Chapter 13- How Do You Leave The Past Behind?
(A/N: Thank you all for the reviews! Also, to the confusoids out there, Maureen never specified Roger's last name in her talks with Benny. Ch. 3 on Numb, my new fic, coming up soon!)
Benny was waiting in the hallway when I arrived at the loft.
"You made it!" he said enthusiastically.
"Yeah, by the skin of my teeth." I replied.
"What?"
"Never mind."
He helped me unload the rest of the boxes from my car, and we parked them in front of my apartment.
"I talked to Mr. Grey, the landlord, and he left me the keys to your apartment this morning. If you want to though, before you get settled in, I can introduce you to my roommates."
"I don't want to settle in just yet-you can introduce me if you want." I said.
"Sure. The loft is up three flights of stairs-think you can make it?" he joked.
We huffed and puffed up the three flights of stairs before we reached a large steel door.
"This was an industrial loft one, remember?" he reminded me upon noticing the astonished look on my face.
He opened the door and yelled out, "I'm back!"
There was a small, thin, sandy-haired man sitting on a beat-up couch with a camera. He stood up when he saw us.
"Who did you bring back this time, Benny?" he asked irritably.
"Oh, Mark," he laughed, "Just because you haven't gotten laid since.well, a while at least, doesn't mean that you can take it out on me."
I stuck out my hand.
"Maureen Johnson," I said firmly, "Not his girlfriend."
They both laughed.
"Mark Cohen," he said, shaking my hand while grinning sheepishly.
From another room, I heard the sounds of someone playing the guitar.
"Whoever's playing in there is really good," I commented.
"Oh, that's Roger, one of our other roommates." Mark said.
"Roger, get in here!" Benny yelled over the racket.
"Roger?" I squeaked out.
"Yeah," Mark said, "Why, do you know him?"
"Not at all!" I said quickly.
"Someone calling me?" Roger asked as he entered the room.
As we lay eyes on each other, he froze. He looked good, and I berated myself for thinking so. His hair was a bit longer now, and he looked tired. He still had the hot-rock star look about him though, and it made my knees want to give out from underneath me. He had a guitar pick in his mouth, and it fell unattractively out as he gaped at me.
"Roger, this is Maureen," Mark said.
"She moved in downstairs." Benny added.
"Well isn't that just wonderfully fucked up," I heard him mutter through clenched teeth.
Louder, he stuck out his hand and said, "Maureen, nice to meet you."
His grip was cold and fast, like he didn't want to touch me any longer than he had to.
"Pleasure's all mine." I murmured.
"Mark," Roger said then, "There's no food left. How about you and Benny go buy some while I entertain our guest."
The look in his eyes as he said this made me feel like I was fifteen years old again and showing my father another bad progress report.
"What the hell Roger," Mark was saying, "Why do you always score with the babes?"
"Because I'm an aspiring rock star and you're an aspiring nerd," he responded.
"Scratch that," Benny interjected, "He's not aspiring, he's already there!"
Roger and Benny laughed and high-fived each other.
"Fuck off!" Mark yelled angrily.
"We'll be back in an hour, kiddies!" Benny crowed.
"Yeah, make sure to use protection!" Mark called back as he and Benny walked out of the house.
The minute the door slammed and Roger saw their old beat-up pick-up drive away, he turned to me.
"Alright, Maureen, you get one shot to explain why the fuck you're here and why I shouldn't kill you right now."
"Oh, thanks baby, you look good too." I said sarcastically.
"You expect me to tell you that you look good?" he asked.
"I expected nothing less than what you're throwing at me right now." I sneered.
There was a silence and then:
"Let's at least try to be civil." I amended.
"As civil as one can be when in the company of your ex-girlfriend who whored herself to her landlord to pay the rent and then got pregnant with his kid." Roger shot back.
"Roger, please, just stop it, alright? Out of all the shit that I went through in this past year, the last thing I need is to be bitched out by you!"
"Aw, I'm sorry, I know you must have had it so fucking rough when you got the rent for free and a brat in the deal. What, did the abortion cost too much?" he asked cruelly.
"You'll be one hell of a fucking lucky man if I let ever our daughter near you after this!" I yelled without thinking.
The silence was so thick you could slice it in half. Roger's eyes clouded up as if remembering things from the past, and then he sat down hard on the couch. He ran his fingers through his spiked hair and then went,
"Our.daughter?"
I sighed. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I had always planned what I would say should we ever come face to face again. I would explain everything, be calm, and most of all, ask for another chance. Instead, given the current situation, we were at each other's necks.
"I didn't want you to find out this way." I said quietly.
Roger stared blankly at me.
"When Emma-that's her name- was born, I saw a heart-shaped mole on her left butt cheek.just like the one you have. That's when I figured out.that it wasn't Henry's child.it was yours. You have a daughter, Roger.we have a daughter."
