Good morning/afternoon/evening to all my favorite fans of Lizzie McGuire and DBS! Thanks for sitting through that last chapter, and thanks for all the reviews! If you haven't answered the poll on the DBS boards (entitled Marco…POLL-O) feel free to do so, because I'm always looking for feedback and/or ideas! KT, Lane, Lyndsey and Bibsy – this one features YOU! Now on with Chapter 11!
Warning: This chapter is a little quirky/insane/weird. Go into it with an open mind and have fun!
It's 7:00! Time for the next installment of Digital Bean Smoothie…Uncut and Uncensored!
*Theme song for the show begins to play, and yes, it's R. Kelly's "Ignition Remix," while images and sound bites accompany it, including:*
"NOOOOOOOO!"
"My love is stronger than the stench of Rich's flatulence!"
"Oh dear GOD, why did I ever agree to do this?"
"Shall we shag now or shall we shag later?"
"What the - ?!"
*Camera fades in to reveal the host*
"Hi, I'm Bob Saget. I hope you all enjoyed last week's episode of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored! It seems as if The Fromiez successfully completed their mission of kidnapping Kyle and bringing him back to Fro Manor! They also brought another guest along, my good friend from my Full House days, Scott Weinger! Let's get back to the house and watch as further events unfold, shall we?"
*Camera fades out as Bob salutes the audience in a cheesy way*
"Hey Aubs, I'm gonna take the secret passage down to the library so I can do some reading. Do you want me to bring back anything?" Kelly asked her roommate, who was currently hunched over her computer screen involved in what looked like a very intense task. Her and Kelly had since put the business with Adam behind them and were friends again.
"No…um…what'd you say?" Aubrey asked, not bothering to look up.
"I said – never mind. What are you doing anyway?" Kelly wondered as she peered over Aubrey's shoulder.
"Oh, it's just a little Lizzie McGuire role-playing game – no big deal!" Aubrey said cheerfully. "OH NO! VERUCA WANTS TO MAKE OUT WITH GORDO! AHHH!"
"Um?" Kelly raised an eyebrow and slowly backed away. "Oh-kay. Well, I'll be back later," she flipped the switch for the secret passage and waited for the door to slowly creak open. Once it did, she began walking down the length of the passage towards the library. However, something was amiss – strange noises were coming from the end of the passage.
"Hello?" Kelly called cautiously, but there was no answer. She kept walking in the dark until she nearly tripped over something blocking her path.
"OW!" Jenn shouted from her position on the floor. "Watch where you're going, Kelly!"
"Oh, I'm sorry – Jenn?! Scott Weinger? What the hell is going on in here?!"
"Uhhh….hey there," Scott said embarrassedly as him and Jenn detangled themselves from their lovers embrace.
"I can't believe the secret passage is being used for senseless shagging!" Kelly cried in shock. "Gross! Now, if you'll excuse me – I have to get to the library!" With a huffy sigh, she stepped over Jenn and Scott and emerged into the library, where Rich was reading a magazine.
"You won't believe what I just saw!" she told him, angrily crossing her arms in front of her chest. He looked up from the issue of Us weekly that featured a small, microscopic picture of Lalaine.
"What did you see?" Rich asked in a bored voice.
"Jenn and Scott – banging in the secret passage!"
"Really?" Rich asked with interest. "I didn't think Jenn liked my brother in, um, that way."
"Not Scott as in our Scott!" Kelly replied frustratingly. "Scott Weinger!"
"Oh," Rich returned back to his magazine. "Well, you never know. Scooty did receive a note from a secret admirer the other day."
"Yeah, well, whatever!" Kelly said hurriedly. "Um, I have to get a book now. I mean, a snack now. I mean – I'll see you later." She rushed out of the library, although Rich didn't notice since he was too busy admiring the artistic moles on Lalaine's face.
*Cut to Rich in the confessional, previously taped*
"How can I help you, Richard?" Pat asked as he focused the confessional camera on Rich.
"Can you fall in love with someone that you haven't really spent that much time with?" he asked Pat as he nervously twisted his hands together. "I mean, I didn't think you could. But –"
"Is this about Lalaine? Because if it is – we all already know that and I have places to go and people to see," Pat said dryly.
