How ya'll doin' ya'll! Sorry not getting to this sooner, but school's been sucking and all that good stuff. Thanks for all da reviews and shizz – Bob was really happy to know that Full House is coming to Nick at Nite. Now on with Chapter 7!
It's 7:00! Time for the next installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!
*R. Kelly's Ignition Remix begins to play as video from upcoming episodes flashes across the screen, as well as some sound bites including:"*
"Hi! My name is Rich. I'm NOT a virgin and I DON'T work 12-hour shifts!"
"Oh, sweet jaysus!"
"Does green mold growing on bread mean it's bad?"
"GET ME OUT OF THIS HOUSE!"
"Forgive me Pat, for I have sinned."
*The opening ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host*
"Hi, I'm Bob Saget. And welcome to another positively enthralling episode of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored. We're glad that you were able to join us because things are starting to get H-O-T! Hot! Last week we saw Adam successfully play both Aubrey and Kelly without either of them knowing! We also saw bunches of sexual tension between housemates. I have a feeling our ordained minister is going to be busy this week! Ha ha ha! Let's get back to our favorite Fromiez as relationships in the house start getting a little complicated! And don't forget to watch Full House on Nick at Nite!"
*Camera fades out as Bob grins and does a little dance number*
"Kim, have you been using my bed without my knowledge?" Jenn asked curiously as she stared at the rumpled sheets and the pillows that were tossed on the floor. "I mean, call me Rainman, but I totally don't remember leaving my bed this way. I made it this morning after I got up."
Kim managed to tear her eyes away from her Kyle Downes portrait on the ceiling in order to say to Jenn,
"Uhhh, dude? Why would I use your bed when I have a perfectly good view of Kyle's gorgeous blue eyes from my bed?"
Jenn shrugged as she ripped the sheets off to do another load of laundry. It seemed like her bed was becoming extra dirty in an extra short amount of time lately. "I don't know, but it's really weird how my bed keeps getting messed up when I'm not in the room."
"Maybe it's the same ghost that keeps taking Rich's Lalaine pictures off the wall and replacing them with Hilary pictures," Kim suggested helpfully.
* Cut to yesterday in Rich's room *
"There! I finally got all these stupid Hilary pictures off of the wall!" Rich said happily as he tacked the final Lalaine photo by his bed. The wall looked much better now, since Lalaine's perfect face was covering it. He cocked his head and stared at the photos, getting lost in her eyes and noticing that the moles on her face were almost artistic…
"Hey Rich, wanna come have a sammich with me in the kitchen?" Kee asked, poking his head into the room and disrupting Rich's little daydream.
"Okay!" Rich bounded down the stairs after his roommate, switching his thoughts to food. Food was always good.
* 10 minutes later, Rich and Kee are walking up the stairs back to their room *
"Yeah, so when I went to see Lalaine, she had on this sort of blue shirt that was kind of tight, although you couldn't really see anything because – " Kee rolled his eyes and groaned, tuning out Rich's incessant Lalaine ramblings. The boy just never shut up. " – And it was kind of cool that she sung those two songs because it really demonstrated her talent as a songwriter as well as a singer and I think it's awesome how she writes her own songs, but like – AHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Rich's mouth dropped open at the sight in front of him. His wall was once again covered with Hilary Duff pictures. The Lalaine ones he had tacked up were gone, and all that remained was millions upon millions of Hilary faces smiling back at him.
"Gal darn it!" Rich cried, placing his hands on his head and tearing at his hair. "MAKE IT STOP! NOOOOOOO!"
* Cut to Kim and Jenn's room, present day *
"Hmmm…no, I don't think that's it," Jenn said thoughtfully. "I've noticed that the change machine also seems to be getting full. I wonder what's going on?"
"Dude, who knows," Kim said, shrugging her shoulders. "You'll figure it out eventually."
* Cut to the outside of Fro Manor, yesterday evening *
"I had such a good time tonight, Adam," Kelly said as they approached the front door. "It was so cool how we snuck in the movie and all. You're right – it is a great way to save money! It's too bad that the manager caught us, but I'm glad we were able to outrun him."
"Hey, at least we got our cardiovascular workout for the evening," Adam said, flashing her a crooked grin.
