HOW Y'ALL DOIN' Y'ALL! Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter and yes, Lori scares the hell out of me too. But luckily she won't be making another appearance EVER, unless she's Scott's secret admirer. Hahaha….um….now on with Chapter 14!
It's 7:00! Time for another installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!
* R Kelly's Ignition Remix begins to play as images and sound bites from upcoming episodes flash across the screen, including:*
"This Sierra Mist is delicious!"
"Turn on the fan! It smells like shit!"
"Holy mother of pearl, what did you EAT?!"
"THIS PLANE IS GOING DOWN, BABY!"
* The opening ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host*
"Hi, I'm Bob Saget! Welcome to yet another exhilarating and action-packed episode of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored! Thanks for all your calls, my lovely viewers! It's getting down to the wire here in Fro Manor as the Fromiez attempt to complete their third and final mission! Last week, after leaving the house in the capable hands of Adam Lamberg and Ashley, we saw them receive their costumes for Clayton Snyder's Halloween party, and let me tell you, there were a few surprises in store! Let's check back in with them as they arrive at their destination!"
*Camera fades out as Bob does a bad version of the Macarena dance*
"Okay, guys, we're here. What's the plan?" Jenn asked the rest of the Fromiez, who were clumped together on Clayton's front porch. The sounds of music and laughter could be heard from inside the house, and the outside was appropriately decorated with various Halloween-themed ornamentation.
"Plan? We're supposed to have a plan?" Kim twirled the golden scepter around in her hand and shrugged her shoulders. "All we need to do is get a lock of hair. How hard can that be?"
"Oh yeah, because I'm so sure Clay will be perfectly willing to give up a lock of his beautiful blonde hair to complete strangers," Jenn said sarcastically. "Dream on. No, we need a plan, people."
"Don't worry, I've got it covered," Kyle replied nonchalantly as he held up a pair of gleaming silver scissors. "Me and Clay are friends, so I can get close enough to snip off a lock of hair."
"Great! Let's go!" Jenn pushed the doorbell and made a last minute adjustment to her Tinker Bell wings. The door was opened by Clay's brother, who proceeded to wave them into the house once he saw that Kyle was with the group.
"Alright, we're in!" Kelly exclaimed as she excitedly glanced around the room. People were bobbing for apples in one corner, while others danced to cheesy Halloween tunes like "The Monster Mash." The inside of the house was decked out in orange and black and covered with fake cobwebs. Everyone was in costume and wearing a mask, which presented a problem – which one was Clay? "Guys, I don't see Clay anywhere," Kelly continued on in a panicked voice. "He could be any one of these people!"
"Don't worry, all we have to do is ask around – but yet be casual!" Kim said. She grabbed the next person who walked by her, who just happened to be a man dressed up as a pirate. "Yo, dude! Which one of these people is Clay?"
"So much for being casual," Jenn muttered, rolling her eyes.
"Well, ahoy there me beauty!" the pirate expertly slurred as if he had jumped right off of the ship. "You say you want to know which one is Clayton? Shiver me timbers! Didn't you land lubbers know that this is a masquerade party? Everyone must wear a mask!" The man quickly grabbed some punch off of the refreshment table and shoved cups into the Fromiez's hands. "Drink up, me hearties! Have some of this fine grog!" He then disappeared off into the crowd almost as quickly as he had come.
"Uhhhh…right…" Kim said as she gingerly placed the cup of "grog" back on the table. "The only thing I got from his schpeel was that we're severely out of place because we're not wearing a mask. That damn Bob! He did this on purpose! I knew this mission was too easy! The only people that have their faces covered are Scott and Aubrey, and -"
"I want to sit down, Scooty! My back hurts!"
"Oh, quit whining, Aubs! We've only been here five minutes!"
"But I want to – " Aubrey aimed to sit in one of the chairs provided but offset the delicate balance and accidentally sent her and Scott first crashing into the chair and then onto the floor, where they became entangled in a mess of brown furry costume.
"The moose is down, the moose is down!" Kee said loudly inside of his cupped hands. "I repeat, the moose is down!"
"GET OFF MEEEE!" Aubrey shouted as they attempted to disentangle themselves while still trapped inside the moose get-up. "Ackkk! Stand up, stand up!" They attracted the attention of several party goers, who turned and watched in amusement as the moose writhed around on the ground.
"Guys!" Jenn hissed angrily as she rushed over and helped them up. "Will you please pull yourselves together?!"
"And anyway, like I was saying," Kim continued on as she shot a glare at Aubrey and Scott which they didn't see, of course. "We obviously can't count on them to get the lock of hair, so all we have to do is try to blend in as best as we can and eventually we'll figure out which one is Clay."
