Chapter Three
"Quite a story." The rest of the team looked over at Jack, who had leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest again.
Teal'c spoke up first, slightly puzzled. "Does this mean you do not believe that the other O'Neill is yourself from a different universe?"
"Sir, the DNA seems to be– " Sam broke off as Jack waved his hand for her to stop.
"Yeah, yeah, the DNA's the same– "
"You just don't like being a woman," Daniel finished, cutting to the chase.
"Not really," Jack shot back, then smiled weakly at Sam. "No offence."
"None taken, sir," she answered tightly.
"Colonel, I suggest you put aside whatever hostile feelings you have for your counterpart, because until we find away to send her back, you'll be dealing with her quite often," Hammond reproached Jack.
"Actually, General," Sam started as Jack nodded in understanding, "I don't know if we can get her back."
"Why not?" Jack practically barked.
"Well, sir, I don't know if we can duplicate the conditions that got her here. Four gates would need to be used, two in our universe and two in Colonel O'Neill's. The two outgoing gates in each universe would have to be dialed at the same time, with an equivalent of a five-ton thermonuclear explosion at the quantum level on our side. The problems are that off the top of my head I don't have any idea on how to contact her universe to coordinate dialing at the same time, we would have to find another gate in both universes that we could use, as the one on the alternate universe's Earth has likely been destroyed, then figuring out how the bomb affected --"
"Okay, okay!!" Jack cut into Sam's litany of obstacles for getting his doppelganger back. "What are we going to do with her if she can't go back? Pat her on the head and send her on her way?"
Teal'c finally spoke. "If the alternate universe O'Neill is anything like you, then it is doubtful she will take very well to retirement after battling the System Lords, knowing they are still a threat in our universe."
"Oh, I don't know," Daniel interjected. "Maybe Joanna would like a break from all the warfare. Jack's always threatening retirement."
"Operative word being 'threaten'." Jack rubbed his face with one hand, resignation evident in his voice. "If she is anything like me, and it sure as hell looks like it, then she's not going to go gentle into that good night. She'll want to stay and fight."
"What about the temporal entropic cascade failure?" Daniel turned to Sam. "Won't that make this all a moot point?"
"I'm not sure," Sam answered slowly. "Technically they aren't the same person."
"Now wait a minute!" Jack stared at Sam in confusion. "Dammit, you and Janet just got done telling us we were the same."
Sam frowned slightly. "I know, sir, and you are, at least…" she did a quick calculation in her head. "…97.83%, I would say. If that makes sense."
"Explain, Major," demanded Hammond.
"Well, sir, it's Colonel O'Neill's Y chromosome; that one out of the twenty two others is the one thing that's different from the other Colonel O'Neill. That distinction might be enough so the failure won't happen."
"When will we know?"
"My duplicate began to experience it at about the twenty four hour mark. So I would say, by this time tomorrow."
"Alright." Hammond stood up, turning at Jack. "I want a projection of what adding the alternate universe Colonel to the Stargate Program would mean at 1200 hours, as well as the preliminary reports from P3K5186 on my desk by 0900 hours tomorrow." The team looked at each other as the general left the conference room.
"Well isn't this just peachy keen," Jack said to no one in particular as they dispersed, each going to their respective offices.
~~~~~
Running on the treadmill, Joanna stared ahead at the gym's gray concrete walls, trying not to think about the universe she had left behind. Her t-shirt was nearly soaked with sweat and her knees ached, but still she ran.
"Hi."
Glancing over, Joanna saw Sam standing nearby with a hesitant smile on her face. "Hey."
"Thought I'd stop by to see how you were, ma'am, but you weren't in your room; then I figured– "
"- where would Jack be?" Joanna finished for her, an answering smile taking out any sting the words held. "Thanks. It's nice to see a friendly face."
"Been here long?" Sam wandered over to a near-by bench press and sat down.
"Not too long. Me and Pete got here about forty-five minutes ago. Couldn't sit in my room anymore. Was going stir crazy." Joanna's breath was coming in huffs.
"Pete?" Sam asked, confused.
Joanna jerked her head over by the doors. "My shadow," she explained, indicating the soldier standing at attention with the M-16 rifle. "We've been having deep meaningful conversations about life, the universe, and everything. Couldn't get him to shut up before you came. He has quite a few interesting hypotheses on quantum mechanics, you should talk to him sometime."
Sam bit back a grin, stealing a glance at the stoic airman. "I'll do that. How are you holding up?"