"No! It's about…Sandie," Even the way he said her name felt good. It just seemed to roll off the tongue. "She's a flight attendant. I met her on the plane on the way to Canada. We talked the whole way there, and the whole way back. I just feel a really good connection with her, that's all. It was sad when we had to say goodbye…"
*Cut to Sandie and Rich's emotional good-bye scene at the airport*
"Good-bye. Thank you for flying with us," Sandie said with a bright smile as she stood at the edge of the gate and said her good-byes to all the passengers. When it was Rich's turn in line, she grabbed his hand and fixated her green eyes on his face. "Good-bye, Richard! I'll never forget you, I swear! No matter what happens, you'll always be my favorite!"
"Umm, what?" Rich asked in confusion.
"Oh, sorry. It's just a reflex to say to men," Sandie coughed nervously. She squeezed his hand tighter and gave him a sad smile. "I'm so glad I met you. Don't ever forget me, okay?"
"Sandie – can I see you again?" Rich hoped she would say yes. He tried to ignore the line of customers that were backed up behind him. "Please?"
"But Richard! I'm a flight attendant! I'm always working, I don't know, it's just – I'm afraid of falling in love and I'm afraid of having to go back home!"
"But come home with me," he said pleaded desperately. "Come live with us. My roommates won't mind, I promise!"
"I can't," Sandie's bright eyes slowly filled with tears. "I know who you are, Richard. I know where you've been. It wouldn't work between us – there are two many forces driving us apart!"
"What are you talking about?!" Rich cried. "You know who I am, but I don't know who you are! Please tell me why you look so familiar and why I feel like I know you from somewhere. It's driving me crazy!"
"I - I – I'm sorry!" Sandie stammered as she let go of his hand. "But I can't tell you now. It's not the right time. You have to go now."
"Hey, what the hell is the hold up here?!" Kim yelled from behind the mob of angry passengers. "Rich, tell your girlfriend good-bye and let's go!"
"Sandie! No!" He latched onto her hand and refused to let go. "Tell me who you are!"
"Good-bye, Richard! I'll see you soon!"
"No – " Rich was slowly pushed away, but he was still holding onto her hand. He stretched her arm as far as it would go, but finally the mob of pissed off people pressed against him like a wave, and he had to let go. He stood there, waiting for the rest of the group to catch up with him and wondered if he would ever see Sandie again.
*Cut back to the confessional*
"I just can't figure out why she looks so familiar," Rich said frustratingly. "But I want to see her again. I miss her already."
"Don't worry, Rich," Pat said in a soothing voice. "Everything will work out on its on time. You'll get to see her again, and it will all be worth it in the end."
*Cut to Fro Manor in the wee morning hours, present day. Everyone is fast asleep in their beds.*
Honk honk! A bright red, shiny tricycle suddenly fell from the sky and landed right in front of the sprawling mansion. Sat atop the incredibly cool mean of transportation were Bibsy and Lyndsey, the resident seemingly-evil-but-yet-soft hearted witches of the land.
"Lyndsey, how many times have I told you not to hit the horn?" Bibsy hissed. "We don't want to wake anyone up, or our plan will be foiled!"
"Heeee hee heee hee! I'm sorry! But like, this tricycle is really cool! I like it! I also like Easy-Mac! Can we get some Easy-Mac? I like Easy-Mac!"
"Snap out of it!" Bibsy insisted while smacking her partner upside the head. "You're just way too hyper for your own good, Lyndsey."
"I know! I know! I know!" Lyndsey hopped around excitedly and turned a few cartwheels in the grass.
"How I wish we could have gotten a broom," Bibsy muttered under her breath. "But alas, we are witches on a budget." She grabbed Lyndsey's arm and pulled her up to the front door of Fro Manor. With a wave of her hand, Bibsy forced the door open and walked into the house with Lyndsey. Before the alarm could sound, she quickly cast a "silencing" spell on it.
"Oh wondrous alarm, you must not speak
Oh boisterous alarm, it's time to go to sleep."
Instead of shrilling loudly, the alarm did just let out a puff of smoke and shut off. "Now, let's get started. We have a mission to accomplish. Lyndsey, do you have a list of the Fromiez that KT and Lane wanted us to get for them?"
"Hmmm…yeah, I think it's in my pocket somewhere," Lyndsey dug into her black cloak and pulled out some candy. "Wow, so that's where I put my airheads! Cool!"
"Lyndsey, you are and an airhead," Bibsy said sarcastically. "But it's okay. Just find the list."
"Here it is!" Lyndsey triumphantly pulled the list out of her pocket and waved it around in the air. "I'll read it aloud. Here we go! Ahem!
Hair of shiny brown,
Hardly wears a frown,
Obsessed with Kyle Downes,
Perform this task, not on a whim
Go and get the one whom they call Kim.
