Title: The Truth 6 - Snake heads and Ladders
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers:
X-Files: Anything and everything before 'The Truth.'
Stargate SG-1: Anything and everything before 'The Other Guys', but 'Meridian' never happened.
Summary: The one where they find out why Bill Scully is so damned evil.
Details: Humour, Crossover, NTBTS (not to be taken seriously!)
Author Notes: You need to know what a wheelie bin is. If you don't, email me.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Copyright (c) 2003, Ruth
~ The Truth 6 - Snake heads and Ladders ~
By Ruth
**********
The merry band of TRUTH seekers headed back to Washington in their search for THE TRUTH. They were still in the ice cream van that Knowle Rohrer had hijacked, and it was proving to be a surprisingly speedy vehicle.
The deaths of Laira and Daniel Waterstone were soon forgotten, as nobody really cared about them anyway. When they got back to Washington, it was almost dark.
Ba'al, whilst trying to get out of the ice cream van, tripped over the hem of his dress (Ahem, I mean robe) and fell flat on his face on the tarmac.
"Ha!" Krycek laughed, "Serves you right for wearing a dress!"
"IT'S A ROBE!" Ba'al shouted, throwing himself at Krycek and bundling him to the ground.
"Ooh, I do love a bitch fight!" Mulder smirked, leaning out of the back of the van, with his butt in Jack's face.
"Oh, really, Foxy Quiff?" He asked sarcastically, "Would you care to join them?"
He pushed Mulder out of the back of the van and laughed.
Thor looked at him questioningly. "O'Neill, why did you push him?"
"Because he's being an irritating git," Jack replied.
Thor tipped his head in surprise. "I am not familiar with that word. Thank you for adding it to my vocabulary, O'Neill."
"No problem," Jack said, laughing as Mulder wrung out the bottom of his coat.
"Major Carter," Thor said, "It pleases me greatly to tell you that you are an irritating git."
Sam looked at Scully in surprise.
"What did I do to deserve that?"
Scully shrugged, and looked out of the window, to where Krycek was busy stuffing Ba'al into a trash can, head first.
"Msdbfifff shqwioio jrrr!" Came the muffled threats from inside of the can.
Krycek just laughed, and turned around to see Jack getting out of the van.
"You've ruined my coat!" Mulder wailed, putting his head in his hands.
"You wanna make something of it?" Jack asked, in a terribly macho voice.
Mulder raised an eyebrow and looked at him. "Sorry, I don't fight old people."
Jack growled and leapt at him, throwing the two of them to the floor.
Sam and Scully exchanged withering looks. "Boys," they said, and shook their heads.
Ba'al, meanwhile, was trying to free himself from the trashcan. He rolled over onto his side, and stood up (with a great deal of difficulty), and was soon wandering around.
Krycek laughed very loudly at the walking trashcan in front of him, and ran up behind it, booting Ba'al up the backside.
He fell into the gutter with a muffled curse, and threatened to get him when he was released.
Mulder and Jack, meanwhile, were busy rolling around on the ground hitting each other. Scully got up, and was about to try and stop them when she saw a familiar figure walking towards her.
"AGH! IT'S BILL SCULLY!" Marita shrieked, diving behind a box of flakes.
"But he's so ugly!" Krycek said, looking Bill up and down with a distasteful expression on his face. He then gave Ba'al another kick for good measure.
"Well, if it isn't the geek-mobile!" Bill sneered, "What a wonderful job you have, Dana! Mother would be so proud of you."
"Get out of here, Bill," She said, her fists clenching.
Daniel looked out of the back of the van, interested.
It was then that Bill went up to Mulder, and grabbed him by the collar.
Suddenly, his eyes flashed.
"You have lived your life long enough. I will now put an end to it."
"Nnnnnoooooo!" Sam yelled, grabbing a zat gun from her pocket and running out of the back of the van, "He's Goa'uld!"
"He's a what?" Krycek asked, not noticing that Ba'al had managed to free himself from the can and was walking up behind him with it.
"He's an alien," Sam said, zatting Bill once with the gun. Mulder came over, and took the gun from her hand.
"Ooh! Let me do it!"
He zatted Bill for a second time, and he was dead. Nobody appeared to care.
"Ah. So that's why your brother was so damned evil." Daniel said, "He was a Goa'uld!"
"I'd always wondered if there was something about him," Krycek said, pulling out an expensive Russian cigar.
Ba'al saw his chance, and rammed the empty trashcan down over Krycek's head with a cackle of laughter.
"Damn you!" Krycek shouted, losing his balance and falling into the gutter.
Ba'al laughed, and went over to the gutter, kicking Krycek like a soccer ball.
Jack and Mulder got up, glared at each other, and walked in opposite directions.
"How are we ever going to find THE TRUTH with that asshole?" Mulder asked Scully, as she smoothed dirt off of his coat.
"Doctor Jackson," Thor said, bowing his head, "For many years I have wanted to tell you that you are an irritating git."
Daniel looked at Janet in shock. Janet shrugged.
Krycek got up, and pulled the trash can off of himself. He ran across the street, found a wheelie bin, and raced back across the street with it. Then, he bundled Ba'al to the ground, threw him into the bin and tied it securely to the back of the ice cream van.
"Come on, Knowle," he shouted, "Let's go! THE TRUTH is still out there, waiting for us!"
Knowle nodded in agreement, and drove off quickly, ignoring Ba'al's squeals of terror from the wheelie bin. They set off in search of THE TRUTH once more, not knowing where their strange and deluded journey would take them next...
TO BE CONTINUED...
**********
Next time:
"Dammit, his name is SCHROEDINGER!"
"But...we just renamed him ourselves!"
"What did you call him?"
