A/N: The mocking continues! Mwuahahaha! I think there'll be two more
chapters, including this one.. But we'll see.. Might do a sequel too, just
to annoy the hell out of everyone. But enough is enough: here's the new
chapter. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Usual stuff. I own nothing yadda yadda.. Grammar sucks, but bare with me here..
Chapter 7
Legolas awoke and all was dark, and some sort of stench reached his nostrils. It smelled like rotten bodies mixed with perfume, which wasn't a good combination. His vision became unblurred and he saw a ray of sunlight coming from outside the chamber, it lifted his spirits immediately.
His eyes gazed through the chamber and he noticed iron bars. 'Great, I'm probably locked in some kind of prison, or something', he thought. He could move his body freely, but his left shoulder hurt like hell. He noticed that there lay three other bodies in the chamber, two he identified as Tiff and Faramir, the other he didn't quite know.
"Why are you looking at me, lad?", the voice asked. The man was tied up and eyed him suspiciously, Legolas could see this because the ray of sunlight reached close to where the man lay.
"Nothing.. Who are you, if I may ask?", he asked, politely. He only did this because he didn't know who he was dealing with.
"You don't recognize me? You're just as stupid as I remember. I am..", he stopped for a second to cough.
"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, king of Gondor!"
"Hold the attitude there, Aragorn. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be ruling your kingdom?"
"You snotty arse! You think I'm here for fun? I'm here because those bloody fangirls decided to kidnap me.. Or Pink Riders whatever they're called.. But I'm not quite sure why.. Heard some babbling about them wanting to take over Middle-Earth or something.."
"They want to take over Middle-Earth? That's horrible!"
"And on top of that, Gollum will sit on the throne. Can you believe it? It's my bloody throne, I bloody well claimed it! Not to mention, I thought he died, but he bloody lives!"
"What are they gonna do with us, Aragorn?"
"They said they'd kill half the male population, the other half will be made slaves. The female population will be put to a choice. They must become Fangirls by heart, or they'll be killed. Oh, and the prisoners will be forced to dance naked on fire, while acid will be thrown over them so they'll die a slow and hurtfull dead. Or something."
"You're serious, aren't you?"
"No, I'm bloody joking. Yes of course I'm serious you bastard!"
"But I haven't got laid yet. I'm kind of horny.. Aragorn, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Well yes. My bloody throne! How horrible.."
Legolas sighed. His little hint didn't work.. But then again there was no slash in this fic. "Don't you even care about Arwen, or your kids?"
"I do. But my throne..", he continued whining like this, insert a couple of 'bloody's and you're done.
"Oh my head! And I didn't even drink last night...! Where am I!", Faramir suddenly spoke up.
"You're in the prison of those Pink Riders, lad. Remember any of them?", Aragorn asked.
"Aragorn? Is that you? No, it cannot be. What are you doing here?"
"Having a party. What do you bloody think I'm doing here, I'm captured."
"Aragorn, oooh, you're so hawt!", Tiff spoke up.
"Well, thank you love, you're not too bad yourself. Whoops, shouldn't be saying that. Arwen said that if I'd ever flirt again she'd cut my big willy off. Good thing she isn't here now, huh, mates?"
"What's a big willy?", Faramir asked.
"Oh, that's my pet name for my dick."
Legolas giggled.
"What are you chuckling about lad?"
"You said dick!", Legolas, Tiff and Faramir all bursted out laughing.
"So bloody what! Keep down the noise, or those Pink bitches will check on us."
That made the threesome laugh even more.
"What now?"
"You said bitches!", and they were off again.
"Are you deaf! Those Pink girls will come for us! Shut you're bloody mouth now!", Aragorn said, while shuddering.
"Why, oh lord Aragorn, are you whining like a little brat? Is our mighty king affraid?", provoked Legolas.
"Haven't you heard my story about what they're gonna do to us? Yes, I am affraid, you bloody shitbloke. I want my mother, if only she wasn't dead...", he sniffed.
"Oh boo-hoo you fucking baby. My mother is is nowhere to be seen too, so what? It's not like she's superman or something, she wouldn't be able to help us.", said Legolas.
