Greetings, my darlings! Sorry for the delay, but I've been busy with school and all that schizz. But thanks for all of the reviews and keep 'em coming as things start to get ultra-heated! Now on with Chapter 12!
It's 7:00! Time for another installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!
* R Kelly's Ignition Remix begins to play as images and sound bites from upcoming episodes flash across the screen, including:*
"It's a nice day for a…white wedding!"
"I'm not interested in hearing your petty sex talk!"
"Oh great, so I can have your butt in my face the whole night? I PASS!"
"She's losing her mind. And I am reaping all the benefits!"
* The opening ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host*
"Hi, I'm Bob Saget. Welcome to yet another positively scintillating episode of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored! We hope you're having as much fun as I am! Ha ha ha! Thanks for all of your great calls and remember that we aim to please YOU! Last week we saw our Fromiez get sucked into an alternate reality, which, as you can imagine, made things mighty complicated! Let's check back in with our seven DBS'ers as they attempt to recuperate from last's week horrific events!"
*Camera fades out as Bob does a little Irish dance number*
"Scott….Scott…..come back…Scotttt…." Jenn tossed and turned in her bed, flinging the covers onto the floor. He was almost in her grasp – she could feel him already. Just a little bit further and her hand would be in his…just a little bit…but no! She didn't have him! Suddenly, KT and Lane's fingers wrapped around him like weeds. They twisted and grew until their fingers were enveloped around him at least twenty times. They cackled evilly at the sight of Jenn reaching out for him, then in one quick motion, they sucked him back down into a black hole – a black hole that led to nowhere.
"NOOOOOOOO!" Jenn cried as she shot up in bed. She could feel the sweat dripping down her face and it took her a moment to realize where she was. "Oh…it was just a dream."
"Mmmphh…are you okay?" Kim sleepily asked from the bed next to Jenn's. "Did you have the Scott dream again?"
"Yes," Jenn answered in a shaky voice. "It's the same thing every time – I reach out for him, then right as we touch they pull him away!"
"Don't worry," Kim said reassuringly. "Scott is like, so yesterday. Let him stay in that stupid alternate reality. He doesn't know what he's missing right here!"
"But what if I never find love again?" Jenn wondered as she brushed the tears away from her eyes. "What if no man will ever want me?"
"Come on Jenn, that is total crap," Kim scoffed. "There are tons of men who would love to be with you."
"No, there isn't!" Jenn started sobbing uncontrollably and Kim quickly handed her a tissue. This had become a nightly ritual as of lately. Ever since Scott had been left behind in the RPG Dimension, Jenn just hadn't been the same cheery self that she was before.
"Jennn…." Kim rolled her eyes and flopped back down in bed. "You know that's not true."
"Name one man who would want to be with me!" Jenn demanded as she wiped at her eyes. "I bet you can't even do it. Not even Rich wants me since he found that flight attendant! Even he has someone!"
"Jenn, trust me, there are tons of men – "
"Name one!"
"I'm not doing this," Kim said as she turned away pulled the covers over her. "I always get myself into trouble when I butt into people's business."
"See?! I told you that you couldn't name one!" Jenn began sobbing again, louder this time. Kim covered her ears with her pillow and sighed with frustration.
"Alright! Geez! Jenn, you know that Kee is totally hot for you. I mean, HELLO MCFLY??! It's so obvious to everyone."
"Really?" Jenn asked curiously before she blew her nose into her tissue. "I don't believe that. He's just friendly and flirty. That's the way he is."
"Right…" Kim said doubtfully. "Well, you go on thinking that. I'll go downstairs and make us some tea, and then we'll watch One Hour Photo and fast-forward to where Michael Vartan is naked. Does that sound cool?"
"Sure," Jenn gave Kim a tiny smile as she opened the door and headed downstairs towards the kitchen.
It was quiet in Fro Manor as Kim descended the staircase, but as she got closer to the ground level she heard what sounded like animated talking coming from the living room. She shuffled in and discovered Scott, Kelly and Aubrey involved in what seemed like a very heated game of Scrabble.
"Triple word score! Triple word score!" Aubrey shrieked excitedly as she clapped her hands gleefully. "Add it up, Scotty. I get 56 points for that, bebeh!"
"Ummm, excuse me, but "zxyhmck" isn't a word, you dolt," Scott said as he removed Aubrey's tiles from the board. "You get no points for that! It doesn't even have any vowels!"
"It is too a word!" Aubrey replied defiantly. "And it has Y in it! A, E, I, O, U – and sometimes Y! DUH!"
"But it's not a word! It doesn't exist in the English language!" Scott insisted.
