A/N: Damn, I haven't updated for ages! It has been a while. But have no fear, I'm back, whether you like to or not. And just so you'd know, I'm aware of the fact that the Elves have left M-E but in my story Mirkwood still exists with Elves. Eat me! Or even better, read and review. And no, I do not hate Legolas I'm just playing around. But do flame, if you feel like it.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, nor Middle Earth. It all belongs to Tolkien. Please be aware that this story is meant to be funny in a strange way. I have a strange sense of humor and I do not mean to offend people. Be warned!
Chapter 2
Legolas was comfortably sitting in his chair, thinking of the old days. He was kind of bored, since there were no girls bugging him lately. The last potential one, didn't even ran screaming and jumped on his back, no, she just walked right past him. He wasn't one to admit easily, but it had burned his ego badly.
Of course, they were annoying, but they commented him on his beautiful hair, which was perfectly true.
His father, Thranduil joked about it and said that Legolas was becoming fat and bald. As soon as the words had left his father's mouth he was off washing his hair with Herbal Essence. It worked and his hair was to it's normal self again.
He also tried to eat more vegetables instead of pastry and cake, and his weight was normal, too. Then why weren't there any girls stalking him? They weren't even lurking around anymore.
Maybe they were after Frodo, the last time they had talked Frodo had said something about girls camping in his backyard.
No! He wouldn't believe it. 'Orlando' as they'd call him, was just as sexy as he used to be. No doubt about it.
Maybe Faramir had killed them, he always used to be the jealous one. But he married Eowyn, the bastard was settled.
Whatever happened, Legolas should be happy. How many times had he asked for mercy, for the girls to just vanish? And now they did, he was whining too.
'Oh what the hell', he thought. 'Why don't I go walking around in Mirkwood aimlessly today, my favourite thing to do'.
Things were boring ever since Gimli left. The horny bastard had chose Galadriël over Legolas and had left Middle-Earth. (A/N This is just for my story so sit down!)
Legolas grabbed his bow, checked his braids in the mirror, checked it again, and again, etc. and then decided to finally leave because his hair was fine. Wasn't it? He checked it for the final time while practicing his sexy stare just in case some girl would show up.
He finally left, winking one last time in the mirror. He skipped breakfast because he was gaining some weight lately. He grabbed some crackers and he was off, discovering Mirkwood.
Meanwhile, our dumped Mary Sue aka Fangirl aka Tiff was lurking around in Mirkwood. 'Where could that silly little Elf be?', she thought to herself.
Instead of being a Hobbit, she was now magicly transformed into an Elf. How come, you ask? Well, there is no logical explanation. *shudder*. If you know what Mary Sues are than you know that they can do anything.
Back to our story. As Tiff was lurking around, she was sensing that Legolas was around.
'Why am I even trying? Gollum is much more hotter, like, no one is gonna care that I, like, seduced him'.
All of a sudden she felt teary. But Legolas was closing in on her. What to do? She decided that she'd just let her emotions go. She sat down on a rock, and, well, let all her frustrations out.
Legolas heard a maid crying. 'Hey, maybe if I save that maid, the girls will be all over me again!' he cheekily smiled. He couldn't help thinking this way, it was just that his ego got a hold of him sometimes. Okay, practicly every time but that doesn't matter.
He approached the crying almost screaming girl, and posed like he did every time he saved someone.
"Fear not my Lady, as I am here to protect the weak and innocent. I will not let anything harm you.."
It seemed like his pickup line wasn't working.
"I don't even care anymore! You are like, so not hip! All the other girls will be laughing once they hear I did you! Everybody did you *sob*."
Legolas couldn't believe his ears.
"What.. what do you mean?"
He had to nudge her before she even responded, she was weeping with self-pity.
"Like I said.. Sniffle.. You are old, finished, finito! Done and done! Like..."
"I get your point", Legolas abruptly interupted, "Now what's the real deal? Who is your next victim?"
"Like, hello! Who doesn't know? Gollum is soooo hot nowdays. But of course, he picked Sandy. Like, Sandy always wins. She won Frodo, too! It's just not fair! Sniffle.."
And then she cried her eyes out again.
Legolas was hurt by this news. So the monster Gollum was getting all the fangirls huh? He'd show him!
"What am I gonna do now?", Tiff sobbed.
"You can stay in one of our guest rooms, as long as you promise me this.", Legolas demanded.
"Like, what?", Tiff asked innocently.
"Promise me, that we'll get rid of Sandy. AND Gollum. That way, I'll be 'hot' again, I'll do you so you'll be cool, and I'll be getting all the girls again!"
Tiff nodded evilly.
And so, the day ended with an evil plan, made by Legolas.
To be.... Continued!
