30minutefics, August 25, 2003

The challenge: Scene: The Hogwarts Express
Action: Someone is completely out of character with their canon self, to the surprise of those in attendance
Must include phrases: melodramatic nonsense and Care to wager on that?

Ten points to the house of your choice if: Hermione doesn't know everything, for a change

Title: Chances
Rating: PG
Pairings (if any): Er...
Author's Notes: A wee bit of a fond parody of HG/SS fics.


This train
Carries saints and sinners

-"Land of Hope and Dreams", Bruce Springsteen

"Another year, another big fight against the forces of evil. Yawn," Harry whined in the direction of Hermione, Luna, Ginny, and Ron. Their sixth year had ended much as the others had; Voldemort on the run, Harry victorious. For now. The whole thing was getting as tiresome as Harry's constant teenage angst. Hermione's nerves were shot having to deal with Harry's needy anger all the time, and Ron was teetering on the edge as well. "Let's talk about how much we despise Snape again."

"Excellent topic," Ron said.

"Oh, puh-leeze. Not this discussion again," Hermione said, rolling her eyes. "I'm going to go up to the prefect's compartment, where you should be, Ron." Hermione stalked off.

"What in the devil's gotten into her?" Ron said. "She's gone Percy on us."

Luna looked dreamily in his direction. "She's been that way all year, or didn't you notice?"

"Notice what?" the boys said in unison.

Ginny rolled her eyes. "You boys are so thick. She's in love with Snape. Remember when she started defending him during your fifth year? She was covering up something far deeper. It's obvious."

The boys goggled at the suggestion for only a moment. Then they simultaneously burst out laughing. "They're perfect for each other!" Harry said, sniggering. "Can you imagine the ill tempers and mounds of books they could create together? What a match made in hell. You aren't serious, Ginny."

"Of course I'm serious," Ginny said, "if you'd just open your eyes in class. It's totally obvious."

Ron quieted, and looked very pensive for a moment. "I think it's a good idea. I think that having feelings for Snape is totally normal...they really are well-matched."

Everyone turned to look at Ron. "What...what did you say?" Harry stammered. "You're joking."

"Great match. Really. Hope they can keep their paws off each other until the end of next year, of course, but I think it's a smashing idea." Ron seemed quite serious.

"Are you feeling all right?" Luna said. "Next you'll be telling us that you have a thing for Professor Trewlaney."

Ron said nothing, but looked slightly queasy at the thought.

"Ron," a bossy voice sang out, "you're wanted up front in the prefect's compartment." Everyone looked at Hermione, smirking. She sighed. "What?"

"You don't really have a...thing...for that greasy git, do you?" Harry said.

"What greasy git?"

"Snape, of course," Ginny said. "Everyone knows it."

Hermione turned green. "You're joking. Because *I* didn't know it. That's...sick."

Everyone began laughing, except Ron. "Hermione, you're fooling yourself. You are so very right for him. I can picture you with him right now. I think you should owl him over the summer, you know, to keep him interested and excited about the prospect of seeing you in the fall."

Hermione stood, transfixed, as the Ron Weasley she thought she knew turned into a stranger in front of her eyes. "Ron!" she yelled, "you hate Snape! What in the hell is the matter with you? I am not fooling myself...I would know if I had a crush on a teacher, thank you very much!"

"Care to wager on that? It makes perfect sense. Frankly, I don' t know why you don't go and take a position as his assistant or doing a seventh year honors project or something, then get to know the real him under the layers of snark - you know, the angsty former Death Eater that rides that line between death and life daily for The Cause. Your brilliance would obviously dazzle him, to the point of him falling in love with your intellect. Then you could seduce him and have your first time either on the desk in his office, the floor of the potions lab, or the Gothic four-poster in his chambers. Really, it's like Heathcliff and Cathy. Too perfect. Ah, I can smell the happy ending from here, Hermione. Then he'd suddenly find his softer side and not be so awful to students anymore. You can get a job teaching Arithmancy/Muggle Studies/Potions, while he takes the Dark Arts job, and live happily ever after. It would be ideal for everyone concerned. You want my opinion, I say, go for it."

Hermione fell weakly into a chair, looking around at all the stunned faces. "What melodramatic nonsense, Ron. You're out of your tree. It just so happens I *have* an honors project lined up in Potions, but it has nothing to do with a silly crush on that horrid git, even though thanks to the Time-Turner I'll be 18 and of legal age to have an illicit fling in the dungeons while no one's looking, while touching the soul of someone so tormented. Now if you'll excuse us, everyone, Ron and I have duties to attend to." She steered Ron away, leaving everyone shaking their heads.

Luna smiled to herself, picturing the Quibbler article already.