"I'm a bit wigged out, but other than that … We knew about alternate universes, but never encountered any. I keep wanting to treat people the way I did their doubles. You and I were best friends, Daniel was like a kid brother, Hammond basically let me get away with all sorts of insubordination as long as I took care of business … there's a whole back history we shared that now we don't. I'm a stranger in a familiar land."
Sam nodded in sympathy, watching the deck of the treadmill. "It's strange for us too. I can see some of the Colonel in you, and I catch myself acting like I already know you." She looked up at Joanna, who was really laboring to breathe now. "Ma'am, maybe you should stop," she said, concern lacing her voice.
"Can't- " the colonel gasped. "Knees'll- give out." Reaching forward, Joanna turned down the treadmill, slowly coming to a walk, then stopping completely. Gingerly, she sat down on the machine.
"Bad move, Jo," she mumbled to herself, wincing as she stretched out her legs.
"Do you need help?" Sam hovered, not sure what to do for her.
"Naw, I'll be okay. Just got to ice 'em down."
Poking her head out the gym door, Sam grabbed the nearest body. "Help the Colonel to her room." The staff sergeant nodded, giving Joanna a hand up. "I'll get you some ice," Sam promised before taking off toward the infirmary.
"Come on, Pete," Joanna called back to her guard as she hobbled down the corridor. "See if you can keep up this time."
~~~~~
When Sam got back with the ice, Joanna was sitting on her bed, leaning back against the headboard. The room was decorated with reproductions of artifacts found on various planets the SG teams had been to.
"Thanks." She waved a hand at the relics. "These things bring back memories. P4K8220, P2K2106…" Taking the two ice packs, Joanna spread a hand towel over her knees and placed the packs on top of that with a deep sigh.
"I had to tell Janet what I needed them for," Sam apologized as she sat in the armchair. "She told me to tell you you'd get no sympathy from her when you came in tomorrow morning looking for some painkillers."
Joanna laughed. "She knows Jack pretty well, doesn't she?"
"I brought you something else," Sam added mysteriously. Joanna's face lit up as Sam pulled out a bottle of Glenlivet.
"Oh yeah." Reaching for the glass Sam poured for her, she took a generous drink, the alcohol burning its way down her throat. "I needed that." Joanna dropped her head against the wall and sighed deeply. "A lot of luxuries went the way of the dinosaurs when the Goa'uld got a foothold on Earth. Hell, five minutes ago a Pabst Blue Ribbon sounded good." She took a sip, swirling the whisky around in her mouth like it was a fine wine, then swallowed slowly. "Your own bottle, right?"
Sam nodded, finishing her mouthful. "Present from my Dad. Gives me two every year --"
"-- one for your birthday and one for Christmas," Joanna finished for her. "And you judge how your life is going by if there's any left in the old bottle when the new one comes." The two women shared a smile.
"What else do you miss? Maybe I can bring you something tomorrow."
Joanna thought a moment as she savored the whisky. "A home cooked meal. Not those god-awful field rations we've been eating for the past year. Chocolate. Girl stuff, I guess. I'd love a long soak in a real tub. Last one was a metal footlocker filled with water we zatted to warm it up. Decent haircut --" Laughing at herself, she threw back the rest of the alcohol in her glass. "Actually, do you use that melon scented care line from…" Joanna trailed off, the name on the tip of her tongue.
Sam nodded. "I have some here, in fact. Would you like some?"
"I'd love it. Sam and I went and bought out the nearest store about a year ago when our situation started to go downhill. It seemed silly to be worried about moisturizing when your world was coming to an end, but it was either have a facial or go crazy."
"On our next day off I'll make an appointment at the day spa I go to. We'll do it up right." Sam's smile wavered as Joanna just stared at her with a serious expression.
"I'll be here that long, huh?" Her tone was resigned.
"Yeah. Probably forever." Sam shrugged helplessly. "Coordinating the different gates needed, much less contacting your universe --" A waved hand very similar to Jack's stopped her.
"Figured as much. The only other way would be the quantum mirror, and that's a pile of slag at the bottom of the Mountain." Joanna poured another double shot. "Well, ain't this a kick in the ass. Hope Jack doesn't mind a twin sister."
~~~~~
"Fer cryin' out loud…what the hell do you want?" Jack opened his door to find Daniel illuminated by the porch light, Teal'c looming behind him, and scowled at the two.
"Ah…well…" Daniel threw him a half smile, shifting nervously from foot to foot.
"We were concerned for your well-being, O'Neill."