A/N: So Legolas is a jerk in my story, but don't worry. It's a parody and those are meant to portray the character diffrently. By the way, Faramir will be showing up in next chapters and so will Gollum, so stay tuned!
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, nor Middle Earth. It all belongs to Tolkien. Please be aware that this story is meant to be funny in a strange way. I have a strange sense of humor and I do not mean to offend people. Be warned!
Chapter 2
Legolas was comfortably sitting in his chair, thinking of the old days. He was kind of bored, since there were no girls bugging him lately. The last potential one, didn't even ran screaming and jumped on his back, no, she just walked right past him. He wasn't one to admit easily, but it had burned his ego badly.
Of course, they were annoying, but they commented him on his beautiful hair, which was perfectly true.
His father, Thranduil joked about it and said that Legolas was becoming fat and bald. As soon as the words had left his father's mouth he was off washing his hair with Herbal Essence. It worked and his hair was to it's normal self again.
He also tried to eat more vegetables instead of pastry and cake, and his weight was normal, too. Then why weren't there any girls stalking him? They weren't even lurking around anymore.
Maybe they were after Frodo, the last time they had talked Frodo had said something about girls camping in his backyard.
No! He wouldn't believe it. 'Orlando' as they'd call him, was just as sexy as he used to be. No doubt about it.
Maybe Faramir had killed them, he always used to be the jealous one. But he married Eowyn, the bastard was settled.
Whatever happened, Legolas should be happy. How many times had he asked for mercy, for the girls to just vanish? And now they did, he was whining too.
'Oh what the hell', he thought. 'Why don't I go walking around in Mirkwood aimlessly today, my favourite thing to do'.
Things were boring ever since Gimli left. The horny bastard had chose Galadriël over Legolas and had left Middle-Earth. (A/N This is just for my story so sit down!)
Legolas grabbed his bow, checked his braids in the mirror, checked it again, and again, etc. and then decided to finally leave because his hair was fine. Wasn't it? He checked it for the final time while practicing his sexy stare just in case some girl would show up.
He finally left, winking one last time in the mirror. He skipped breakfast because he was gaining some weight lately. He grabbed some crackers and he was off, discovering Mirkwood.
Meanwhile, our dumped Mary Sue aka Fangirl aka Tiff was lurking around in Mirkwood. 'Where could that silly little Elf be?', she thought to herself.
Instead of being a Hobbit, she was now magicly transformed into an Elf. How come, you ask? Well, there is no logical explanation. *shudder*. If you know what Mary Sues are than you know that they can do anything.
Back to our story. As Tiff was lurking around, she was sensing that Legolas was around.
'Why am I even trying? Gollum is much more hotter, like, no one is gonna care that I, like, seduced him'.
All of a sudden she felt teary. But Legolas was closing in on her. What to do? She decided that she'd just let her emotions go. She sat down on a rock, and, well, let all her frustrations out.
Legolas heard a maid crying. 'Hey, maybe if I save that maid, the girls will be all over me again!' he cheekily smiled. He couldn't help thinking this way, it was just that his ego got a hold of him sometimes. Okay, practicly every time but that doesn't matter.
He approached the crying almost screaming girl, and posed like he did every time he saved someone.
"Fear not my Lady, as I am here to protect the weak and innocent. I will not let anything harm you.."
It seemed like his pickup line wasn't working.
"I don't even care anymore! You are like, so not hip! All the other girls will be laughing once they hear I did you! Everybody did you *sob*."
Legolas couldn't believe his ears.
"What.. what do you mean?"
He had to nudge her before she even responded, she was weeping with self-pity.
"Like I said.. Sniffle.. You are old, finished, finito! Done and done! Like..."
"I get your point", Legolas abruptly interupted, "Now what's the real deal? Who is your next victim?"
"Like, hello! Who doesn't know? Gollum is soooo hot nowdays. But of course, he picked Sandy. Like, Sandy always wins. She won Frodo, too! It's just not fair! Sniffle.."
And then she cried her eyes out again.
Legolas was hurt by this news. So the monster Gollum was getting all the fangirls huh? He'd show him!
"What am I gonna do now?", Tiff sobbed.
"You can stay in one of our guest rooms, as long as you promise me this.", Legolas demanded.
"Like, what?", Tiff asked innocently.
"Promise me, that we'll get rid of Sandy. AND Gollum. That way, I'll be 'hot' again, I'll do you so you'll be cool, and I'll be getting all the girls again!"
Tiff nodded evilly.
And so, the day ended with an evil plan, made by Legolas.
To be.... Continued!
A/N: So Legolas is a jerk in my story, but don't worry. It's a parody and those are meant to portray the character diffrently. By the way, Faramir will be showing up in next chapters and so will Gollum, so stay tuned!