"It exists in my language! Give me my points!" Aubrey made a grab for the pencil and the score-keeping pad, but Scott held it out of her reach. "Scooootyyyyyy! STOPPPP! You are such a geeijip!" She pulled on his shirt and began climbing all over him in an attempt to reach the score pad.
"Oh, don't you mean I'm ' "zxyhmck?'" Scott asked sarcastically but yet was trying not to laugh. "Or maybe I'm 'ghfrtp!' Ow, cut it out, you evil wench!"
Kelly just sat there and crossed her arms as she watched them, an angry scowl on her face. "Um, HELLO?! Can we continue the game now?! Stop being such a brat, Aubrey!" She looked up suddenly and saw Kim standing in the doorway, watching with a very amused expression on her face. "Oh – hi, Kim."
"Hey," Kim said as she raised an eyebrow at the scene in front of her. "Uhhh, what are you guys doing? It's 3:00 in the morning!"
"We couldn't sleep," Kelly told her. "We've been down here all night. It's a Battle to the Death game of Scrabble. Care to join us?"
"Hmm…no thanks," Kim said as she let loose a jaw-breaking yawn. "I'm off to make some tea, and then Jenn and I are going to watch a movie. I'll see you all later,"
"Bye!" they all chimed together as Kim left the room.
Once the delicious green tea had been poured into two mugs, Kim carried them upstairs back to her and Jenn's room. However, on the way she was distracted by voices coming from Kelly and Aubrey's room. Being the nosy person that she was, she slowed down and listened intently to who was talking. She knew it couldn't be Kelly or Aubrey, since they were downstairs, so it had to be Amy, who was currently bunking with the two girls while she stayed at Fro Manor.
"I just don't see what the problem is!" Amy said in a frustrated voice. Kim pressed her ear to the door while she attempted to balance the two steaming hot teacups in her hands. "Ben, I love you! Don't you see that?!"
"Ben?" Kim whispered to herself. "As in…Ben Stiller? No way! It can't be…can it?"
"Amy, I already told you! I'm MARRIED!" As soon as Kim heard the second voice, her suspicions were confirmed – it was indeed Ben Stiller. But what was going on between him and Amy?
"That didn't stop you from sleeping with me, though!" Amy hissed, to which Kim nearly dropped the tea all over the carpet. She bit her lip to keep from breaking out in hysterical laughter. "You told me that you wouldn't do this to me, Ben! You told me that it was all over between you and Christine Taylor! How could you lie to me like that!?"
"It is over!" Ben said firmly. "Except, you know…not."
"BEN!" Amy cried exasperatedly. "I can't believe you! You told me that you loved me! You told me that it was over and that you were getting a divorce and now all of a sudden everything's changed? How is that supposed to make me feel?"
"I don't know…like a whore?" Ben suggested innocently.
"SHHYEAH! It sort of does! It also makes me feel used! And I don't like feeling used, Ben." Amy was practically near tears now, and there was a long silence before Ben answered.
"Look, I didn't mean for this to happen," he said quietly. "I promise that we'll still be friends. And I also promise that I won't tell anyone about us shagging in Jenn's bed."
"Ewww…" Kim muttered as she scrunched up her face in disgust. "Poor Jenn's bed…"
"Ben, just get out!" Amy cried waveringly as she shoved him against the door. "GET OUT!"
Kim flattened herself up against the wall as Ben came rushing out of the room. He bounded down the stairs and quickly exited out of the front door before the late-night Scrabble crew could discover his presence.
Just as Kim made a move to run back into her room, Amy came out of hers and nearly collided with the short brunette in front of her. They stood there for a moment, staring at each other and not sure what to say, until Amy finally broke the silence.
"How – how, um, how long have you been there?" Amy asked casually, her eyes darting around nervously.
"Just long enough to hear your little lovers quarrel with Ben," Kim said with a smirk. "So spill, Amy. How long have you been seeing him?"
"I don't know what you're talking about!" Amy cried defensively. "I'm not seeing Ben! Ben who? I don't even know anyone named Ben!"
Kim stood there and blinked a few times. She had just seen him run out of the room! How could Amy sit there and deny everything? "Dude, um, hello? I just watched him leave. I heard you guys talking….remember? This all occurred like, five seconds ago?"
"You must have been hallucinating!" Amy angrily insisted. "I just came out of my room to go to…the bathroom! Yeah! And I've been alone the whole night, too! So – so – you must have just been dreaming."
"Whatever, Amy," Kim said with a wave of her hand. She brushed past her and went back into her and Jenn's room, while Amy took off for the bathroom down the hallway.
*Cut to Amy in the confessional, the next day*
"How can I help you?" Pat asked as he focused the camera on the guilt-ridden girl in front of him.
"I feel so horrible!" Amy wailed miserably. "I'm in love with someone – well, I was in love with someone – but he just used and me tossed me aside like yesterday's garbage! All he wanted to do was bang me like a salvation army drum and then go back home to his wife, where he could then lay her like bricks!"
