Chapter 10- What's My Sin?
Thanks for the reviews, guys! *sigh* I wish I had more though. Remember, reviews make me wanna write, and the more reviews I get the faster I'll write!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"No! No goddammit, no!" I screamed.
It wasn't possible, it wasn't true. There was no way I could be pregnant. Not here, not now, and not with Henry's child.
"But, Miss Johnson," said Doctor Lorris, "Your test is positive, and you said your period is late. Have you gotten sick in the mornings at all?"
I stared down that the green and white tiled floor of the doctor's office.
"I got sick yesterday and this morning." I mumbled.
"Miss Johnson, you have to face the facts. You're pregnant. Now, you have some options."
Her voice faded out of my consciousness, I was pregnant, and with Henry's child. He was the last person I'd been with. Roger had gone on a small road trip with the Well Hungarians looking for more publicity the week after the concert. We hadn't been together after Henry-he had been doing shows and I had been rehearsing with the troupe.
"Maureen? Maureen?" Doctor Lorris was calling my name.
I looked up at her, and muttered, "I gotta go."
Without waiting for an answer and ignoring her protests, I ran out.
When I got back to my apartment, Roger was waiting out front for me.
"Roger!" I squeaked, "You're back!"
Roger smiled, lifted me up, and twirled me around.
"Yeah, I am. Miss me?"
I smiled uncertainly. I had, but now all I wanted was for him to go away.
"So, you wanna.ya know?" Roger grinned and wiggled his eyebrows.
This couldn't be happening! I was trying to deal with all this shit, never mind telling Roger about it.
Well, you don't have to tell him about it, I thought. He doesn't need to know.
Oh yes he does! I argued with myself. He's bound to notice!
But Roger was already putting his arms around me and leaning in to kiss me.
"I'm pregnant!" I blurted.
Roger stopped still, and let his arms drop. There was dead silence as he stared at me uncomprehendingly. Then, he managed to utter,
"Pregnant."
It wasn't even a question. I stared down and played with my hands.
"Um.yea."
"Jesus Christ, Maureen!" he exploded. "When the fuck were you planning on telling me this?"
I stood my ground and refused to meet his gaze.
"I just found out today.I was late last month, but it skips sometimes so I didn't think anything of it. But then I got sick in the mornings."
Roger sighed, then pulled me to him.
"We can work through this.we can do it. It's OK, Maureen, I'm sorry I yelled. It was just such a shock. Do you forgive me?"
I pulled away, huddled into a corner near the door and hunched inward.
"You don't understand.it's.not yours." I trailed off.
Roger looked like someone had given him a deathblow. For a moment, he looked like he was going to cry.
"Not mine?"
"No, not yours," I whispered. In a choked voice, I continued, "My landlord.Henry.it's his."
"You slept with the fucking landlord?" he bellowed.
"Yes! Yes, I did, ok? I was behind in the rent and he threatened to evict me but then said I slept with him that he'd forgo the rent. I did it once, but then he made me do it every month otherwise he'll evict me!" I cried.
"So you whored yourself to your landlord to pay the rent? You couldn't just move out and find another apartment? Instead you became a prostitute?" Roger yelled in disbelief.
I sat there mutely.
"Roger, I don't expect you to understand, but if you could forgive me."
"Forgive you? Not only have you been cheating on me and lying to me this whole time, you've been whoring yourself as well!"
"Roger you know me, it wasn't like that." I started to protest.
"I don't fucking know you at all!" Roger yelled.
Then, a hardened mask of steel and cold fell on his face. His eyes became vast, empty, emotionless voids.
"I don't know you at all," he repeated softly.
I stood up shakily and reach out to him.
"Roger, please," I begged-hating myself for begging and him for making me beg.
He shook his head with that same hard look in his eyes.
"I think we should stop seeing each other," he said.
For the first time in the past three months, I felt myself about to cry. I blinked furiously.
"Roger, just listen!" I cried.
Roger turned away from me and started to walk away. Then, he suddenly turned and said,
"And to think I thought I loved you. How wrong I was."
Then he turned and left. As I slumped back down on the ground and put my face in my hands, one thought was prevalent in my mind: I had thought I loved him too. How wrong I was.
Coming Up: Maureen confronts Henry. Plus-will she and Roger reconcile?
