I don't remember the next few hours. I was in total shock. I think Cassie's parents packed up the picnic while I sat shaking. I think they sped on the way home. I think Cassie's mom asked me if I was all right too many times to count.
I wasn't all right.
I stumbled up the stairs. After I had stopped screaming, I just shut down. I didn't say a word. I entered Cassie's room mindlessly and lay down on the bed. My arm lay at an odd angle, but I didn't move it.
It wasn't my arm anyway. Who cared if it hurt.
I don't know how long I lay there. Maybe I fell asleep. I couldn't think. There was a spot on the wall that's burned into my memory. I stared at it for hours on end, not moving, barely breathing.
No.
Trapped?
As Cassie?
No.
I wasn't even a bear or a bird, like Tobias. I was just a human. An ordinary, helpless human.
Back to before.
Trapped?
No.
Not as a human.
My thoughts spiraled downwards in a hopeless, helpless vortex. My lips twitched, and the spot on the wall seemed to dance. It was a horse's head. No, it was a gun. A horse's head again.
Like Horace.
I shuddered, and the arm that lay in front of me prickled in goose bumps. I couldn't be . . . not really. I thought of myself again. Rachel. Concentrated.
No change. Trapped.
Human forever?
No.
The shadows moved across the wall as hours crawled like flies over my skin. The spot was beginning to blend with the wall in the gloom. I was still laying in the same spot. I had lost feeling in my arm. Cassie's arm. My arm. Then I felt a breeze from the open window touch my skin, and there was a soft rustle, and a thump.
Rachel, are you asleep?
I lay still.
You'd just better be keeping an eye on the time, she chided softly, in the tone one uses when speaking to a sleeper. Then I heard the very faint, wet, unnatural sounds that accompany morphing.
Footsteps as she crossed the room and checked to make sure the door was locked. "Oh, man, Rachel," she breathed happily, "I had the best day. You won't believe this, but I actually got to meet Edda Norrington. I talked to her for about fifteen minutes! And she liked me!"
I couldn't find the spot on the wall in the dim light.
"Rachel?"
Where was it?
"Rachel, you can morph out now."
"No," I croaked, my voice strangled from disuse. "No, I can't."
She heard it in my voice. Cassie always could read me. She grew still. "What do you mean?" she asked slowly.
I rolled over lifelessly, like a body being turned by a wave. I regarded her through her own eyes.
"It isn't . . ." she faltered. "I mean, you're not . . ."
I stared at her.
"Oh, gosh, Rachel, no!"
I lay unmoving as Cassie took it in. As Cassie comforted me. As Cassie promised that there would be some way to escape it. After all, she reasoned, Tobias could morph again. She had escaped her fate as a caterpillar. Surely this was temporary.
I smiled dully. "Yeah. I'm sure it is, Cassie. It's temporary." I did not believe the words. I said them to comfort her. It was strange to hear her low, sweet voice come out of my mouth.
She sat back on her bed. She looked at me. For once, we were eye level. She didn't have to tilt her head back to see my face.
"But what do we do for now?" I asked.
Cassie looked down at her hands. "I guess . . . we call Jake."
I smiled for the second time. "He'll be happy with us."
I wasn't all right.
I stumbled up the stairs. After I had stopped screaming, I just shut down. I didn't say a word. I entered Cassie's room mindlessly and lay down on the bed. My arm lay at an odd angle, but I didn't move it.
It wasn't my arm anyway. Who cared if it hurt.
I don't know how long I lay there. Maybe I fell asleep. I couldn't think. There was a spot on the wall that's burned into my memory. I stared at it for hours on end, not moving, barely breathing.
No.
Trapped?
As Cassie?
No.
I wasn't even a bear or a bird, like Tobias. I was just a human. An ordinary, helpless human.
Back to before.
Trapped?
No.
Not as a human.
My thoughts spiraled downwards in a hopeless, helpless vortex. My lips twitched, and the spot on the wall seemed to dance. It was a horse's head. No, it was a gun. A horse's head again.
Like Horace.
I shuddered, and the arm that lay in front of me prickled in goose bumps. I couldn't be . . . not really. I thought of myself again. Rachel. Concentrated.
No change. Trapped.
Human forever?
No.
The shadows moved across the wall as hours crawled like flies over my skin. The spot was beginning to blend with the wall in the gloom. I was still laying in the same spot. I had lost feeling in my arm. Cassie's arm. My arm. Then I felt a breeze from the open window touch my skin, and there was a soft rustle, and a thump.
Rachel, are you asleep?
I lay still.
You'd just better be keeping an eye on the time, she chided softly, in the tone one uses when speaking to a sleeper. Then I heard the very faint, wet, unnatural sounds that accompany morphing.
Footsteps as she crossed the room and checked to make sure the door was locked. "Oh, man, Rachel," she breathed happily, "I had the best day. You won't believe this, but I actually got to meet Edda Norrington. I talked to her for about fifteen minutes! And she liked me!"
I couldn't find the spot on the wall in the dim light.
"Rachel?"
Where was it?
"Rachel, you can morph out now."
"No," I croaked, my voice strangled from disuse. "No, I can't."
She heard it in my voice. Cassie always could read me. She grew still. "What do you mean?" she asked slowly.
I rolled over lifelessly, like a body being turned by a wave. I regarded her through her own eyes.
"It isn't . . ." she faltered. "I mean, you're not . . ."
I stared at her.
"Oh, gosh, Rachel, no!"
I lay unmoving as Cassie took it in. As Cassie comforted me. As Cassie promised that there would be some way to escape it. After all, she reasoned, Tobias could morph again. She had escaped her fate as a caterpillar. Surely this was temporary.
I smiled dully. "Yeah. I'm sure it is, Cassie. It's temporary." I did not believe the words. I said them to comfort her. It was strange to hear her low, sweet voice come out of my mouth.
She sat back on her bed. She looked at me. For once, we were eye level. She didn't have to tilt her head back to see my face.
"But what do we do for now?" I asked.
Cassie looked down at her hands. "I guess . . . we call Jake."
I smiled for the second time. "He'll be happy with us."