After successfully out-running the townspeople, Brad and Schuldich continued their journey. "Hey, I heard there was going to be an evil witch-typish-thing over in this kingdom." Schuldich pointed at the map. "That map's upside down." Brad mumbled. Schuldich righted the map and pointed to the same spot. "That's a lake." Brad said. "Fine! You read the stupid map if you're so perfect! Stupid princes and their stupid perfectness." Schuldich mumbled. "Is this the kingdom you were trying to find?" Brad asked, pointing to a large area of the map that was clearly labeled "Kingdom You Were Trying To Find." "Apparently." Schuldich said. "Why do I care if there's an evil witch-typish-thing anyway?" Brad asked. "Because you're Prince Crawford. You have to travel around the country saving religious holiday deleted to protect non-Christians and puppies and stuff." Schuldich explained. "But… I'm EVIL! E-V-I-L! I don't save religious holidays I don't celebrate anyway! I don't save puppies! I don't even like puppies!" Brad exclaimed. "All princes like puppies." Schuldich said. "I'm not a prince. I don't want to be a prince. So I'm not a prince. I did not foresee my becoming a prince, so it's impossible for me to be a prince because I'm precognitive so I would have foreseen my becoming a prince if it were to actually happen, which it is not because I haven't foreseen it so I'm not a prince. And I don't like puppies because they grow into dogs and dogs drool and make messes that I have to clean up and they remind me of you because that's all you do and I'm really getting sick of cleaning up your soda cans and if you touch my coffee maker again I'll kill you and yes I know it was you who broke my coffee maker because you blamed Nagi and it's not Nagi's fault and speaking of Nagi where is he?" Brad asked. "… … … That has to be one of the longest run-on sentences I have ever seen in my life." Schuldich blinked. "Do I need to repeat myself?" Brad asked irritably. "Erm.. no thanks. And I don't know where the kid is. Also, how could you not like dogs? And don't call me a dog. And Nagi really was the one who broke your coffee maker, honestly. You know me, Brad. I wouldn't do that. I've never told a lie in my life, after all." Schuldich said. "Cats are better than dogs. Shorthaired cats. They don't shed as much. Plus, they don't drool. And I know it was you who broke my coffee maker because I know you. And you've never told a lie in your life my ankle!" Brad said. "Honestly! I cannot tell a lie!" Schuldich lied. "That was cruel, Narrator. That hurt. It hurt in here." Schuldich put a hand over his heart like the melodramatic idiot he is. "Censored, don't make me come over there!" Schuldich threatened. "Oh shut up. We might as well go see what's going on in 'Kingdom You Were Trying To Find.'" Brad said, picking up his sword and walking off. Schuldich followed, because he's the annoying sidekick. So that's about all he can do. That and lie a lot. But he's not a good liar. Infact, he's a horrible liar. "Oh just shut up and get on with the plot." Schuldich said.


Meanwhile in "Kingdom You Were Trying To Find…"



"Mwahahahaha no da!!! And on her sixteenth birthday, Princess Aya-chan Fujimiya shall get a really bad paper-cut and it'll get infected and then she'll fall into a coma and she won't wake up until Stereotypical Prince Charming kisses her, which won't happen because Verie told me who she cast as Prince Charming and she wouldn't let him kiss Aya-chan anyway so BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Da!" The evil witch-typish-thing cackled. The nameless King and Queen sat there in disbelief. "… You're supposed to be scared no da." The witch-typish-thing said. "Who're you again?" The King asked. "Censored! Do we have to go through this again no da?! I'm Shinigami, which is Japanese for The Destroyer. GAH! STUPID BLUE DOT NO DA!!! IT DOESN'T MEAN 'THE DESTROYER!!!' It means The Destroyer. Dangit… it doesn't mean… GODOFDEATH! HA! TAKE THAT BLUE DOT NO DA!!!" Shinigami exclaimed happily, because she's evil. She's so evil, she managed to evade the Blue-Censor-Dot, which is quite an evil thing to do because now this fairytale has to be rated PG because she mentioned deity deleted. "Wait.. what does it mean?" The King asked. Shinigami glared at him. "Ok, that's it. All fairytale royalty are idiots no da." Shinigami said, magically fast-forwarding time ONLY in the Kingdom You Were Trying To Find to Aya-Chan's sixteenth birthday. She got a papercut, fell into a coma, and the entire kingdom was put to sleep as planned. Shinigami checked this goal off of her "Evil Deeds" checklist and covered the castle in thorns just to be certain Stereotypical Prince Charming couldn't get through.