"Shut up, you second choice. Be nice, or when this is over I'll ban you out of my kingdom, which is rather big I might add.", Aragorn added with a cheeky grin.
"What do you mean, second choice? If I were you I'd shut up or otherwise..."
Suddenly fear filled all four their hearts. One of the Pink Riders had overheard their conversation or so, and footsteps were heard aswell as a loud screach.
"What you gonna do when we come for you...", Faramir sang.
"Faramir, we know you're a big Will Smith fan, but now is not a good time, you know.", said Legolas.
"Oops, sorry."
"Guys, If I were, like, to die I'd like to say that it was a likeable pleaure working with you.", Tiff said.
The Pink Rider was now a couple of feet away from the door.
"How nice of you, Tiff. It's much better than your loud screams which make me wanna scratch my eyeballs out."
"Oh, but like, I was gonna scream afterwards so, eh, sorry Leggy."
Right after Tiff finished her sentence she screamed at the top of her lungs as the Pink Rider came into the dungeon. She seemed unharmed by the high tones of our beloved Tiff, while the three men were ready to commit a crime if the screams wouldn't stop. Unknown by our four heroes, Tiff helped the Pink Rider because now she could do whatever she wanted to do. No, not that, you pervs! The Pink Rider kicked Tiff against her head and she stopped screaming, and fainted.
"Miss Pink Rider, I'm willing to go as far as you want me to go, if you'll release me..', Faramir said with a 'sexy wink', or so he thought.
The Pink Rider paid no attention to him and grabbed Tiff while dragging her out of there. The threesome was quiet. Even Aragorn stopped whining about his bloody throne, you ask? Yes, even that.
"If I hear anyone..", the Pink one began "I will like, make sure that they won't live to, like, see another day.. So yeah, like, shut up!"
The threesome nodded, and Faramir let out a small cry. As soon as the Pink Rider came, she was gone.
"Why did you have to let out that small cry you fucking baby!", said Legolas.
"I'm with Aragorn here.. I want my mommy!!!", cried Faramir.
"Shut your bloody mouth. If they hear us, they might kill your bloody king! Now you don't want that to happen do you?", said Aragorn.
"But we do have to whisper.. Because we need to think up a plan, otherwise we're doomed. This is even worse than the war of the Ring! At least Sauron didn't want to turn us into sexslaves.", said Legolas.
"Well he was an eye you know. Do you really think he became an eye for no special reason? Think, bloody think! This way he could enjoy the feminine beauty which covers Middle-Earth..", Aragorn added.
"Your point is? We wouldn't be made sexslaves..", Legolas said.
"Hate to burst your little bloody bubble there lad, but you do look like a girl."
"I do NOT!"
"Whatever you say... *cough*transsexual*cough*"
"Guys, stop it! We need to come up with something.", said Faramir.
"So now you suddenly act wise. I know what you want, you want to be the hero of the story, don't you? Well, it ain't gonna happen. I'm gonna defeat them with or without your help.", said Legolas.
"I know something", said Aragorn "but I'm not sure if it's gonna work." "Tell us, oh great king", added Faramir sarcasticly.
"You, you shut your bloody mouth or I'll kick you out of my kingdom, too!"
"Oh yeah? How are you gonna do that, we'll never get out of here alive."
"That's right.. Ok, let's put it this way then: I kissed your wife, and she bloody well liked it.", said Aragorn.
"Stop the nonsense now or I'm gonna sing a serenade about my hair!", said Legolas.
The two abruptly stopped.
Without the threesome knowing it, two Pink Riders had come and they were opening the prison doors.
"You know, my offer still stands!", screamed Faramir.
It was too late. The two Pink Riders grabbed Aragorn and Faramir by their hair, which caused some threaths of Aragorn throwing them out of his kingdom, and some cries of Faramir wanting his 'mommy', while Legolas was being left alone. He tried to scream but somehow his voice didn't work.
He was doomed and he knew it....
Dun dun dun duuuun!!!