"Okay, got it," Bibsy said as she jotted notes down on her hand. "What was that last part? Oh yeah, obsessed with Kyle Downes. Continue."
Lyndsey cleared her throat once more and began reading from the list again,
Eyes of brown, a stare that scarred me
She's the one who's always saying "Call me!"
She's cute but yet somewhat tawdry
Go and get the one whom they call Aubrey.
"Is that all – "
"NO!" Lyndsey said loudly. She began giggling. "I scared you didn't I?! Hee hee hee! I'm so clever! I'm also very hungry. Oh boy munchy pumpkins! I think it's time for some Easy-Mac –"
"Just read the list!" Bibsy interrupted as she rubbed her aching head with her hand.
"Okay, okay. This is the last one, anyway."
She created the Lizzie RPG
She loves Ben Stiller, but not me
Heart of ice, not so nice
Go and get the one whom they call Amy
"Our mission is clear! Our leaders have spoken, and we will get what they want! Come along, Lyndsey!" Bibsy led the way up the spiral staircase, trying to be as quiet as possible. She pushed open Jenn and Kim's door. They were both sound asleep, and to make sure they stayed that way, Bibsy sprinkled a potent sleeping potion all over them. "I'll grab Kim while you go find Aubrey and Amy. And hurry up!"
Bibsy pulled a sleeping Kim out of bed, wrapping her arm around her neck. She dragged her into the hallway and met Lyndsey, who was pulling Aubrey along as well as another girl who didn't resemble Amy at all.
"Where's the other one?" Bibsy demanded harshly. "That's not her! You grabbed the wrong girl!"
"I did?" Lyndsey looked at the sleeping Kelly. "Hmm…I dunno."
"Put her down, you fool, and let's look for - " She was interrupted by the sound of footsteps in the hallway. Suddenly, the real Amy came face to face with the two witches and dropped the glass of water that she was holding in her hand.
"Who are you?!" Amy asked in a hushed voice.
"Heh heh heh heh…" Bibsy cackled. "So you must be Amy. Lyndsey, drop that girl and grab this one! We must go!"
Amy opened her mouth and let out a banshee yell that echoed off the walls of the entire house. Suddenly, it seemed as if everyone sprang to life. Kee, Rich and Scott's door burst open and they came running out, clad in bad pajamas and equally bad hair.
"Wha? What's going on?!" Kee asked. "Who are you people?"
"Lyndsey! Grab the girls! It's time to go!" Bibsy enveloped Kim into her cloak while Lyndsey pulled hers over Aubrey, and they magically teleported out of the hallway and back down into the yard where the tricycle was parked.
"Follow them!" Kee commanded. The boys trampled down the stairs, leaving a sleeping Kelly on the floor of the hallway, and quickly ran after Lyndsey and Bibsy who were busy loading Kim and Aubrey onto their transportation device. "STOP! Put them down!"
"Heh heh heh!" Bibsy cackled once again as her and Lyndsey climbed onto the tricycle. "See you all later! PEACE OUT!" With that, they started pedaling the tricycle as it lifted into the air, and in one quick motion it shot forward and disappeared, leaving only a slight trail of smoke behind it.
"What the heck was that?!" Rich asked in disbelief as he watched the smoke and dust settle to the ground. "Am I imagining things, or did two extremely strange people just take Kim and Aubrey away on a tricycle?"
"No, I saw what you saw, man," Kee said as be bent over, trying to catch his breath. "That was insane!"
"Guys, what just happened?" Amy cried as she ran outside the house, followed by Scott Weinger who was carrying a sleeping Jenn and Kyle, who carried Kelly. "They tried to get me, but – but – they – they – and then – "
"Amy, calm down," Scott the Fromie said reassuringly. "Just start at the beginning and tell us what you saw."
"Well, I went to go get a drink of water and I came back upstairs – and – and one of them had Kim and the other had Aubrey and Kelly. Then – then they said that they wanted to get me and leave Kelly here, but then I screamed and – and then they just left! And they took Kim and Aubrey!" Amy was practically hysterical. She was shaking and sobbing and wasn't quite sure what had happened – or why they would possibly want her. She had an idea, but it was too scary to even talk about.
Suddenly, the MTV productions van screeched to a halt in front of the house. All the remaining and conscious Fromiez turned and stared as Bob Saget and two of the producers came running out.
"Hello everyone!" Bob cried as he joined them on the front lawn. "As you can tell, we have a serious situation on our hands here. I wasn't planning on intervening, but certain events have taken place and have altered the course of our reality show. It seems we have to add another mission, because there's no way you can continue on the show without Kim and Aubrey."
