Chapter Six: The March To Helm's Deep
By: Jo-chan
*******
Disclaimer:
Don't own. If I did I wouldn't be so broke.
*******
"We're in allot of trouble," Shawn said. "That Theoden guy's gonna keep yelling at us until we tell him something."
The girls were currently hiding from Theoden in one of the stables. He'd been demanding for new of the future all day.
"Yeah but what can we tell him?" Jo asked.
"I dunno. Something cryptic. 'Beware of Wargs on the way to Helm's Deep'. That'll work, right?"
"I guess. But I can't remember if they're attacked by Wargs in the book. I don't think they are."
"Either way it works. He can't blaime us if they don't attack and if they do we'll know whether or not the elves will show up at Helm's Deep."
"I'm beginning to think the book and the movie are meshing. We're getting a little bit of both." Jo sighed. "Wish I hadn't taken the books out of my bag."
"I've been thinking about the battle. Can we tell them about the bomb? Would that change too much stuff? And what about Haldir? Are we going to let him die?"
"We'll save Haldir and say nothing about the bomb. If we say too much the whole outcome of the battle could change."
"We can't just say nothing. Why don't we give Legolas a cryptic message? 'Beware the bearer of a bright torch' or something like that."
"But if they don't blow up the wall the Orcs don't get inside and Aragorn and Theoden don't ride into battle together. That's pretty important."
"So we just tell Aragorn not to put anyone on that part of the wall. Let elves shot the ropes on the ladders and they can't get up,' Shawn argued. "It leave that part defenseless but it'll save their lives."
"Good idea but will he go for it?"
"If you flash him I bet he will," Shawn chuckled.
"Your boobs are bigger."
"I've been looking for the two of you."
Both girls yelped and jumped in surprise.
"Damn it Gandalf," Shawn mumbled.
"Hiding from Theoden?" Gandalf asked with a chuckle.
"That guy's a nut case!" Jo exclaimed. "He was following me around after breakfast today. Asking me to tell him the future like I'm one of those phone-in psyics."
"Maybe I should call you Miss Cleo," Shawn joked.
"While I have no idea what you're talking about I understand your dilemma. But you must be extremely careful with what you say."
"Yeah we know," Shawn grumbled.
"Do not take this so lightly Shawn," Gandalf warned. "Your presence here has all ready changed many thing. I spoke with Galadriel last night and she is most interested in the two of you. I am sure Elrond will be as well."
"Galadriel?" Shawn repeated. "Did she say anything else?"
Gandalf eyed her suspiciously. "You know something about the Lorien elves don't you?"
"Dunno," Shawn countered. "Do I?"
"I have no time for games," Gandalf retorted. "Whatever you know you keep it to yourself. Do you understand?"
"Yes sir," the girls both mumbled.
"I will hold you to that promise. Here are some clothes for the both of you. I do not want you sticking out so much when you march to Helm's Deep."
"When we ride to Helm's Deep," Shawn corrected and accepted the clothing.
"Yer going to get Eomer," Jo said.
"Perhaps you do have foresight," Gandalf said and went to one of the stables. At some point Shadowfax has shown up and he was now waiting for Gandalf. "I must go."
"Hey, wait! Did you all ready talk to Aragorn?"
"About what?"
"You know, the thing. About you and Helm's Deep and Eomer."
"Yes. And watch what you say."
"I didn't give anything away," Jo protested.
"Very well. Change your clothes and get to the Golden Hall. You will be leaving shortly."
"Hey Gandalf," Shawn said as he left. Can I ask you something?"
"Very well."
"Can you turn people into toads?"
Gandalf smiled and left.
"Is that a yes?"
............
Once they were changed and had stowed their other clothes they hurried to the Golden Hall. They were both wearing dark shirts and pants, clinched with a belt at the waist, and sturdy boots.
"We better get horses," Shawn said. "Or I swear I'm not going."
"Where else would you go?" Jo asked.
"Shuddup dude."
"Where have you been?" Aragorn demanded, striding over to them.
"Hiding from Theoden."
Aragorn sighed. "I wish you would have told me where you were but I cannot blame you."
"He's a looney tune."
"I assume that is a negative thing," Aragorn replied. "Do you know how to ride a horse?"
"Oh yeah," Shawn answered.
"Good. Go pick a horse."
"Hey Shawn. I don't know how to ride," Jo said as they walked outside.
"You'll learn," Shawn assured. "Cause if you don't you'll have to walk."
"I was always good at learning."
Once they'd chosen horses and readied them to leave they went back to the Golden Hall to gather their things. To their surprise, Gimli and Eowny were bent over their duffel bag, whispering to each other.
"Uh, hi," Jo said.
Both the woman and the dwarf jumped away from the bag, guilt on their faces.
"What were you looking for?" Shawn asked, picking up the bag and looking at the contents.
"It was my fault," Gimli admitted. "I was telling the lady about that candy you gave us and she didn't believe me."
