Author's note: This is a Rurouni Kenshin/Yuyu Hokashu/Dragon Ball Z
crossover story. All standard disclaimers apply. We do not own the rights
to any of these characters (more's the pity) and we apologize ahead of time
for any distress we might cause by making our beloved anime friends behave
in unusual ways. We also declare ourselves to be unaffiliated with any TV
reality shows that take place on islands. We further assert that, although
there are doubtless many examples of fan fiction on the internet that
feature any or all of these characters in a similar reality show setting,
this is an original story and is not based on any other fan fiction. That
said, we hope you'll enjoy this unworthy story, that we do!
Survive-oro!
By Kazoku Okami
Chapter 1: The Game Begins
A late Spring dawn was painting the sky in glorious, vivid tones, the
gold glints of a newly risen sun sparkling off the deep azure blue of the
white-capped ocean. Dew still glistened on the leaves and flowers on the
small, wave-kissed island, making the whole scene reminiscent of a newly-
regained Paradise.
From the windy deck of a speeding water taxi, an unusual assortment of
passengers drank in their first view of the Spirit World island that
would be their home for the next two weeks. Already divided into two
tribes, the group was made up of sixteen of anime's most skilled and
colorful characters. Earlier that week, each of them had received an
invitation from Daioh Koenma, Ruler of the Spirit World, to take part in
a series of physical and mental team challenges with elimination rounds.
After each challenge, one player would be voted off the island; the last
man or woman standing would be crowned "Ultimate Master of Survival."
The first tribe, dubbed "Rurouni/Yuyu," was made up of six humans:
Urameshi Yusuke, a dark-haired, tight-muscled teen who, in spite of his
success as a Spirit World detective, was still, underneath it all, a
schoolboy; Yusuke's school chum, Kazuma Kuwabara, who, while not the
sharpest crayon in the box, had proven himself a noble and good-hearted
youth; the copper-haired Himura Kenshin, whose left cheek bore the cross-
shaped scar that identified him as the Meiji Imperialists' top assassin
during the Bakumatsu, now turned peaceful wanderer and wielder of a
reversed-blade sword used only to protect the innocent; Kenshin's best
friend, the ex-gang member Sagara Sanosuke, known for mooching meals from
his friends at the Kamiyah dojo and often called "Roosterhead" because of
the way his dark hair stood up in a spiky sort of "cockscomb" on his
head; the gaunt, wolfish Police Officer Hajime Saitou, former member of
the dreaded samurai guard known as the Shinsengumi or Mibu Wolves; and
Shinomori Aoshi, the tall, dark and gorgeous leader of the Oniwabanshu
spy ring, along with their two otherworldly companions: Kurama, the vine-
wielding fox spirit currently inhabiting the body of a hauntingly
handsome young human with long, auburn tresses and eyes the green of an
Irish hillside; and Hiei, a dark-haired, cynical-natured fire demon whose
small stature belied his considerable physical and spiritual power.
Making up the roster of the second group, simply referred to as "Tribe
DBZ," were: the Saiyan Prince Vegeta, known for both his great pride and
prowess; Son Goku, the good-natured Saiyan warrior sent to Earth as a
baby, whose superhuman powers were rivaled only by his enormous appetite;
the lovely, blueberry-haired Bulma, daughter of the famous inventor,
Doctor Briefs, and wife to Vegeta; Goku's pretty, hot-tempered spouse,
Chi Chi; Vegeta and Bulma's lavender-haired, pre-teen son, Trunks; Son
Goten, the second son of Goku and Chi Chi, at age 11, the spitting image
of his father; the wizened old "Turtle Hermit", Master Roshi, known far
and wide for his skills in the martial arts, as well as his hentai
attentions to any female with a pulse; and Goku's friend and sparring
partner since childhood, the short, bald, and oddly noseless Krillin.
The taxi docked in a small inlet and the passenger disembarked. As the
boat sped away again, the tribe members dumped their duffle bags onto the
beach and stood waiting for their host to arrive. Master Roshi decided to
take advantage of the short wait by checking out the opponents for
eligible young women.
"Hmmm.two cute little redheads," he murmered, wiggling his eyebrows in
a leering grin. One of the redheads looked Roshi's way, caught the
implications behind the leer and glared at him with violet eyes that
flashed bits of amber in their depths.
"Oooh.she's a fiery one!" Roshi thought. "A bit flat-chested,
maybe.but HOT, HOT, HOT!"
"Good morning and welcome to the Spirit World!"
The host's voice broke into Master Roshi's perverted daydreams and
they all looked around to see a small figure heading toward them. The
newcomer was dressed in violet and fuchsia, with a tall hat perched on
top of his head, its front bearing the kanji symbol translated as "king,"
along with the English abbreviation for "Junior." This was Daioh Koenma
in his toddler form, a pacifier bobbing excitedly between his cherubic
lips as he strode purposefully through the sand just ahead of a large,
blue ogre.