"Everyone split up," Kelly commanded. "We meet back here by the refreshment table in ten minutes and hopefully by then someone will have figured out who Clay is. Then, we formulate a plan so we can get the lock of hair and get out of here. Ready? Go!"
The Fromiez all split off into different areas of the room, except Aubrey and Scott, who both tried to go in opposite directions.
"Hey, loser - we're going left!" Scott told her authoritatively as he began to move in that direction, but Aubrey automatically tried to move right instead.
"No, we're going right!" She yelled in response. "And get your butt out of my face!"
"What am I supposed to do, Aubs?! We can't stand up in this stupid costume!" Being that he was somewhat stronger than her, he began to drag the moose costume left, forcing Aubrey to slide across the floor.
"NO! STOP IT!" she tried to hold on to something, but there was nothing to hold onto, so instead she just sprawled out on the floor, so from the outsider's perspective it looked like the front end of a moose dragging the dead weight of it's back legs.
"Aubrey! Cut it out and start moving! Whoaaaa, watch out – moose coming through!" Scott narrowly avoided a gaggle of girls dressed up as pop stars, who stared in horror at the lame moose slogging it's way through the crowd. "AUBREY! We seriously look like a moose on drugs, you know!" She just laughed in response as they made their way over towards Kim and Kyle, who were engrossed in a conversation with three masked kings and queens.
"So anyway, like I was saying, I think that George Orwell's "1984" is a prime example of the way society – oh my GOD," Kim interrupted herself as she watched Scott and Aubrey crawl by.
"What's wrong with that moose's back legs?" one of the guys asked curiously.
"Holy hell, what are you guys DOING?" Kim asked as she bent down to speak to them. "You're supposed to act casual!"
"Yeah, you try acting casual in a moose costume with your back end acting like a complete goober!" Scott said caustically. "Aubrey's just trying to spite me because we wouldn't go the direction she wanted!"
"No, I'm trying to spite you because I didn't want to be the moose's butt!" Aubrey's muffled voice came from inside the costume.
"You guys are freaking nuts!" With a wave of her hand, Kim smiled apologetically at the kings and queens and quickly dragged Kyle to another corner of the room, away from the insane moose.
Meanwhile, Rich was busy stuffing his face at the refreshment table, where he hadn't moved from in the past ten minutes. He had meant to, but the food just looked way too tantalizing. He was about to shovel in his third handful of candy corn when the conversation going on next to him perked his interest.
"So did you get to talk to Clay at all tonight?" a masked court jester asked her friend, who was dressed as Minnie mouse.
"A little when the party first began," she replied as she ladled some punch into her plastic cup. "I wanted to talk to him more, but he's surrounded by people all of the time. It's like everyone's so impressed with the fact that he played some lame guy on that dumb show, Lizzie McGuire."
"Oh, I know!" the first girl said. "It's like, who cares? But he's a total hottie, so that's pretty much the only reason why I want to talk to him."
"Me too," Minnie mouse covered her mouth and giggled as she looked around the room. "He's looking soooo fine in that Dracula costume. He can suck my blood anytime!"
At the mention of this Rich nearly spit out the punch he had been drinking. Instead, he just began coughing furiously, attracting the attention of the two girls standing next to him.
"Oh my god, are you - ?" the girl dressed as a court jester took in the sight of Rich dressed as Little Bo Beep and scrunched her face up in disgust. "Umm….nice costume?"
"Isn't that costume for girls?" Minnie mouse asked, putting a hand on her hip and staring him down.
"Uhhh, well – have some candy corn!" Rich said nervously as he dropped a handful on the table. He ran off, leaving them standing there with a bewildered expression on their faces.
Rich quickly ran around and rounded up the rest of the Fromiez and they all gathered in a somewhat quiet corner of the room, where at least the music wasn't pumping out at full blast.
"Guys, Clay – he's dressed up as – as – " Rich bent over to catch his breath and pulled at the elastic band of his pink dress, which was cutting off his circulation. Being a woman was a lot of hard work.
"Spit it out, Rich!" Kim demanded. "We don't have all night."
"He's – he's – Dracula! And the jester and Minnie mouse want him to suck their blood!"
The Fromiez all looked at each other confusedly, trying to process what Rich had just said. The only thing that made sense was that Clay was Dracula – and that was all they needed to know.
"Okay, it's time for a plan!" Jenn said as she pulled he Fromiez in closer to her. "We need someone to go and get the lock of hair as quickly and as painlessly as possible. Kyle, it should probably be you because you actually know Clay and he won't freak out if you start talking to him."
