a/n: not really much to say, is there? Um... apart from thank you Alynna Lis Eachann; misty-me; Zoken; KraziKrysti; and Mella deRanged; because you were all so nice and took the time to review me, so yeah. Thanks. I wrote this for you. Haki too, though she probably won't read this!

a/n ii: there's not to much Harry/Draco interaction in this, but they WILL give into my slashy wishes. Because I say so. Ha ha. Okay, so read on and reviews appreciated!

*~*~*~*

...

Harry smiled. This seemed to infuriate Malfoy. 'What the fuck are you smiling about, Potter?! My life's in ruins and I don't even have the Malfoy NAME! Draco fucking DURSLEY would you believe! HAH!'

Malfoy stole a deep breath before continuing.

'I have some sort of MONSTROSITY for a cousin, this bloody Marge women is shacked up with some Fubster guy - and DO YOU KNOW WHY I WOKE UP THIS MORNING?'

'Um... no.'

'I woke up because a fucking MUTT had his teeth around my ANKLE!'

All these words, though shouted under in breath, were close to his ear, and almost defining.

'I bet you that fuckwit squib's been messing around with his cauldron again! I get the pathetic excuse for a life! And he gets to be FAMOUS! I will MUDER HIM!'

Harry didn't doubt it. He'd never seen Malfoy disregard his cool composture like this.

'Calm it, Malfoy,' said Harry coolly. 'I'm going out with Parvati.'

'So?'

'So?! She's gorgeous!'

Malfoy snorted to himself.

'What?'

'Umm… nothing.'

'I know it's something!' Heat rose in Harry's face at Malfoy daring to spoil that nice surprise fate had given him.

'Yeah, and I bet you're having a secret affair with the Weasel.'

Harry spluttered. 'I am NOT!'

'How do you you? He's told you it's off, hasn't he?'

'Because I KNOW!' he shrieked hotly. He was shaking with fury. Why did he just jump Malfoy there and then? Give him a broken nose. That would sort him out.

Draco snickered.

'You're in love with the WEASEL! HA HA.'

'I'm NOT!' Harry glared furiously at him. 'I bet you don't even have a girlfriend!'

'But you have a BOYFRIEND!'

'SHUT UP!'

'Potty' loves the Weasel! Admit it!' he jostled, positively gleeful. 'You love Weasley!'

'HARRY!' said Sirius astounded. He was back. 'Is this true?'

'No! We're just joking! Weren't we?'

Harry nudged Malfoy.

'Why don't you go find us a carriage?' Malfoy looked indignant at being ordered about.

'I've got a carriage.'

'Then take my stuff there.' He looked even more incredulous. Finally he settled for a haughty look (and a poke in the back) and stomped of to the crimson steam engine.

***

'So… Harry,' said Sirius carefully. 'I never knew you… I.. reckoned you… didn't know you swung that… Harry. I thought you hated him.'

'I do,' said Harry delicately. 'But I just needed to talk to him. You know, what with Malfoy… um… Malfoy fancies Hermione!'

'WHAT?'

'Yeah - yeah. And he wants - wanted my blessings!' (There was a very far away 'I DON'T!' as if someone had shouted it from behind a carriage window).

'Who fancies her? I thought she was still hung up on Ron!'

'She is?'

'Who fancies her, Harry!'

'Malfoy does! I just told you - and he wanted my blessings!'

Sirius took a few hesitant steps back from Harry. Clearly unconvinced.

'What?'

The loud whistle blew and Harry glanced at the train.

'Okay, Harry. Well, er… you have a good year!'

Harry ran to the train and wrenched the door open. 'See ya!' he shouted, with one last grin. This life was where the dead lived.

'Hey! Harry! Did you dump Parvati for Dursely?' Sirius eyebrows shot up.

'WHAT?' Harry yelled as the train started to move. Cold hands grabbed Harry around the waste and pulled him inside before he fell out.

'Close the door, will you?' said Malfoy coldly. 'If I'm stuck in this freak world, you'll be stuck with me. We're in the end compartment.'

And outside hidden behind the discarded make of smoke, Sirius's overactive imagination was working over time.

'Prongs won't be happy when he hears about this,' he mused to himself. He left, mounted his motorbike and took to the September skies.

***

'POTTER!' he snatched stood up and snatched the chocolate frog out of Harry's hands.

'HEY!'

Malfoy threw it on the floor and stamped on it like some spoilt child.

Harry glared up at him as something that had clearly been milling in Malfoy's mind threatened to spill forth. What is it now? Harry thought. Malfoy had not done anything but complain about this reality, and refused to believe that maybe the Hogwart's reality was a fake one.

