Author: Xionin
Rating: Strong R
Summary: Set mid-season 6. Begins at the end of 'Once More With Feeling'.
Buffy needs something to make her feel alive, but she already has something, if she'll only open her eyes.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Fox, Inc. and Mutant Enemy own BtVS and its characters. I just treat them better.
Feedback: Oh god, please send it. I'm a starving artist. [xionin@beautiful-freak.com]
Thank you: Maribel, you're an amazingly sweet and generous person and the most amazing beta EVER;
Pepperlandgirl, you're an inspiration;Sadbhyl and Ranaslayer for strengthening my resolve.
=Part 9=
The sun is low in the sky as Buffy approaches the crypt. The lighter has long left an imprint on her sweaty palm as she's made the 15 minute journey from her home to his.
To Spike.
She stops fifty yards shy of her future, replaying the rehearsed speech in her head.
I'm afraid to love you, Spike, I'm afraid of hurting you and of being hurt. But I am willing to try, if you still want to give me the chance.
Sounds good, in theory, but in practice...it could be a disaster waiting to happen.
What if she's wrong about him? What if...
What if it's all a big joke?
She takes a steadying breath as she studies the door, knowing that on the other side is...everything. She stands in the last gasp of afternoon's sunlight staring at the shadowed entrance to her salvation. The irony isn't lost on her.
Squeezing her eyes shut, she fists the lighter and brings it to her forehead.
Think, Buffy, think! Think of what you're doing. If you're wrong, if...if you let him in...
"Who am I kidding?" She whispers. "He's already in."
"Yeah, I am. And you should be too." His voice draws her out of her inner chaos. She gasps, refusing to open her eyes to him. Her feet don't move and she knows that he cannot come any further than where he is, trapped by the light she hides in.
Where is my resolve? She asks herself. I know what I want, I...
"Slayer, why are you lurking outside?" Spike eyes her closely, noting the signs of the battle that rages within her tiny frame. He curses his demon nature that he cannot go to her, fold her in his arms and make her forget the things that disconnect their worlds. "Buffy." He intones. She drops her fist from her forehead and raises her eyes to him.
A marble beauty in an envelope of black.
Spike stands there shirtless and shoeless, which makes him appear vulnerable and soft. The black of the room behind him looks like living velvet. One arm outstretched to the open door, the other hanging languidly at his side, he watches her. His head is tilted sideways as he waits. Patient. As ever.
Buffy's eyes drop lazily over his form and back up until she meets his gaze again. She takes a step forward and can see the hope spring into his face. It swims in twin azure pools of fear.
"You left this." She stops an arm's length from him and reaches out. He doesn't stir. She takes another step until she stands on the precipice; one more leap of faith and she'll be in his arms. And possibly forever.
Her hand breaks the plane of the shadow and he seizes it, drawing her inside. She loses her balance as he circles her around to the wall next to the door, pressing her into it with his entire length. The lighter drops from her fingers as she flattens her hands behind her for support. Her eyes are downcast, afraid to look into the depths he's offering her.
"Buffy." Spike rubs his nose into her silken locks, inhaling the scent he'd come to miss in the last hour or so. He places his hands lightly on her hips and lowers his head to her collarbone, planting delicate kisses there. He hears her sharp inhale.
"Spike, I..." He releases her and steps back, closing the door and plunging the room into darkness. It takes a few moments for Buffy's eyes to acclimate themselves and by the time they do, she's lost track of his whereabouts. The sound of a striking match spins her around towards him as he lights a pillar candle.
"Have you come to tell me that you didn't mean what you said?" His words echo deep inside her somewhere. She swallows hard.
"N-no." Her voice threatens to abandon her. He looks up and catches her eye. "I-I meant it, Spike. I...am..."
