Finally made it!!! I am happy to announce that this is the spiffy superlicious HONDA CHAPTER!!!! Yes, I have been wanting to do this chapter for a whole... er... well, it started about two chapters ago, I thought it would be cool. I hope you like ranting raving idiotic speeches, cuz you'll be going through a lot of them. Not to mention we always have the 'seduce Jounouchi' side quests... I might do a chapter only on that later... and I might throw in a few other messed up ones if I can think of anything worthy enough to be done through countless chapters. I still don't know how long this whole fic will be when it's complete, but it'll probably be pretty long since I suck when it comes to ending stuff. I always have new thoughts coming to mind, so I'll just wait till nobody is bothering to review, and then I'll quit. Till then, read on!
Bandit Keith closed his eyes and sighed in relief, happy he was away from all of those crazy people in the other room. How the hell was he supposed to survive with these guys? It didn't matter, he'd just have to pick them off one at a time, and then the dinky apartment would be all his!... Then again, he might just put Yugi up for ransom and hope he could get a bunch of money from his grandpa. He was the one paying the rent on the place, though Keith wasn't sure how considering he was pretty damn poor.
He began to drift asleep, plotting on how to get a big ass house filled with STD free whores when he felt something breathing on his face. Keith opened one eye to see none other than a sadistic, pissed off Honda.
"What do you want?"
"Oh, NOW you want to know what I want. You never cared before. Is it because I have a spork POINTED AT YOUR HEART?!! Oh yes! I HOLD YOUR LIFE IN MY UTENSILS!!! DO WHAT I SAY OR DIE IN CUTTLERY!!"
"Holy shit dude! What's your problem?!"
"Problem? PROBLEM?! SUDDENLY BECAUSE I WANT TO TAKE YOUR LIFE AND RIP OPEN YOUR FACE I HAVE A PROBLEM!!!! WELL I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHIN' BUCKO!!! YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM!"
"Wha?"
"Didn't you know? Of course not, they didn't tell you, but I'm sure you can guess. I'm the one who no one pays attention to, no one cares about, no one even thinks of, and when they do, it's 'good god, look at that ugly Honda.' Well, ya know what? THIS IS WHAT I SAY ABOUT YOUR UGLY HONDA ISSUES!!!"
Honda stabbed Bandit Keith in the shin with his plastic spork menacingly, smiling in a malign manner as he saw Keith's face contort in pain.
"You're face isn't so pretty now, IS IT?! NO! IT'S HORRID AND UGLY AS YOU SWEAT AND PERSPIRE, DESTROYING YOUR PERFECT FIGURE AND MAKING YOU HIDEOUS OUT OF TORTURE!!!! YES! THAT IS JUSTICE!! THAT IS DIVINE RETRIBUTION! WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THIS?! WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THE PERFECT SYSTEM?!!!"
"I'd say you're a messed up dick wad!" Bandit Keith smacked Honda across the room, and ran back into the room with the others. Sure, they might be psycho, thinking a patch of air is a TV, but they were friggin sane compared to that loony.
The others, who had all finally agreed on a TV station, looked over at Keith from where they sat.
"What's wrong with you?" Bakura asked, doing his best to divide his time between the television and Keith.
"Dude, that guy's crazy!"
A voice sounded from the other room. "Crazy. I'm not crazy. You're the crazy one, you and your pretty face, which doesn't remain sinisterly malign and haunts my slumber. How I long for the wringing of my hands from your hideous beauty."
Everybody turned their attention from the TV to stare at Honda. Yugi laughed a bit hesitantly.
"Er, Honda, what are you talking about."
Honda chuckled evilly. "You don't understand, you never understand. I am to fulfill my utmost wish and shake the peas from the fig tree that nibbles at my veins. Let the buffalo be freed from the bird cage and eat away the marrow of goat cheese!"
While Honda went on about things that didn't make any sense, Bakura shuffled off to the bedroom, Marik at his heels. Was it fate, luck, or the will of the great macronism, it was a good thing for a now giddy Bakura, for Jounouchi was sitting on the floor sobbing about something or other, totally defenseless. Now was the perfect time to strike. Bakura pulled Jounouchi up by the collar of his shirt and pressed him against the wall.
"Hello there my dear. I was hoping I would run into you. Now then, how'd you like to go sit on daddy's lap?"
"GGGGGGGGYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"
Once again, Jounouchi was hyperventilating. He didn't want this. He just wanted to watch TV, find hot chicks, get a nice WARM shower, and do things like normal people. Instead he was here, squished between a wall and a hot place, and another seductor making his way over. This was obviously bad.
Bakura ran his hand through Jounouchi's sweat drenched hair. Seeing him shiver was oh so sweet. Marik came in on the side, nipping at Jou's earlobe, which made him shriek helplessly. Oh yes, this time Bakura was sure to have his way.
As if by psychic intelligence, or 'people getting some and I'm not' radar, Honda's head snapped in the direction of the bedroom. An angry look took over his maniacal one as he stormed into the other room.
"HOW DARE YOU DO THIS WITHOUT MY CONSENT!!!"
Bakura looked over at him drolly. "Don't tell me, you're here to ruin my fun once again."
Honda glared back at him defiantly. "I will do as I please. AND I PLEASE TO TAKE JOUNOUCHI FROM YOU AND PEEL HIS FACE OFF!!! Now if you'd be so kind as to hand him over, I'd be more than obliged."
Jounouchi looked between his seducers and his maniacal friend. If Honda saved him, it would indeed save him once again from taking it up the shoot, but, then again, the thought of his face being torn away from his head didn't sound too comfy either. Yep, it seemed this time he was pretty much screwed.
"I will not let you take MY Jounouchi from me!... until after I get what I want, anyway," Bakura snapped, making Marik somewhat jealous, but backed him up anyway.
"If you're gonna take him, you'll have to go through us first!!"
A large, malign smile spread across Honda's face as he flung his spork about in an offensive manner. "Oh, I WILL go through you, and my plastic wear will spoon away your guts!"
"Yeah?! Then try to beat me with THIS!!!" Bakura took out a random, mysterious looking funnel. Honda shrieked when he saw the strange item.
"NO! MY WEAKNESS!!!! NOT THE FUNNEL OF MYSTERY!!!"
"OH YES IT IS!! AND NOW YOU WILL PAY!!!"
Jounouchi and Marik just watched Bakura and Honda go at it with their spork and funnel, not having a clue as to what was going on. Jounouchi shrugged, realized that Marik wasn't paying attention, and left to the TV room, and joined in the sobbing of their favorite soap opera couple getting married. It truly was a happy occasion.
Meanwhile, Honda and Bakura began to square off, when suddenly Honda's radar shut off.
"Huh? What the hell am I doing?" He looked to the spork in his hand, "Why am I holding a utensil in a devastating manner?"
"What? You don't remember?"
Honda shook his head. Not really caring what was going on either, Honda also went to the other room to watch their magic invisible TV. Bakura stood in puzzlement, not able to figure what was going on, but then realized something more important. He had failed once again in his project of lust and sin. He began to curse at Honda, Jounouchi, and the ice cream man in many tongues before summoning Marik to go with him back to behind the bar for another 'planning session,' to which Marik was more than obliged.
Yep, this chapter be done (and it was probably one of the shortest chapters, too, more or less because I couldn't think of many more random things for Honda to say, while keeping it humourous at the same time). Next chapter, I'm not sure what I'm doing yet, so it'll probably be another one that focuses on everybody. This one was simply made to let Honda have the spotlight for a little while because he's been neglected for practically this whole thing. Now the Honda people won't need to be sad anymore. Till next time!