'The celebrate CHRISTMAS, Potter! And do you know what they fucking do on... CHRISTMAS?!'

'Ooh, no. Presents, right?'

'Fucking right! I get PRESENTS! And they look HAPPY about it! They SMILE! And do you know WHY they look happy - Potter? Do you know why they... smile?'

Harry shook his head.

'Because they LOVE me! And they… they think… that I… The Draco Malfoy… LOVE them!' he kicked the seats in anger after having so much difficulty getting the lasts words out. Harry recoiled. 'Do you UNDERSTAND?!'

'That was my last chocolate frog.'

Malfoy looked about ready to strangle him. Or at least hex Harry into oblivion.

Harry leant the furthest away in a chair as he could from Malfoy and held his palms up in surrender.

'How do you know this stuff? Sure they couldn't be celebrating Christmas in September?'

Malfoy suppressed the murderous urge to hit him. His worked up eyes flashed dangerously.

'They have pictures EVERYWHERE!' he shrieked hysterically. 'The creepiest things I have ever seen! Because they're all dead! No one fucking MOVES!'

***

In the Potters' kitchen…

A shattered egg was still lying hopeless maimed on the kitchen floor crying out silently for help, and Sirius had all four friends (yes, Wormtail is considered a friend) sitting at the large table where he made the biggest deal out of it he could.

He walked over and snatched Lupin's so-called encyclopaedia away, and tucked it under his arm.

'HEY!'

'Shut up Moony, I have an announcement.'

Everyone groaned. Moony raised his eyebrows once more. 'Padfoot, love, you've had an anouncement for the past twenty minutes. I'm sure its already come and gone.'

Everyone snickered at that.

'FINE.' Sirius walked towards the hall grinning. 'DON'T listen to me about who's Harry's cheating on Parvati with!'

'I LOVE YOU PADFOOT!' James cried hopelessly at Sirius's retreating back, but to no avail. 'Attention seeker,' he finally muttered before picking up the chair that had been knocked over and sitting back down on it.

Wormtail climbed off the floor and back on his chair, muttering darkly to himself.

'Was he telling the truth?' wondered Lupin out loud.

'I suppose he was,' said Lilly thoughtfully. 'But he might be trying to get us back for the meatball thing.'

'What meatball thing?' chorused James and Wormtail. Lupin and Lilly shared superior looks.

'Only that you're a freakin' pig!' Sirius shouted from beyond the door.

***

It was later when they'd cornered Sirius under the table in the kitchen after endless teaser's and hints.

'Hey!' shouted Sirius in surprised. 'That's an ambush!'

Pettigrew cackled somewhat evilly for a fat little man with a podgy face. Everyone turned to stare at him.

Sirius clutched the hairy meatball in his palm to his chest like a trapped animal staring from face to face. There was no escape…

'What have you to say about my son?' Lilly brandished her wand and smirked. Lupin too, and James brought out two wands with a flourish. One of them was smaller and more stumpy looking. It was chipped and battered.

Sirius decided wands didn't fair too well getting stuck in key holes.

He took his chance and went for it. Throwing the dirty meatball at Wormtail's face he slipped past him with surprising agility.

Lilly had stopped him with a flick of her wand. Well, after he hit that wall and fell to the floor, anyway.

'Okay,' surrendered Sirius, his voice slightly muffled. 'What do you want to know?'

'Good,' Lilly smiled. She gave the rest a Lilly-knows-best look, and released Sirius. 'Sit down and spill.'

'Do I at least get my dirty meatball?' All faces turned to Wormtail who let out an innocent little burp.

Sirius grabbed a handful of Spaghetti and Meatballs of James plate and dumped it on his while all eyes were shooting Wormtail disgusted looks.

'Padfoot, darling,' said James sweetly turning back to look at him. Sirius wiped his stick hands on the insides of his pockets. 'What were you saying about Harry?'

Sirius cast his eyes around the room to make sure he had everyone's attention on him. Remus was saying something under his breath to Lilly while he mentally measured his bowl up to check whether anything was out of place, and Lilly eyed Sirius bowl with suspicion.

(Which was only fair, because Sirius had been swallowing his mouthfull's whole, like usual, and now it was so full, spaghetti dripped over the sides.)

Sirius cleared his throat loudly for attention. 'As you might have gathered, Harry is cheating on Parvati with someone we all know. The question is…' he raised his voice dramatically. 'WHO?'

'Ooh! Ooh!' Wormtail bounced in his seat. 'It's Padma!'

