Muchas gracias for the reviews, mis amigos! Keep 'em coming because you all rock my socks! Amy, you'll be making an appearance in this chapter, along with the "surprise" celebrity guest, and Sully – I like your idea and I may just incorporate it into an upcoming chapter, and merge it with something else! You dudes are cool! Now on with the Chapter 3! HUZZAH!
It's 7:00! Time for the next installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!
*Theme music to the show starts playing. It is "Ignition: The Remix" by R. Kelly. Pictures flash across the screen as well as an assortment of different sound bites from upcoming episodes including:
"Why is there a bra floating in the pool!?"
"HUZZAH, my ass!"
"I can't open this can of Beef stroganoff!"
"How do you say "Rich is a complete moron" in Chinese?"
"GET ME OUT OF HERE!"
"The secret passage is being used for senseless boinking!"
"I'm telling Bob Saget on you!"
*The opening ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host*
"Hi, I'm Bob Saget. Welcome to the next installment of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored. Last week you saw the Fromiez receive their first mission and become better acquainted with their residence, known as Fro Manor. I want to thank all of you for your calls, questions and comments. Without you, the viewer, the show can't go on! So now let's get back to the Fromiez as they prepare for their first mission and also receive a few surprises along the way."
*camera fades out*
Fro Manor – Day 2: The Mission Doth Approacheth
"Guys, should we bring this pair of handcuffs?" Kim asked as she whipped the metallic bondage device out of someone's bag on the floor. "Whose are these, anyway? I think they're Rich's, but I'm not sure."
"Those are not mine!" Rich replied with a horrified expression on his face.
"Who really can tell, considering half of your junk is taking up the entire living room floor!" Kelly said hotly as she carried in a duffel bag full of toilet paper and dropped it down by Kim's feet. "There's no where else to put this. I'm trying to get things organized for tonight, but all of Rich's junk is in the way. Why can't you put this upstairs – like in your room?"
"I will, I will," Rich avoided looking at her and instead lifted his headphones to his ears, his portable CD player blasting the sounds of the 80's whiny rock group, Morrissey. "Whose genius idea was it to give me the Hilary Duff room anyway?"
"HELLO, MCFLY? I told you to cover up the stupid pictures!" Kim interjected as she searched for a lighter, but came up unsuccessful. "Who has the stupid lighter? Rich, you're sitting on it!"
"Ow!" Rich yelped as Kim forcefully grabbed the lighter out from under him. "And I did cover up the pictures, but somehow they ended up back on the wall this morning. I don't know how, but they did."
"Maybe it was the ghost of Fro Manor," Jenn said sarcastically as she wandered into the room, carrying a bag of some foul-smelling stuff. "I gave Shasta and Sophie some burritos for dinner, so when they did their business it came out extra smelly. This should work for Cammy's front door step."
"Holy hell, that smells like shit!" Kim said in her usual non-tactful way.
"It is shit," came Kee's voice from behind the box that he was carrying. He tossed it down next to the duffel bag full of toilet paper. "Here are some more supplies. I saw Freaky outside and he gave me all the toilet paper that he had in the outhouse. He also gave me some flashlights, string, some clown noses, a pair of stiletto heels, a box of Lucky Charms and a set of coasters."
"The hell?" Kim asked confusedly. "Why do we need a box of Lucky Charms?"
"It's a decoy, duh?" Kee said as if Kim was an idiot for not knowing this. "The real box of Lucky Charms is located in the Panic Room. If Susan Duff were to somehow break into the house while we were gone, the decoy would ensure that she wouldn't get the real box. If she got the real box that would enable her to take over the world and we would all die. And we can't have that."
"Riiiight…" Jenn scratched her head. "Ummm, isn't Freakness supposed to be watching the house while we're gone?"
"Oh yeah, he is, but from 7:30-8:00 he's watching Lizzie McGuire. So he gave me this decoy to place in the house in case Susan somehow gets in and decides to steal our Lucky Charms." Kee didn't seem to think this was a big deal in any way.
"This is so not reassuring," Kelly said nervously. "I'd feel better if we got a house sitter. I mean, the world lies in our hands!"
"Me too," Jenn chimed in. "Someone get Freaky over here and tell him he better stay in the house the whole night."
"We just gave to give him the special Freaky mating call, and he'll come running over," Kim told them. "We all have to say it at the same time, okay? On the count of three, guys. Ready? 1 -2 -3…"
"Freaky Deaky Streaky Creepy, won't you come out and play?"