"Yeah, running is a great way to burn calories," Kelly said, nodding.
"I know another great way to burn calories," Adam replied in a seductive tone, leaning in to start a rousing game of tonsil hockey.
As soon as Adam detached his lips from Kelly's, the first words out of his mouth were,
"Kelly – I think it's time we take our relationship to the next level."
She could feel her heart start beating faster and faster while Adam's blue eyes gazed into her own. His stare was so sexy and overpowering, how could she ever say no to him? Plus, she was in love with him. And he was in love with her…right? They had spent every evening together for the past two weeks and everything had been great. He was such a gentlemen.
"Okay," she replied simply, running her hands through his fro. "Umm…my roommates are gone, anyway. They all went to the mall to see if Kim could spot Kyle Downes anywhere."
"Kyle Downes? Didn't he disappear off the face of the Earth?" Adam asked confusedly. "Ah, well. Never mind. Where can we go?"
"Well…" Kelly smiled mischievously. "Jenn has a vibrating bed in her room…"
*Cut to the outside of Fro Manor, yesterday evening, after Kelly and Adam do the nasty *
"Thanks for agreeing to meet me so late," Adam said to Aubrey as he walked her to the front door. "I had some business to take care of beforehand. But still, I had to see you. I couldn't go through a whole day without spending time with you."
"It was no problem," Aubrey replied casually. "I'm usually up this late anyway. 3:00 am is no big deal for me – I don't sleep. In fact - "
"That's so sexy," Adam interrupted, cornering her up against the wall and doing an excellent of impression of the face-eating guy from Silence of the Lambs. Once he had extracted his tongue from her throat, he didn't waste any time in muttering the immortal phrase, "Aubrey – I think it's time we take our relationship to the next level."
"Oh Adam, I ant you so bad…" she whispered back, running her hands through his delicious fro.
"What?" he asked with a puzzled expression on his face. "You ant me? What's that? I don't – mpph!" he was cut off by Aubrey, who began attacking his lips and trying to remove the sesame seed stuck between his teeth with her tongue. Man, this chick was really horny. That pleased Adam very much. It made his job a lot easier. "So uh –" he was cut off again as Aubrey pushed him up against the door, ready for another make-out session. "Whoa – " Adam was having trouble breathing because she kept sucking all the air from his mouth and throat. "Hey, uh…Aub – whoaaaaa!" The doorknob had somehow been turned as a result of all their thrashing around, thus opening the front door and sending the happy couple down to the floor with a loud crash.
"Shhh!" Aubrey hissed, grabbing Adam and flinging him over her shoulder, as he was much shorter than her. It was apparent that Aubrey definitely wore the pants in the relationship. "Let's go, bebeh!"
"Umm…okay!" Adam replied as Aubrey carried him up the stairs towards Jenn's vibrating bed.
* Cut to Kelly in the confessional, previously taped*
"How can I help you?" Pat asked the young woman in front of him as he rubbed his tired eyes. For some reason, he had a feeling it was going to be a long night.
"I boinked Adam," Kelly blurted out, cutting right to the chase. "In fact, I've been boinking Adam. I just love being with him, he's like the perfect guy. I'm so glad I met him and came to Fro Manor. I just know that the two of us are going to live happily ever after, even when our three months in the house is done."
"What about your other roommates? How do they feel about this?" Pat asked.
"They don't know," Kelly said shamefully. "Adam doesn't want anyone else to know because of the whole celebrity thing. He just wants to keep it between us for now. But I know eventually we'll tell people, because we're just that much in love!"
"Sometimes things aren't always as they seem," Pat said wisely.
*Cut to Aubrey in the confessional, previously taped *
"How's it going Aubrey? How can I help you?" Pat kindly asked his next customer.
"I've been banging Adam," Aubrey said. Pat raised his eyebrows and coughed loudly. Hadn't he just heard this like 10 minutes ago or something?
"Oh…I see," Pat said simply, trying to stay calm. "And um…how do you feel about that?"
"I feel great!" Aubrey cried happily. "Adam is awesome! Huzzah! We're probably going to get married, but even if we don't, we'll just engage in senseless shagging for a while. So either way, I can't lose."
"But maybe you will lose, Aubrey…maybe you will lose," Pat told her, but she just shook her head.
