Title: The Truth 3 – The many deaths of Knowle Rohrer
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers:
X-Files: Anything and everything before 'The Truth.'
Stargate SG-1: Anything and everything before 'Meridian.'
Summary: The one where Knowle Rohrer just won't die.
Details: Humour, Crossover, NTBTS (not to be taken seriously!)
Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Copyright © 2003, Ruth
~ The Truth 3 – The many deaths of Knowle Rohrer ~
By Ruth
**********
They continued to walk through the field, on their quest for THE TRUTH. Mulder and Scully had recovered from seeing the bee and were now talking quite happily.
Kersh had discarded his snot-covered jacket in the field, and was walking along madder than ever. His moustache was bristling, and his glasses were lopsided on his face.
"Agh!" Mulder cried suddenly, "It's Knowle Rohrer!"
Sure enough, the tall man began advancing towards them through the daisies.
"AAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!"
Mulder quickly pulled his gun and shot Knowle. He fell down on the ground and didn't move.
"Good enough for me," said Jack cheerily, and continued walking on.
The others followed him, not noticing Knowle standing up, brushing himself off and sneezing at the pollen up his nose.
**********
"Are we going to find THE TRUTH any time soon? I'm getting so bored!" Kersh complained.
"He's right," said Jack, "I'm starving."
"Agh! It's Knowle Rohrer!"
Teal'c quickly fired his staff weapon at Knowle's head, and he fell to the ground in the daisies again.
"Let's go!" said Sam, and they hurried away.
As they retreated, Knowle stood up and sneezed again.
He reached into his pocket, pulled out a packet of Piriton allergy tablets and swallowed one. With a small sniff and a wipe of his eyes, he re-configured his menacing look and went after them.
**********
Just as they needed food, Hammond turned up with a picnic basket.
"Thought you might be hungry!" he smiled, putting the huge basket down on the ground and pulling out a hot-dog.
They all helped themselves to the food, particularly Jack, not noticing the danger that was very near to them.
"Agh! It's Knowle Rohrer!"
Hammond turned around and fired at Knowle with his hot dog, which they later learned had a gun concealed in it.
He fell into the daisies for the third time, and sneezed irritably.
"If you're gonna keep killing me, can we get out of this field? It's fucking with my hayfever, man!"
They all nodded, picked up the food and moved into a more shady and woody area.
**********
"THE TRUTH must be around here somewhere," said Mulder, gazing around him like a child in a sweet shop, "I can feel it."
"I can feel it to - a mosquito!" said Jack, angrily slapping the insect on his arm.
They were all quiet for a moment.
"Um…shouldn't somebody have said 'Agh, it's Knowle Rohrer' by now?" Sam asked.
Teal'c nodded. "I believe so."
There was more silence.
Sam shrugged and carried on eating.
**********
"Agh! It's Knowle Rohrer!"
Sure enough, the man came out of the woody area with his menacing look.
Kersh killed him quickly with a single glare.
They went back to eating, hearing the occasional sneeze, cough and grunt from the man that just wouldn't die.
**********
An hour later, they picked up the picnic and continued on to find THE TRUTH. It was about three o'clock in the afternoon now, and the weather was blazingly hot.
"Did you bring any sun cream?" Sam asked, feeling her arms beginning to burn.
"Sure," said Hammond, throwing her a bottle of Factor 1.
"Factor 1?" she asked.
"It's all I could find in Boots," Hammond shrugged.
Just then, they heard a rustling from behind them.
"Agh! It's Knowle Rohrer!"
Sam turned around and squirted the Factor 1 in Knowle's eye. This, surprisingly, was enough to kill him.
"Let's keep going - see if we can outwalk him."
"Good idea."
Knowle swore into the grass as the Factor 1 cream stung his eyeball. He took a knife from his pocket and was about to cut it out when he remembered that that was from 'Terminator', not X Files. With a sigh, he put his knife back in his pocket and continued on to try and kill them again.
**********
They reached a small brook and decided to sit down again.
"We could go fishing!" Mulder suggested.
Sam and Jack froze.
"No!" they both instantly replied.
"Okay, it was just a suggestion. What's with all the 'scream no if you don't wanna fish?'"
"It's a long story," said Hammond, applying sun cream to his bald patch.
"One you're not going to tell me, huh?"
"Yep."
**********
"Agh! It's Knowle Rohrer!"
Scully looked at the man and pulled her gun, shooting him.
"Aw, please - can we have some variety?" he asked, "I only ever get shot!"
"I squirted you in the eye with some sun cream!" Sam pointed out.
"Yeah, thanks babe!"
"Are you coming onto me?"
"If you like."
He then laid down with a cheeky grin on his face and waited for them to move on. They were now heading back to the jeeps, after a long and unsuccessful search for THE TRUTH.
**********
As they got nearer to the jeeps, they heard a crunching noise from behind them.
"Oh, look - it's Knowle Rohrer!"
He put his hands on his hips and glared at them. "You could at least pretend to be scared."
"Agh! It's Knowle Rohrer!" Sam shouted.
"Thanks, babe!"
Daniel promptly sneezed on him, killing him almost instantly.
**********
As they got into the jeeps, Knowle wiped the snot off of his face and shuddered.
He then sneezed, because the daisies were still full of their evil pollen.
He saw the jeeps beginning to drive away, and hurriedly jumped on top of one of them.
**********
"Ha," he smiled evilly, as the jeeps rode back to the FBI headquarters.
**********
NEXT TIME…
"Uh oh - Maitreya!"
"Agh! It's Knowle Rohrer!"
"Agh - it's Ba'al!"
Also, a perilous love triangle between Krycek, Marita, Ba'al and Sam.
TO BE CONTINUED…