"Hey, Pacifier Breath!" Kuwabara yelled in greeting.
Koenma glared at the tall, long-faced youth. "I resent that!" Loud
sucking noises punctuated his exclamation.
"Don't antagonize the host, fool!" Hiei hissed, poking Kuwabara in the
ribs.
The somewhat dull-witted human muttered a gruff apology. Koenma
nodded, then stood surveying the assembled players, mentally taking a
role count. Finally, satisfied that all the invited contestants were
present and accounted for, he broke his stare and switched into reality
show host mode, his arms folded and his feet planted wide apart. It was
obvious that he relished the job.
"Here are the rules," he began. "Each tribe will set up camp and be
responsible for finding food and water to survive. Once a day you will
participate in a competition, with the winning tribe earning immunity;
the losing tribe will have to vote out one of its members. When we are
down to eight players, the two tribes will be combined; then it's every
man, woman or demon for himself!"
Saitou glanced over at Sanosuke with an evil, secret grin. Kenshin saw
the look and sighed; the hot-blooded rivalry between the policeman and
the ex-gang member had not cooled since they had been forced to become
reluctant allies against the evil Shishio. Indeed, their open hostility
seemed to have grown during the months following the Kyoto incident. This
could spell trouble for tribal unity if it persisted.
"And, by the way," Koenma went on, "if you die, we're not responsible
for it." He paused for emphasis; the only sound was his persistent
sucking on the pacifier. Then, satisfied that he had everyone's full
attention, he rubbed his hands together. "Now, then, let's begin. The
first competition consists of a footrace to your respective campsites,
where you will erect a shelter, gather firewood and make a fire, then
catch one of the giant killer sharks circling the island. The first tribe
to complete all of these tasks will win today's immunity and receive the
coveted Dragon Ball. Show them, Jorj!" He nodded to the ogre who held up
a golden orb that caught the sunlight, dazzling them all.
"So that's where the sixth one went!" Bulma exclaimed.
"Ooh! Shiny ball!" Kuwabara drooled, his hand reaching involuntarily
toward the orb.
"Down, fool!" Hiei commanded, his elbow digging into Kuwabara's side
again
"LAY OFF ME, SHORTY!!!" the tall human yelled. Yusuke stepped between his
two teammates and whispered something. Still glaring, the two nodded and
stood down.
"Right." Koenma raised one hand, then dropped it to his side. "Begin!"
Hiei, with his fire demon speed, and Goku, powering into Super Saiyan
mode, were gone before the last syllable ended, with the nimble Kenshin
close on their heels. The others grabbed their duffle bags and trotted
(or levitated) along behind. Saitou deliberately tripped Sanosuke, who
pitched headlong into the sand, cursing loudly. The smirk quickly left
the tall policeman's wolfish countenance as the downed Sano recovered,
lunged at Saitou's leg and delivered a fierce bite to his ankle. Saitou
went down and the two rolled in the sand, fists flailing, while the
others ran to pull them apart.
"You're giving our opponents a chance to get ahead, you idiots!" Yusuke
snarled.
"Hmm, maybe not," Kurama remarked, gesturing toward a second sandstorm
that was generated by a screeching Bulma, intent on pounding Master Roshi
into the ground. "That old man should learn not to pinch the ladies!" He
glanced back at the Saitou-Sanosuke fist-fest and shook his head. "Still,
I suppose we should get these two back on track."
Producing a rose from his sleeve, the foxy Kurama gave it a snap and the
flower became a rose whip in his hand. He flicked the whip toward the
combatants and it wrapped itself around one of Sanosuke's legs. Kurama
retracted the vine, dragging the Roosterhead free of the fray.
"Hey!" Sano yelled. "I was winning!"
"Sure you were," Yusuke said scornfully. "Now are you coming along
peacefully or does Kurama have to drag you behind him all the way to
camp?"
"Alright, alright!" Sano said quickly. "Just get this whip off me."
"I will - when we reach our campsite," Kurama said, smiling.
They set off, Sanosuke hobbling along like a prisoner with a ball and
chain shackled to his leg, and Saitou following, his wolfish glare boring
into Sano's back.
Members of Tribe DBZ rescued Master Roshi from the wrath of Bulma and,
eventually, both tribes reached their respective campsites. Hiei and Goku
had finished building their shelters and Kenshin had gathered firewood
for the Ruroun/Yuyu tribe, gaining them a slight edge. Hiei added to the
lead by blasting the wood into quick flame, while Kenshin unsheathed his
reversed-blade sword and bolted down to the communal beachfront to spear
a shark. But Tribe DBZ wasted no time and soon had a pile of driftwood
gathered and blazing away. Goku snapped up the crude fishing pole Krillin
had prepared and flashed off to join Kenshin. The other members of the
two tribes followed.
