HEY HEY HEY! Dang, I can't believe we're on Chapter 15 already – where has the time gone?? Hmmm! Well, I hope everyone has been enjoying the story so far and I just wanted to say thanks for your support! Bob appreciates it as well, because he's a sad, pathetic and cheesy man. Or maybe that's just me – except not a man. Uhhhh, anyway. On with Chapter 15!
It's 7:00! Time for another installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!
* R Kelly's Ignition Remix begins to play as images and sound bites from upcoming episodes flash across the screen, including:*
"Do you like Zoom, bebeh?"
"I want multiple partners!"
"Schweeeeet!"
"I have a thethy lithp!"
* The opening ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host*
"Hi, I'm Bob Saget. Thank you for joining me for another thrilling episode of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored! Last week we saw the Fromiez successfully complete their mission of taking a lock of Clayton's hair! We also saw some interesting interactions between the house sitter, Ashley, and resident playa, Adam Lamberg! Let's check back in with our favorite seven, no eight – counting Amy – no wait, nine – counting Kyle – NO, TEN counting Clayton, yes, TEN of our favorite Fromiez as they return from their mission!"
*Camera fades out as Bob does an Irish jig*
"Ughhh! I am so glad to be home," Kim moaned as she dragged herself into the foyer, collapsing on the floor. "Just let me sleep here. I'll see you guys tomorrow."
"Come on, Kim," Kyle said as he wrapped her arm around his neck and began to drag her towards the stairs. "Just a little bit farther…"
"Oh my gosh, you guys – you have to come look at this," Jenn whispered loudly from the living room. She motioned for all the Fromiez to join her, and they reluctantly did although most of them were half asleep. "Isn't that cute?"
Sitting on the couch were Adam and Ashley, both fast asleep, with Adam's head on Ashley's shoulder as she rested hers on top of his nest of wild curls. His mouth was open just a little bit, just enough so that slight snores escaped into the air.
"Yeah, that's so freaking cute," Kim said dryly as she attempted to stifle a massive yawn. "Screw this, I'm outta here." The rest of the Fromiez echoed her sentiments, although Jenn stayed behind so she could wake up the house sitter and her guest.
"Ashley," Jenn said softly. She gently shook her arm and roused her from a deep sleep. "We're home now."
Slowly, Ashley's eyes fluttered open and shook her head, trying to remember where she was and what she was doing. "Oh, hi Jenn," she said groggily as she rubbed at her tired eyes. "Did you all have a good time?"
"Yeah, we had a pretty good time," Jenn smiled at the two of them. "But I guess you guys had a good time too?"
"I suppose," Ashley replied, shrugging her shoulders. "I should get going, though. Thanks for having me over." As Ashley stood up off of the couch, her movement awakened Adam, who quickly jolted upright into a sitting position.
"What's going on?" he asked as he ran a hand through his messy hair. "Is it time for me to go?"
"No, but it's time for me to go," Ashley told him. "The Fromiez are back from their mission."
"Oh, okay," Adam stood up next to Ashley, which was a funny sight since she had a good six inches on him. "I'll walk you home."
"You really don't have to," Ashley replied with a wave of her hand. "I only live a few blocks away."
"Well, can I talk to you then?" Adam asked hopefully, focusing his blue eyes on her face. "There's something I need to tell you."
"Uhhh…I'll be in the kitchen," Jenn said hastily as she slowly slunk out of the room in an attempt to give them their privacy. She wasn't all that tired yet, and besides, a cup of hot chocolate and some cookies sounded pretty good right about now.
"What is it?" Ashley asked as soon as Jenn had left. Adam twisted his hands together nervously, trying to think of the words to express how he felt. The problem was that he wasn't entirely sure how he felt because he was fairly certain that he hadn't ever experienced anything like it before in his life.
"It's just that…I'm sort of confused…" he began in a low voice as he avoided looking into her eyes.
"About what?"