A/N : I know the suspense is killing you, sorta *evil grin*. Be sure to checkout the last chapter which will hopefully be better than this one...
Disclaimer: Usual stuff. I own nothing yadda yadda.. Grammar sucks, but bare with me here..
Chapter 7
Legolas awoke and all was dark, and some sort of stench reached his nostrils. It smelled like rotten bodies mixed with perfume, which wasn't a good combination. His vision became unblurred and he saw a ray of sunlight coming from outside the chamber, it lifted his spirits immediately.
His eyes gazed through the chamber and he noticed iron bars. 'Great, I'm probably locked in some kind of prison, or something', he thought. He could move his body freely, but his left shoulder hurt like hell. He noticed that there lay three other bodies in the chamber, two he identified as Tiff and Faramir, the other he didn't quite know.
"Why are you looking at me, lad?", the voice asked. The man was tied up and eyed him suspiciously, Legolas could see this because the ray of sunlight reached close to where the man lay.
"Nothing.. Who are you, if I may ask?", he asked, politely. He only did this because he didn't know who he was dealing with.
"You don't recognize me? You're just as stupid as I remember. I am..", he stopped for a second to cough.
"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, king of Gondor!"
"Hold the attitude there, Aragorn. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be ruling your kingdom?"
"You snotty arse! You think I'm here for fun? I'm here because those bloody fangirls decided to kidnap me.. Or Pink Riders whatever they're called.. But I'm not quite sure why.. Heard some babbling about them wanting to take over Middle-Earth or something.."
"They want to take over Middle-Earth? That's horrible!"
"And on top of that, Gollum will sit on the throne. Can you believe it? It's my bloody throne, I bloody well claimed it! Not to mention, I thought he died, but he bloody lives!"
"What are they gonna do with us, Aragorn?"
"They said they'd kill half the male population, the other half will be made slaves. The female population will be put to a choice. They must become Fangirls by heart, or they'll be killed. Oh, and the prisoners will be forced to dance naked on fire, while acid will be thrown over them so they'll die a slow and hurtfull dead. Or something."
"You're serious, aren't you?"
"No, I'm bloody joking. Yes of course I'm serious you bastard!"
"But I haven't got laid yet. I'm kind of horny.. Aragorn, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Well yes. My bloody throne! How horrible.."
Legolas sighed. His little hint didn't work.. But then again there was no slash in this fic. "Don't you even care about Arwen, or your kids?"
"I do. But my throne..", he continued whining like this, insert a couple of 'bloody's and you're done.
"Oh my head! And I didn't even drink last night...! Where am I!", Faramir suddenly spoke up.
"You're in the prison of those Pink Riders, lad. Remember any of them?", Aragorn asked.
"Aragorn? Is that you? No, it cannot be. What are you doing here?"
"Having a party. What do you bloody think I'm doing here, I'm captured."
"Aragorn, oooh, you're so hawt!", Tiff spoke up.
"Well, thank you love, you're not too bad yourself. Whoops, shouldn't be saying that. Arwen said that if I'd ever flirt again she'd cut my big willy off. Good thing she isn't here now, huh, mates?"
"What's a big willy?", Faramir asked.
"Oh, that's my pet name for my dick."
Legolas giggled.
"What are you chuckling about lad?"
"You said dick!", Legolas, Tiff and Faramir all bursted out laughing.
"So bloody what! Keep down the noise, or those Pink bitches will check on us."
That made the threesome laugh even more.
"What now?"
"You said bitches!", and they were off again.
"Are you deaf! Those Pink girls will come for us! Shut you're bloody mouth now!", Aragorn said, while shuddering.
"Why, oh lord Aragorn, are you whining like a little brat? Is our mighty king affraid?", provoked Legolas.
"Haven't you heard my story about what they're gonna do to us? Yes, I am affraid, you bloody shitbloke. I want my mother, if only she wasn't dead...", he sniffed.
"Oh boo-hoo you fucking baby. My mother is is nowhere to be seen too, so what? It's not like she's superman or something, she wouldn't be able to help us.", said Legolas.