"Nah! As long as I get to shag Adam, I'm a winner!"
*Cut to Jenn in the confessional *
"OKAY! THAT'S IT!" she screamed as she angrily plopped herself down across from a startled Pat. "I HATE THIS DAMN HOUSE! I have to do my laundry every freaking day because people keep screwing in my bed!"
"I'm sorry, what?" Pat asked in shock.
"I found about it yesterday after Kim and I came back from watching a movie…"
* Cut to Jenn and Kim *
"Oh my god, I totally love One Hour Photo," Kim was saying as her and Jenn climbed up the spiral staircase towards their room. "Michael Vartan is HOT! And you get to see him naked!"
"I KNOW!" Jenn chimed loudly. "Except he's a player in real life, and players are just bad news, you know?"
"Definitely," Kim agreed as she opened the door to their room. "Especially when - OH MY GOD!"
Kim and Jenn froze in their tracks as both of their mouths dropped to the floor.
"How's it going, guys?" Aubrey asked casually from her spot on Jenn's bed. She and Adam gave them a friendly wave while holding the covers over them. "Uhh…could you shut the door? Thanks."
"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BED!" Jenn yelled, diving for the bed sheets and attempting to pull them off of the passionate couple. "This is disgusting! EW!'
"Well, now we know who's been putting all of the quarters in the machine," Kim smirked, trying not to laugh.
"Huzzah?" Aubrey offered, shrugging her shoulders.
"Huzzah, my ass!" Jenn screamed back at her. "GET OUT OF MY BED!" She tried to rip the covers from Aubrey's grasp, but Aubrey screamed and held on tight. "Give these to me! I have to do laundry!"
"NO!" Aubrey shrieked, holding them to her while Adam just sat there, caught in the middle of a vicious chick fight.
"I HATE YOU AUBREY!" Jenn cried as she lunged towards her, pulling her hair and smacking her across the face.
"I HATE YOU TOO!" Aubrey retaliated by pushing Jenn off of her. Yet it didn't stop Jenn for long, and soon they began a quasi WWF wrestling match while kicking, hitting and clawing each other for all they were worth.
The fight might have lasted all night if the boys hadn't chosen that moment to walk into the room. They stood there in the doorway for a moment in shock, watching Aubrey and Jenn go at it while Kim and Adam calmly sat there and observed as well.
"Whoa, whoa, WHOA!" Scott finally yelled, rushing forward and grabbing Jenn by both arms. He tried to lift her off of Aubrey but she was kicking and screaming too much. "What the heck is going on in here?!"
"Let me go! I have to kick her ass!" Jenn yelled as she wildly thrashed around. Aubrey sat there and stuck her tongue out at Jenn while Adam held her back.
"Calm down, calm down!" Scott urged a red-faced Jenn, who just glared at Aubrey. "Umm…hey Adam?" he continued on, finally noticing the curly-haired specimen occupying Jenn's bed.
"Hey," Adam said in a monotone voice, giving a little wave to everyone. "How are you guys doing?"
"What were you two doing in here?" Rich asked in a hushed voice, his eyes open wide with shock. "Wait a minute – you were having mindless, horny sex weren't you?!"
"Pshh, yeah!" Aubrey replied as if it was the dumbest question ever.
"Hey guys!" Kelly ran up to the crowd gathered in Jenn and Kim's doorway. "Guess what! I just found this tape in our chimney! I think it might be a – " she stopped short and took in the scene in front of her, feeling as if her heart had dropped to her shoes. "….mission."
"Kelly! Hi!" Adam said nervously. "Is this a bad time?" Kelly just stood there, feeling the vomit rise up in her throat. She couldn't believe what she had just witnessed – it was like a scene from a horrible nightmare.
"I don't…I don't….I'm gonna…I feel fain…t" with that, her eyes fluttered shut and all the muscles in her body seemed to turn into spaghetti.
"Hey, should I – " Rich asked, but he didn't finish in time and Kelly hit the floor with a loud thud. "Oh, um, I guess I should have caught her, right?"
"RICH!" Kim yelled, rolling her eyes at the clueless Lalaine-lover in front of her. "Just go get some water!"
What will happened between Adam and his beeotches? What will be the next mission? Stay tuned to find out!