PART 3
1 Joey
Bessie sat behind me brushing my hair and pulling it back out of my face.
"Thanks for coming, Bess," I said.
"No problem." Bessie tapped my shoulder lightly with the hairbrush she'd been using. "All done with your hair."
"It feels so good to have taken a shower," I said making myself comfortable in the bed again.
"You feeling okay? You need anymore Tylenol?"
"I feel good actually."
Bessie nodded as she took a seat on the couch. "So, what's up?" she finally asked me.
I took a deep breath. "I'm scared and overwhelmed. I don't know if I can do this. I mean, I was so excited to have a baby that I failed to remember that it was actually going to be a difficult thing."
Bessie laughed a little before joining me on the bed. "I think everyone feels that way in the beginning. You spend nine months being excited and happy and then you have a baby who continually cries and constantly needs your attention. It's a lot to digest. Give yourself some time."
"But Bessie," I said leaning forward and grabbing her hand. "I don't think I can do this."
"First of all, Joey, you have no choice," she said in her big sister tone of voice. "And secondly," she said more seriously looking me straight in the eyes, "I know you can do this. You are one of the strongest and most loving people I know. You're going to be a phenomenal mother."
"If that's true, it's because I learned it from you," I said softly.
Bessie inhaled a deep breath and held her hand to her chest. I could tell she was about to cry so I wrapped my arms around the beautiful and strong woman who'd raised me.
"I miss Mom," I said letting go of her after awhile.
"Me too," she said with a sad smile. "You know, when I first had Alexander I used to talk out loud to Mom everyday. And I really believed she could hear me, that she could answer my questions and give me advice. I think I was just so afraid of doing something wrong because I hadn't had enough time to learn what was right from Mom. But after awhile I realized that as long as I was doing what my heart told me to do, Mom was right there with me."
"You always said Mom was in our hearts," I smiled and we sat quietly for a few minutes just thinking about our mother. "I'm really glad you came, Bess. You've always been the best at talking some sense into me. Even better than Pacey."
Bessie smiled. "He was so worried about you, you know? You're really awfully lucky to have him and he's gonna make such a great Dad."
"I know, Ryan and I are both very lucky to have him."
"So, share this experience with him, let him in." Bessie said pointing towards my heart. "I have to go home and take care of my family," she said standing up and then turning quickly to face me again. "Mom would be so proud of you," she said pushing a strand of my hair behind my ear. "I'm so proud of you."
I took a deep breath and averted my eyes to the ground. "Mom would be blown away by you," I said softly. "Everyday we both thank you for the woman you've made me into. I love you, Bess," I embraced my sister.
I could feel Bessie trembling with tears as I held her, so I held tighter. For years I had waited for the courage to be able to say such things to my sister, to tell my sister how much I appreciated all that she had done for me.
When Bessie left it was around 8 o'clock and Kim brought Ryan back to the room. I was still feeling uneasy and pretty nervous but having Pacey in the room made me feel a lot more comfortable. He had the camera now and was taking tons of pictures.
"I can't believe I'm letting you take pictures of me looking like this," I said rolling my eyes.
"You look beautiful," he said as he focused in on Ryan and I for another picture.
"We're not going to have any pictures of you and Ryan," I told him.
"Don't worry, I bought eight rolls of film."
"God," I rolled my eyes again.
"Here," he said putting the camera down on the bed and taking the baby carefully from me. "Take a few of me holding him if that'll shut you up."
I smiled to myself as I watched Pacey hold our son. He looked so happy, his whole face lit up with pride and happiness. I started snapping some shots and as I took them I couldn't help but anticipate seeing them when they were developed. Something told me that even with all the photo albums I'd gotten as gifts at the shower Bessie had thrown for me last month, there wouldn't be enough to hold all the pictures we'd take. I smiled as the idea to paint a portrait of my husband and my son came to mind. My husband and my son. That sounded so nice, even in my head.
"So, did you have a good talk with Bessie?" Pacey asked me interrupting my train of thought.