"Woah… talk about needing a weed-whacker." Schuldich yawned. "Indeed." Brad agreed. Schuldich yawned again. "Hey Brad, I'm gonna go find a hotel, you can deal with the princess and stuff." Schuldich said, walking off. "Wait! You can't just leave me here! You're the annoying sidekick!" Brad exclaimed. "Yeah, and the annoying sidekick wants to sleep because the annoying sidekick isn't a prince so the annoying sidekick needs to sleep because the annoying sidekick isn't perfect like a certain narcissist prince the annoying sidekick happens to know." Schuldich said. "I'm not a narcissist." Brad grumbled. "Yeah, that's another reason why you make a bad prince. Don't quit your day-job." Schuldich commented. "You could've said that before season one ended and we helped Weiss defeat Esset because Esset was a stupid cult. But they paid well. Anyhow, yes, you could have mentioned that before all that." Brad said. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever." Schuldich said, walking off-screen. "Peachy." Brad mumbled, wishing Ran/Aya had had a chainsaw instead of a katana.


Two hours later…



"Why did I bother, again?" Brad wondered aloud. He couldn't think of an answer, so he just decided to look around the castle. "MWAHAHAHA!! Hello, Stereotypical Prince Charming no da!" Shinigami exclaimed, appearing in a melodramatic cloud of shiny stuff (as all magical beings must do to show that they're magical beings. Otherwise they're just evil overlords). "Who the censored are you? And why can't I say things that were invented to not be cusswords, anyway?!" Brad demanded. "I'm guessing because some people consider the non-cusswords to be cusswords no da." Shinigami said. "Ah. Peachy." Brad sighed. "Anyhow, I am… ShinigamiTHEGODOFDEATH! No da!" Shinigami exclaimed. "…. Well, you certainly must be evil. Managing to avoid the Blue-Censor-Dot and all." Brad commented dryly. "Don't take the fun out of it no da." Shinigami said. "Fine. Anyhow, as a fellow evil being, I have to comment that you seem to be awfully stereotypical to me. All the way to the stupid maniacal laughter." Brad said. "Hey, don't rat on maniacal laughter no da. I might have to hurt you no da." Shinigami responded defensively. "Hn. You're nothing but a standard run-of-the-mill melodramatic villain." Brad taunted. "Oh yeah.. well.. um… you don't have the guts to kill Weiss no da!" Shinigami exclaimed. "TAKE THAT BACK!" Brad yelled, grabbing his sword, which promptly disappeared. "Hey! What the censored?" Brad demanded, just as the author magically popped into existence. "Sorry, Braddie. No swords, you might hurt someone." Verie said. "But… that's the POINT. Swords are SHARP. And meant for HURTING. Especially the hurting of SOMEONE." Brad exclaimed. Verie shook her head. "Sorry, it's the rating. Which went up because of someone tricking the Blue-Censor-Dot," Verie glared at Shinigami, who shrugged, "anyhow, since this is a family-ish-type story. Or at least it would be. But none of you are helping. Anyhow, since swords promote violence, and Prince Charming is a pacifist, I can't allow you to have a sword." Verie said. "But… plenty of princes have swords!" Brad exclaimed. "Not Prince Charming. Prince Charming's only weapon is his annoying perfectness." Verie said. "I hate you." Brad grumbled. "Don't worry, Braddie! I have a list of acceptable weapons. They are as follows: toast, butter, glowsticks, toe-socks, hedgehogs, charm, annoying sidekicks, perfectness, and brussel sprouts." Verie said. "… … You expect me to save people with brussel sprouts?!" Brad demanded. "Or toast or butter or glowsticks or hedgehogs-" "Yeah, I've got it." Brad grumbled. "By the way, the toast can't be sharp toast. Neither can the brussel sprouts." Verie said. Brad stared at her in disbelief. "Where would I find sharp brussel sprouts to begin with?!" He demanded. Verie shrugged. "Can I use my Patented Crawford Death Glare ®©?" Brad asked. "Sorry, that might be