Arriving at the shore, they could see Goku floating above them, his
fishing line dangling in the water. Kenshin had waded out a short way
and had found himself suddenly surrounded by hungry sharks. While
fighting them off, the top of his kimono had somehow slipped off,
exposing his lean, muscular arms and chest. ("Funny how that always seems
to happen to Kenshin!" Sanosuke muttered.)
"Woah!" Master Roshi yelled. "She's a HE!" He sweat-dropped, then giggled
nervously. "Oh, well, at least there's still the other cute redhead for
me to ogle!"
"Fight 'em, Kenshin!" Sanosuke yelled encouragement. "Show those ugly
fish who's boss - Aurk!" He pitched, face-first, into the sand as Saitou
took out his knees with a kick from behind. Soon the two were scrapping
with all the fury of hungry wolves fighting over a tender sika deer.
"Look! My Goku has a bite!" Chi Chi yelled as the line dangling from the
Saiyan's fishing pole suddently jerked and went taut.
"And Kenshin has just speared one of the sharks!" Yusuke cried. "It's
just a matter of who gets their catch back to the beach first!"
"We've won, then!" Bulma squealed. "No one's faster than Goku!"
And, indeed, it appeared that the Saiyan would be first in landing a
shark; but, as fate would have it, just as he alit on the beach to reel
in his line, Saitou delivered an uppercut to Sanosuke's jaw and sent him
flying, directly into Goku's back.
"Oof!" Goku stumbled and dropped the pole. Tossing the limp Sano off his
back, he dove headlong after the receding pole, only to watch it slip
from sight beneath the water. "Darn it!"
A cheer went up from the Rurouni/Yuyu tribe and Goku turned to see a
panting, bleeding Kenshin staggering onto the beach. The young red-haired
warrior was dragging a dead shark; he deposited it on the sand, then
slumped down beside it.
"Tribe Rurouni/Yuyu has won the first immunity challenge!" Koenma's voice
rang out. He gestured to Jorj, who stepped forward and placed the golden
ball in Kenshin's bloodied hands. "Tribe DBZ, you will bring your torches
to tribal council tonight. One of you will be voted off the island."
The victors gathered around Kenshin, slapping him on the back and
cheering, while the DBZ players headed dejectedly back toward their
campsite.
"Well, I guess we know who's outta here tonight," Krillin muttered to
Master Roshi. "You and I are the only ones who aren't family."
"Huh?" Roshi responded distractedly. He had caught sight of the other
team's cute redhead - the one who had NOT disappointed him by turning out
to be a guy - heading into the grove that separated the two campsites.
The dreamy-eyed, slender Kurama carried a pail to pick berries for
tonight's dessert. "Here's my chance!" Roshi thought, mentally licking
his chops. "Heh, heh! Hold on, little darlin'! Old Roshi loves picking
berries!"
The dejected Krillin never even saw him slip away, heading toward his
prey.
* * *
(Author: Time for a commercial!)
Announcer: And now a word from our sponsor, the Sadistic Sake Company.
Camera cuts to the kitchen at Kuwabara's house. Kuwabara is trying to fit
a 5-gallon garbage bag into a 13-gallon trashcan. Hiei and Kurama walk up
to him, each holding a can of Kirin Mets grapefruit drink. Kuwabara
ignores them, muttering to himself as he struggles with the bag.
Kurama: Hey, Kuwabara, we've got something to show you.
Kuwabara keeps muttering, but turns to eye the two.
Hiei: This isn't really Kirin Mets. (The two shuck off the outside of
their soft drink cans, revealing small bottles underneath.) .it's
Sadistic Sake!
Kurama: And we're not really demons. (He shrugs off his outer self,
revealing that he is Kenshin, while Hiei transforms into Sanosuke.)
.we're really Meiji-era warriors!
Kuwabara staggers back, reeling in shock, as the two begin to sing:
Kenshin: (with a Rurouni grin) I'm a little bit Battousai.
Sano: (bitterly) .and I'm a little bit Roosterhead.
Camera zooms in close to Kuwabara's mouth, open in a scream. Focus on his
face, as he realizes it was all a dream and he's in his own sleeping bag
in the Spirit Island camp.
Kuwabara: (frantically) Yusuke! I dreamed the demons were scary, singing
warriors!
(Saitou pops up from his sleeping bag across the campfire and throws a
shoe, hitting Kuwabara in the head.)
Saitou: Shut up, you moron!
Announcer: (who is revealed to be Sejiro Hiko,13th master of the Hiten
Mitsurugi Ryu, with 35 empty sake bottles piled up around him) Sadistic
Sake (hiccup) .for when you want to give an annoying teammate a reason to
drink till he drops!
(Author's Disclaimer: We wish to make it clear that we do not encourage
anyone to "drink till he drops," especially when writing a fanfic. It is
apt to lead to silliness of epic proportions, as in.WHAT? NO! We were NOT
drinking while writing this! We are perfectly capable of being silly AND
sober, thank you very much.)
