A/N: Thanks for the reviews, again! They keep me going. I guess I'm
addicted. To answer Intoxicated Wench's question: She's a trator for
wanting to kill Gollum and Mary Sue. But you'll find out soon enough why
it's because of this Mary Sue..
Just for the record: I do not hate the Legolas in the book, not even the
movie, but I do hate him in those Mary Sues and in a lot of stories on
FF.net.
He isn't my favorite character in the book either, but I don't hate him.
There, that's settled. And no, I don't hate Faramir either.
In the book, he's one of my fave characters but in the movie he just
plainly sucks. But I'm just playing around.
Anyway, keep on reading I know you wanna know if Legolas was defeated or
not..
Go ahead, read!
Chapter 5
Legolas was dizzy and awoke by a loud burp. "Where am I.. Who was that.. The stench!", he said quietly.
He heard someone's laughter, it began annoyingly soft, and it went all the way up untill it almost blasted Legolas's ear. Almost, you Legolas haters!
"Legolas my friend, I'm surprised you don't recognize this place. You haven't been here before but you should've known it was me because of the burp."
"Nooooo! It cannot be you, Sauron! We defeated you way back and Frodo told you to shove that Ring up your ass!"
"Would you shut up already? Geez, I'm not Sauron. He died, dumbass. I'm much more dangerous, I'm.... *drumroll* Faramir. You are delirious."
"Faramir? Is it you? My old friend!" Legolas opened his eyes and he was in a room decorated in babyblue, with 'Estel' written all over the place. Right in front of him sat Faramir. "Do you like it? Eowyn decorated it." Legolas gave a small nodd.
Faramir hadn't shaved for a long time, in fact, he was growing a beard. Legolas thought he looked even uglier than he used to look.
"You know, Legolas, I missed you guys. Ever since Aragorn has become king things have become boring. But now, you burst in here and my senses are telling me you're in for an adventure. So what is it you want, you old bastard!"
"Faramir, have you talked to Tiff?", Legolas said, while eyeing him suspiciously.
"Well..."
"And has she told you everything?"
"Well... Sorta. But that doesn't matter! All that matters is that we'll be destroying those Fangirls like they never existed. I'm with you there buddy, one was stalking Eowyn a while ago. Ugh, they are so annoying."
Faramir kept on ranting and Legolas thought 'jelous much?' All of a sudden there was a big flash light and the author apeared. "You're one to talk!", she blurted out. "Am not!" "You are!" "Am not!", Legolas whined. Faramir was still ranting and didn't even see those two fighting.
"Now shut up Legolas, or I'll turn you into a toad!"
"What are you, a Fangirl?", Legolas asked.
Farmir suddenly became aware of the scene and gasped. He covered Legolas's mouth with his hand and mumbled honorfull. "Sir Legolas is sorry, he won't be a prick next time." She seemed unpleased by this. "I want to hear him say it. Now, or else." 'hahahahaha', thought Legolas, but he did as he was told, because Faramir was quite.. smelly. Faramir released his grip and Legolas mumbled "Sorry.."
"There, that wasn't so hard, was it?", the author asked.
"No my Lady", answered the horrified Faramir. She disappeared just as soon as she came.
"Who was that?", Legolas asked, puzzled.
"Quiet, she can hear you. She's the author of this story and she can do whatever she likes to you. Now shut up about it, will you?"
"Fangirls, authors, Pink Riders, what's next? A horde of flying donkeys wanting to rape me?"
"Legolas, you fool. Do not mock the Author. Now shut up I tell you!"
"Fine", he said, while folding his arms.
"Oh"said Legolas, "I forgot to ask, how did I come here? Where are the Pink Riders?"
"Eowyn was bored, erm, yeah, she was really bored, we certainly didn't had an argument involving my alcohol problem. No she wanted to go, erm, fishing! Yeah that's right, she went fishing. The Pink Riders dropped you at this pool to phone their boss, their telepatic powers were suddenly gone, I don't know why. Anyway, she freed you and when Tiff woke up she orbed you to this place."
"What kind of thing is orbing?"
"Don't you ever watch Charmed on the TV? You do watch Star Trek, do you? It's a sort of 'Beam me up, Scottie' thing but the diffrence is, Scottie doesn't beam you up!" Faramir thought this was extremely funny and couldn't stop cracking up.