"Umm?" Pat raised an eyebrow and coughed, trying not to laugh. He knew he wasn't supposed to, but this girl and her interesting euphemisms were somewhat amusing. "So you broke things off with him, I assume?"
"Damn right I did!" Amy said with a touch of rage in her voice. "I told him to get out and never come back. He was all like, 'oh gee, let's still be friends' and all that shit. What a bunch of crap! He doesn't want to be friends! He just wants to get into my pants! Well, he can forget it because I refuse to be played like that!"
"That's good that you're sticking to your guns," Pat said encouragingly.
"I know. I've also been trying to release my anger in other constructive ways. There's a song that fits the occasion perfectly - would you find if I sung it? I only made a few minor changes so it fit the situation."
"Go right ahead," Pat zoomed the camera in further and focused on Amy's face as she cleared her throat and picked up the guitar that she had brought in with her.
"Okay, here it is. This is dedicated to the man who broke my heart and stomped all over it with steel-toed boots," She closed her eyes and begun to strum away on the guitar. It started off slow and sweet and somewhat relaxing,
You don't know how much I need you
While you're near me I don't feel blue
And when we kiss I know that you need me too
I can't believe I found a love that's so pure and true
Then the song quickly changed to an angry, fast-paced frenzy of yelling,
But it all was bullshit
It was a goddamn joke
And when I think of youuuu, Ben
I hope you fucking choke
Just as quickly as it had merged into an anger-fest, the song died back down to the syrupy temperament it had in the beginning,
I hope you're glad with what you've done to me
I lay in bed all day long feeling melancholy
You left me here all alone, tears running constantly
Pat almost jumped out of his seat when the song suddenly switched back into more screaming and shouting,
Oh somebody kill me please,
Somebody kill me plee-ase,
I'm on my knees,
Pretty pretty please, killlll meeeee!
I want to dieeeeee
Put a bullet in my headdddd!
Pat sat there for a moment, completely stunned. He wasn't sure what to say to such a personal, painful and deep expression of despair and longing. He was definitely impressed, though. All he could do was run his hand through his hair and let out a shaky sigh that broke the silence.
"Ummm…" he began tentatively.
"Do you think it was too harsh?" Amy asked. "Because I really don't want Ben to choke because that would be sad. I just – I don't know. What do you think?"
"I – uhhh, I think…I think it's…wonderful," Pat replied. Him and Amy grinned at each other, but then Pat quickly looked away, out of fear that he himself would start thinking things that he would feel guilty for later.
*Cut to Jenn sitting in the hot tub alone*
"Hey Jenn," Kee said as he jumped into the hot tub next to her. "You look sort of down, so I made you a sammich," he handed her a plate with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich resting on it while he carried a plate with a turkey sandwich. She took it, but yet sighed heavily.
"Thanks, but I'm really not that hungry," Jenn replied sadly.
"Man, Jenn, you totally have to cheer up. This whole Scott thing has really depressed you –"
"But we were in love!" Jenn cried as the tears started to gather in her eyes. She wiped them away, but her hands were wet so all she succeeded in doing was dousing her face with water.
"Yeah, well, but think of it this way. At least we got Kim and Aubrey back. It would sort of suck if they had to stay in the alternate reality while the rest of us were here, you know?" Kee told her consolingly.
"I suppose," Jenn said as she picked at the bread of the sandwich. "But Scott was just so sweet. I don't think I'll find anyone like him ever again."
"Hey, I know what you need!" Kee said suddenly as he hoisted himself out of the hot tub and ran off, calling over his shoulder, "I'll be right back!"
A minute later, he returned with a bunch of freshly picked flowers – so fresh that the roots and dirt were still hanging off the ends of the stems. He triumphantly presented the bouquet to Jenn, who took it with an amused expression on her face.
"Ummm, aren't these from Adam Lamberg's garden?" she asked laughingly.
"Yeah, but he won't notice that they're missing," Kee said nonchalantly. "Actually, maybe he will since I took them from his front yard. Mmmhmm. Oh well."
"Thanks," Jenn said as the first genuine smile since Scott's departure spread across her face. She picked up half of her sandwich and took a large bite while Kee dug into his own sandwich. Maybe she was just a little bit hungry after all.
Suddenly, the sliding glass door opened and Scott came running out. He climbed into the hot tub next to Kee and Jenn and excitedly waved a piece of paper around in the air.
"My secret admirer strikes again!" he said happily. "Hmmm, I wonder who it could be…"
"Read the letter, Scooty," Jenn demanded. Scott snapped the paper out in front of him and began reading in an eloquent voice:
Dear Scott,
My identity you do not know
But in time my love will show
So be on the lookout for me
Because you and I are meant to be…forever.