* * *
Later, as a neon pink and purple sunset died away into darkness,
torchlight flickered along the beach as Tribe DBZ headed off to the far
side of the island for tribal council. They filed into the council
circle, planting their torches, then taking their seats. Koenma looked
them over, then frowned.
"Who's missing?" he asked.
"Huh?" Everyone looked around.
"Hey, Roshi's not here!" Bulma exclaimed.
Just then, a strange-looking mass of vines rolled into the clearing,
coming to a halt at their feet. Something inside the tangled mess was
struggling and making pitiful, whining noises. The slight form of Kurama
stepped into the torchlight and glared at Tribe DBZ.
"Keep that blasted old hentai away from me or he's roadkill!" Kurama
growled, his eyes blazing. With a disgusted glance at the vine-covered
thing that was Roshi, he delivered a final, well-aimed kick, then stalked
back into the shadows.
"The old fool!" Vegeta sneered. "He is an embarrassment to our tribe! I
demand that he be voted off the island!"
"YESSS!" Krillin leapt to his feat. "Hallelujah! I'm spared!"
Goku gently cut the vines off his old master and helped him to his feet.
"I'm afraid I have to agree with Vegeta," he said, shaking his head
sadly. "It's really for your own safety's sake."
"Hmmm." Master Roshi sighed wistfully. "I guess you're right - but it was
worth it. That little red-haired dolly sure is beautiful when she's
angry!"
"Is the vote unanimous?" Koenma inquired. Everyone nodded. "Then, Master
Roshi, the council has spoken." He looked around. "His torch isn't here!
How am I supposed to extinguish it if it isn't here?" His face screwed up
into a pout. "This ruins the whole effect of the ceremony!"
"Calm down, sir! I have retrieved the old one's torch!" The ogre hurried
forward.
"Good job!" Koenma said, gleefully smothering the torch's flame with a
large metal snuffer.
Master Roshi began walking away. He turned to look back at the crowd,
sadly, and made the "Call me" sign to Bulma.
"Why you---!" The blue-haired young woman sprang forward and drop-kicked
the old pervert down the wooden steps. He landed on the sand and lay
there, dazed, as the remaining seven members of Tribe DBZ gathered their
torches and left the council area.
Koenma toddled over and leaned down toward Roshi.
"So, redheads are your undoing, huh, old man?" he remarked. He turned
away, a slight smile behind his pacifier. "By the way, they were BOTH men
- Battousai and the berry-picker!"
Master Roshi's screams of anguish echoed across the island. Making their
way back to their camp, the DBZ team stopped, their hair standing on end.
"What in the name of Korin's Sacred Furball was that?!!" Krillin cried.
In the Tribe Rurouni/Yuyu camp, Kenshin rose to his feet, hand on his
sword.
"Some poor, cursed creature must have been gutted by a wild boar!" he
exclaimed. "I haven't heard such an agonized cry since Hitokiri Battousai
mowed down twenty-nine men on the outskirts of Edo!"
Across from him, Kurama's green eyes caught the dancing red lights of the
campfire and his lips curled into a secretive, Mona Lisa smile.
"Don't get your hakama in a twist, Himura," he said softly. "It's
probably just the mating call of the Frustrated Bald-pated Booby!"
The first night on the island had come to an end.
Author's note: Well, kiddies, if you think weirdness is going on here, you ain't seen nothin' yet! By the way, in case you haven't worked this out for yourself, this is a spoof and is meant to be taken as such - not as a serious story that follows the parameters established by the creators of these three series. Trust me, there will be no point in suing over the weirdness; we are not well-to-do. Our writing is done on a pity-PC (a friend felt sorry for us and, knowing our driving need to write weird stuff, gave us their old PC when they upgraded). And I have to give credit where credit is due. This whole thing grew out of a one-page story my 12- year-old son came up with! He's still learning the ropes, but I think the world of fan fiction will be hearing a lot from him in the future.
More notes on this chapter: The Spirit World island was the site of the Dark Tournament featured in season two of the "Yuyu Hokashu" anime series. I've made it more tropical and, for now at least, omitted reference to the arena area in order to make it more like a survival series location.
Daioh Koenma is currently in charge of the Spirit World in his father's absence. He usually appears in the form of a toddler, but sometimes manifests himself as an extremely hunky young man. Oddly enough, he retains his beloved pacifier in both incarnations.
The "commercials" appearing in this and other chapters are parodies of television and/or magazine ads. None of these are my property; I do not even own stock in any of the products. If I did, I would not be sitting here in my humble abode, hammering out this fanfic on my old dinosaur of a PC. I would be dictating it to a secretary as I sunbathed on the deck of my yacht, slowly cruising along the Riviera.