"The M&Ms?" Jo asked. "There aren't anymore in there I think."
"Do forgive us," Eowyn said.
"Oh no problem," Shawn replied. "No big deal."
"Excuse me," Eowyn said and ran off.
"We're leaving!"
...........
"Hey Shawn!"
"Yeah?"
"Can you lose the use of a limb if it stays asleep too long?"
"I don't know."
"We're gonna find out," Jo mumbled, moving around in the saddle. "My butt's been asleep for a long time."
"That's not a limb," Shawn observed. "Doe sit still count?"
Jo shrugged. "Maybe."
"I don' think so. You'll just get butt calluses."
"That's kinda gross."
"Ladies," Legolas called. He guided his horse over to them. "stay close to me."
"All righty!" Shawn agreed quickly.
"I sense an evil presence."
"Its Wargs. The wolves of Isengard," Jo hissed. "They're going to attack."
"From that hill. Up there," Shawn said, pointing to their left.
"Ride to Aragorn and warn him," Legolas said to Jo. "Shawn, come with me and show me where these Wargs are coming from."
Shawn rode away happily with the Elf and Jo went galloping off to find Aragorn.
"Aragorn! Wolves! Isenguard!" She caught up with him and lowered her voice. "The Wargs are coming."
Aragorn nodded. "Where is Shawn?"
"With Legolas. She's showing him where the Wargs are coming from."
"Get her and go back to the line. Follow Eowny and be quick about it. Stay with the group!" he shouted as Jo rode off.
Cursing under her breath Jo stopped and shouted, "Aragorn!" When he turned she said, "Be careful. Especially near the cliff." She turned and rode off, still cursing softly.
"You warned him, didn't you?" Shawn asked as they hurried to follow the line.
"Yeah."
"That means I get to save Haldir. One for one and all that."
"Sure. No problem."
"Lookit!! Helm's Deep!" Shawn shouted. "Hella impressive in real life."
"No kidding."
*********
Author's notes:
1. For those of you who are concerned because this is Mary-sueish get over it. Its just a fun little story. If it seems Mary-sueish and you don't like that don't read it. To be honest if something anything remotely like this ever happened I would run around like a chicken with my head cut off and do nothing but panic but that isn't nearly as funny. Simple as that.
2. Did anyone else know that the guy who played Faramir also played Audrey the cross-dressing writer in Moulin Rouge? Weirdness.
3. The thing about the butt calluses is true. Shawn told me all about it. Apparently you get calluses from the saddle. Kinda gross.
By: Jo-chan
*******
Disclaimer:
Don't own. If I did I wouldn't be so broke.
*******
"We're in allot of trouble," Shawn said. "That Theoden guy's gonna keep yelling at us until we tell him something."
The girls were currently hiding from Theoden in one of the stables. He'd been demanding for new of the future all day.
"Yeah but what can we tell him?" Jo asked.
"I dunno. Something cryptic. 'Beware of Wargs on the way to Helm's Deep'. That'll work, right?"
"I guess. But I can't remember if they're attacked by Wargs in the book. I don't think they are."
"Either way it works. He can't blaime us if they don't attack and if they do we'll know whether or not the elves will show up at Helm's Deep."
"I'm beginning to think the book and the movie are meshing. We're getting a little bit of both." Jo sighed. "Wish I hadn't taken the books out of my bag."
"I've been thinking about the battle. Can we tell them about the bomb? Would that change too much stuff? And what about Haldir? Are we going to let him die?"
"We'll save Haldir and say nothing about the bomb. If we say too much the whole outcome of the battle could change."
"We can't just say nothing. Why don't we give Legolas a cryptic message? 'Beware the bearer of a bright torch' or something like that."
"But if they don't blow up the wall the Orcs don't get inside and Aragorn and Theoden don't ride into battle together. That's pretty important."
"So we just tell Aragorn not to put anyone on that part of the wall. Let elves shot the ropes on the ladders and they can't get up,' Shawn argued. "It leave that part defenseless but it'll save their lives."
"Good idea but will he go for it?"
"If you flash him I bet he will," Shawn chuckled.
"Your boobs are bigger."
"I've been looking for the two of you."
Both girls yelped and jumped in surprise.
"Damn it Gandalf," Shawn mumbled.
"Hiding from Theoden?" Gandalf asked with a chuckle.
"That guy's a nut case!" Jo exclaimed. "He was following me around after breakfast today. Asking me to tell him the future like I'm one of those phone-in psyics."
"Maybe I should call you Miss Cleo," Shawn joked.
"While I have no idea what you're talking about I understand your dilemma. But you must be extremely careful with what you say."
"Yeah we know," Shawn grumbled.
"Do not take this so lightly Shawn," Gandalf warned. "Your presence here has all ready changed many thing. I spoke with Galadriel last night and she is most interested in the two of you. I am sure Elrond will be as well."
"Galadriel?" Shawn repeated. "Did she say anything else?"