Leaving the door ajar, Jack stomped back into his living room, leaving Daniel and Teal'c to follow. "Damned mother hens," he muttered under his breath. Plopping down on the couch, he put his stocking feet up on the coffee table and picked up his beer. Jack waved the bottle at them.
"I'd offer you one, but –" He trailed off meaningfully.
"Yeah, well…" Cautiously Daniel sat on the loveseat, while Teal'c stood in front of the fireplace.
"Shouldn't you have brought MacKenzie along with you?" Lifting an eyebrow at Daniel, Jack took a drink, then shot an annoyed look at Teal'c. "Oh, for God's sake, sit down." Unperturbed, the Jaffa sat at the other end of the couch from Jack.
"We decided to talk to you first before doing a full blown intervention," Daniel said, exasperated. "We're trying to find out why you're so…upset about this other Colonel O'Neill. It's not like you haven't dealt with Sam's double, or your android, or your own clone," he told Jack.
"You are in fact well aware of alternate universes and that they contain duplicates of ourselves. What perplexes us is your antagonism toward Colonel O'Neill, and the cause of it." Jack glared into Teal'c's unblinking eyes.
"She's a woman," came the weak excuse.
"Jack, I've never known you to have such an unfounded and, well, to be honest, misogynistic reaction to someone! Sam's a woman, you've dealt with other women in the military before, what's the problem?"
Jack ran a hand through his hair, tugging on the short strands. "She's me!" He sighed and tried to explain further. "I can handle clones, or 'normal' alternate universes-- although that robot pissed the hell outta me--it's like looking into a mirror. There I am. But she… she's not me! It's like someone took all my memories, all the stuff that makes me me, and put it in a woman's body and tried to pass it off as me."
Putting his feet on the floor, Jack leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "It's like she stole my identity."
"But it's hers too, Jack." Daniel also leaned forward as he tried to make his point clear. "Unless Joanna didn't know about the existence of alternate universes, and we have to assume she did, in the back of her mind she thought the rest of you were women as well. If you're shocked at seeing one of her, imagine how she must feel knowing that there are an infinite number of you; that she might be the only female O'Neill."
"Indeed," Teal'c rumbled. "I have been considering your situation, and have come to the conclusion that you and the other O'Neill are not as similar as you might at first think."
"What do you mean?"
"It is the never-ending argument of 'nurture over nature', O'Neill. The outside influences of the environment verses the inner genetic makeup; which has the greater consequence on one's personality." The Jaffa's placid gaze met Jack's blank stare.
"Of course," Daniel cut in. "As a woman, Joanna would have different responses to the life you both shared. Not only because of the way her brain is wired, but also sexual discrimination, to be perfectly honest, in all its subtle forms. Things you took as your due she probably had to fight for."
"Huh." Jack sat back heavily, thinking. "I bet she never even got to play in a hockey league."
"Exactly." Daniel was getting animated, warming up to the subject. "All that estrogen instead of testosterone running through her, all the gender roles of forty years ago; yes, your DNA is a near match, and your base personalities are the same, but you're Jack and she's Joanna…what makes you who you are--up here where it counts--" Daniel tapped his head, "is different."
"Okay, you've got a valid point." Finishing his beer, Jack watched the light refract through the green glass. "But doesn't it seem strange to you that she is a woman?"
"I do not comprehend your line of reasoning, O'Neill."
"It's like this: all the other alternate universes we've come across— yeah, I know it's only been two, Daniel," Jack cut off the linguist before he could speak. "The point is, everyone's been the same sex. They may have ended up in different jobs, but boys were boys and girls were girls. Now Joanna shows up, where everyone is the same but her. Kinda seems odd, doesn't it?"
Teal'c looked thoughtful as Daniel opened his mouth, but nothing came out.
"Indeed, O'Neill. It is something to ponder."
"And," continued Jack, "she came through the Gate, not the mirror. Sure Carter thinks that the thermonuclear explosion," Jack waved his hand, dismissing the ramifications of excited, radioactive quarks on influencing Gate travel to alternate universes as nothing of consequence, "had something to do with it, but we've never had even a hint that the Gate itself could do what a mirror does.
"I dunno, something just doesn't seem right. I've got that prickly feeling I used to get in Iraq right before a mission went to hell." He sighed and stared at the empty beer bottle a moment, then looked at them. "Hey, you guys hungry?"
"One good thing has come out of this at least," Daniel said as Jack reached for the phone to order pizza. "Now you have someone to go fishing with you."
Jack perked up at the thought.
~~~~~