(Whispering)
"Oh, my God!"
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers:
X-Files: Anything and everything before 'The Truth.'
Stargate SG-1: Anything and everything before 'The Other Guys', but 'Meridian' never happened.
Summary: The one where they find out why Bill Scully is so damned evil.
Details: Humour, Crossover, NTBTS (not to be taken seriously!)
Author Notes: You need to know what a wheelie bin is. If you don't, email me.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Copyright (c) 2003, Ruth
~ The Truth 6 - Snake heads and Ladders ~
By Ruth
**********
The merry band of TRUTH seekers headed back to Washington in their search for THE TRUTH. They were still in the ice cream van that Knowle Rohrer had hijacked, and it was proving to be a surprisingly speedy vehicle.
The deaths of Laira and Daniel Waterstone were soon forgotten, as nobody really cared about them anyway. When they got back to Washington, it was almost dark.
Ba'al, whilst trying to get out of the ice cream van, tripped over the hem of his dress (Ahem, I mean robe) and fell flat on his face on the tarmac.
"Ha!" Krycek laughed, "Serves you right for wearing a dress!"
"IT'S A ROBE!" Ba'al shouted, throwing himself at Krycek and bundling him to the ground.
"Ooh, I do love a bitch fight!" Mulder smirked, leaning out of the back of the van, with his butt in Jack's face.
"Oh, really, Foxy Quiff?" He asked sarcastically, "Would you care to join them?"
He pushed Mulder out of the back of the van and laughed.
Thor looked at him questioningly. "O'Neill, why did you push him?"
"Because he's being an irritating git," Jack replied.
Thor tipped his head in surprise. "I am not familiar with that word. Thank you for adding it to my vocabulary, O'Neill."
"No problem," Jack said, laughing as Mulder wrung out the bottom of his coat.
"Major Carter," Thor said, "It pleases me greatly to tell you that you are an irritating git."
Sam looked at Scully in surprise.
"What did I do to deserve that?"
Scully shrugged, and looked out of the window, to where Krycek was busy stuffing Ba'al into a trash can, head first.
"Msdbfifff shqwioio jrrr!" Came the muffled threats from inside of the can.
Krycek just laughed, and turned around to see Jack getting out of the van.
"You've ruined my coat!" Mulder wailed, putting his head in his hands.
"You wanna make something of it?" Jack asked, in a terribly macho voice.
Mulder raised an eyebrow and looked at him. "Sorry, I don't fight old people."
Jack growled and leapt at him, throwing the two of them to the floor.
Sam and Scully exchanged withering looks. "Boys," they said, and shook their heads.
Ba'al, meanwhile, was trying to free himself from the trashcan. He rolled over onto his side, and stood up (with a great deal of difficulty), and was soon wandering around.
Krycek laughed very loudly at the walking trashcan in front of him, and ran up behind it, booting Ba'al up the backside.
He fell into the gutter with a muffled curse, and threatened to get him when he was released.
Mulder and Jack, meanwhile, were busy rolling around on the ground hitting each other. Scully got up, and was about to try and stop them when she saw a familiar figure walking towards her.
"AGH! IT'S BILL SCULLY!" Marita shrieked, diving behind a box of flakes.
"But he's so ugly!" Krycek said, looking Bill up and down with a distasteful expression on his face. He then gave Ba'al another kick for good measure.
"Well, if it isn't the geek-mobile!" Bill sneered, "What a wonderful job you have, Dana! Mother would be so proud of you."
"Get out of here, Bill," She said, her fists clenching.
Daniel looked out of the back of the van, interested.
It was then that Bill went up to Mulder, and grabbed him by the collar.
Suddenly, his eyes flashed.
"You have lived your life long enough. I will now put an end to it."
"Nnnnnoooooo!" Sam yelled, grabbing a zat gun from her pocket and running out of the back of the van, "He's Goa'uld!"
"He's a what?" Krycek asked, not noticing that Ba'al had managed to free himself from the can and was walking up behind him with it.
"He's an alien," Sam said, zatting Bill once with the gun. Mulder came over, and took the gun from her hand.
"Ooh! Let me do it!"
He zatted Bill for a second time, and he was dead. Nobody appeared to care.
"Ah. So that's why your brother was so damned evil." Daniel said, "He was a Goa'uld!"
"I'd always wondered if there was something about him," Krycek said, pulling out an expensive Russian cigar.
Ba'al saw his chance, and rammed the empty trashcan down over Krycek's head with a cackle of laughter.
"Damn you!" Krycek shouted, losing his balance and falling into the gutter.
Ba'al laughed, and went over to the gutter, kicking Krycek like a soccer ball.
Jack and Mulder got up, glared at each other, and walked in opposite directions.
"How are we ever going to find THE TRUTH with that asshole?" Mulder asked Scully, as she smoothed dirt off of his coat.
"Doctor Jackson," Thor said, bowing his head, "For many years I have wanted to tell you that you are an irritating git."
Daniel looked at Janet in shock. Janet shrugged.
Krycek got up, and pulled the trash can off of himself. He ran across the street, found a wheelie bin, and raced back across the street with it. Then, he bundled Ba'al to the ground, threw him into the bin and tied it securely to the back of the ice cream van.
"Come on, Knowle," he shouted, "Let's go! THE TRUTH is still out there, waiting for us!"
Knowle nodded in agreement, and drove off quickly, ignoring Ba'al's squeals of terror from the wheelie bin. They set off in search of THE TRUTH once more, not knowing where their strange and deluded journey would take them next...
TO BE CONTINUED...
**********
Next time:
"Dammit, his name is SCHROEDINGER!"
"But...we just renamed him ourselves!"
"What did you call him?"
(Whispering)
"Oh, my God!"