"Shut up, you second choice. Be nice, or when this is over I'll ban you out of my kingdom, which is rather big I might add.", Aragorn added with a cheeky grin.
"What do you mean, second choice? If I were you I'd shut up or otherwise..."
Suddenly fear filled all four their hearts. One of the Pink Riders had overheard their conversation or so, and footsteps were heard aswell as a loud screach.
"What you gonna do when we come for you...", Faramir sang.
"Faramir, we know you're a big Will Smith fan, but now is not a good time, you know.", said Legolas.
"Oops, sorry."
"Guys, If I were, like, to die I'd like to say that it was a likeable pleaure working with you.", Tiff said.
The Pink Rider was now a couple of feet away from the door.
"How nice of you, Tiff. It's much better than your loud screams which make me wanna scratch my eyeballs out."
"Oh, but like, I was gonna scream afterwards so, eh, sorry Leggy."
Right after Tiff finished her sentence she screamed at the top of her lungs as the Pink Rider came into the dungeon. She seemed unharmed by the high tones of our beloved Tiff, while the three men were ready to commit a crime if the screams wouldn't stop. Unknown by our four heroes, Tiff helped the Pink Rider because now she could do whatever she wanted to do. No, not that, you pervs! The Pink Rider kicked Tiff against her head and she stopped screaming, and fainted.
"Miss Pink Rider, I'm willing to go as far as you want me to go, if you'll release me..', Faramir said with a 'sexy wink', or so he thought.
The Pink Rider paid no attention to him and grabbed Tiff while dragging her out of there. The threesome was quiet. Even Aragorn stopped whining about his bloody throne, you ask? Yes, even that.
"If I hear anyone..", the Pink one began "I will like, make sure that they won't live to, like, see another day.. So yeah, like, shut up!"
The threesome nodded, and Faramir let out a small cry. As soon as the Pink Rider came, she was gone.
"Why did you have to let out that small cry you fucking baby!", said Legolas.
"I'm with Aragorn here.. I want my mommy!!!", cried Faramir.
"Shut your bloody mouth. If they hear us, they might kill your bloody king! Now you don't want that to happen do you?", said Aragorn.
"But we do have to whisper.. Because we need to think up a plan, otherwise we're doomed. This is even worse than the war of the Ring! At least Sauron didn't want to turn us into sexslaves.", said Legolas.
"Well he was an eye you know. Do you really think he became an eye for no special reason? Think, bloody think! This way he could enjoy the feminine beauty which covers Middle-Earth..", Aragorn added.
"Your point is? We wouldn't be made sexslaves..", Legolas said.
"Hate to burst your little bloody bubble there lad, but you do look like a girl."
"I do NOT!"
"Whatever you say... *cough*transsexual*cough*"
"Guys, stop it! We need to come up with something.", said Faramir.
"So now you suddenly act wise. I know what you want, you want to be the hero of the story, don't you? Well, it ain't gonna happen. I'm gonna defeat them with or without your help.", said Legolas.
"I know something", said Aragorn "but I'm not sure if it's gonna work." "Tell us, oh great king", added Faramir sarcasticly.
"You, you shut your bloody mouth or I'll kick you out of my kingdom, too!"
"Oh yeah? How are you gonna do that, we'll never get out of here alive."
"That's right.. Ok, let's put it this way then: I kissed your wife, and she bloody well liked it.", said Aragorn.
"Stop the nonsense now or I'm gonna sing a serenade about my hair!", said Legolas.
The two abruptly stopped.
Without the threesome knowing it, two Pink Riders had come and they were opening the prison doors.
"You know, my offer still stands!", screamed Faramir.
It was too late. The two Pink Riders grabbed Aragorn and Faramir by their hair, which caused some threaths of Aragorn throwing them out of his kingdom, and some cries of Faramir wanting his 'mommy', while Legolas was being left alone. He tried to scream but somehow his voice didn't work.
He was doomed and he knew it....
Dun dun dun duuuun!!!
A/N : I know the suspense is killing you, sorta *evil grin*. Be sure to checkout the last chapter which will hopefully be better than this one...