"Falling." The word drips from his mouth like honey and Buffy feels her body react to the sound as if it were a drug. Spike's tongue curls behind his teeth as he moves to light another candle, this one closer to where she is standing. She jumps as he strikes another match and it ignites a low, rumbling laughter in him. He looks down at the ground before her, smiling.
"Buffy...my love...you're already there." He sweeps the length of her body with his gaze and rests it in her eyes. They're impossibly wide and he notes her shivering. He cautiously approaches her.
"Y-you think?" Her breathing is rapid and the tremors in her muscles are driving her to distraction but she cannot take her eyes out of his as he moves towards her. "Sp-"
"Shhh." He stops facing her. "Don't say anything unless you plan to tell me the truth."
"Th-the truth?" Her only instinct is to flee. This is...it's too much. It's too, too intense.
He moves a stray lock of honey blonde hair behind her ear, briefly brushing his fingers across her collarbone before removing his hand from her altogether.
"The truth, Buffy. You can do it. Just...just trust me."
"I do!" She breathes. "I do. Spike, I-"
"Trust yourself, then. Tell me why you came over here. Why your heart is pounding so loud that I can't hear anythin' else." She swallows audibly. "I saw you standing outside just now at war with yourself, Slayer. You came over here with a purpose and somehow lost your nerve. I'm giving you permission to trust yourself. Tell me the truth." He places his hands against the wall on either side of her head. "What did you come here to say?"
"I-I...I, Spike, I-" She stammers. He steps into her so that she has to avert her eyes. Both hands move into her hair as he tilts her head up, with it come her fluid greens. They lock gazes.
"Why, Buffy? Why did you follow me with such purpose?" His thumbs caress her temples. She looks at his mouth that is so close...so close she could almost...
She kisses him softly. He allows it briefly, but then pulls away whispering "Why?"
"I'm in love with you." She exhales, confessing it to his lips but then, sweeping her lashes up, she meets his incredulous stare.
"I'm in love with you, Spike. I am...already..."
"I know." He smiles. "I just didn't think you'd admit it." She laughs softly.
"Neither did I." She catches her bottom lip between her teeth and Spike groans.
"God, I love you woman." He crashes his mouth over hers and thus begins the dance of desperation.
Teeth and lips and tongues battle for dominance as their hands roam everywhere. Spike places the solid muscle of his thigh at the juncture between her legs and grinds causing her to moan at the contact.
"Want you." He growls into her hair as he abandons her mouth for fierce kisses on her neck and collarbone. Buffy wraps her arms around his neck and arches into him.
"Have me."
Needing no further invitation, he hoists her up by her hips. She wraps her legs around his waist as their mouths tug and pull at one another. He walks, wrapped in soft Slayer flesh and sighs, over to the trap door and jumps through it. Aside from a brief feeling of falling, Buffy is oblivious until he deposits her on his bed.
"Neat." She grins as he stands back to look at her, the movement of the shadows cast by the dozen or so candles in the room make her dance before him.
"Been thinking about this since you left last night...er...this morning."
"What's that?"
"Making love to you. Want to...need to be inside you, luv."
Her response is to hold her arms out to him and he comes to her, leaning her back onto the mattress as he kisses his way down her body.
Shaky fingers move to the buttons of her blouse. One after another comes undone as Buffy busies herself with the single button of his jeans. Spike lowers the white fabric from her tanned shoulder and toys with the straps of her bra.
"You're so lovely."
She smiles as her fingers caress the light brown curls beneath his waistband. His abdominal muscles twitch in response.
They slowly undress each other between lush kisses and passionate moans. Finally settling on the bed, Spike positions himself between her legs. No need for games.
He looks deep into her eyes, attempting to convey the silent whirlwind of his emotions. Buffy forgets how to breathe.
"Spike..." He settles between her silken thighs, his velvet head resting in the soft folds of her lips. She gasps, closing her eyes. "Please..."
"Tell me you love me." The desperation in his voice brings her back to him and she returns his gaze.
"I love you."
"Tell me you want me, Buffy."