"But why would they want them?" Rich asked curiously. "Who took them and why?"
"It's actually a very intriguing answer, and I'm so glad you asked!" Bob replied as he flashed a cheesy grin. "It seems to me that, after a quick background check, the witches who stole Kim and Aubrey go by the names of Bibsy and Lyndsey. They work for two women named KT and Lane, who are the supreme rulers of the Digital Bean role-playing game that our friend Amy created so very long ago."
At the mention of this, Amy flushed and slowly slunk away. "I didn't mean for it to be like this!" she insisted. "I only created it so we could all have fun, but then KT and Lane kicked me out and took over! And when I say took over, I mean COMPLETELY took over! They moved the RPG to another bizarre dimension, and started recruiting people to come join them. Aubrey and Kim must have gotten sucked in through the internet, so then KT and Lane sent their evil henchmen to come steal them so they could all live in the other dimension together."
"It doesn't matter now, Amy," Bob insisted. "The important thing is that we get them back. Fromiez, I'm afraid that your mission, should you choose to accept it – and you really have no choice, is to travel to the RPG Dimension and save Aubrey and Kim."
*Cut to a commercial break! And now a word from our sponsors! Halloween is coming up, so buy your David Gordon wig today! Call 1-800-FROME to buy one! Act now, because supplies are limited! And now we return to our regularly scheduled program!*
"Okay, Fromiez. It's time to go. Is everyone ready?" Bob asked as they all stood in front of Aubrey's computer, also known as the portal which would lead them into the RPG Dimension.
"I'll stay here and watch the house," Kyle offered. "Besides, someone needs to stay with Jenn's dogs. They ran away when they saw Rachel and Dan, so I think they're a little afraid of them now."
"I'm going!" Scott Weinger said bravely. "I want to make sure everyone's okay. And I refuse to leave Jenn's side!"
"Oh, that's so sweet," Jenn replied as she gave him a goofy smile.
"Alright, then. As soon as I type in the web address, the portal will open and you all can enter," Bob told them in a serious voice. Before you go, let me leave you with this thought: you're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind, a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Digital Bean Role-Playing Game!"
Bob typed in the proper URL, and before they knew it, the Fromiez had been sucked into the computer and were traveling at a rapid speed through a dark tunnel. A mysterious voice kept whispering to them as they slid through from reality to another dimension, saying things like,
There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Digital Bean Role-Playing Game.
It seemed as if time was standing still and all they knew was flashing lights flickering on and off as they sped down into an unknown land….
This highway leads to the shadowy tip of reality. You're on a through route to the land of the different, the bizarre, the unexplainable. Go as far as you like on this road. Its limits are only those of the mind itself. Ladies and gentlemen, you're entering the wondrous dimension of imagination. Next stop - the Digital Bean Role-Playing Game!
Suddenly, they all spilled out into a room that looked suspiciously like the set of the Digital Bean café used in the Lizzie McGuire TV show. To their left was a door with a sign that said "Hillridge Junior High," and to their right was a door which read "Around Hillridge." Other doors in the hallway included "Off-Topic," "General Lizzie Discussion" and "Locker Notes."
"Where…are we?" Kelly asked as she picked herself up off the ground and looked around. "Are we really in another dimension?"
"This is creepy!" Kee whispered loudly. He quickly moved to the back of the group because there was no way he was leading everyone into – wherever the hell this path led. "We're like, actually in the role-playing game!"
"Come on, people!" Jenn said authoritatively as she grabbed onto Scott Weinger's hand. "We have to find Kim and Aubrey. If we stick together, we'll be fine."
Slowly, they made their way through the long and dark hallway and past all the doors. There was no way anyone wanted to actually open one.
"Shh, I think I hear voices!" Kelly said as she pressed her ear up against the "Plot Discussion" door. "Guys, they're in here. We have to go in."
Summoning up all her courage, Kelly pushed open the door and led the Fromiez into a room with big, comfortable couches, a huge refrigerator and pictures of all the cast of Lizzie McGuire on the wall, especially Ashlie Brillault.
"Never send a witch to do a woman's work," KT bellowed as she carried a plate of pizza to the couch and plopped down, propping her feet up on the coffee table. Quickly, the Fromiez all ducked into a closet that was hidden against the wall in order to avoid being seen. "Isn't that right, Lane darling?"
"Yes, of course love," Lane said as she dragged in Aubrey and Kim by the hair and threw them down on the couch. However, they seemed to be in somewhat of a trance because their eyes were glazed over and their bodies were limp like spaghetti.