"How did you know about my mole?" he asked quietly.
"The morning after our first night together I noticed it. I didn't say anything, but I have a very good memory." I replied.
"When was she born?" he asked.
"New Year's Day at twelve oh one in the morning."
There was another pregnant pause. Then, Roger patted the seat beside him. I sat down. He put an arm around my waist and turned me to him.
"You're like a poison, Maureen. I've tried to pretend for so long that you don't mean a thing to me, that I didn't care.but I do care, and I want to hate myself for it. I'm sorry I didn't try to understand your situation, but it was too much. It was just too fucking much. I want you in my life, though. You and our daughter. Please don't turn me out. I turned you out before, and I may never forgive myself for it, but please, give me another chance."
Tears filled my eyes as I replied, "Shouldn't I be the one asking for another chance?"
I shouldn't, I thought to myself. You still haven't told him that you put Emma up for adoption. No one's called to say that someone took her though.
"You shouldn't have to," he said.
Then he leaned over and kissed me slowly. It was one that reminded me of the first time we had really kissed. I wanted to melt all over the couch, just fall to my knees and beg whoever the hell was up there to erase the last year and let me relive it over again.maybe this time, I would do it right.
An hour later, we were lying together in his room in his bed. We weren't talking, I was just dozing and he was stroking my hair.
"Is she beautiful?" he asked me suddenly.
"She's half yours, isn't she? What do you think?" I said sleepily.
He kissed the top of my head and then said, "Does anyone else know?"
"Benny knows what happened to me, but I never told him your last name, so I don't think he's made the connection yet. We don't have to tell anyone till we're ready, do we?"
Suddenly, the door to the loft opened and then slammed and the sound of Benny, Mark, and another man who I didn't recognize filled the rooms.
"Roger? Maureen?" called Benny.
"In here!" Roger called back.
Benny came into the room, and then nearly jumped out of his skin.
"Jesus you're with her in bed already? What the fuck magic do you possess?"
"Well, when you're good." Roger said, grinning like a Cheshire cat.
"Hey, now!" I jumped in, "Who says it wasn't my charms that beat his to a bloody pulp?"
Mark, who was looking over Benny's shoulder in the doorway doubled over laughing. Benny tried not to grin, and the man I didn't recognize peered in and announced,
"Whoever she is, I like this one!"
"I'm Maureen.and you are?"
"Thomas Collins.call me Collins," he said.
"We got food if you two would like to get yourself dressed and join us out there." Mark offered.
"Yeah, we'll be out in a few," Roger said.
"That's an hour or so in Roger-time," Collins said while laughing.
"Laugh if you choose, but this is what I get to squeeze all night long!" Roger said.
"Or not," I said as I pulled the bed sheets all the way around my naked body and glided past an astounded Mark, Collins, and Benny and into the other room, leaving Roger butt naked on his bed.
"Holy shit!" hooted Benny.
"Mark, grab your camera!" Collins shouted.
"Didn't you say you named your dick Goliath? It doesn't seem to do much justice to the name." Mark remarked.
"Shut the fuck up, you guys!" Roger cried and attempted to grab a pillow to cover himself up.
As Collins shut the door to Roger's room and they all (except Roger, who was too buy swearing at the top of his lungs at me in his room) filed out and stared at me.
"Do I have a pimple or something?" I inquired.
"No.but I'm just thinking you're the best damn thing in a short skirt to come up to this loft!" said Collins.
"And this is coming from a gay man!" Mark added.
"One night with me would change that." I purred flirtatiously.
"Yeah but one night with him would turn you lesbo." Benny joked, but then ducked as a piece of bread came flying across the couch at him.
"Very funny, you fucktard," Collins said.
We all laughed together, and I felt good about it. Maybe I could get Roger to understand why I had to give Emma up.and then maybe things could get better. At least, that was until a beautiful girl with long, wavy, red hair and snapping green eyes walked into the apartment-it was the girl that I had seen with Roger a few times, the one he had called "April".
"Roger-bear?" she called, "I'm home!"
It was then she noticed me, and asked the boys,
"Getting ready for an orgy.oh and you're using food for pleasure too, how creative. Where's Roger?"
It was at that moment that Roger came out of his room with the pillow stuck over his private area.
"Maureen," he called, oblivious to the other girl standing there wide-eyed and shocked, "Can I have my sheets back now?"
"Well, well, well.did I interrupt anything?" April asked, eyeing Roger and me speculatively.
I looked at them both, and then said, "No.I think I'm the one who is."
Then, with the bed sheets still wrapped around me, I exited the apartment.
Coming Up: How will Roger explain his way out of this one? Can Maureen truly go back to Roger now? What about the baby? Ch. 14 is upcoming..