"About…about me. And you. About us. I mean, I'm so used to all the girls chasing me and all that. You know, when I was filming The Lizzie McGuire Movie in Canada, it was like I could have any girl I wanted since they all wanted me. I just became so used to that, but it was strange because I had never really had that before. When I was just Adam Lamberg, the Jewish kid from New York, no one gave a rat's ass about who I was. But all of a sudden, when I became David Gordon on Lizzie McGuire, it was like everything just exploded and girls wanted to be with me. So I thought that I was this totally cool guy who didn't need to settle down and be with one person because there were just too many girls out there who wanted me. In fact, I didn't even want to settle down. But now – "
"But now what?" Ashley prompted him curiously. He took a shaky breath before continuing as he finally raised his eyes to look at her.
"I've never been in a real relationship before," he said seriously. "But now…it's different. And…maybe I could try?" There was a long pause as Adam waited for a response, but got none. "So…what do you say?" he finally asked.
"I say…" Ashley smiled slowly and adjusted the artist's beret on her head. "I say…why don't you walk me home?"
"Sure," Adam grinned back at her as he took her arm, and they walked out of Fro Manor together.
*Cut to the kitchen*
After indulging in a few chocolate chip cookies, Jenn slowly filled the tea kettle with water and set it on the stove. She suddenly heard a soft cough behind her and discovered Amy sitting at the kitchen table with her chin in her hands and looking pretty dejected.
"Amy! Were you here the whole time? I didn't see you," Jenn said as she sat down across from her.
"No, I just got here. I tried to sleep but our room is super crowded now, thanks to Kelly's special guest," Amy said forlornly as she played with the salt and pepper shakers on the table.
"Clay's not staying with the boys?" Jenn asked.
"No," Amy shook her head and pushed her glasses up on the bridge of her nose. "Please! That room is completely packed like a sardine can! Scott, Kee and Rich can barely fit in there, and with Kyle it just makes it even more crowded. There's no way Clay would have fit anywhere, so he's staying in our room."
"Well, don't let that bother you," Jenn said cheerfully. "Clay can always use one of the couches or something. There's no reason why you shouldn't be able to sleep in your own room."
"That's not what's bothering me," she replied, that same sadness lingering in her voice. "Have you ever had thoughts that were completely and totally wrong to think, but yet you like thinking them anyway?"
'Ummm….yes?" Jenn answered, not sure what direction this conversation was taking.
"Well, if you had thoughts about say…an ordained minister…um…"
"Wait a minute, what??!" Jenn interrupted. "Are you telling me that you have the hots for Pat…the ordained minister?!"
"No!" Amy immediately cried in defense. "This is um, a completely hypothetical situation. Right! Yes! It's completely and totally not me. Let's just say that it's my friend…who shall remain nameless. What should she do? Should she confront him about it? Or just wait and see if it passes?"
"I guess I would say to talk to him about it," Jenn said honestly. "I mean, if anyone should understand, it should be him, right?"
"Yeah, I suppose," Amy replied. "I guess I sort of already knew that – I mean, yeah. I'll relay the message…to my friend."
"You do that," Jenn said with a smile as Amy got up from the table and headed out of the kitchen.
*Cut to the confessional*
Amy slowly opened the door to the confessional and found Pat in there, curled up in a chair and fast asleep. She gently shook his arm in an effort to wake him up, but he just sighed in his sleep and shifted positions.
"Pat, wake up," Amy whispered softly as she leaned over and shook his arm, harder this time. "I need to talk to you."
Apparently startled by Amy's presence, Pat suddenly woke up with a start and abruptly stood up, and in the process accidentally smashed his forehead against hers.
"Ow!" she cried, stepping back and rubbing her sore head. "Umm…I'm sorry, did I scare you?"
"No, no – it's fine," he said as he fumbled around on the table for his watch. "What time is it? Is it time for your confessional?" he asked as he sleepily turned the confessional camera on.