"I'm on it!" Kyle said immediately, giving Jenn a good-natured salute. "I'll be right back!"
Kyle casually sauntered up to the group of girls that were busy talking and flirting with Clayton, who was wearing an impressive Dracula costume, consisting of a long black cape with bright red trim, a black and red vest with a creepy spider print and a brooch that resembled a skeleton's head. Kyle politely pushed his way through and flashed his old friend a big smile while making sure the scissors were hidden behind his back.
"Clay! Wow, I thought I'd never get a chance to talk to you! How the hell are ya?" he cried as he reached out to shake Clay's hand.
Clay grinned at Kyle from behind his black eye-mask, his friendly brown eyes crinkling at the corners. "Dude, Kyle, I'm glad you could make it! It's been going well. How's it going with you?"
"Excellent, thanks for asking!" Kyle's eyes shifted around nervously as he felt the cold metal of the scissors in his hands. Getting up the courage to snip off a lock of his friend's hair was not proving to be as easy as he had previously anticipated. "Uhhh, sooo…great costume, by the way! Dracula – I'm totally digging it."
"Thanks!" Clay said as he brushed off his red and black vest. "I was going for something original, but not too crazy. This is unlike any Dracula costume I've seen, so I thought it was pretty cool."
"Right, exactly. It's – "
"Claaaaaay! You didn't tell me how you liked my nail polish!" some girl dressed up as a rabbit interrupted, shoving her hand up by his face. "I painted little bunny ears on my nails! What do you think?"
"No! He has to tell me how he likes this color on me!" Another girl dressed up as a belly dancer said as she twirled in a circle, the chain around her waist flashing in the light.
Quickly, the group of girls swarmed in on Clay, each chatting incessantly about various things involving their respective costumes. Kyle soon found himself pushed back on the outside of the group while the girls inundated him with the sound of their shrill voices. He tried to push himself back in, but it was to no avail – they just blocked his attempts by stepping in front of him or shoving him back out of their little circle.
"Holy crap, it's like a rock concert over there!" Kyle said breathlessly once he made his way back to the Fromiez. "I was only able to talk to Clay for five freaking seconds! Those girls won't leave him alone for more than that – we have to take drastic measures if we want that lock of hair!"
"Alright, drastic measures – we can do that," Jenn replied, trying to keep her voice steady and not freak out. "I have an idea! Amy, go over there and pretend that you're collecting locks of hair for the, um, Wig Association of America. Tell him that you're collecting the hair of celebrities to auction off."
"What?!" Amy cried in disbelief. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"
"JUST DO IT!" Jenn yelled frustratingly, stamping her foot on the ground angrily.
"Wow, Jenn, it's such a turn on when you're feisty," Kee told her, to which she just shot him a fierce glare. "Mmmhmmm…right. Okay, well…I'll go get us some punch."
"You do that," Jenn replied irritably, giving him a typical talk-to-the-hand gesture. "Oh, and make sure that mine has enough ice!"
"Yes, dear! Do you have any other requests? How about some wine and cheese? Oh, and do you want me to pick up your laundry too?" Kee asked mockingly while attempting to pull his itchy green tights off of his knees. "God, I hate these things!"
"Obviously we're all a little on edge," Kim jumped in. "Amy, just get the lock of hair so we can leave…PLEASE!"
"Alright, alright," Amy grumbled as she broke free from the group and walked up to Clay and his lemmings. She timidly pushed her way through, trying to blend in as much as possible. However, once she finally was up close to Clay and saw how hot he looked in his Dracula costume, her sense of speech failed and she was merely a star struck fan, standing in front of her favorite celebrity with her mouth agape.
"Hey," Clay said to her, grinning broadly and showing off his perfect white teeth. "Cool costume. Are you having a good time?"
"I'm – uhh – I'm – ummm – " Amy stammered, not taking her eyes off of Clay for one second. However, pretty soon her five seconds were up, and the girls swooped down on Clay like a vulture on a dead carcass. They grabbed Amy by the arms and roughly tossed her out of the circle.
"Ahhhh!" she shrieked as she flew through the air and landed at the feet of the Fromiez, who were extremely surprised to see her. "Ow…" Amy picked herself up off of the floor, rubbing her sore backside. "Okay, that didn't go so well."
"WE ARE SO DEAD!" Kim shrieked as she covered her face with her hands. "Obviously, none of us are going to be able to get close enough to Clay for more than five seconds so we can swipe a lock of hair, thus ruining our mission!"