"Do you live in another dimension or something? What is a TV?" Faramir let out a sigh of frustration. "Never mind.. You're hopeless."
"Am not!"
"YOU ARE NOW SHUT UP", a loud voice yelled. There was a moment of silence untill Faramir spoke up again
"That was the Author. Now stop being annoying, alright?"
Legolas wanted to protest but all he could say was "Gulp."
Eowyn stood in the doorframe "Faramir, sweetie, can I talk to you for a second?", she asked sweetly.
"Well sure pumpkin." Faramir hopped to his wife and kissed her forehead. While he turned around to give a thumbs up to Legolas, Eowyn made a mocking face and tried to wipe the scent of him from her forehead. She was mad, Legolas could tell.
She closed the door with the aim to prevent Legolas from listening. Tough luck though, Legolas could hear everything.
"Faramir, I found a couple of beer cans in our room. What were they doing there? I thought I told you to stop."
"Yeah, sure. Whatever. I'll never do it again."
"Good. Otherwise you'd wish you were never born."
"But pumpkin, I love you, you know that don't you?"
"I guess. But you don't really show it. *sniffle*.
"Aww, baby. How about tonight, I'll show you exactly how much.."
Legolas covered his ears and sang 'lalala, I can't hear you!' Thruth to be told, he couldn't accept the fact that Faramir had a girl and he didn't. He spend doing this for over 10 minits untill Eowyn came in and greeted Legolas. They had some small talk, and Legolas asked
"Pardon me Eowyn, but why do you have 'Estel' written all over the place? Doesn't Faramir know it's Aragorn?"
Eowyn sniggered. "A while ago, one of the maids made a bet with me. If I was able to write 'Estel' all over the place and Faramir wouldn't know, she would give me all her money. I won, of course. If Faramir ever knows it means Aragorn, I'll just simply say I'm honoring the king."
"Good thinking!", commented Legolas. "Now Legolas, I'm sure you want to talk to your companion Tiff. She's in the room next door. You're not fully healed so be carefull. I'll escort you to her room."
"You're wrong there Eowyn, I can walk to her room without your help, see!", Legolas stood up and walked to Eowyn without any problems.
"Now, the room is next door, you said?" But then Legolas felt he was becoming pretty dizzy and the stars started dancing around him again.
"Don't.. feel.. so good..", he said, and he fell down with a loud thud.
"Stupid Legolas", said Eowyn, while dragging him to Tiff's room. She sat him down in a comfortable chair. Tiff was reading a *gasp* book! It was called "How to become sexy", but still, she was reading which was a big progress.
"Tiff, here is your companion. I pressume you want to be left alone. I'll send Faramir in as soon as possible. Goodbye!", said Eowyn and she closed the door softly.
It took a while before Legolas opened his eyes and was back to his normal, braggy self.
"Hi there Tiff. So, what's the plan?"
"I like, thought, you had a plan." The was an awkward silence, but then Legolas spoke up again.
"Okay, here's the deal. We'll ride to the Misty Mountains with Faramir. We'll try to avoid those Pink Riders and the Author as much as possible. When we reach the Misty Mountains, we'll find Gollum and kill him. I just haven't figured out yet how to distract Sandy."
"Hey, Legolas, like I'm a shapeshifter also! Maybe I could like, shapeshift into Gollum!"
"Excellent idea, Tiff. Now all we have to do is to wait untill Faramir arrives.." After several minutes of waiting and fighting over who is sexier, Faramir bursted into the room.
"Hey there fellas, sorry I'm late. This is so exciting! We now have a Fellowship of three. I can be just like my big brother Boromir, and everyone will be so proud."
"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, here is the plan. We'll ride to the Misty Mountains, kill Gollum while Tiff distracts Sandy shapeshifting into Gollum.", explained Legolas.
"Fine by me, Leggy old buddy."
"I thought I told you to never call me that again."
"Sorry... Leggy!"
"Stop that!"
"Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy!"
"You do know what I'm going to do to you now, right?"
"What?"
"Boromir rules! Faramir sucks! Boromir rules! Faramir sucks! Boromir rules! Faramir sucks! Boromir rules! Faramir sucks! Boromir rules! Faramir sucks!", Legolas sang while Faramir was screaming Leggy, Leggy non-stop.
"Stop it! Like, you're being, like, really annoying!" It was a madhouse, those three were screaming constantly without stopping. They heard two gunshots and the abruptly stopped.