"Yeah," I nodded putting the camera down on the bed again. "She made me feel a lot better and she assured me that I am not insane for being a little nervous about all of this. Thanks for calling her."
"No problem."
"Speaking of calls," I said remembering, "how'd it go with your parents?"
He chuckled. "You know, believe it or not, it went pretty well. They're coming tomorrow."
I smiled happily at him. "You sound excited."
"I am," he said shrugging his shoulders with a smile on his face.
"Wow." The look of joy on Pacey's face was breathtaking in a way, mostly because I'd never seen him excited to spend time with his parents in all the years I'd known him. "Who knew?" I said tilting my head to the side a little bit. "Pacey Witter excited to see his own parents."
He gently passed the baby back to me then took a seat at the end of the bed. "It's just, well, it's like you said. It's important that he knows them," he said pointing towards the baby, "and it's important that I know them. Family is really important and I know I'm never gonna have with them what you had with your Mom or what you have with Bessie. But I have the chance to know them and someday, they'll be gone. I don't want to regret that I didn't know them."
"I think that's really great, Pace," I smiled at him.
"Yeah, well," he said leaning back on his elbows. "I guess that's what you've been trying to tell me for years now and I just never got it."
"It took the miracle of life for you to understand the importance of family," I said glancing down at the beautiful baby in my arms. I heard Pacey chuckle then and I looked up at him. "What?"
"Did you just say 'miracle of life'?" He looked so amused and I suddenly felt a little embarrassed.
"Yeah. So?" I smirked.
He turned on his side, shook his head with laughter and covered his eyes with his hand. "What has happened to us?" he said resting his head on my legs.
I reached down and rubbed his head lightly. "We're parents now. Sappiness is a prerequisite," I told him.
"So, it's the kid's fault," he said jokingly. He sat up quickly and crawled up the bed to be closer to Ryan and I. He kissed me on the mouth then looked down at our son. He smiled, glanced at me then back at the baby. "It's okay, Ryan, we forgive you," he said in a sweet, soft voice as he reached down to kiss the baby's head.
1 Joey
Bessie sat behind me brushing my hair and pulling it back out of my face.
"Thanks for coming, Bess," I said.
"No problem." Bessie tapped my shoulder lightly with the hairbrush she'd been using. "All done with your hair."
"It feels so good to have taken a shower," I said making myself comfortable in the bed again.
"You feeling okay? You need anymore Tylenol?"
"I feel good actually."
Bessie nodded as she took a seat on the couch. "So, what's up?" she finally asked me.
I took a deep breath. "I'm scared and overwhelmed. I don't know if I can do this. I mean, I was so excited to have a baby that I failed to remember that it was actually going to be a difficult thing."
Bessie laughed a little before joining me on the bed. "I think everyone feels that way in the beginning. You spend nine months being excited and happy and then you have a baby who continually cries and constantly needs your attention. It's a lot to digest. Give yourself some time."
"But Bessie," I said leaning forward and grabbing her hand. "I don't think I can do this."
"First of all, Joey, you have no choice," she said in her big sister tone of voice. "And secondly," she said more seriously looking me straight in the eyes, "I know you can do this. You are one of the strongest and most loving people I know. You're going to be a phenomenal mother."
"If that's true, it's because I learned it from you," I said softly.
Bessie inhaled a deep breath and held her hand to her chest. I could tell she was about to cry so I wrapped my arms around the beautiful and strong woman who'd raised me.
"I miss Mom," I said letting go of her after awhile.
"Me too," she said with a sad smile. "You know, when I first had Alexander I used to talk out loud to Mom everyday. And I really believed she could hear me, that she could answer my questions and give me advice. I think I was just so afraid of doing something wrong because I hadn't had enough time to learn what was right from Mom. But after awhile I realized that as long as I was doing what my heart told me to do, Mom was right there with me."
"You always said Mom was in our hearts," I smiled and we sat quietly for a few minutes just thinking about our mother. "I'm really glad you came, Bess. You've always been the best at talking some sense into me. Even better than Pacey."
