Hola, mis amigos! Thanks for all of the great reviews! Bob was extremely excited to have all these enthusiastic calls! Make sure to keep 'em coming! I'm putting Rachel and Dan in this chapter, and don't worry Lyndsey and Bibsy – you guys are coming up soon, so stay with me! Thanks dudes! My love to you all! Muah! Now on with Chapter 8!
It's 7:00! Time for another installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!
* The theme to Full House starts playing as the opening to that show flashes across the screen*
"….the milkman, the paper boy, the evening TV, you miss your old, familiar friends who are waiting just around the bend, everywhere you look (everywhere you look….)"
* Bob Saget suddenly walks out
looking embarrassed *
"Oh, heh heh! Sorry about that! Wrong button,"
* Bob grins sheepishly and clicks a bright red button on the remote control he's holding. Suddenly, the Full House images go away and are replaced with the proper opening, R. Kelly's "Ignition Remix," as well as images and sound bites from upcoming episodes, including: *
"Your momma's a whore!"
"I like cheese! Cheeeeeeese!"
"This is insane in the membrane, yo."
"JESUS HOOFUM CHRIST!"
"I'm missing Queer Eye for the Straight Guy!"
"SHA-WING! HUBBA HUBBA!"
* The opening ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host*
"Hi, I'm Bob Saget. And welcome to yet another positively thrilling episode of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored. Thanks for all your calls! The phone lines were ringing off the hook last week and it was all because of YOU, the viewer! On the previous episode, we saw things come to a head (no pun intended) as Kelly discovered her boyfriend, Adam Lamberg, in a somewhat compromising situation with fellow Fromie, Aubrey! The Fromiez also received a tape possibly containing instructions for their second mission. Let's pick up where we left off, shall we?"
*Camera fades out as Bob gives a cheesy wink to the audience *
"I'll pour the cold water over her face!" Rich yelled as he ran back up the stairs carrying a container of ice water. "Wake up, Kelly!" He tossed the water onto her face and watched as her eyes suddenly sprung open and she let out a huge gasp.
"Wha? What's going on?" Kelly asked in a frantic voice as she wiped the dripping water from her face. She then caught a glimpse of Adam and Aubrey, still sitting in Jenn's bed, and screamed.
"Kelly, I can explain – " Adam said pleadingly, but Kelly wouldn't hear anything of it.
"Forget it, Adam!" she yelled at him. "I don't care! Obviously you have a thing for cheap sluts, so – "
"Hey, I resent that!" Aubrey said indignantly. "I'm not cheap!"
"Whatever, you – you – human mattress!" Kelly snapped at her roommate, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
"You're just jealous because I'm boinking Adam!" Aubrey retaliated, sticking her tongue out at Kelly.
"I can see that! But what you don't know is that I've been boinking Adam too! And I ran my hands through his fro!" Kelly narrowed her eyes at Aubrey and smirked at her. Two could play at this slut game!
"You ran your hands through Adam's fro?!" Aubrey asked, her mouth dropping open with shock. She turned to an embarrassed Adam and smacked him across the face. "How dare you!"
Kelly reached forward and gave him a smack of her own. "Yeah! How dare you!"
Kim smacked Adam across the cheek as well. "Yeah! So take that – Adam!" Everyone turned and stared at her strangely. "I wanted to participate in the fun too," she said, shrugging her shoulders. Adam just sat there in shock, rubbing his extremely red cheek.
"Ahem – " Scott cleared his throat, drawing the attention from Adam to him. "Sorry to break up…um…whatever the heck has been happening in here, but we have a tape that could possibly be a second mission. So can we pop it into the ol' VCR or what?"
"Yeah sure! I'll be right there!" Aubrey said. "Oh wait. I'm naked. Umm, can you guys excuse me for a moment?"
The Fromiez all headed downstairs and into the living room, where they would watch the video tape that had magically appeared in their chimney. Five minutes later, Aubrey joined them – fully clothed.
"Okay, here we go," Scott popped in the video and suddenly Bob Saget's face filled the screen.
"Hi, I'm Bob Saget. Fromiez, if you're watching this tape, obviously you're ready for the second mission. First of all, I want to congratulate you on a job well done on the first mission. Although there were some things that you could improve on, like the fact that instead of working together to get away from Cammy you all just ran around like freaks. Not good. But I'm willing to overlook that and I'm ready to assign you your next mission. For this one, it is vitally important that you learn to put aside your differences and work together. This mission, should you choose to accept it, and you really have no choice, is to track down Kyle Downes – "
"Hummina – " Kim automatically began.
"Yes Kim, hummina hummina," Bob finished for her. "Track down Kyle Downes, kidnap him and bring him back to Fro Manor. It is up to you how you complete this mission. But you must not be caught. And one other thing – no one, under any circumstances, is allowed to shag Kyle Downes. If you do, you will automatically fail the mission. Good luck, Fromiez. And may the force be with you." With that, the tape ended.
"Track down Kyle?!" Kelly wailed miserably. "How the hell are we supposed to do that? He could be anywhere! No one knows where he is! He disappeared off the face of the earth!"
"Don't worry, Kelly," Kim told her reassuringly. "There's only one place that Kyle could be. One place that he would run to now that Lizzie McGuire is over. One place that he used to call his home…and that he still calls his home."
"Yeah, whatever – like that made sense," Jenn said sarcastically. "Where is this place?"
"Canada," Kim replied in a hushed voice. She let it sink in for a moment while the Fromiez stood there and contemplated this news. "Yes, guys. We have to go to…Canada."