"Wait, maybe we just need a man to go in there!" Kelly cried suddenly.
"Uhh, hello and what am I? Michael Jackson?" Kyle asked sarcastically.
"No, I mean like, a man he doesn't know! That way maybe the girls will feel intimidated and they'll back off for more than five seconds!" Kelly continued on. "Rich, you try and go in there. Introduce yourself to Clay and give him the Wig Association of America speech. It's worth a shot, at least."
"Did any of you all forget to notice that I'm in a Little Bo Beep costume?" Rich asked, gesturing to his frilly pink dress. "But I'll give it a try anyway." Rich marched up to the circle of sluts and pushed his way through until he was face to face with Clayton Snyder.
"Hi, I'm with the Wig Association of America – " he began, but his time was even shorter than Amy and Kyle's had been, and the girls caught on to his act right away. They all flocked together like a swarm of locust and lifted Rich up, pitching him back out of the circle and sending him flying.
"Any more bright ideas, guys?" Rich asked once he returned to the Fromiez and fixed the huge wedgie that the girls had given him as they had lifted him in the air. They all just looked at each other, their eyes wide with fear. For once, no one could think of a single idea that would aid them in accomplishing their mission. They only had thirty minutes to get the lock of hair or else they would fail the mission. As they all stared at each other, the horrible thought of "will we have to give up?" crossed their minds, although no one was brave enough to actually suggest it out of fear that it might become a reality.
*Cut to Adam and Ashley, back at Fro Manor*
"And this is something that I drew while I was sitting from my window, watching a thunderstorm," Ashley explained as she pointed to a drawing of two people dancing in the rain. They had smiles on their faces and it looked like they were laughing. "They were having a picnic when it started raining, so instead of finding shelter, they just started dancing. It looked like it was really romantic, so I just had to capture it on paper."
"Why would anyone want to dance in the rain?" Adam asked in a condescending voice as he brought the glass of red wine to his lips. "I mean, you'd get all wet and you might even catch a cold. It just seems really ridiculous to me."
"Sometimes it makes sense," Ashley said, struggling to put her explanation into words. "You know…sometimes it just makes sense to do things that don't make sense. Do you know what I mean?"
"No," Adam told her breezily as he stretched out on the couch and took another sip of wine. "But I think the drawing is good."
"Well thanks," Ashley replied dryly. "The least you could do is try to understand."
"I did try! But it just doesn't make sense to me."
"Does everything have to make sense to you?" she asked him with an edge to her voice.
"Usually, yes. If it doesn't make sense, then why bother?" Adam put his feet up on the coffee table and grinned at the girl sitting next to him. "However, you don't make much sense. But that just makes it all the more intriguing."
"You're just used to girls who are complete airheads," Ashley said with a wave of her hand. "Ooooh Adam, he's so hot! I would give anything to be with him!" She said in a high-pitched, squeaky voice. "And you totally eat up the attention, too."
"Yeah, and why wouldn't I?" he asked seriously. "Oh and by the way, I'm sure Kelly and Aubrey would be thrilled to know that you're calling them airheads."
"You know the type of girls I mean," Ashley said, scowling at him. "I wasn't talking about them. I was talking about those girls who follow you everywhere and are just after you because you're "cute" and "hot." At least Kelly and Aubrey loved you to some extent, but obviously you were too busy having your cake and eating it too that you didn't notice."
"You think I'm cute and hot?" Adam asked in a mock shocked voice, scooting closer to her. However, she just rolled her eyes and moved farther away from him.
"I think you're completely narcissistic and not at all amusing," Ashley replied while trying to keep a straight face.
"Hey, I'll take what I can get," Adam said as he shrugged and smiled to himself. "You know, I wouldn't normally say this to a girl or even to someone I secretly despised, but I think you are really annoying."
"The feeling is mutual," Ashley replied indifferently as she picked up her pencil and flipped to a fresh page in her sketchbook. She sat there and began the drawing the outline of Adam's profile as they sat there in stony silence. As she sketched away, she was vaguely aware of the sound of rain tapping away on the roof of Fro Manor. She just ignored it and began to work on the mess of curls known as Adam's hair.
"What are you drawing?" he finally asked, leaning over to look at her paper. When he saw his own face, he broke out into a huge grin. "Actually, my nose is a bit smaller than that."
Ashley looked up from her work and glared at him menacingly. "You know, it's considered extremely rude to interrupt an artist when they're in the middle of something. Now sit back so I can get the proper angle of your jaw line."