I have to take a moment to thank Anna-neko at RK Dreams for her kindness to a fledgling fanfic writer. She provided some much-needed - and always tactfully constructive - guidance, as well as the correct spelling for the names of "Rurouni Kenshin" and "Yuyu Hokashu" characters. She also supplied the name of Koenma's ogre, Jorj. (Who knew?) The versions of the "Dragon Ball Z" character names used in this story come from Beckett Publications' DBZ collectors' magazine (also not owned by me).
Survive-oro!
By Kazoku Okami
Chapter 1: The Game Begins
A late Spring dawn was painting the sky in glorious, vivid tones, the
gold glints of a newly risen sun sparkling off the deep azure blue of the
white-capped ocean. Dew still glistened on the leaves and flowers on the
small, wave-kissed island, making the whole scene reminiscent of a newly-
regained Paradise.
From the windy deck of a speeding water taxi, an unusual assortment of
passengers drank in their first view of the Spirit World island that
would be their home for the next two weeks. Already divided into two
tribes, the group was made up of sixteen of anime's most skilled and
colorful characters. Earlier that week, each of them had received an
invitation from Daioh Koenma, Ruler of the Spirit World, to take part in
a series of physical and mental team challenges with elimination rounds.
After each challenge, one player would be voted off the island; the last
man or woman standing would be crowned "Ultimate Master of Survival."
The first tribe, dubbed "Rurouni/Yuyu," was made up of six humans:
Urameshi Yusuke, a dark-haired, tight-muscled teen who, in spite of his
success as a Spirit World detective, was still, underneath it all, a
schoolboy; Yusuke's school chum, Kazuma Kuwabara, who, while not the
sharpest crayon in the box, had proven himself a noble and good-hearted
youth; the copper-haired Himura Kenshin, whose left cheek bore the cross-
shaped scar that identified him as the Meiji Imperialists' top assassin
during the Bakumatsu, now turned peaceful wanderer and wielder of a
reversed-blade sword used only to protect the innocent; Kenshin's best
friend, the ex-gang member Sagara Sanosuke, known for mooching meals from
his friends at the Kamiyah dojo and often called "Roosterhead" because of
the way his dark hair stood up in a spiky sort of "cockscomb" on his
head; the gaunt, wolfish Police Officer Hajime Saitou, former member of
the dreaded samurai guard known as the Shinsengumi or Mibu Wolves; and
Shinomori Aoshi, the tall, dark and gorgeous leader of the Oniwabanshu
spy ring, along with their two otherworldly companions: Kurama, the vine-
wielding fox spirit currently inhabiting the body of a hauntingly
handsome young human with long, auburn tresses and eyes the green of an
Irish hillside; and Hiei, a dark-haired, cynical-natured fire demon whose
small stature belied his considerable physical and spiritual power.
Making up the roster of the second group, simply referred to as "Tribe
DBZ," were: the Saiyan Prince Vegeta, known for both his great pride and
prowess; Son Goku, the good-natured Saiyan warrior sent to Earth as a
baby, whose superhuman powers were rivaled only by his enormous appetite;
the lovely, blueberry-haired Bulma, daughter of the famous inventor,
Doctor Briefs, and wife to Vegeta; Goku's pretty, hot-tempered spouse,
Chi Chi; Vegeta and Bulma's lavender-haired, pre-teen son, Trunks; Son
Goten, the second son of Goku and Chi Chi, at age 11, the spitting image
of his father; the wizened old "Turtle Hermit", Master Roshi, known far
and wide for his skills in the martial arts, as well as his hentai
attentions to any female with a pulse; and Goku's friend and sparring
partner since childhood, the short, bald, and oddly noseless Krillin.
The taxi docked in a small inlet and the passenger disembarked. As the
boat sped away again, the tribe members dumped their duffle bags onto the
beach and stood waiting for their host to arrive. Master Roshi decided to
take advantage of the short wait by checking out the opponents for
eligible young women.
"Hmmm.two cute little redheads," he murmered, wiggling his eyebrows in
a leering grin. One of the redheads looked Roshi's way, caught the
implications behind the leer and glared at him with violet eyes that
flashed bits of amber in their depths.
"Oooh.she's a fiery one!" Roshi thought. "A bit flat-chested,
maybe.but HOT, HOT, HOT!"
"Good morning and welcome to the Spirit World!"
The host's voice broke into Master Roshi's perverted daydreams and
they all looked around to see a small figure heading toward them. The
newcomer was dressed in violet and fuchsia, with a tall hat perched on
top of his head, its front bearing the kanji symbol translated as "king,"
along with the English abbreviation for "Junior." This was Daioh Koenma
in his toddler form, a pacifier bobbing excitedly between his cherubic
lips as he strode purposefully through the sand just ahead of a large,
blue ogre.
"Hey, Pacifier Breath!" Kuwabara yelled in greeting.
Koenma glared at the tall, long-faced youth. "I resent that!" Loud
sucking noises punctuated his exclamation.
"Don't antagonize the host, fool!" Hiei hissed, poking Kuwabara in the
ribs.