"Ohhhhhh Canadaaaaaaa!" they all sang at the same time, and then, as if on cue, Adam came running down the stairs dressed in only his boxers and carrying the rest of his clothes.
"So um…I think I'm gonna go now," he said sheepishly. "Uhhh - nice seeing you all?"
The only response was a fierce glare from all of the Fromiez, to which Adam just waved and then bashfully tried to slink out of the front door.
"Anyway…someone needs to book plane tickets," Jenn said. "I'll go do that. We also need to find a house sitter. We'll be gone a few days, and The Lucky Charms can't go unguarded."
"Yeah, but not Amy and Ben!" Kee put in. "They ate all my food, man! All my sammiches were gone when we got back! That's so not cool!"
"Don't worry, I know the perfect people for the job!" Kim said excitedly. "I'll go call them now!"
*Cut to a commercial break. And now a word from our sponsors*
"Trojan condoms! Remember kids: Put one ON before you put one IN! And now back to our regularly schedule program!"
*Cut back to the house, where everyone is trying to get everything together*
"Where are my ear plugs?! I can't go on an airplane without my earplugs!" Kelly yelled as she frantically searched her room. However, no one really paid much attention, as they were having problems of their own.
"I need my Morrissey CD!" Rich whined.
"Yeah, well, I need my Metallica CD!" was Scott's response.
"Forget you guys, I need a sammich!" came Kee's voice from inside the refrigerator.
"HEY! I'M ON THE PHONE HERE, PEOPLE!" Jenn yelled from the living room. "Yes, so that'll be…hey guys, we just need seven tickets right?" Before anyone could answer, the doorbell rang and Aubrey scampered off to answer it.
"AIMS!" she cried once she saw who the mystery guest was. "What are you doing here? And why are you carrying bags?"
"Hey guys!" Amy said as she stepped into the house. "Well, my place is being fumigated because of a slight roach problem, so I just thought I'd come bunk with you guys for a few days. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, sure, but we're going on a mission," Aubrey told her. "But you can come with us! We're kidnapping Kyle Downes and bringing him back to Fro Manor!"
"Do I need to add an extra ticket?!" Jenn asked impatiently, covering the phone mouth piece with her hand.
"Yes, Aims is coming with us!" Aubrey clapped her hands gleefully. This was going to be fun. "Come on Aims, you can bunk with me and Kelly in the upsidown room!"
As Amy and Aubrey headed upstairs, the doorbell rang again.
"I'LL GET IT!" Kim yelled as she rushed down the stairs carrying her suitcase. She nearly tripped over everyone else's junk in the process. "HELLO MCFLY? Can someone clean this up! We have to leave in like, an hour and the house is a mess!" She opened the door to find their house sitters for the next couple of days, Rachel and Dan.
"Hey guys!" Kim greeted them enthusiastically. "Come on in! It's kind of a mess though, because we're trying to get everything in order for our next mission."
"I still don't get why I can't come on the mission!" Rachel said sadly. "I mean, I want to kidnap Kyle too!"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Kim replied, rolling her eyes. "We'll be bringing him back here, but don't think that you're gonna be all shacking up with him or whatever!"
"And neither are you, Kim!" Jenn interjected suddenly. "Because if you do, we fail the mission. So keep your pants on, girlie."
"No promises," Kim said innocently, batting her eyes. "You know I can't promise anything when it involves Kyle."
"Hey, I get to swim laps in the pool, right?" Dan asked. "Because I was told that was allowed. And I can run around the neighborhood, right? It's safe and everything?"
"Uhhh….yeah," Jenn said. "Hopefully the pool was cleaned after Adam and Aubrey – you know…um…whatever."
"Great! I think I'll go for a swim now!" Dan took off his shirt and started running towards the sliding glass door that led to the pool. "See you guys later! Oh and Rachel, I'll be back at 8:00 to fix us a healthy and nutritious meal of tofu, sprouts and celery sticks!"
"Uh, I can hardly contain my excitement," Rachel said dryly. "Yeah, so…where's the nearest pizza place?" she asked once Dan had left.
"Are you guys ready to go?" Scott asked as he lugged his suitcase to the front entranceway. "Our plane takes off in two hours."
"Yeah, and these were expensive tickets! I had to book us first class because there weren't any open seats in coach!" Jenn added. "Oh well, it doesn't matter. Bob's paying anyway! Thanks Bob!"
"Alright, let's get out of here!" Scott began grabbing bags and loading them onto the Fro Van. Eventually, all the Fromiez managed to drag themselves outside and into the van, although it was a little crowded as a result of all of their crap, and the extra member they had taken on that day.
"Rich, your foot is up my ass!" Kim complained as she jabbed him in the side with her elbow.
"Yeah, well, I would have taken shotgun since I'M THE TALLEST, but noooo someone else jumped in there when I wasn't looking!"
Aubrey turned around and stuck her tongue out at Rich in response. "I only did it because we all didn't want YOU controlling the radio!"
"Thank GOD," Scott said gratefully as he hopped into the driver's seat. "Okay, everyone comfortable back there?"
"NO!" they all shouted at the same time.
"Great, let's hit the road!" Scott started the Fro Van and threw it into gear, peeling out of the driveway and towards the airport.
How will their second mission go? Will Rachel and Dan be able to guard the house from Susan's wrath? Stay tuned to find out!
BUT WAIT! You, the viewer, can decide what happens next! Should Kim shag Kyle? Yes or No! Call in to vote!