(A/N: Thank you all for the reviews! Also, to the confusoids out there, Maureen never specified Roger's last name in her talks with Benny. Ch. 3 on Numb, my new fic, coming up soon!)
Benny was waiting in the hallway when I arrived at the loft.
"You made it!" he said enthusiastically.
"Yeah, by the skin of my teeth." I replied.
"What?"
"Never mind."
He helped me unload the rest of the boxes from my car, and we parked them in front of my apartment.
"I talked to Mr. Grey, the landlord, and he left me the keys to your apartment this morning. If you want to though, before you get settled in, I can introduce you to my roommates."
"I don't want to settle in just yet-you can introduce me if you want." I said.
"Sure. The loft is up three flights of stairs-think you can make it?" he joked.
We huffed and puffed up the three flights of stairs before we reached a large steel door.
"This was an industrial loft one, remember?" he reminded me upon noticing the astonished look on my face.
He opened the door and yelled out, "I'm back!"
There was a small, thin, sandy-haired man sitting on a beat-up couch with a camera. He stood up when he saw us.
"Who did you bring back this time, Benny?" he asked irritably.
"Oh, Mark," he laughed, "Just because you haven't gotten laid since.well, a while at least, doesn't mean that you can take it out on me."
I stuck out my hand.
"Maureen Johnson," I said firmly, "Not his girlfriend."
They both laughed.
"Mark Cohen," he said, shaking my hand while grinning sheepishly.
From another room, I heard the sounds of someone playing the guitar.
"Whoever's playing in there is really good," I commented.
"Oh, that's Roger, one of our other roommates." Mark said.
"Roger, get in here!" Benny yelled over the racket.
"Roger?" I squeaked out.
"Yeah," Mark said, "Why, do you know him?"
"Not at all!" I said quickly.
"Someone calling me?" Roger asked as he entered the room.
As we lay eyes on each other, he froze. He looked good, and I berated myself for thinking so. His hair was a bit longer now, and he looked tired. He still had the hot-rock star look about him though, and it made my knees want to give out from underneath me. He had a guitar pick in his mouth, and it fell unattractively out as he gaped at me.
"Roger, this is Maureen," Mark said.
"She moved in downstairs." Benny added.
"Well isn't that just wonderfully fucked up," I heard him mutter through clenched teeth.
Louder, he stuck out his hand and said, "Maureen, nice to meet you."
His grip was cold and fast, like he didn't want to touch me any longer than he had to.
"Pleasure's all mine." I murmured.
"Mark," Roger said then, "There's no food left. How about you and Benny go buy some while I entertain our guest."
The look in his eyes as he said this made me feel like I was fifteen years old again and showing my father another bad progress report.
"What the hell Roger," Mark was saying, "Why do you always score with the babes?"
"Because I'm an aspiring rock star and you're an aspiring nerd," he responded.
"Scratch that," Benny interjected, "He's not aspiring, he's already there!"
Roger and Benny laughed and high-fived each other.
"Fuck off!" Mark yelled angrily.
"We'll be back in an hour, kiddies!" Benny crowed.
"Yeah, make sure to use protection!" Mark called back as he and Benny walked out of the house.
The minute the door slammed and Roger saw their old beat-up pick-up drive away, he turned to me.
"Alright, Maureen, you get one shot to explain why the fuck you're here and why I shouldn't kill you right now."
"Oh, thanks baby, you look good too." I said sarcastically.
"You expect me to tell you that you look good?" he asked.
"I expected nothing less than what you're throwing at me right now." I sneered.
There was a silence and then:
"Let's at least try to be civil." I amended.
"As civil as one can be when in the company of your ex-girlfriend who whored herself to her landlord to pay the rent and then got pregnant with his kid." Roger shot back.
"Roger, please, just stop it, alright? Out of all the shit that I went through in this past year, the last thing I need is to be bitched out by you!"
"Aw, I'm sorry, I know you must have had it so fucking rough when you got the rent for free and a brat in the deal. What, did the abortion cost too much?" he asked cruelly.
"You'll be one hell of a fucking lucky man if I let ever our daughter near you after this!" I yelled without thinking.
The silence was so thick you could slice it in half. Roger's eyes clouded up as if remembering things from the past, and then he sat down hard on the couch. He ran his fingers through his spiked hair and then went,
"Our.daughter?"
I sighed. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I had always planned what I would say should we ever come face to face again. I would explain everything, be calm, and most of all, ask for another chance. Instead, given the current situation, we were at each other's necks.
"I didn't want you to find out this way." I said quietly.
Roger stared blankly at me.
"When Emma-that's her name- was born, I saw a heart-shaped mole on her left butt cheek.just like the one you have. That's when I figured out.that it wasn't Henry's child.it was yours. You have a daughter, Roger.we have a daughter."