The somewhat dull-witted human muttered a gruff apology. Koenma
nodded, then stood surveying the assembled players, mentally taking a
role count. Finally, satisfied that all the invited contestants were
present and accounted for, he broke his stare and switched into reality
show host mode, his arms folded and his feet planted wide apart. It was
obvious that he relished the job.
"Here are the rules," he began. "Each tribe will set up camp and be
responsible for finding food and water to survive. Once a day you will
participate in a competition, with the winning tribe earning immunity;
the losing tribe will have to vote out one of its members. When we are
down to eight players, the two tribes will be combined; then it's every
man, woman or demon for himself!"
Saitou glanced over at Sanosuke with an evil, secret grin. Kenshin saw
the look and sighed; the hot-blooded rivalry between the policeman and
the ex-gang member had not cooled since they had been forced to become
reluctant allies against the evil Shishio. Indeed, their open hostility
seemed to have grown during the months following the Kyoto incident. This
could spell trouble for tribal unity if it persisted.
"And, by the way," Koenma went on, "if you die, we're not responsible
for it." He paused for emphasis; the only sound was his persistent
sucking on the pacifier. Then, satisfied that he had everyone's full
attention, he rubbed his hands together. "Now, then, let's begin. The
first competition consists of a footrace to your respective campsites,
where you will erect a shelter, gather firewood and make a fire, then
catch one of the giant killer sharks circling the island. The first tribe
to complete all of these tasks will win today's immunity and receive the
coveted Dragon Ball. Show them, Jorj!" He nodded to the ogre who held up
a golden orb that caught the sunlight, dazzling them all.
"So that's where the sixth one went!" Bulma exclaimed.
"Ooh! Shiny ball!" Kuwabara drooled, his hand reaching involuntarily
toward the orb.
"Down, fool!" Hiei commanded, his elbow digging into Kuwabara's side
again
"LAY OFF ME, SHORTY!!!" the tall human yelled. Yusuke stepped between his
two teammates and whispered something. Still glaring, the two nodded and
stood down.
"Right." Koenma raised one hand, then dropped it to his side. "Begin!"
Hiei, with his fire demon speed, and Goku, powering into Super Saiyan
mode, were gone before the last syllable ended, with the nimble Kenshin
close on their heels. The others grabbed their duffle bags and trotted
(or levitated) along behind. Saitou deliberately tripped Sanosuke, who
pitched headlong into the sand, cursing loudly. The smirk quickly left
the tall policeman's wolfish countenance as the downed Sano recovered,
lunged at Saitou's leg and delivered a fierce bite to his ankle. Saitou
went down and the two rolled in the sand, fists flailing, while the
others ran to pull them apart.
"You're giving our opponents a chance to get ahead, you idiots!" Yusuke
snarled.
"Hmm, maybe not," Kurama remarked, gesturing toward a second sandstorm
that was generated by a screeching Bulma, intent on pounding Master Roshi
into the ground. "That old man should learn not to pinch the ladies!" He
glanced back at the Saitou-Sanosuke fist-fest and shook his head. "Still,
I suppose we should get these two back on track."
Producing a rose from his sleeve, the foxy Kurama gave it a snap and the
flower became a rose whip in his hand. He flicked the whip toward the
combatants and it wrapped itself around one of Sanosuke's legs. Kurama
retracted the vine, dragging the Roosterhead free of the fray.
"Hey!" Sano yelled. "I was winning!"
"Sure you were," Yusuke said scornfully. "Now are you coming along
peacefully or does Kurama have to drag you behind him all the way to
camp?"
"Alright, alright!" Sano said quickly. "Just get this whip off me."
"I will - when we reach our campsite," Kurama said, smiling.
They set off, Sanosuke hobbling along like a prisoner with a ball and
chain shackled to his leg, and Saitou following, his wolfish glare boring
into Sano's back.
Members of Tribe DBZ rescued Master Roshi from the wrath of Bulma and,
eventually, both tribes reached their respective campsites. Hiei and Goku
had finished building their shelters and Kenshin had gathered firewood
for the Ruroun/Yuyu tribe, gaining them a slight edge. Hiei added to the
lead by blasting the wood into quick flame, while Kenshin unsheathed his
reversed-blade sword and bolted down to the communal beachfront to spear
a shark. But Tribe DBZ wasted no time and soon had a pile of driftwood
gathered and blazing away. Goku snapped up the crude fishing pole Krillin
had prepared and flashed off to join Kenshin. The other members of the
two tribes followed.
Arriving at the shore, they could see Goku floating above them, his
fishing line dangling in the water. Kenshin had waded out a short way
and had found himself suddenly surrounded by hungry sharks. While
fighting them off, the top of his kimono had somehow slipped off,
exposing his lean, muscular arms and chest. ("Funny how that always seems
to happen to Kenshin!" Sanosuke muttered.)