"I can't believe those freaking morons weren't capable of bringing us Amy as well. I mean, what do I pay these people for anyway?" KT complained before taking a huge bite of her delicious pizza.
"We don't need her, dear," Lane reassured her. "We've got Kim and Aubrey. Amy was holding us back, anyway."
"Oh Lane, my beautiful luffair!" KT said as she leaned over and stroked Lane's luxurious hair. "We are all so sexy. We don't need Amy. You are so right. She is a cold, unloving wench!"
"We shall rule ze world and then we shall bang everyone and have ze biggest orgy known to man!" Lane crowed in her deliciously fake French accent. "But first, we must do a little of ze role-playing, no?"
"Yes, my hot little muffin," KT said happily. She pinched Kim and Aubrey and pulled them into an upright position. "Come on, ladies. It's time to role-play, and I know you want to, isn't that right?"
"Must. Role play. Must. Role play," Aubrey and Kim droned in an emotionless robotic voice. They stood up and followed Lane as she beckoned them towards the door. "We. Must. Role play."
"This is the scariest damn thing I have ever seen," Kelly whispered from inside the closet. "We must stop them, or else Kim and Aubrey will just be two pawns in their sick sex games!"
"Okay, on the count of three, we bust out of the closet and overtake them," Jenn ordered. "There are seven of us and two of them – we can definitely take them. Ready? One, two – three!"
Suddenly, the closet door burst open and all seven of the Fromiez rushed out. Scott and Rich grabbed Aubrey and Kim, while Jenn and Kelly jumped on KT and Lane, taking them down to the ground.
"What is the meaning of this?!" KT growled as she shoved Jenn off of her. "How dare you disrupt our lair!"
"Let them go, you wenches!" Kelly screamed at them.
"We are not ze wenches! I am not ze wench!" Lane said haughtily. "I luff everyone and everyone luffs me!"
"We're not leaving here without Aubrey and Kim!" Jenn said defiantly. "They're coming back with us to reality, and that's final!"
"Like hell!" KT retorted as she tossed her hot hippie hair over her shoulder. "They belong to us now and – " she stopped short as she caught sight of the good-looking man standing off to the side – Scott Weinger. Hubba hubba and hummina hummina! She had to have him! "Hmmm…well, I think something can be arranged, if you're willing to negotiate. Lane! Come here! We must discuss!"
Lane and KT retreated to the side of the room and had a conference. When they came back, they both had smug looks on their faces.
"We've come to a decision," KT said as she gazed at Scott Weinger with a hungry look in her eye. "We'll give you Kim and Aubrey if you give us him." She pointed at Scott and everyone gasped.
"No way!" Jenn screeched, clutching onto Scott's arm. "He's MINE! And you can't have him!"
"Fine," KT said simply as she opened the door to reveal a swirling vortex of sights, sounds and colors. "This is the portal back to reality. And you can take him back to it – but without Kim and Aubrey."
The Fromiez all looked at each other, then looked at Kim and Aubrey, who were slumped over and drooling. It just wasn't who they were, and the Fromiez couldn't bear to leave them like that.
"I'm sorry, Jenn," Scott said apologetically as he took her hand off of his arm. "But if saving your friends means that I have to stay in an alternate reality with two hot girls and participate in weird sex acts, then I'm afraid I'll have to sacrifice myself for that cause."
"But Scott- " Jenn pleaded as her eyes filled with tears. "Don't go! I love you!"
"I'm sorry," he said again as Lane and KT began to run their hands all over him.
"Mmmmm….Scott Weinger," KT whispered devilishly. "You shall make a fine addition to our alternate reality indeed."
"Yes, you shall become our luffair…" Lane said to him as she bit his earlobe. "Rawwwwr!"
Scott the Fromie and Rich made sure Kim and Aubrey got through the portal first, and then they jumped in after them, followed by Kee and then Amy. Only Kelly and Jenn remained.
"Come on Jenn," Kelly said, gently pulling on her arm. "It's time to go now."
"Noooo! Scott!" Jenn grasped onto his hand one last time but KT and Lane pulled him away, laughing maniacally.
"Goodbye Jenn!" he called to her, giving her a little wave. "Goodbye!"
"Scotttttttttt…." Jenn shouted as Kelly pulled her into the portal and they began to speed back to regular reality, leaving the hunk from Full House behind in RPG Dimension.
What will happen next? Will Adam show his face at Fro Manor again? Will Jenn ever get over the heartbreak of losing Scott? Will Rich see Sandie again? Stay tuned to find out!