considered scary for younger or sensitive viewers." Verie said. Brad grumbled to himself angrily. "This is ridiculous!" He exclaimed. "Yeah, but we already knew that." Verie said. Suddenly, Ran/Aya ran in, waving a stick of butter. "What the…?" Brad blinked as Ran/Aya held the butter in Brad's face in his most threatening manner. "Shi-NE! Where's my sister?!" He demanded. "Wait… are you Ran Fujimiya no da?" Shinigami asked. "Yes." Ran said coldly. "Oooh! You must be looking for your sister! Well, you're gonna laugh when you hear this no da…" Shinigami said. Ran glared at her. "Where's my sister?!" He demanded, throwing the stick of butter at her. She sidestepped. "Well, you see, she got this paper-cut no da. And it got all infected and stuff, so she went into a coma no da. So um.. somehow.. the entire kingdom fell asleep. I think they got bored or something no da. Anyhow, then this vine kinda grew all over the castle, and um… It was all Brad's fault, honestly no da." Shinigami said. "WHAT?! I had nothing to do with this!!!" Brad exclaimed. Ran retrieved his stick of butter and threw it at Brad, who dodged yet again. "Give me back my sister!" Ran exclaimed. "I don't HAVE your sister! I really couldn't care LESS about your sister! I don't even know who your sister IS!" Brad exclaimed. "Shi-NE!" Ran exclaimed, throwing more butter at Brad. In the process of sidestepping flying sticks of butter, Brad accidentally stepped on one and slipped and fell flat on his face. "Fujimiya… you'll be receiving a bill from my dry-cleaner." Brad mumbled. "Poor Braddie." Verie frowned, as a stick of better flew over Brad's head. Shinigami tripped Ran, thus ending the escapade of butter. Verie then pushed him out the window, not injuring him of course, because if he got hurt that would up the rating. Brad got up and attempted to assess the damage on his suit. "You'll hear from my lawyer." He said bitterly. Schuldich conveniently walked in. "Hey, are we going to fight the evil witch-typish thing?" He asked. Brad glanced at Verie. "Actually… no. See, Shinigami is a friend of mine, so I can't allow that. However, I'm sure Shinigami wouldn't mind if you woke up Comatose Princess Aya-chan." Verie said, giving Shinigami a sideways glance. Shinigami shrugged. "Wait.. so the princess really is Fujimiya's sister?!" Brad demanded. "In short… yes." Verie answered. "And… how do I go about waking her up?" Brad asked. Shinigami, Schuldich and Verie stared at him in disbelief. "You don't KNOW?!" They all demanded at once. "Da." Shinigami added. "Well, this fairytale is disturbing and makes no sense anyway, so I'm hoping it's something other than what I think it is." Brad said. "You have to kiss her." Schuldich informed. "Censored!" Brad exclaimed. "… Shi-ne, Dot." He added. Verie frowned again. "Note to self: keep Brad away from Ran… he's influencing him in a negative manner." She said. "Ok, I'm going to allow Fujimiya's sister to continue life in a coma. I am NOT kissing her." Brad said. "But you have to." Schuldich blinked. "I DO NOT! YOU KNOW WHY?! BECAUSE I'M NOT A PRINCE! NOR WILL I EVER BE A PRINCE! NOW LEAVE ME THE censored ALONE!" Brad yelled. "… Kurofudo has problems, no da." Shinigami said. Brad arched an eyebrow at her. "You don't look Japanese, so why use Japanese pronunciation?" He asked. "Japanese is cooler than English no da." Shinigami replied. "… And so.. names must be in Japanese?" Brad asked. "Hai." Shinigami nodded. "… .. You're all lunatics. I'm LEAVING." Brad said, turning to walk away. "Wait!! You need me to give you your new weapon!" Verie exclaimed, handing Brad a piece of toast. "Toast." He stared at the entirely blunt object in disbelief. "Use it wisely." Verie said, and with that she and Shinigami disappeared. "Hey cool… food." Schuldich said, grabbing the toast and eating it. "… … Whatever." Brad sighed, and with that our.. … "heroes" left the kingdom in search of better fish to fry. … Or something.