Love,
Your Secret Admirer
"Dude, that was like…the cheesiest poem ever," Kee scoffed. "Just narrow it down to whoever writes the lamest poetry in the house."
"Yeah, but that could be any of the girls," Scott said knowingly.
"Who says it has to be someone in the house?" Jenn asked. "Maybe it's Bob Saget!"
"Gross, don't even joke about that," Scott replied as a long shudder ran through him. "Here come Kim and Kyle. Maybe they know something about this secret admirer thing."
"What's up, people!" Kim cried as her and Kyle jumped into the hot tub. "The party can begin now, because we're here!"
"Yeah, or end," Kee said mockingly. "Uhh….it's getting kind of crowded in here, guys."
"So take your ass out," Kim retaliated as she lightly splashed him. "Anyway, what did we miss?"
"Scott got another letter from his secret admirer," Jenn told her. "We're trying to figure out who it is."
"Let me see that," Kim grabbed the poem and read it as Kyle peered over her shoulder. "Uhh…that was so lame. I can tell you that it's not me because I would probably just come out and say that I liked you instead of writing stupid poems."
"Yeah, or you could be doing it to throw him off the track," Jenn teased.
"No way! Besides, I've got my hummina hummina Kyle, anyway. Isn't that right, dear?"
"Hey, how did they get sandwiches?" Kyle asked as he hungrily eyed the peanut butter and jelly. "I want a sandwich too. Is there like, pool-side service or something?"
"Anyway," Kim continued, giving her beloved an eye-roll. "If I had any clues, I'd share them with you, Scooty. But I'm afraid I know nothing about this whole thing, so sorry. Where exactly did you find the note?"
"It was underneath my pillow. I found this morning after I came back from breakfast."
"I saw Kelly go into the room this morning," Kyle offered, to which the whole group gasped collectively. "Maybe she put the note there."
"Why would Kelly be my secret admirer?" Scott asked confusedly. "I mean, I don't know. It just doesn't make sense."
"Don't sound too excited and all," Kim said sarcastically. "Kelly's a great girl, so what if she's your secret admirer? It almost seems like you want someone else to be your secret admirer!"
"Ooooh, so who does Scott have a crush on?" Jenn asked mischievously. "Now it gets even more complicated!"
"I didn't say I had a crush on anyone!" Scott cried defensively. "I just said that it wouldn't make sense if Kelly was my secret admirer!"
"Well, here she comes, so you can grill her about it yourself," Jenn said. The Fromiez shut up as Kelly made her entrance into the hot tub, looking around suspiciously.
"Umm…what's up with you guys?" she asked cautiously. "Why did you all of a sudden get quiet when I came up?"
"So Kelly, were you in Rich, Scott and Kee's room this morning?" Kim asked bluntly.
"Way to be tactful, darling," Kyle told her while patting her on the shoulder affectionately. If the question fazed Kelly at all, she didn't show it. She just looked at Kim strangely before answering,
"Yeah, I was. I had to return Rich's Lalaine CD. Why?"
"No reason," Kim replied casually. "So Kelly…write any poetry lately?"
"Okay, WHAT is going on?!" Kelly yelled irritably. "Why are you all acting so weird and asking me odd questions?"
"No reason," they all answered at the same time. Kelly just sighed angrily and crossed her arms, letting a silence fall over the hot tub.
The silence was just starting to become really uncomfortable when suddenly Rich ran outside, holding a tape in his hands.
"Hey guys! I found this in our mailbox!" he crowed excitedly. "I think it might be another mission!"
"Sweeeeet!" They all climbed out of the hot tub and quickly toweled off before heading into the living room to watch the tape. Aubrey and Amy were already in there waiting for them. Rich popped the tape into the VCR and soon Bob Saget's face filled up the screen.
"Good afternoon, Fromiez. It's me, Bob Saget. I'm glad that you were able to complete the second mission so welll, and I'm also glad that Kim and Aubrey are back where they belong. Good job, guys! Now, here is your third task. Clayton Snyder, who we all know and love as Ethan Craft on Lizzie McGuire, is throwing a Halloween party next week. Your mission, should you choose to accept it and you really have no choice, is to go to this Halloween party in costume and somehow take a lock of Clayton's hair back with you to Fro Manor. You must not be caught! I will be contacting you about costumes fairly soon, since the Take It Off Costume Shop has so graciously volunteered to supply you all with festive garb. Good luck, Fromiez. I'll talk with you soon."
And with that, the tape ended.
How will the Fromiez do on their third mission? Will Scott discover the identity of his secret admirer? Will Amy go insane from the guilt of shagging Ben Stiller? Stay tuned to find out!