I suppose I'm going to have to let you into the Chaos Club. You'll need a nickname, of course. And I'm the leader, just so you know. Next meeting, could you teach the rest of us how to become Animagi?"
"Gah!" he exclaimed. "I don't know if I'll be able to accept orders from a twelve-year-old. At least you know how to lead, though, I'll give you that. Chaos Club, you say? Okay, I'm in! And sure, I'll teach the rest of you to become Animagi." He cackled evilly. "Ooh, that was one of my pranks to play on McGonagall, it'll work so well. You're only second-years, but next year McGonagall will teach you about Animagi. If you don't mind getting caught, transform then. It'll make her so mad."
I also grinned. "That would be funny, just seeing the look on her face."
"Right. So when's the next meeting?" Stormwind asked, but at that point the Sorting Hat broke out in song.
"Sh!" I told him. "Let's listen to the song."
In times of old
when I was new
And Hogwarts barely started
The Founders of our noble school
Thought never to be parted:
United by a common goal,
They had the selfsame yearning
To make the world's best magic school
And pass along their learning.
"Together we will build and teach!"
The four good friends decided
And never did they dream that they
Might someday be divided,
For were there such friends anywhere
As Slytherin and Gryffindor?
Unless it was the second pair
Of Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw?
So how could it have gone so wrong?
How could such friendships fail?
Why, I was there and so can tell
The whole sad, sorry tale.
Said Slytherin, "We'll teach just those
Whose ancestry is purest."
Said Ravenclaw, "We'll teach those whose
Intelligence is surest."
Said Gryffindor, "We'll teach all those
With brave deeds to their name."
Said Hufflepuff, "I'll teach the lot,
And treat them just the same."
These differences caused little strife
When first they came to light,
For each of the four founders had
A House in which they might
Take only those they wanted, so,
For instance, Slytherin
Took only pure-blood wizards
Of great cunning, just like him,
And only those of sharpest mind
Were taught by Ravenclaw
While the bravest and the boldest
Went to daring Gryffindor,
Good Hufflepuff, she took the rest,
And taught them all she knew,
Thus the Houses and their founders
Retained friendships firm and true.
So Hogwarts worked in harmony
For several happy years,
But the discord crept among us
Feeding on our faults and fears.
The Houses that, like pillars four,
Had once held up our school,
Now turned upon each other and,
Divided, sought to rule.
And for a while it seemed the school
Must meet an early end,
What with dueling and with fighting
And the clash of friend on friend
And at last there came a morning
When old Slytherin departed
And though the fighting then died out
He left us quite downhearted.
And never since the founders four
Were whittled down to three
Have the Houses been united
And they once were meant to be.
And now the Sorting Hat is here
And you all know the score:
I sort you into Houses
Because that is what I'm for,
But this year I'll go further,
Listen closely to my song:
Though I must fulfill my duty
And must quarter every year
Still I wonder whether Sorting
May not bring the end I fear.
Oh, know the perils, read the signs,
The warning history shows,
For our Hogwarts is in danger
From external, deadly foes
And we must unite inside her
Or we'll crumble from within
I have told you, I have warned you….
Let the Sorting now begin.
That sort of thing could make a person want to take action, and take action we did, all four of us acting at once, echoing the Sorting Hat: "Let the Sorting now begin!" I turned to Stormwind. "Talk to your relatives, see if any of them will join the Chaos Club."
"Rather long song, don't you think?" Stormwind observed. "Does it really expect all the Houses to get along?"
I gave pointed looks in the directions of Zach, Jim, and Rachel. "Welcome to the Chaos Club, Stormwind."
"Toby," he corrected. "My name is Toby. And my nickname is Prankster."
Oh, yes. I remembered then. This was Toby Stormwind, prankster extraordinaire, worse troublemaker than Fred and George combined, son of the only person who had ever managed to annoy Peeves. "Okay then, Toby. Our goal this year is to make the new DADA teacher decide to leave."
"We have a new DADA teacher?" Toby asked. "Who?"
"That lady," I pointed at the short, squat, frog-faced woman who had just gotten to her feet—not that anyone had noticed except myself and Dumbledore, for she was really no taller standing than she was sitting.
"Hem, hem," said Professor Umbridge, who had just been introduced by Professor Dumbledore.
Dumbledore sat down and acted as if he would like nothing more than to hear what she had to say. "He'd make a pretty good prankster," Toby observed, and I snickered a bit before reprimanding him. "Listen! We might learn about her personality by listening to her speech."
"Right!" Toby agreed, and fell silent.
"Thank you, Headmaster," Professor Umbridge simpered, "for those kind words of welcome."
"Well, it is lovely to be back at Hogwarts, I must say!" She smiled, revealing very pointed teeth. At that point I went into observation mode, resolving to soak up the content of her speech without listening to the actual words. Basically all she said was that the only progress to be allowed this year would be what the Ministry deemed necessary, and nothing else could change. I rolled my eyes at the part about "progress for progress's sake," since that was what chaos was all about: constant change.
"I think she's a vampire," Toby said, noticing that I wasn't really listening either. "Look at her teeth!"
"I noticed," I said sardonically. "And here I was, thinking Snape might be a vampire. The only problem was the teeth."
"You think I could get away with transfiguring her into a toad?" Toby speculated.
I laughed. "I don't think anyone would notice if you transfigured her into a toad."
Toby grinned back. "So, is she using the old DADA office?"
"Probably."
"Great. I have an idea. Not very creative—Muggles use it all the time at camp—but Umbridge won't be expecting it in the least." Toby grinned maliciously. "This year is going to be rather interesting."
How right he was.
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