"Not exactly," Amy replied nervously. "I just…um…" it suddenly occurred to her that this was incredibly awkward because she had no clue what to say. It was also incredibly awkward because the man standing in front of her was dressed as a minister. "I, um, you know – I sort of –"As Amy sat there stammering like an idiot, it suddenly occurred to her that maybe she was making a big deal out of nothing. Maybe she somehow mistook her feelings for Pat and somehow misread the signs. He could have just been holding her and stroking her hair because he was just a nice person and wanted her to feel better about the whole Ben situation. Maybe they had almost kissed because…
"I'm an idiot!" Amy suddenly blurted out. "I misread the signs! I thought that you liked me because of the way you held me the other day! And then I got to thinking that I liked you too but then I also got to thinking that I shouldn't be thinking that and then it just became this whole big mess! So I'm really sorry, and I…" As she stared at him, the same thoughts kept creeping back into her head – those pesky thoughts that she had tried to deny to herself. "And…I – I – oh god, you look so hot in that outfit…"
The next thing she knew, she had jumped into Pat's arms and latched her lips onto his like some poisonous leech, ready to suck the blood out of its next victim. Not sure what to do and unable to breathe, he backed up and bumped right into the table. At the last second he was able to push the camera and various papers off of it so they could climb on top of it and continue the steamy make-out session, which to Amy's surprise, he was participating in as much as she was.
After a few seconds, Pat suddenly detached his lips from hers and attempted to speak. "Am – Amy – we can't do this. We have to talk. Let's talk now."
"Oh, umm…" Amy suddenly realized what exactly she was doing – lying on top of an ordained minister. On a table. In a small room…with the camera on. "OH MY GOD!" she quickly stood up and covered her mouth with her hands. "What just happened?"
They looked at each other in horror, then at the same time looked at the camera, which had recorded the whole episode.
"Nothing happened! Absolutely nothing…" Pat said nonchalantly as he casually bent down and turned off the camera. Once it was off, he screamed, "THE TAPE! GET RID OF THE TAPE!"
Quick as a flash, Amy ripped open the video camera, grabbed the tape and hurriedly pulled out the long, black plastic threads until there was none left. Then she quickly called goodnight to Pat, rushed outside and chucked the dissected tape into the woods where hopefully it would never be discovered.
*Cut to Scott, Kee and Rich's room*
"Hey guys! Check it out! I got another letter from my secret admirer!" Scott said triumphantly as he waved a piece of paper around in the air. "I found it in the bathroom near my toothbrush."
"Ughhh…" Kee and Rich groaned in response. They placed their pillows over their heads, anxious to go to sleep after a long day. Their other roommate, Kyle, was already passed out on the floor and snoring away.
"Don't you want to know what it says?" Scott asked.
"NO!" Rich shouted as he let out a jaw-breaking yawn. "I'm going to sleep. It's 3:30 in the morning!"
"Dear Scott," he began, to which everyone just groaned again.
Dear Scott,
The Magic Fro knows all
And soon my identity will be revealed
Meet me downstairs at 4.
Love,
Your Secret Admirer
"I'm gonna go ask the Magic Fro who my secret admirer is!" Scott said happily. He bounded down the stairs and approached the all mighty Magic Fro, which was sitting prettily in its glass case atop the mantel. "Oh Magic Fro, tell me – who is my secret admirer?"
After a few seconds, the Magic Fro sputtered to life and began speaking in a high-pitched and eerie voice. "Ooooooo Scott, youuuuuu come to meeeeee because you seek the truuuuuuuuuth. I can only tell yoouuuuuuu that the one who loves youuuuuu has a name that ends in y." With that, the Magic Fro stopped talking and went back into its state of slumber.
"A name that ends in y? Hmmm…." Scott tapped his finger on his chin in thought. "That could be Kelly, Amy or Aubrey…but that doesn't make sense. Or does it? Which one is it??" He checked his watch. "I have 15 minutes before she shows up…"
Suddenly, the doorbell chimed throughout the house, causing Scott to nearly jump out of his skin. "Maybe it's her! Maybe she's early!" he ran to the door and opened it, only to discover a blonde-haired, green-eyed flight attendant staring back at him. "Umm…Sandie? You're not my secret admirer…are you?"