"Whatever," Adam leaned back against the couch and tried to sit still and look straight ahead, but he kept sneaking small glances over at the paper when Ashley wasn't looking. As he sat there and listened to the scraping sound of her pencil against the paper, he suddenly realized that there was another sound accompanying the sounds of sketching – rain. "Hey Ashley, may I have this dance?" he asked suddenly on a whim, not completely sure of what he was doing.
"What?" Ashley asked confusedly, furrowing her brows at him. "What are you talking about?"
"Come on!" he cried, pulling the sketch pad out of her hands and dragging her out the front door. The sounds of pouring rain got louder as they emerged into the cold and clammy air. Adam grabbed her by the hand and whirled her around, shouting, "Dance with me!" as the water fell onto his face and hair.
"You know, you really don't make sense!" Ashley shouted in response, throwing her head back and laughing hysterically.
"I know," he said as he grinned and pulled her in for a kiss.
*Cut back to the Fromiez, at Clay's party*
"This…officially sucks," Kim declared as she sat slumped against the wall with the rest of the group. They were positively exhausted after spending the whole night trying to attain the lock of hair. "The party ends in two minutes, and we still haven't accomplished the task. Yep, we're gonna fail the mission."
"We might as well go, guys," Jenn said dejectedly. She poked the lifeless moose laying on the ground next to her, but nothing happened. "Besides, I think Scott and Aubrey are already asleep. Or dead."
"At least they finally shut up," Kelly put in, rolling her eyes. "Well, I'm totally ready to leave - to think that I spent a whole night with this mistletoe on my head and I didn't even get kissed once!"
Suddenly, a light bulb went off in Jenn's head. She sat up straight and grabbed Kelly by the shoulders, staring at her with a completely maniacal expression. "Kelly! That's it! You're a genius!"
"I am?" Kelly asked, raising an eyebrow. "Ohh-kay. Sure, that sounds good."
"I have a plan!" Jenn cried as she waved her hands around insanely. "And this one is sure to work!"
"Oh dear LORD," Kim groaned as she buried her face in Kyle's shoulder. "Why can't we just accept defeat and move on with our lives?"
"Listen, Kelly," Jenn continued on, ignoring Kim and her comment. "All you have to do is go up to Clay and kiss him. While you're doing that, reach around and snip off the lock of hair. It's simple, short and bound to work. You'd have plenty of time to do that before those whores get to you."
"No way!" Kelly cried with a horrified expression on her face. "I can't just walk up to Clay and plant one on him! He'll think I'm nuts!"
"Who CARES?" Jenn insisted. "Just get the hair! We only have one minute left! Please, Kelly! You have to do this – it's our last hope!"
"Okay, alright – FINE!" Kelly raised herself up off the floor and waltzed over to Clay and his groupies. She bravely pushed through the crowd and found herself staring up at this tall hunk of a man. With a quick gulp, Kelly opened her mouth and said in a clear and unwavering voice,
"I'm a Christmas elf! You have to kiss me under the mistletoe!"
"Wha – " before Clay had any time to finish his statement, and also before Kelly lost her nerve, she grabbed the sides of his face, pulled him down towards her and pressed her lips onto his. She was dimly aware of the sounds of gasping coming from the girls who surrounded them, and also of the fact that, "oh my GOD – she was kissing Clayton Snyder!" but somehow she managed to casually reach around the back of his neck and snip off a lock of his soft, dark blonde hair just as the clock struck the midnight hour, signaling the end of the party as well as the end of their time. The Fromiez all collapsed on the ground, feeling their heart rate start to slow down a bit. They had won the mission just in the nick of time.
Kelly quickly concealed the hair in her fist and pulled away from Clay, who was staring at her with a stunned expression on his face. The entire group of girls was dead silent and they all looked at Kelly, completely amazed at what she had done. Clay opened and shut his mouth a few times before finally breaking the silence.
"Whoa," was all he said, but his eyes seemed to say everything else for him. There was no denying the obvious sparks that flew between them when he looked her and she looked at him.
"Yeah," she replied, just as dumbstruck as he was. "I'm – I'm Kelly."
"I'm Clayton," he said as he took her arm and led her away from the horde of girls who had surrounded him the whole night. "Are you doing anything now?"
"Actually, no. But you can come hang out with me and my friends. I'll introduce you – " But as soon as they approached the group, Kelly saw that there would be no point. All of the Fromiez were passed out on the ground, already asleep and obviously feeling the effects of a long and stressful night.
What will happen next? Will Kelly and Clayton live happily ever after? Will Rich ever find true love with Sandie, the mysterious flight attendant? Will Adam and Ashley catch a cold and die? Stay tuned to find out!