Thanks for the reviews, guys! *sigh* I wish I had more though. Remember, reviews make me wanna write, and the more reviews I get the faster I'll write!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"No! No goddammit, no!" I screamed.
It wasn't possible, it wasn't true. There was no way I could be pregnant. Not here, not now, and not with Henry's child.
"But, Miss Johnson," said Doctor Lorris, "Your test is positive, and you said your period is late. Have you gotten sick in the mornings at all?"
I stared down that the green and white tiled floor of the doctor's office.
"I got sick yesterday and this morning." I mumbled.
"Miss Johnson, you have to face the facts. You're pregnant. Now, you have some options."
Her voice faded out of my consciousness, I was pregnant, and with Henry's child. He was the last person I'd been with. Roger had gone on a small road trip with the Well Hungarians looking for more publicity the week after the concert. We hadn't been together after Henry-he had been doing shows and I had been rehearsing with the troupe.
"Maureen? Maureen?" Doctor Lorris was calling my name.
I looked up at her, and muttered, "I gotta go."
Without waiting for an answer and ignoring her protests, I ran out.
When I got back to my apartment, Roger was waiting out front for me.
"Roger!" I squeaked, "You're back!"
Roger smiled, lifted me up, and twirled me around.
"Yeah, I am. Miss me?"
I smiled uncertainly. I had, but now all I wanted was for him to go away.
"So, you wanna.ya know?" Roger grinned and wiggled his eyebrows.
This couldn't be happening! I was trying to deal with all this shit, never mind telling Roger about it.
Well, you don't have to tell him about it, I thought. He doesn't need to know.
Oh yes he does! I argued with myself. He's bound to notice!
But Roger was already putting his arms around me and leaning in to kiss me.
"I'm pregnant!" I blurted.
Roger stopped still, and let his arms drop. There was dead silence as he stared at me uncomprehendingly. Then, he managed to utter,
"Pregnant."
It wasn't even a question. I stared down and played with my hands.
"Um.yea."
"Jesus Christ, Maureen!" he exploded. "When the fuck were you planning on telling me this?"
I stood my ground and refused to meet his gaze.
"I just found out today.I was late last month, but it skips sometimes so I didn't think anything of it. But then I got sick in the mornings."
Roger sighed, then pulled me to him.
"We can work through this.we can do it. It's OK, Maureen, I'm sorry I yelled. It was just such a shock. Do you forgive me?"
I pulled away, huddled into a corner near the door and hunched inward.
"You don't understand.it's.not yours." I trailed off.
Roger looked like someone had given him a deathblow. For a moment, he looked like he was going to cry.
"Not mine?"
"No, not yours," I whispered. In a choked voice, I continued, "My landlord.Henry.it's his."
"You slept with the fucking landlord?" he bellowed.
"Yes! Yes, I did, ok? I was behind in the rent and he threatened to evict me but then said I slept with him that he'd forgo the rent. I did it once, but then he made me do it every month otherwise he'll evict me!" I cried.
"So you whored yourself to your landlord to pay the rent? You couldn't just move out and find another apartment? Instead you became a prostitute?" Roger yelled in disbelief.
I sat there mutely.
"Roger, I don't expect you to understand, but if you could forgive me."
"Forgive you? Not only have you been cheating on me and lying to me this whole time, you've been whoring yourself as well!"
"Roger you know me, it wasn't like that." I started to protest.
"I don't fucking know you at all!" Roger yelled.
Then, a hardened mask of steel and cold fell on his face. His eyes became vast, empty, emotionless voids.
"I don't know you at all," he repeated softly.
I stood up shakily and reach out to him.
"Roger, please," I begged-hating myself for begging and him for making me beg.
He shook his head with that same hard look in his eyes.
"I think we should stop seeing each other," he said.
For the first time in the past three months, I felt myself about to cry. I blinked furiously.
"Roger, just listen!" I cried.
Roger turned away from me and started to walk away. Then, he suddenly turned and said,
"And to think I thought I loved you. How wrong I was."
Then he turned and left. As I slumped back down on the ground and put my face in my hands, one thought was prevalent in my mind: I had thought I loved him too. How wrong I was.
Coming Up: Maureen confronts Henry. Plus-will she and Roger reconcile?