"Umm…no?" she said confusedly. "But I'm looking for Richard. Is he here?"
"Yeah, sure…come on in." Scott held the door open for her as she cautiously walked into the house. The sound of the doorbell had attracted the attention of Kee, Jenn, Clay, Kim and Kyle, who all came walking sleepily down the stairs.
"What the HELL is going on?" Kim asked angrily as she shuffled into the foyer. "Who's ringing the doorbell at 3:47 am?!"
"I'm looking for Richard," Sandie said again, louder this time. "Please, may I see him? I just got back from a flight from Finland and he's all I've been thinking about!"
"Uhh…yeah, okay – whatever," Kim answered. "RICH!" she bellowed up the stairs. "YOUR LITTLE GIRLFRIEND IS HERE TO SEE YOU!"
Two seconds later, Rich dragged himself down the stairs in his famous Sunnydale shirt and his hair all a mess. "What are you talking about?" he grumbled, but when he saw Sandie his mouth dropped open and he stopped dead in his tracks. "Sandie…what are you doing here?"
"Oh, Richard!" she rushed forward and enveloped him in a huge hug. "I missed you so much! I couldn't stop thinking about you and I just had to see you. You're not mad, are you?"
"Uhh…no…" he said, although he was somewhat bewildered. "It's just kind of late, that's all. But I missed you too."
"I've decided that my past doesn't matter and that nothing matters anymore – just me and you! We have to be together because you're the only one I've felt that special connection – ever!"
"I know what you mean," Rich answered. "It's just – I have to know more about you. I feel like I've known you forever, but there's something bothering me…."
"It's okay," Sandie told him. "I'm prepared to answer your questions now. I wasn't before, but I decided that you can handle whatever it is that I have to tell you – "
"It's 3:55!" Scott cried gleefully. "I'm off to the living room!" He pushed through the crowd and headed to meet his secret admirer. Suddenly, he bumped into Kelly, who was coming to join the group that had gathered by the front door.
"Scott!" she yelped nervously.
"Kelly…" his voice trailed off as he stared at her suspiciously. "Are you…my secret admirer?"
"Ummm…"
*Cut to a commercial break! And now a word from our sponsors! "Wal-Mart is having a sale on speedos! Come get yours for only $3! And now we return to our regularly scheduled program!"*
"Are you my secret admirer?" Scott asked again, more urgently this time.
"No!" Kelly insisted. "I'm not. But I know who is – come with me!"
She led him back to the group standing by the door, some of whom were talking animatedly and others who were practically asleep while standing up. Suddenly, the door burst open and then shut with a loud bang.
"HUZZAH!" came the familiar yell and the group parted like the red sea as Aubrey strode forward and faced Scott, who was standing at the back of the group. "Your secret admirer has arrived!"
A hush came over all of the Fromiez as they stared first at Aubrey, and then at Scott and waited for a reaction – any reaction at all.
"Aubrey?" he finally asked. "You're – my secret admirer?"
"Yes!" she replied defiantly.
"Thank goodness," Scott said as he let out a sigh of relief. "I was afraid it was Bob Saget."
"Scott, I have to tell you something," Aubrey continued in a serious voice. "I just wanted to say that…you're my American Idol. You're my Love Connection, and you're my Full House. You're my Real World, and you're my Star Search. In fact, place any cheesy TV show in there, and that's you. I love you. Will you be my Married By America – will you marry me?" The entire group let out a collective gasp and their heads swiveled towards Scott.
"Hmmm…" he pretended to think this over. "Only if you promise not to wear that wig on our honeymoon."
"Oh! I forgot I had this on!" Aubrey tossed the fro wig into the air and jumped into his arms, while the rest of the Fromiez cheered and clapped.
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Kim shouted happily. "I'm going to bed! PEACE OUT!"
Stay tuned for Scott and Aubrey's wedding and also for a few other surprises!