Gandalf eyed her suspiciously. "You know something about the Lorien elves don't you?"
"Dunno," Shawn countered. "Do I?"
"I have no time for games," Gandalf retorted. "Whatever you know you keep it to yourself. Do you understand?"
"Yes sir," the girls both mumbled.
"I will hold you to that promise. Here are some clothes for the both of you. I do not want you sticking out so much when you march to Helm's Deep."
"When we ride to Helm's Deep," Shawn corrected and accepted the clothing.
"Yer going to get Eomer," Jo said.
"Perhaps you do have foresight," Gandalf said and went to one of the stables. At some point Shadowfax has shown up and he was now waiting for Gandalf. "I must go."
"Hey, wait! Did you all ready talk to Aragorn?"
"About what?"
"You know, the thing. About you and Helm's Deep and Eomer."
"Yes. And watch what you say."
"I didn't give anything away," Jo protested.
"Very well. Change your clothes and get to the Golden Hall. You will be leaving shortly."
"Hey Gandalf," Shawn said as he left. Can I ask you something?"
"Very well."
"Can you turn people into toads?"
Gandalf smiled and left.
"Is that a yes?"
............
Once they were changed and had stowed their other clothes they hurried to the Golden Hall. They were both wearing dark shirts and pants, clinched with a belt at the waist, and sturdy boots.
"We better get horses," Shawn said. "Or I swear I'm not going."
"Where else would you go?" Jo asked.
"Shuddup dude."
"Where have you been?" Aragorn demanded, striding over to them.
"Hiding from Theoden."
Aragorn sighed. "I wish you would have told me where you were but I cannot blame you."
"He's a looney tune."
"I assume that is a negative thing," Aragorn replied. "Do you know how to ride a horse?"
"Oh yeah," Shawn answered.
"Good. Go pick a horse."
"Hey Shawn. I don't know how to ride," Jo said as they walked outside.
"You'll learn," Shawn assured. "Cause if you don't you'll have to walk."
"I was always good at learning."
Once they'd chosen horses and readied them to leave they went back to the Golden Hall to gather their things. To their surprise, Gimli and Eowny were bent over their duffel bag, whispering to each other.
"Uh, hi," Jo said.
Both the woman and the dwarf jumped away from the bag, guilt on their faces.
"What were you looking for?" Shawn asked, picking up the bag and looking at the contents.
"It was my fault," Gimli admitted. "I was telling the lady about that candy you gave us and she didn't believe me."
"The M&Ms?" Jo asked. "There aren't anymore in there I think."
"Do forgive us," Eowyn said.
"Oh no problem," Shawn replied. "No big deal."
"Excuse me," Eowyn said and ran off.
"We're leaving!"
...........
"Hey Shawn!"
"Yeah?"
"Can you lose the use of a limb if it stays asleep too long?"
"I don't know."
"We're gonna find out," Jo mumbled, moving around in the saddle. "My butt's been asleep for a long time."
"That's not a limb," Shawn observed. "Doe sit still count?"
Jo shrugged. "Maybe."
"I don' think so. You'll just get butt calluses."
"That's kinda gross."
"Ladies," Legolas called. He guided his horse over to them. "stay close to me."
"All righty!" Shawn agreed quickly.
"I sense an evil presence."
"Its Wargs. The wolves of Isengard," Jo hissed. "They're going to attack."
"From that hill. Up there," Shawn said, pointing to their left.
"Ride to Aragorn and warn him," Legolas said to Jo. "Shawn, come with me and show me where these Wargs are coming from."
Shawn rode away happily with the Elf and Jo went galloping off to find Aragorn.
"Aragorn! Wolves! Isenguard!" She caught up with him and lowered her voice. "The Wargs are coming."
Aragorn nodded. "Where is Shawn?"
"With Legolas. She's showing him where the Wargs are coming from."
"Get her and go back to the line. Follow Eowny and be quick about it. Stay with the group!" he shouted as Jo rode off.
Cursing under her breath Jo stopped and shouted, "Aragorn!" When he turned she said, "Be careful. Especially near the cliff." She turned and rode off, still cursing softly.
"You warned him, didn't you?" Shawn asked as they hurried to follow the line.
"Yeah."
"That means I get to save Haldir. One for one and all that."
"Sure. No problem."
"Lookit!! Helm's Deep!" Shawn shouted. "Hella impressive in real life."
"No kidding."
*********
Author's notes:
1. For those of you who are concerned because this is Mary-sueish get over it. Its just a fun little story. If it seems Mary-sueish and you don't like that don't read it. To be honest if something anything remotely like this ever happened I would run around like a chicken with my head cut off and do nothing but panic but that isn't nearly as funny. Simple as that.
2. Did anyone else know that the guy who played Faramir also played Audrey the cross-dressing writer in Moulin Rouge? Weirdness.
3. The thing about the butt calluses is true. Shawn told me all about it. Apparently you get calluses from the saddle. Kinda gross.