"Woah!" Master Roshi yelled. "She's a HE!" He sweat-dropped, then giggled
nervously. "Oh, well, at least there's still the other cute redhead for
me to ogle!"
"Fight 'em, Kenshin!" Sanosuke yelled encouragement. "Show those ugly
fish who's boss - Aurk!" He pitched, face-first, into the sand as Saitou
took out his knees with a kick from behind. Soon the two were scrapping
with all the fury of hungry wolves fighting over a tender sika deer.
"Look! My Goku has a bite!" Chi Chi yelled as the line dangling from the
Saiyan's fishing pole suddently jerked and went taut.
"And Kenshin has just speared one of the sharks!" Yusuke cried. "It's
just a matter of who gets their catch back to the beach first!"
"We've won, then!" Bulma squealed. "No one's faster than Goku!"
And, indeed, it appeared that the Saiyan would be first in landing a
shark; but, as fate would have it, just as he alit on the beach to reel
in his line, Saitou delivered an uppercut to Sanosuke's jaw and sent him
flying, directly into Goku's back.
"Oof!" Goku stumbled and dropped the pole. Tossing the limp Sano off his
back, he dove headlong after the receding pole, only to watch it slip
from sight beneath the water. "Darn it!"
A cheer went up from the Rurouni/Yuyu tribe and Goku turned to see a
panting, bleeding Kenshin staggering onto the beach. The young red-haired
warrior was dragging a dead shark; he deposited it on the sand, then
slumped down beside it.
"Tribe Rurouni/Yuyu has won the first immunity challenge!" Koenma's voice
rang out. He gestured to Jorj, who stepped forward and placed the golden
ball in Kenshin's bloodied hands. "Tribe DBZ, you will bring your torches
to tribal council tonight. One of you will be voted off the island."
The victors gathered around Kenshin, slapping him on the back and
cheering, while the DBZ players headed dejectedly back toward their
campsite.
"Well, I guess we know who's outta here tonight," Krillin muttered to
Master Roshi. "You and I are the only ones who aren't family."
"Huh?" Roshi responded distractedly. He had caught sight of the other
team's cute redhead - the one who had NOT disappointed him by turning out
to be a guy - heading into the grove that separated the two campsites.
The dreamy-eyed, slender Kurama carried a pail to pick berries for
tonight's dessert. "Here's my chance!" Roshi thought, mentally licking
his chops. "Heh, heh! Hold on, little darlin'! Old Roshi loves picking
berries!"
The dejected Krillin never even saw him slip away, heading toward his
prey.
* * *
(Author: Time for a commercial!)
Announcer: And now a word from our sponsor, the Sadistic Sake Company.
Camera cuts to the kitchen at Kuwabara's house. Kuwabara is trying to fit
a 5-gallon garbage bag into a 13-gallon trashcan. Hiei and Kurama walk up
to him, each holding a can of Kirin Mets grapefruit drink. Kuwabara
ignores them, muttering to himself as he struggles with the bag.
Kurama: Hey, Kuwabara, we've got something to show you.
Kuwabara keeps muttering, but turns to eye the two.
Hiei: This isn't really Kirin Mets. (The two shuck off the outside of
their soft drink cans, revealing small bottles underneath.) .it's
Sadistic Sake!
Kurama: And we're not really demons. (He shrugs off his outer self,
revealing that he is Kenshin, while Hiei transforms into Sanosuke.)
.we're really Meiji-era warriors!
Kuwabara staggers back, reeling in shock, as the two begin to sing:
Kenshin: (with a Rurouni grin) I'm a little bit Battousai.
Sano: (bitterly) .and I'm a little bit Roosterhead.
Camera zooms in close to Kuwabara's mouth, open in a scream. Focus on his
face, as he realizes it was all a dream and he's in his own sleeping bag
in the Spirit Island camp.
Kuwabara: (frantically) Yusuke! I dreamed the demons were scary, singing
warriors!
(Saitou pops up from his sleeping bag across the campfire and throws a
shoe, hitting Kuwabara in the head.)
Saitou: Shut up, you moron!
Announcer: (who is revealed to be Sejiro Hiko,13th master of the Hiten
Mitsurugi Ryu, with 35 empty sake bottles piled up around him) Sadistic
Sake (hiccup) .for when you want to give an annoying teammate a reason to
drink till he drops!
(Author's Disclaimer: We wish to make it clear that we do not encourage
anyone to "drink till he drops," especially when writing a fanfic. It is
apt to lead to silliness of epic proportions, as in.WHAT? NO! We were NOT
drinking while writing this! We are perfectly capable of being silly AND
sober, thank you very much.)
* * *
Later, as a neon pink and purple sunset died away into darkness,
torchlight flickered along the beach as Tribe DBZ headed off to the far
side of the island for tribal council. They filed into the council
circle, planting their torches, then taking their seats. Koenma looked
them over, then frowned.