"What was that?", asked Legolas.
"I don't know but let's stop.. I think it's the Author, you know", Faramir said, again horrified.
"Let's go then.", suggested Legolas.
So they were off for their big adventure.
Will Legolas be slaughtered or not? You wanna know right? Then be sure to checkout the next chapter.
REVIEW!!
Chapter 5
Legolas was dizzy and awoke by a loud burp. "Where am I.. Who was that.. The stench!", he said quietly.
He heard someone's laughter, it began annoyingly soft, and it went all the way up untill it almost blasted Legolas's ear. Almost, you Legolas haters!
"Legolas my friend, I'm surprised you don't recognize this place. You haven't been here before but you should've known it was me because of the burp."
"Nooooo! It cannot be you, Sauron! We defeated you way back and Frodo told you to shove that Ring up your ass!"
"Would you shut up already? Geez, I'm not Sauron. He died, dumbass. I'm much more dangerous, I'm.... *drumroll* Faramir. You are delirious."
"Faramir? Is it you? My old friend!" Legolas opened his eyes and he was in a room decorated in babyblue, with 'Estel' written all over the place. Right in front of him sat Faramir. "Do you like it? Eowyn decorated it." Legolas gave a small nodd.
Faramir hadn't shaved for a long time, in fact, he was growing a beard. Legolas thought he looked even uglier than he used to look.
"You know, Legolas, I missed you guys. Ever since Aragorn has become king things have become boring. But now, you burst in here and my senses are telling me you're in for an adventure. So what is it you want, you old bastard!"
"Faramir, have you talked to Tiff?", Legolas said, while eyeing him suspiciously.
"Well..."
"And has she told you everything?"
"Well... Sorta. But that doesn't matter! All that matters is that we'll be destroying those Fangirls like they never existed. I'm with you there buddy, one was stalking Eowyn a while ago. Ugh, they are so annoying."
Faramir kept on ranting and Legolas thought 'jelous much?' All of a sudden there was a big flash light and the author apeared. "You're one to talk!", she blurted out. "Am not!" "You are!" "Am not!", Legolas whined. Faramir was still ranting and didn't even see those two fighting.
"Now shut up Legolas, or I'll turn you into a toad!"
"What are you, a Fangirl?", Legolas asked.
Farmir suddenly became aware of the scene and gasped. He covered Legolas's mouth with his hand and mumbled honorfull. "Sir Legolas is sorry, he won't be a prick next time." She seemed unpleased by this. "I want to hear him say it. Now, or else." 'hahahahaha', thought Legolas, but he did as he was told, because Faramir was quite.. smelly. Faramir released his grip and Legolas mumbled "Sorry.."
"There, that wasn't so hard, was it?", the author asked.
"No my Lady", answered the horrified Faramir. She disappeared just as soon as she came.
"Who was that?", Legolas asked, puzzled.
"Quiet, she can hear you. She's the author of this story and she can do whatever she likes to you. Now shut up about it, will you?"
"Fangirls, authors, Pink Riders, what's next? A horde of flying donkeys wanting to rape me?"
"Legolas, you fool. Do not mock the Author. Now shut up I tell you!"
"Fine", he said, while folding his arms.
"Oh"said Legolas, "I forgot to ask, how did I come here? Where are the Pink Riders?"
"Eowyn was bored, erm, yeah, she was really bored, we certainly didn't had an argument involving my alcohol problem. No she wanted to go, erm, fishing! Yeah that's right, she went fishing. The Pink Riders dropped you at this pool to phone their boss, their telepatic powers were suddenly gone, I don't know why. Anyway, she freed you and when Tiff woke up she orbed you to this place."
"What kind of thing is orbing?"
"Don't you ever watch Charmed on the TV? You do watch Star Trek, do you? It's a sort of 'Beam me up, Scottie' thing but the diffrence is, Scottie doesn't beam you up!" Faramir thought this was extremely funny and couldn't stop cracking up.
"Do you live in another dimension or something? What is a TV?" Faramir let out a sigh of frustration. "Never mind.. You're hopeless."
"Am not!"
"YOU ARE NOW SHUT UP", a loud voice yelled. There was a moment of silence untill Faramir spoke up again
"That was the Author. Now stop being annoying, alright?"
Legolas wanted to protest but all he could say was "Gulp."