Everyone turned to glare at him. Sirius had to have denied that many countless times.

Sirius coughed. 'Stupid.'

'And its not Hermione?' James raised his eyebrows, trying to not look to interested. Hah. They all saw right through that.

Sirius widened his eyes with sincerity. 'They were so sweet together. You should have seen them.'

'Accio bowl,' said Lilly coolly and Sirius bowl landed neatly in front of her. Sirius eyes popped out of his head.

'That was fucking unfair!' he shrieked getting to his feet.

'Sit down.'

Slowly but surely Sirius shot Lilly the darkest look he could while the rest looked on in admiration.

'On second thoughts, you don't have to tell us Sirius.'

'I don't?'

'No,' she smiled. 'But my cooking does look awfully nice…' Lilly picked up a forked and tantalisingly slowly dipped it in, twirled it around and raised it to her mouth.

Sirius was watching her his face avid with horror, his strong hands clutching the sides of his chair so tightly it almost turned to dust under his fingers.

'You wouldn't...' he whispered weakly. 'OKAY! SHIT! I said OKAY! OKAY!'

Lilly put the fork back down. 'What have I said about cussing?'

Sirius sulked. 'Just… leave the food alone.'

'Now, you were saying about Harry?'

Sirius shot her yet another dirty look and cleared his throat. 'Harry is cheating on Parvati with… dun dun dun -'

'SIRIUS!'

'No,' Sirius said blankly. ' I'd never do that to Moony.'

'SIRIUS!'

'NO! It's Dursley for fucks sake!'

'DURSELY!' James yelled jumping to his feet and snorting. 'You fucking liar!'

'Watch you're fucking mouth Prongs!' Sirius yelled back clearly enjoying the drama. 'You should have seen them… hugging, kissing…'

Meanwhile, ignoring both of the yelling marauders Lilly had turned to Remus quietly and asked whether or not Sirius was actually getting them back for the 'meatball thing'.

'I'm not sure,' Lupin replied cocking his head thoughtfully, an unconscious habit he'd picked up off Sirius. 'I don't think he'd be so creative. In fact, I'm surprised he held out so long.'

Lilly chuckled.

'I suppose you're right,' she mused. 'Poor Parvati, I think you should have a talk with him Remus.'

'Me?'

'I don't want him treating girls this way, Remus. I'm sure he's picked up this habit off Sirius. All those stories he used to tell him. Its bound to have an effect.'

'You're right,' Remus said, pulling his glasses off and chewing on of the ends thoughtfully. 'Shouldn't James do it? Or you?'

'Me? Harry's a teenager Remus. All I exist to do is cook and clean.'

Remus smiled ruefully. 'James, then?

'James was barely any better. He always thought hexes were the way to a girls heart. Remus, you're about as gentlemen-ly as they come - and you were always tied up in those pranks - don't give me that look - I know you did nothing to stop them.'

He grinned wider. 'Wormtail, then?'

Both red head and brunette burst out laughing at that.

'What?' James snarled turning to them perhaps more fiercely that he'd meant to. God knows why he and Sirius had ended up pinning each other to the ground so neither of them could move until one gave in.

'Nothing, love.' Lilly stood up. 'I'm going to write a letter to Harry -'

Sirius looked horrified. 'What if it's intercepted? I'll get in loads of trouble!'

'However much damage a skinny sixteen year old can inflict on a fully grown man, I'd still like to understand what was going on.'

'What if the owl dies and someone finds it and uses the information to black you're sun?!'

'Ooh no,' Remus smirked. 'We never thought about that one. Lilly you must be carefully.'

'This isn't a freaking laughing matter, Moony!' Sirius struggled once again in James's hold, but neither was giving in.

~*~*~

Hah. So, Sirius grassed on him. But only after mortal torture. Okay, anyway, that was suppose to show a bit at how close Remus and Lilly are (not that I'm implying anything... hem hem...) Remus wouldn't cheat on Sirius!

You are awful, awful people with awful imaginations. But poor James, being so shocked and then wrestled to the ground. And grr, Pettigrew did have to be in it.

Anyway. That was long for me. Two thousand words give or take a few (no I am not exaggerating). And thanks again for you're nice reviews, and hopefully people like this chapter and I'll write another?? Reviews appreciated and welcome - Harry/Draco forever!! Ha ha ha!

ps. if anyone has any prefence to what type of Neville The boy Who Lived will be (I don't know, normal-Nevile conceited-Neville, talented-Neville, or anything) please drop a review with an idea. Really, because I have no idea what you like, don't like. Cheers.

Viva Harry/Draco FOREVER!!