(Musings)
Seto paused as he passed the doorway of the living room, peeking in to check on Mokuba; the youth was laying the couch, snoring softly, one arm hanging off and one bent leg, somewhat propped against the back. Seto spared a small smile at the sight and went to retrieve a blanket; he didn't want Mokuba to catch a cold. When he returned with the blanket, he noticed that the TV was still on and that Mokuba had his game on pause. His other hand was resting on his stomach, and he was holding the phone. He must have fallen asleep after he had finished talking. Seto's nose crinkled with distaste as he turned off the TV; he could take three guesses at whom Mokuba had been talking to, the first two wouldn't count. It must have been Yuugi. He could tell that his younger brother and his rival were "together" in one way or another; it had become painfully obvious over the past few weeks… the way Mokuba seemed to spend more and more time away from the house, out with Yuugi and friends, the way he would blush if Seto mentioned the teen… He would have been a fool not to see it.
He hated it.
He was used to Mokuba spending time with him, relying on him for support, for amusement, for companionship, for advice and lessons on life. He had been doing his best to make sure Mokuba wouldn't be a sap, to make sure that he wouldn't be walked upon his life. He wanted his younger brother to grow up strong. He wanted to his younger brother to be independent. But he had never prepared himself for the idea that Mokuba would eventually leave, and he certainly hadn't expected that Mokuba would ever have a boyfriend, especially at the age of thirteen. Seto was wanted to be proud that his brother seemed mature enough to handle a relationship at his young an age… But in all reality, he was just jealous. Because having a relationship meant that Mokuba would have less time for him, and he didn't ever want his younger brother to leave.
Seto loved Mokuba. In the worst way a brother could.
He looked down at the sleeping boy; he was just reaching puberty and he was already good-looking. Seto was sure Mokuba's looks would become more defined as he got older. It was sort of unfortunate; he liked the boyishness of his younger brother, and he knew that would pass with time. His brother was going to grow up and have men and women alike flocking to him… Seto just knew it. Again, he felt that pang of jealously, and loathed the feeling; he knew it was wrong to be in love with his younger brother, but he didn't know how to stop it. Mokuba had always been affectionate and caring with him, no matter what he was doing or how much of an ass he was. Mokuba loved him unconditionally, and it was just his luck that because of the blood they shared, he could never be more than Mokuba's beloved big brother… and Mokuba would always see him as such.
Seto shook himself from his thoughts, looking down at the blanket he was gripping. He loosened his grasp; he hadn't realized his fist had tensed while he was thinking. He covered Mokuba, tucking it around the sleeping boy so it wouldn't come off during the night. He smiled against his will; Mokuba was incredibly adorable in his sleep. Seto leaned down and kissed his forehead, gently brushing a lock of raven hair from Mokuba's face. He couldn't take his eyes off the sleeping youth; Seto could have just watched him sleep forever and been content at the peaceful expression on his brother's face. His eyes were drawn to Mokuba's lips; they were like the apple that blossomed from the tree of knowledge: forbidden but blissfully tempting. He felt as though he was in a trance as he leaned closer, his lips gently brushing against those of his sleeping brother. He lingered there for less than second, and was shocked back into reality when Mokuba returned his kiss. Seto jolted upright, eyes wide as he looked at his brother, searching for any sign that the boy had roused; there was none. Mokuba was still sleeping peacefully as he rolled onto his side, mumbling something in his sleep; Seto thought he caught the word "Yuugi," and his stomach churned as he hurriedly left the room.
Seto's mind was whirling. Had he actually just stooped to such a degenerate level as to kiss his younger brother… while he was sleeping? If he were willing to do that, would he ever go as far as to hurt Mokuba? The idea frightened him. He stalked into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him. He leaned wearily on the counter, staring at himself in the mirror.
He would never hurt Mokuba; he wouldn't allow himself to do it, regardless of any sexual feelings he might have felt. Seto's stomach turned again as the word "sexual" crossed his mind and he suppressed feelings of sickness. Was he that much of a pervert? No… He was just hopelessly in love. He groaned, and the sound was agonizing.
He had to move past it; it was that simple. Mokuba meant everything to him, and Seto's feelings were starting to border on dangerous. It wasn't Mokuba's fault that he was Seto's only vice. The first step to move past this fetish for his brother was to accept and acknowledge the fact that Mokuba was with Yuugi… Seto would discuss it with him at the first opportunity… And of course, he had to lay some rules down for Yuugi; that went for anyone who was going to touch Mokuba.
Seto leaned down on his elbows, resting his forehead on the heels of his palms. He wanted to be someone else.
Slowly he stood, walking over to the shower and running the water, trying to will away his thoughts as he stepped under the hot stream of water. He didn't know how long he stood there, working out what to say in his head, hoping he would relax enough to sleep, but he knew he was deluding himself; even if he were able relax, he would still be thinking too much to rest. But if lost sleep was the price he paid to end his unhealthy need for his brother, then so be it.
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- author thoughts -
That would be the closest to incest this story gets. Not that I don't like to SetoxMokuba pairing (I do, or why else would I be hinting around it like this?), I simply don't intend on developing it during this story…
Anyway, yea, still, don't have anything to say. I enjoyed trying to create a more hidden, emotional side to Seto (as I am determined that he has one).