Eowyn stood in the doorframe "Faramir, sweetie, can I talk to you for a second?", she asked sweetly.
"Well sure pumpkin." Faramir hopped to his wife and kissed her forehead. While he turned around to give a thumbs up to Legolas, Eowyn made a mocking face and tried to wipe the scent of him from her forehead. She was mad, Legolas could tell.
She closed the door with the aim to prevent Legolas from listening. Tough luck though, Legolas could hear everything.
"Faramir, I found a couple of beer cans in our room. What were they doing there? I thought I told you to stop."
"Yeah, sure. Whatever. I'll never do it again."
"Good. Otherwise you'd wish you were never born."
"But pumpkin, I love you, you know that don't you?"
"I guess. But you don't really show it. *sniffle*.
"Aww, baby. How about tonight, I'll show you exactly how much.."
Legolas covered his ears and sang 'lalala, I can't hear you!' Thruth to be told, he couldn't accept the fact that Faramir had a girl and he didn't. He spend doing this for over 10 minits untill Eowyn came in and greeted Legolas. They had some small talk, and Legolas asked
"Pardon me Eowyn, but why do you have 'Estel' written all over the place? Doesn't Faramir know it's Aragorn?"
Eowyn sniggered. "A while ago, one of the maids made a bet with me. If I was able to write 'Estel' all over the place and Faramir wouldn't know, she would give me all her money. I won, of course. If Faramir ever knows it means Aragorn, I'll just simply say I'm honoring the king."
"Good thinking!", commented Legolas. "Now Legolas, I'm sure you want to talk to your companion Tiff. She's in the room next door. You're not fully healed so be carefull. I'll escort you to her room."
"You're wrong there Eowyn, I can walk to her room without your help, see!", Legolas stood up and walked to Eowyn without any problems.
"Now, the room is next door, you said?" But then Legolas felt he was becoming pretty dizzy and the stars started dancing around him again.
"Don't.. feel.. so good..", he said, and he fell down with a loud thud.
"Stupid Legolas", said Eowyn, while dragging him to Tiff's room. She sat him down in a comfortable chair. Tiff was reading a *gasp* book! It was called "How to become sexy", but still, she was reading which was a big progress.
"Tiff, here is your companion. I pressume you want to be left alone. I'll send Faramir in as soon as possible. Goodbye!", said Eowyn and she closed the door softly.
It took a while before Legolas opened his eyes and was back to his normal, braggy self.
"Hi there Tiff. So, what's the plan?"
"I like, thought, you had a plan." The was an awkward silence, but then Legolas spoke up again.
"Okay, here's the deal. We'll ride to the Misty Mountains with Faramir. We'll try to avoid those Pink Riders and the Author as much as possible. When we reach the Misty Mountains, we'll find Gollum and kill him. I just haven't figured out yet how to distract Sandy."
"Hey, Legolas, like I'm a shapeshifter also! Maybe I could like, shapeshift into Gollum!"
"Excellent idea, Tiff. Now all we have to do is to wait untill Faramir arrives.." After several minutes of waiting and fighting over who is sexier, Faramir bursted into the room.
"Hey there fellas, sorry I'm late. This is so exciting! We now have a Fellowship of three. I can be just like my big brother Boromir, and everyone will be so proud."
"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, here is the plan. We'll ride to the Misty Mountains, kill Gollum while Tiff distracts Sandy shapeshifting into Gollum.", explained Legolas.
"Fine by me, Leggy old buddy."
"I thought I told you to never call me that again."
"Sorry... Leggy!"
"Stop that!"
"Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy, Leggy!"
"You do know what I'm going to do to you now, right?"
"What?"
"Boromir rules! Faramir sucks! Boromir rules! Faramir sucks! Boromir rules! Faramir sucks! Boromir rules! Faramir sucks! Boromir rules! Faramir sucks!", Legolas sang while Faramir was screaming Leggy, Leggy non-stop.
"Stop it! Like, you're being, like, really annoying!" It was a madhouse, those three were screaming constantly without stopping. They heard two gunshots and the abruptly stopped.
"What was that?", asked Legolas.
"I don't know but let's stop.. I think it's the Author, you know", Faramir said, again horrified.
"Let's go then.", suggested Legolas.
So they were off for their big adventure.
Will Legolas be slaughtered or not? You wanna know right? Then be sure to checkout the next chapter.
REVIEW!!