Bessie smiled. "He was so worried about you, you know? You're really awfully lucky to have him and he's gonna make such a great Dad."
"I know, Ryan and I are both very lucky to have him."
"So, share this experience with him, let him in." Bessie said pointing towards my heart. "I have to go home and take care of my family," she said standing up and then turning quickly to face me again. "Mom would be so proud of you," she said pushing a strand of my hair behind my ear. "I'm so proud of you."
I took a deep breath and averted my eyes to the ground. "Mom would be blown away by you," I said softly. "Everyday we both thank you for the woman you've made me into. I love you, Bess," I embraced my sister.
I could feel Bessie trembling with tears as I held her, so I held tighter. For years I had waited for the courage to be able to say such things to my sister, to tell my sister how much I appreciated all that she had done for me.
When Bessie left it was around 8 o'clock and Kim brought Ryan back to the room. I was still feeling uneasy and pretty nervous but having Pacey in the room made me feel a lot more comfortable. He had the camera now and was taking tons of pictures.
"I can't believe I'm letting you take pictures of me looking like this," I said rolling my eyes.
"You look beautiful," he said as he focused in on Ryan and I for another picture.
"We're not going to have any pictures of you and Ryan," I told him.
"Don't worry, I bought eight rolls of film."
"God," I rolled my eyes again.
"Here," he said putting the camera down on the bed and taking the baby carefully from me. "Take a few of me holding him if that'll shut you up."
I smiled to myself as I watched Pacey hold our son. He looked so happy, his whole face lit up with pride and happiness. I started snapping some shots and as I took them I couldn't help but anticipate seeing them when they were developed. Something told me that even with all the photo albums I'd gotten as gifts at the shower Bessie had thrown for me last month, there wouldn't be enough to hold all the pictures we'd take. I smiled as the idea to paint a portrait of my husband and my son came to mind. My husband and my son. That sounded so nice, even in my head.
"So, did you have a good talk with Bessie?" Pacey asked me interrupting my train of thought.
"Yeah," I nodded putting the camera down on the bed again. "She made me feel a lot better and she assured me that I am not insane for being a little nervous about all of this. Thanks for calling her."
"No problem."
"Speaking of calls," I said remembering, "how'd it go with your parents?"
He chuckled. "You know, believe it or not, it went pretty well. They're coming tomorrow."
I smiled happily at him. "You sound excited."
"I am," he said shrugging his shoulders with a smile on his face.
"Wow." The look of joy on Pacey's face was breathtaking in a way, mostly because I'd never seen him excited to spend time with his parents in all the years I'd known him. "Who knew?" I said tilting my head to the side a little bit. "Pacey Witter excited to see his own parents."
He gently passed the baby back to me then took a seat at the end of the bed. "It's just, well, it's like you said. It's important that he knows them," he said pointing towards the baby, "and it's important that I know them. Family is really important and I know I'm never gonna have with them what you had with your Mom or what you have with Bessie. But I have the chance to know them and someday, they'll be gone. I don't want to regret that I didn't know them."
"I think that's really great, Pace," I smiled at him.
"Yeah, well," he said leaning back on his elbows. "I guess that's what you've been trying to tell me for years now and I just never got it."
"It took the miracle of life for you to understand the importance of family," I said glancing down at the beautiful baby in my arms. I heard Pacey chuckle then and I looked up at him. "What?"
"Did you just say 'miracle of life'?" He looked so amused and I suddenly felt a little embarrassed.
"Yeah. So?" I smirked.
He turned on his side, shook his head with laughter and covered his eyes with his hand. "What has happened to us?" he said resting his head on my legs.
I reached down and rubbed his head lightly. "We're parents now. Sappiness is a prerequisite," I told him.
"So, it's the kid's fault," he said jokingly. He sat up quickly and crawled up the bed to be closer to Ryan and I. He kissed me on the mouth then looked down at our son. He smiled, glanced at me then back at the baby. "It's okay, Ryan, we forgive you," he said in a sweet, soft voice as he reached down to kiss the baby's head.