"I want you, Spike I-" Her next words are lost as he slips easily inside her. Both of them shocked at the enormity of it all. He freezes. Trapped. Involuntary tremors pass through her inner muscles and he shivers in response to them, his eyes closing.
Lowering himself down, with his elbows on either side of her head, he struggles to maintain control. He buries his hands in the soft waves of her hair, inhaling deeply before returning to her face.
Buffy's eyes, which had closed again as she adjusted herself to him, open when she senses his stare. Barely blinking, she slides her hands over his back and down to the smooth skin of his ass, kneading the firm muscles there. Her feet caress his calves.
He slowly withdraws and kisses her, his tongue invading her mouth, as he enters her again in a liquid smooth stroke.
They both begin to tremble.
He rests his forehead against hers, struggling for air he doesn't need. Buffy is strangely silent.
Withdrawing again and stroking. Withdraw. Stroke.
Buffy's breathing becomes labored as she fights for her sanity.
Too much. Too much, this is...too much.
"Sssspike."
"Bu...ffy."
Withdraw. Stroke. Circle.
"Oh! Spike...oh..."
"Tell me you love me." He grinds out, slowly losing the battle over his control.
Withdraw.
"Love you, Spike, l-lo...ohhhh"
Stroke.
"Ohgod...love you..."
Circle.
"T-tell me..." Withdraw. "Tell me you want me." Stroke. Deeper. A little harder.
"God! Ohgod...oh...want you...wantyouwantyou...love you...oh god!"
Circle. Circle. Each movement hits her taught, little bundle of nerves.
Spike moves one hand down to her thigh, slipping behind to cup her bottom. He angles her pelvis and resumes.
Withdraw. Stroke. Touching her very core.
"Mmmnnnah! Spike!"
Withdraw. Stroke.
"Ah, Buffy...this is so...you feel...ahhh god..."
Withdraw. Deep stroke. Deeper still. Deeper. Deeper. Harder.
Something inside Buffy flips. A switch....something...it breaks. Her eyes fly open and she stares into his face concentrating above her.
"Oh...god...Spike...please, god...no...no...I can't...ohgodohgod...please, no..."
Too much...too much...toomuchtoomuchtoomuchtoomuch
"I." Withdraw. "Love." Stroke. "You." Circle. "God...I love you Buffy." His eyes close as he lowers his mouth to her nipple. As his tongue circles the puckered flesh, she implodes.
The violent clenching of her inner walls wrings the orgasm out of him and he comes screaming her name in whispers. They both continue riding out the aftershocks for minutes after; their bodies shaking with pleasure; overwhelmed.
When Spike finally comes back to himself, he notices the steady convulsing of her abdominal muscles beneath him. Raising his head up, he is nearly heartbroken to see the tears streaming out of her eyes and disappearing into her hairline.
He quickly rouses from his stupor.
"Buffy? Luv, what is it?" He extricates himself from her, moving to his back and pulling her over to him. "Did I hurt you? Are you-"
"No, Spike...no." A few more silent tears wring out of her. "I...you..."
"Shhh, luv. I'm sorry. Oh god, what did I do?" He rubs her back and smoothes her dampened hair.
"N-nothing, Spike...it was...I've never...not like that."
He continues to soothe her, trying to suss out what's happened; what he did wrong. Her hands begin to caress him and it leaves him confused.
"Pet?"
She angles her head to look at him and sighs breathlessly. Her lips form a contented smile as the tears slow to a trickle against his flesh.
"That...was the most amazing thing I've ever...I never thought..." Again she quietly sighs. He smiles with relief, kissing her forehead.
"Only the beginning, luv. S'only the beginning."
TBC
A/N - This
is the final chapter of this story, save for a short epilogue which I will post
later this week. I want to thank everyone that has sent me their feedback and
encouragement. I will respond individually after the epilogue.
Til next time!
~Xionin