"Who's missing?" he asked.
"Huh?" Everyone looked around.
"Hey, Roshi's not here!" Bulma exclaimed.
Just then, a strange-looking mass of vines rolled into the clearing,
coming to a halt at their feet. Something inside the tangled mess was
struggling and making pitiful, whining noises. The slight form of Kurama
stepped into the torchlight and glared at Tribe DBZ.
"Keep that blasted old hentai away from me or he's roadkill!" Kurama
growled, his eyes blazing. With a disgusted glance at the vine-covered
thing that was Roshi, he delivered a final, well-aimed kick, then stalked
back into the shadows.
"The old fool!" Vegeta sneered. "He is an embarrassment to our tribe! I
demand that he be voted off the island!"
"YESSS!" Krillin leapt to his feat. "Hallelujah! I'm spared!"
Goku gently cut the vines off his old master and helped him to his feet.
"I'm afraid I have to agree with Vegeta," he said, shaking his head
sadly. "It's really for your own safety's sake."
"Hmmm." Master Roshi sighed wistfully. "I guess you're right - but it was
worth it. That little red-haired dolly sure is beautiful when she's
angry!"
"Is the vote unanimous?" Koenma inquired. Everyone nodded. "Then, Master
Roshi, the council has spoken." He looked around. "His torch isn't here!
How am I supposed to extinguish it if it isn't here?" His face screwed up
into a pout. "This ruins the whole effect of the ceremony!"
"Calm down, sir! I have retrieved the old one's torch!" The ogre hurried
forward.
"Good job!" Koenma said, gleefully smothering the torch's flame with a
large metal snuffer.
Master Roshi began walking away. He turned to look back at the crowd,
sadly, and made the "Call me" sign to Bulma.
"Why you---!" The blue-haired young woman sprang forward and drop-kicked
the old pervert down the wooden steps. He landed on the sand and lay
there, dazed, as the remaining seven members of Tribe DBZ gathered their
torches and left the council area.
Koenma toddled over and leaned down toward Roshi.
"So, redheads are your undoing, huh, old man?" he remarked. He turned
away, a slight smile behind his pacifier. "By the way, they were BOTH men
- Battousai and the berry-picker!"
Master Roshi's screams of anguish echoed across the island. Making their
way back to their camp, the DBZ team stopped, their hair standing on end.
"What in the name of Korin's Sacred Furball was that?!!" Krillin cried.
In the Tribe Rurouni/Yuyu camp, Kenshin rose to his feet, hand on his
sword.
"Some poor, cursed creature must have been gutted by a wild boar!" he
exclaimed. "I haven't heard such an agonized cry since Hitokiri Battousai
mowed down twenty-nine men on the outskirts of Edo!"
Across from him, Kurama's green eyes caught the dancing red lights of the
campfire and his lips curled into a secretive, Mona Lisa smile.
"Don't get your hakama in a twist, Himura," he said softly. "It's
probably just the mating call of the Frustrated Bald-pated Booby!"
The first night on the island had come to an end.
Author's note: Well, kiddies, if you think weirdness is going on here, you ain't seen nothin' yet! By the way, in case you haven't worked this out for yourself, this is a spoof and is meant to be taken as such - not as a serious story that follows the parameters established by the creators of these three series. Trust me, there will be no point in suing over the weirdness; we are not well-to-do. Our writing is done on a pity-PC (a friend felt sorry for us and, knowing our driving need to write weird stuff, gave us their old PC when they upgraded). And I have to give credit where credit is due. This whole thing grew out of a one-page story my 12- year-old son came up with! He's still learning the ropes, but I think the world of fan fiction will be hearing a lot from him in the future.
More notes on this chapter: The Spirit World island was the site of the Dark Tournament featured in season two of the "Yuyu Hokashu" anime series. I've made it more tropical and, for now at least, omitted reference to the arena area in order to make it more like a survival series location.
Daioh Koenma is currently in charge of the Spirit World in his father's absence. He usually appears in the form of a toddler, but sometimes manifests himself as an extremely hunky young man. Oddly enough, he retains his beloved pacifier in both incarnations.
The "commercials" appearing in this and other chapters are parodies of television and/or magazine ads. None of these are my property; I do not even own stock in any of the products. If I did, I would not be sitting here in my humble abode, hammering out this fanfic on my old dinosaur of a PC. I would be dictating it to a secretary as I sunbathed on the deck of my yacht, slowly cruising along the Riviera.
I have to take a moment to thank Anna-neko at RK Dreams for her kindness to a fledgling fanfic writer. She provided some much-needed - and always tactfully constructive - guidance, as well as the correct spelling for the names of "Rurouni Kenshin" and "Yuyu Hokashu" characters. She also supplied the name of Koenma's ogre, Jorj. (Who knew?) The versions of the "Dragon Ball Z" character names used in this story come from Beckett Publications' DBZ collectors' magazine (also not owned by me).