I would like to extend a very special thank you to:
Andrea
Mystic queen
Ying
Kaylia
Sweet Audrina
Ice Blink
and Jen Sulzer
A quick note: This takes place a day or so after Al's accident and I couldn't remember if Natalie and Cristian had met before then so I made them meet for the first time here.
Natalie angrily wiped at her tears. "What do you want?" she asked putting on the façade that had become all too familiar.
"What is all of this?" Viki asked, her arm indicating the room.
"Nothing, I just got a little upset, it is my room."
"Yes it is." She paused. "Come with me."
"What?"
"I want to talk to you." She said leaving the room.
Natalie debated upon following and decided she might as well. She got up and found Viki in the living room.
"What do you want to talk about?" she asked cautiously.
"You."
"Me?"
"Yes, You, if you are going to live in this house we can't have you destroying your room"
"I know, it won't happen again, I promise, I was just upset."
"That's the problem, you can't just destroy something because you've had a bad day, do you want to tell me why you did it?"
"I was just angry, I usually don't go off like that, it just all became to much for me to handle, I'm okay now."
"Well I should hope so, Natalie, you know that you can always talk to me, about anything."
"I know," said Natalie smiling as she let down her guard, it felt good, so good to feel like someone cared about her, really cared, and before she could stop herself she reached over and hugged Viki. 'I'm so glad that you're my mother,' she wanted to say, but she couldn't get up the courage to utter the words.
"Do you mind if I go out? There's someone I need to talk to."
"Go ahead, don't stay out to late though."
"I won't," Natalie said with a genuine smile, someone really cared.
She walked into Break Bar and saw Seth and she saw him cringe as he saw her. He cringed. She took a deep breath, she wasn't going to cry just because dumb old Seth didn't like her anymore, no way, but, maybe, just maybe he really did love her, as much as she still loved him.
"I need to talk to you," she said going up to the bar and sitting down on a stool.
"I have to work," he said and as if making a point he started to wash the counter.
"This won't take long, five minutes, tops."
"Fine, I'm taking a break," he told Chad, who nodded his permission.
They went outside and Natalie rubbed her arms in the cold night air.
"Why do you love her more than me?" she finally asked.
"What are you talking about?"
"You know what I'm talking about, Seth, Jessica."
"This conversation is over-,"
"I need to know why I'm not good enough for you anymore, why don't I matter? You loved me, you can't say that you didn't," she said in an accusing tone.
"That's in the past."
"Not for me it isn't, I love you Seth, I swear I'll be nice to Jessica and every one else if you just tell me you love me too," she said in an almost begging tone.
"I can't because I'd be lying to you, I can barely stand to be in the same room with you after what you did to Jessica, let alone love you, get over it, we are over, for good."
Natalie watched as he retreated back inside. She felt stupid, rejected, pitiful. She pushed her hair away from her face and turned around to walk back to her car when she smacked into someone. She felt strong arms grab her arms to steady her and then she looked up into warm brown eyes, but then they changed.
"Oh, it's you."
She recognized him although she had never personally met him, Cristian Vega, Jessica's friend, and Seth's but even more she recognized the familiar tone he used, it was disgust, dislike and she was getting all to use to it. She looked at him, he looked nice enough but of course no one would ever think about being nice to Natalie Balsom the girl who had ruined Jessica's life. Jessica, Jessica, Jessica, no one cared about her except for Viki and she still loved Jessica more.
"Are you okay?"
Suddenly Natalie was angry, she was angry at Cristian, at Jessica, at Seth but most of all herself for being such a fool and falling for him.
"Get away from me!" she yelled as she ran to her car, she was so tired of being second best, of not being good enough for anyone, and the only person she had been good enough for never wanted to see her again.
She slammed her car door shut and pounded on the steering wheel, Seth should love her, why didn't he? She looked over startled as the passenger door opened and shut and for a moment, in the darkness, she thought it was Seth.
Instantly her hopes were dashed. "Get out of my car," she growled.
"You are in no condition to drive."
"You don't even know me! You have no idea what condition I'm in!"
"Give me the keys, I'll drive you home," said Cristian holding out his hand.
"I don't need you to do anything for me! Just leave me alone!"
"Look, I'm sorry about earlier, I just have a lot on my mind, let me drive you home."
"I'm fine, really, I'm okay. Leave."
"Why don't you just come up to my apartment for a moment and calm down-,"
"I told you I'm fine! Why is everyone always harping at me? I am so tired of it." She was tired, so tired of trying to hold the broken pieces of her heart together, trying to pretend that Seth didn't matter, she was exhausted.
She thought she had released most of her tears when she'd 'rearranged' her room not more than an hour ago but suddenly the tears came again and she was thankful that her hair hid them from Cristian's eyes, at least she thought that it had. She felt him gently turn her face toward him and she prayed that her humiliation would end, how many times could she cry in one night? She closed her eyes, willing the tears, no begging them, to go away, to retreat back into her mind where only she could see them. She opened her eyes as his thumb brushed away a tear and she wished she hadn't, she wished she didn't see the pity in his face, but she did, and she was angry all over again. She turned her head and looked out her window, watching as the street lights blurred as more tears threatened to fall. No matter how strong she tried to be she always ended up weak.
"Come on, just five minutes."
Natalie continued looking out the window as it started to snow. She hated driving in the snow, and she was upset, although she recoiled at the thought of letting him know that, but she had a feeling that he already knew.
"Okay," she said opening the door as the snow seemed to gather around her like a cloak. She quickly wiped at her eyes. She wouldn't let Seth see her upset.
"Why don't we go up the back way?" Cristian suggested and Natalie was silently grateful.
Cristian opened the door and turned on the light.
"So, where's Jen?" asked Natalie as she walked into the loft.
"With Al, at the hospital."
"Oh, yeah, Viki told me about that earlier, is he going to be okay?"
"They don't know if he'll ever be able to walk again."
"Sorry," said Natalie sitting on the couch.
"So what's wrong with you?" he asked sitting next to her.
"Believe me you don't want to know."
"Yeah, I do, maybe it'd keep my mind off of things."
"Seth doesn't love me anymore," she said making her voice as matter-as-fact as possible, there was something about saying it out loud that made it all the more real and she had to bite her trembling lip, this was not where she wanted the conversation to go.
"Do you want something to drink?" he asked breaking the silence.
"No, thank you," she said staring down at her hands, she hated being pitied, he was only being nice to her because he felt sorry for her, no one really cared, how could they, she was pitiful, even if she was loathe to admit it.
"I'll make us some tea and then you can go home," he said getting up.
Natalie layed her head back against the couch and closed her eyes. Her life was like a nightmare, nothing was going how it was supposed to. She was supposed to be rich and happy, with Seth at her side, getting all the wealth and power that was denied her her whole life, but instead she was alone. If only she wasn't alone anymore. She yawned wishing everything would go back to normal, for once in her life she wished she was still poor ol' Natalie Balsom, then she had knew her place, she had belonged...somewhere. She yawned again, feeling her body relax and after a moment she drifted to sleep.
"Here's your...tea," the sentence trailed off as he saw she was sleeping. He sat the tea down and covered her up with a blanket, she looked like she needed the sleep and he knew Jen wouldn't be coming home anytime soon, not when Al needed her. He tried to tell himself that Al needed her more than he did but that didn't make the ache for her go away, first she was pregnant and then she wasn't, she had slept with Al, he'd almost killed him, his emotions had been a whirlpool the last few days and he wondered if his head would ever stop spinning. He sat down with a sigh and closed his eyes, wishing Jen was there with him.