"How did you know about my mole?" he asked quietly.
"The morning after our first night together I noticed it. I didn't say anything, but I have a very good memory." I replied.
"When was she born?" he asked.
"New Year's Day at twelve oh one in the morning."
There was another pregnant pause. Then, Roger patted the seat beside him. I sat down. He put an arm around my waist and turned me to him.
"You're like a poison, Maureen. I've tried to pretend for so long that you don't mean a thing to me, that I didn't care.but I do care, and I want to hate myself for it. I'm sorry I didn't try to understand your situation, but it was too much. It was just too fucking much. I want you in my life, though. You and our daughter. Please don't turn me out. I turned you out before, and I may never forgive myself for it, but please, give me another chance."
Tears filled my eyes as I replied, "Shouldn't I be the one asking for another chance?"
I shouldn't, I thought to myself. You still haven't told him that you put Emma up for adoption. No one's called to say that someone took her though.
"You shouldn't have to," he said.
Then he leaned over and kissed me slowly. It was one that reminded me of the first time we had really kissed. I wanted to melt all over the couch, just fall to my knees and beg whoever the hell was up there to erase the last year and let me relive it over again.maybe this time, I would do it right.
An hour later, we were lying together in his room in his bed. We weren't talking, I was just dozing and he was stroking my hair.
"Is she beautiful?" he asked me suddenly.
"She's half yours, isn't she? What do you think?" I said sleepily.
He kissed the top of my head and then said, "Does anyone else know?"
"Benny knows what happened to me, but I never told him your last name, so I don't think he's made the connection yet. We don't have to tell anyone till we're ready, do we?"
Suddenly, the door to the loft opened and then slammed and the sound of Benny, Mark, and another man who I didn't recognize filled the rooms.
"Roger? Maureen?" called Benny.
"In here!" Roger called back.
Benny came into the room, and then nearly jumped out of his skin.
"Jesus you're with her in bed already? What the fuck magic do you possess?"
"Well, when you're good." Roger said, grinning like a Cheshire cat.
"Hey, now!" I jumped in, "Who says it wasn't my charms that beat his to a bloody pulp?"
Mark, who was looking over Benny's shoulder in the doorway doubled over laughing. Benny tried not to grin, and the man I didn't recognize peered in and announced,
"Whoever she is, I like this one!"
"I'm Maureen.and you are?"
"Thomas Collins.call me Collins," he said.
"We got food if you two would like to get yourself dressed and join us out there." Mark offered.
"Yeah, we'll be out in a few," Roger said.
"That's an hour or so in Roger-time," Collins said while laughing.
"Laugh if you choose, but this is what I get to squeeze all night long!" Roger said.
"Or not," I said as I pulled the bed sheets all the way around my naked body and glided past an astounded Mark, Collins, and Benny and into the other room, leaving Roger butt naked on his bed.
"Holy shit!" hooted Benny.
"Mark, grab your camera!" Collins shouted.
"Didn't you say you named your dick Goliath? It doesn't seem to do much justice to the name." Mark remarked.
"Shut the fuck up, you guys!" Roger cried and attempted to grab a pillow to cover himself up.
As Collins shut the door to Roger's room and they all (except Roger, who was too buy swearing at the top of his lungs at me in his room) filed out and stared at me.
"Do I have a pimple or something?" I inquired.
"No.but I'm just thinking you're the best damn thing in a short skirt to come up to this loft!" said Collins.
"And this is coming from a gay man!" Mark added.
"One night with me would change that." I purred flirtatiously.
"Yeah but one night with him would turn you lesbo." Benny joked, but then ducked as a piece of bread came flying across the couch at him.
"Very funny, you fucktard," Collins said.
We all laughed together, and I felt good about it. Maybe I could get Roger to understand why I had to give Emma up.and then maybe things could get better. At least, that was until a beautiful girl with long, wavy, red hair and snapping green eyes walked into the apartment-it was the girl that I had seen with Roger a few times, the one he had called "April".
"Roger-bear?" she called, "I'm home!"
It was then she noticed me, and asked the boys,
"Getting ready for an orgy.oh and you're using food for pleasure too, how creative. Where's Roger?"
It was at that moment that Roger came out of his room with the pillow stuck over his private area.
"Maureen," he called, oblivious to the other girl standing there wide-eyed and shocked, "Can I have my sheets back now?"
"Well, well, well.did I interrupt anything?" April asked, eyeing Roger and me speculatively.
I looked at them both, and then said, "No.I think I'm the one who is."
Then, with the bed sheets still wrapped around me, I exited the apartment.
Coming Up: How will Roger explain his way out of this one? Can Maureen truly go back to Roger now? What about the baby? Ch. 14 is upcoming..