Two seconds later, Freaky jerked open the sliding glass door and ran into the room, all out of breath.
"Hey guys! You rang?"
"Yeah, umm…you're fired," Kim told him casually. "Oh wait, actually, you're not fired. But you need to arrange to have a house sitter in here tonight while we complete the mission."
"No problem!" Freaky replied with a wave of his hand. "I'm already one step ahead of you. I've gotten you two house sitters, actually. And they should be here any moment!"
As if on cue, the doorbell rang, chiming throughout the house. Aubrey ran off to answer the door, in her David Gordon wig and everything.
"AIMS!" she shouted once she saw who the guest was. "Hey guys, Amy is here! And – who's that with you? Is that – no, it can't be! It is! BEN STILLER?"
"Yes, it's me, Ben Stiller," the man with the piercing green eyes and spiky brown hair said with a devilish grin on his face. "Me and Amy are your house sitters for this evening. Don't worry, we won't make too big of a mess! And we'll be sure to guard your Lucky Charms!"
"Oh, Ben!" Amy laughed and took Ben Stiller's arm. They walked into the living room to join the rest of the Fromiez, who were absolutely star-struck at the sight of their house sitter.
"Everyone, I'd like you to meet my special friend, Ben. Ben, these are The Fromiez." Amy made all the introductions, and Ben graciously shook everyone's hand.
"Ben Stiller!? Hummina hummina!" Kim crowed excitedly. "Oh wait, he's married. Just kidding." She dashed off to find more toilet paper, since they all had to get going pretty soon.
"I just wanted to wish you guys luck on your mission tonight," Ben told them. "I think you all are going to do fine, and if not – don't worry. Amy and I will make sure to throw each and every one of you a special funeral. Money is no object."
"Uhhhh…." All the Fromiez looked at each other nervously. Maybe this mission was a little too dangerous for them – but they really had no choice. If they didn't complete the mission, they couldn't move on to the next mission, and so forth. Once The Fromiz completed all the missions, there would be a handsome sum of cash waiting for them. That was the part they were definitely looking forward to.
"Alright guys, let's get going!" Kim said once she was back in the room. She added another duffel bag full of toilet paper to the stack, which put it at about 50 rolls. "Have we got everything?"
"Toilet paper…" Kelly consented her clipboard and made a note. "Check. Let's see…lighter?"
"Here it is!" Aubrey said, waving it in the air. She flicked it on and watched as the flame danced and flickered. "Heh heh heh heh heh! Fiiiiire!"
"Uhhh….check," Kelly said, raising an eyebrow. "Okay…dog poo?"
"Check!" Jenn said gleefully, holding up the bag of Shasta and Sophie's special gifts.
"Driver?" Kelly asked, looking up from her clipboard. "Where's our driver? SCOTT! WHERE'S SCOTT?"
"I'm right here!" came Scott's muffled voice from underneath a pile of Rich's junk. "Anyone know where the keys to the car are? Oh wait, here they are…in my pocket. Heh."
"Okay, now all we need is our navigator…Rich?" Kelly looked around for the tall, gangly fellow. He was sitting behind the couch, listening to music and tuning out the whole conversation – as usual.
"RICH!" Kim shouted, reaching over and pulling his hair. "We're leaving now! Do you have the directions to Cammy's house?"
"Uhhhh…" Rich reached into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. "I think this is it. No, wait. This is a list of Lalaine's favorite vegetables." He pulled out another piece of paper, just as mangled. "This is a list of Lalaine's favorite fruits, in order by color. And this – "
"We're walking now," Jenn interrupted, leading the Fromiez out to the Fro Van, which was the designated car for their missions as well as any personal reasons they might need to use it. Scott climbed into the driver's seat and Rich jumped in next to him. Kee, Kim and Jenn took the seats behind them, while Aubrey and Kelly sat in the very back seats.
"Scott's a good driver! He likes to drive in the driveway!" Jenn joked as Scott backed out of the curved path that was the driveway to Fro Manor. "Haha, that was from Rainman – get it?"
"Let's listen to Lalaine's CD!" Rich cried as he popped the small disc into the player. "You wake up one dayyyy, and everything chaaaanges…."
"NOOOOOOOOO!" everyone shouted in unison as Scott put the pedal to the metal and peeled out of the driveway and down the street.
The Fromiez are off to complete their first mission! How will they do? Will one of them get caught? Will someone die? Stay tuned to find out!