Title: The Truth 4 – Love Pollution
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers:
X-Files: Anything and everything before 'The Truth.'
Stargate SG-1: Anything and everything before 'The Other Guys', but 'Meridian' never happened.
Summary: The one with Maitreya and the Krycek/Marita/Ba'al/Sam love triangle.
Details: Humour, Crossover, NTBTS (not to be taken seriously!)
Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Copyright © 2003, Ruth
~ The Truth 4 – Love Pollution ~
By Ruth
**********
SG-1, Mulder, Scully, Skinner and Kersh returned to the FBI headquarters after their first uneventful day in their search for THE TRUTH. Knowle Rohrer was riding on top of the jeep, in true Hannibal Lecter style.
They all jumped out of the jeep (Daniel didn't fall out this time) and went inside. They got several strange looks from various agents, partly because of Knowle, who was walking behind them, bleeding from all of his deaths.
They got into Mulder and Scully's office eventually, after getting stuck in the lift. They all crammed in, but found it very hard to get out. In the end, they had to kill Knowle, so that he could die on the floor, get out of the lift, get a shoehorn and free them from the elevator.
This process took several minutes. He shoehorned Sam out of the lift first and smiled lovingly at her. She waited until she'd got away from him before she shuddered.
Then Daniel crawled out of the elevator and, after Jack had been removed from the roof, everyone else was freed.
**********
"Agh! It's Knowle Rohrer!"
He held his hands in the air. "Please, don't kill me - it's getting so boring!"
"Okay, we'll let you off for now."
"Thanks."
**********
Several minutes later, they realised that they had four uninvited guests. Krycek, who had been hiding in a filing cabinet, Marita, who had been hiding in a wardrobe, Maitreya, who had been sprawled on the desk, and Ba'al, who had been standing in the centre of the room, it was just that no one had noticed.
"Agh! It's Ba'al!"
"AAAAGGGHHHHH!" Jack screamed, and promptly hid in the filing cabinet that Krycek had just jumped out of.
"Mulder, Scully. Who are your little friends?" Krycek asked.
"This is Sam, Daniel, Teal'c, General Hammond and Jack is the one in the filing cabinet. Oh yeah - the dude in the dress is Ba'al."
"It is a robe."
"Dress."
"Robe!"
"Dress!"
"ROBE!"
"DRESS!"
**********
After the argument between Krycek and Ba'al had finished, everyone looked at Maitreya.
Well, all of the men looked at Maitreya. A lot. Even Thor had appeared out of nowhere and was looking at her with big round eyes.
"Uh…hello?" Sam asked, waving her hand in front of Daniel's face.
"She has them under control," said the tall blonde woman opposite Sam. "My name is Marita Covarrubias. You must be Samantha Carter."
"Sam will do fine," she said, "Have you seen this woman before?"
"Yeah," Scully replied, "She did this last time."
"Oh, brother. Hold on, I have to call someone."
**********
Janet arrived in the room to see all of the men staring at Maitreya.
"Oh, jeez! It's like Hathor all over again."
"I know," Sam replied. "Marita, Scully, this is Janet."
"Who's Hathor?" Scully asked.
"Let's just say we've been in a horribly familiar situation to this one before," said Janet. "How long have they been like this? IS THAT…THOR?"
"Yeah."
"Oh my God. If the Asgard aren't immune…"
**********
Scully pulled out her handgun.
"There's only one way to end this."
"But…"
Scully's finger neared on the trigger, but didn't quite make it.
Marita sighed, took the gun from her and shot Maitreya. The men instantly snapped out of their trances.
"What did ya have to go and do that for?" Thor asked.
"Shut up," said Marita, going over to Krycek.
"Hey! Hey, are you back on Earth now?" she asked.
"Yeah, sure babe."
**********
Sam was sitting down on Mulder's swivel chair. She looked up and had the horrible feeling that Ba'al hadn't taken his eyes off of her for several minutes.
No, it's just you, she thought, but then looked up again. He definitely hadn't blinked in about ten minutes.
"Yes?" she asked.
"I was just thinking how you would make a beautiful bride."
"Mm hm?"
"You could be mine forever - we could get married, you would live in luxury, we could make love and have children…"
"Whoa! You repeatedly killed one of my friends - ya think I could marry you after that?"
"I could," Marita whispered happily beside him.
It was then that Sam realised Marita hadn't taken her eyes off of Ba'al for ten minutes.
He blatantly ignored her and kept looking at Sam.
It was then that Sam realised Krycek hadn't taken his eyes off of Marita for ten minutes.
"Oh, would you all just GET A FREAKING ROOM?" she asked, getting up and going to talk to Daniel.
"With you, my love, it would be a pleasure," Ba'al smiled.
Sam was wishing that Knowle Rohrer would come along and try to kill them again.
**********
"What do you say we blow this dump and go look for THE TRUTH again?" Jack asked.
"Yeah!"
So they did. This time, they had to make two elevator trips, one would have been impossible.
They all piled into the two jeeps and set off again to try and find THE TRUTH. Knowle was just climbing onto the roof when Teal'c got out and spotted him.
"No, Knowle, it's just too 'Silence of the Lambs.' Come and ride in the back with us."
"Oh, thanks Teal'c."
"No problem."
**********
Jack watched with mounting disgust as Krycek tried to jump Marita in the back of one of the jeeps. It was then that he realised, with great horror, that Sam and Ba'al were together in the other one. He hoped to God that Ba'al wasn't trying anything funny.
**********
"Would you and your dress get a freaking room?" Knowle asked Ba'al.
"It is a robe. I will not have this argument with you further."
"So…" Knowle turned to Teal'c, trying to drown out the slobbering noises that Ba'al was making over Sam.
"I believe it would be best if we turned away," said Teal'c.
Ba'al gave Sam a very deep kiss.
She felt like slapping him, but part of her had actually enjoyed it. She giggled like a schoolgirl and squeezed a little closer to him."
"Oh, that's just fucking disgusting!" Knowle spat in disgust.
**********
NEXT TIME…
"Laira? Is that you? Who's the bloke with you?"
"Daniel. Daniel Waterston. What are you doing here? You didn't come here for me?"
"Aris Boch! Whooo! Finally, a fellow ballbuster!"
**********
TO BE CONTINUED…