Chapter 9
Jealousy
"Angel, what's going on?" Giles asked, grabbing the vampire's arm when he attempted to move past him. "Tell us what happened!"
"Not now!" he growled, still in vamp mode.
Feeling a little unnerved, Giles let go and stepped back. Willow and Kennedy kept their distance, watching from the safety of the stairs. An angry vampire was not one to be dealt with easily.
Angel headed to the door tearing it open to reveal Spike, standing oblivious in front of him. Without warning, the larger vamp was on him. Grabbing him by the throat, he pulled him inside and in a flash had him pinned against the wall. A growl echoed as Spike brought out his demon and tried to lunge, with no luck. Trying to speak, his voice cut off by the hand around his neck, the blonde vampire struggled to break free from Angel's grasp. Feeling the grip weaken a little, he managed to sound out a word.
"Angelus?" he asked, still fighting the hand that held him.
"No, Spike. If that were the case you would have been dead already. I'm gonna do something Angelus would never have done." After slipping back into his human visage, he reluctantly let go and stepped back, allowing the other vampire some space.
Spike instinctively let out a breath, pulling at his neck. "What's that, mate?"
"I'm gonna give you a chance to explain 'before' I kill you."
"Thanks for the news flash," Spike stated with a hint of sarcasm, smoothing out his rumpled coat and running a shaky hand through his hair. "So what's gotten your knickers in such a bunch, peaches?" He, too, shed his demon and went straight for a much needed marlboro.
Angel grabbed the cigarette from his hand and threw it down, showing he was still in charge. "Don't push me, boy."
An eyebrow arched. He knew these words well enough after spending countless years at Angel's mercy to know it wasn't a bluff. Deep down, he was aware that Angel would always have power over him. Glancing around to realize they weren't alone in the room, he gestured toward the others who were staring in shock.
"Giles, take the girls and go upstairs. This is between me and Spike," Angel demanded, his eyes never leaving the blonde in front of him.
Giles removed his eyeglasses and stumbled a little as he turned. "Yes, well... if you need....."
"Go!" he repeated, with an underlying warning.
The three figures retreated upstairs, not willing to see if the hidden threat would actually be carried out.
Upon hearing the slamming of doors above them, Angel sauntered over to Spike who hadn't moved from his place against the wall. He lingered close, showing his dominance over the younger vampire.
"Was there a little something you happened to not mention that I should know about?" he asked, reaching up to play with the collar on Spike's coat.
Feeling like a child about to receive a lecture, Spike angrily pushed Angel away and stomped past him into the front room. "What are you playing at, mate?"
"Buffy." He paused. "Need I say more?" A stake appeared from inside his pocket and he casually began twirling it through his fingers.
"Buffy? What are you..."
"Try to deny it, Spike. Please." He glanced at the piece of wood he held, silently challenging the other man.
"Are you off your bird?! What are you yammering about?" Spike attempted to act shocked by the accusation. He needed to feel Angel out to see if he really knew anything, or if he was just fishing for information.
Again, the older vampire eased his way closer to him. When he was almost in his ear, he spoke. "I would choose my words wisely. I can smell her all over you."
Spike thought he felt his heart jump. Angel did know. And if he hadn't, he and Buffy's little tryst earlier left little room for denial. The seriousness of the situation hit him and suddenly the point on the stick Angel was holding seemed sharper than it had before. There was only one way out of this. He had to win. Stepping back on one foot, he swung around with the other and knocked the weapon out of Angel's hand. Angel growled, grabbed the offending leg and pushed him down to the floor with a thud.
"How long have you been screwing Buffy, Spike?" His tone alone was enough to scare any normal man.
"Can't see that it's any of your business, now is it, peaches?" Spike taunted, quickly recovering from the fall. This was gonna be fun.
They were now standing face to face, circling one another. Each vampire ready to pounce.
"Buffy will always be my business! You'd do well to remember that!" Angel jabbed and Spike threw a punch.
"Buffy's a big girl! She chooses who she shags..." he motioned toward his opponent. "And who she doesn't."
The comment warranted another swing, which directly connected to Spike's already injured nose. With a maddening scream, Spike attacked. Angel retaliated. The sound of punches and kicks echoed through the house, both men bloody and bruised, neither willing to give in to the other.
That's how she found them when she walked in. Buffy glanced around the shattered room. Lamps and knick-knacks scattered over the floor, furniture overturned, she found the two vampires beating each other to a pulp. Two sets of yellow eyes fixed on her when she finally shouted out to get their attention.
"What the hell is going on in here?!" she screamed, holding a broken picture frame in her hand.
At once, both men stood at attention, like two children caught holding a cookie jar.
"He started it," they both sang in unison.
Buffy dropped the frame and stood stomping her foot, both hands on her hips.
"You have ten seconds to answer me or I'm gonna have two piles of dust to clean up in the morning!"
They stood in silence.
"You think I'm joking?" she asked, eyeing the stake lying on the floor next to her.
Spike spoke up. "You might wanna give your ex-honey here a little talking to. Seems to have some superiority issues."
She looked toward Angel in confusion, waiting for him to explain. His eyes burned into Spike with an unspoken warning and then focused on Buffy.
After a moment of silence, he bit back the anger he was feeling for both of them. "When were you gonna tell me you've been sleeping with Spike?"
She was caught off guard by his question and looked toward Spike as if to accuse him.
"Don't look at me, pet. 'This' cat was out of the bag before I even got here."
She sighed and tried to relax the tension she felt, knowing the time had come to finally be honest with Angel about her relationship with Spike. She had to get it over with.
"Spike, can you leave us alone?" she asked with pleading eyes, still red and puffy from the previous exchange they'd had earlier.
"Have it your way, slayer," he answered sharply. "You might want to tell your watcher I got some information that might be useful." Storming off toward the basement, he grabbed another bottle of the first liquor he could put his hands on. Thinking to himself that he really needed to restock what he had nicked, he made his way downstairs. His feelings for Buffy were a mottled heap of jumbled emotions. There was the jealously of seeing her kissing Angel, mixed with the adrenaline of their fight. Topped with the sensation of almost shagging, and finally, feeling like he was being disregarded and pushed aside. "Yeah. Angel. Knight in shining armor, my ass," he mumbled to himself, uncapping the bottle as he situated himself on his makeshift bed. He swallowed hard and fast. This was nothing that couldn't be cured with a fair amount of brooding and a lot of alcohol. Two things he'd grown very accustomed to.
When she heard the door to the basement slam shut, Buffy gestured for Angel to join her on the couch. He approached slowly and sat beside her, trying to contain his anger.
"So how long, Buffy?" he repeated through gritted teeth.
"It doesn't matter. Honestly Angel, it's really none of your business. You don't have any say in my life anymore."
"But Spike!? How could you let him.you slept with him?" he asked, with a cringe.
"There's a lot you don't know, and a lot I don't think you'd understand even if I tried to explain it to you. Hell, I don't even understand half of it myself."
"That wasn't what I left for. I left so you could have something normal in your life, a normal relationship. Not so you could ruin it with another vampire!"
She shook her head in astonishment. "When will you realize I'm never gonna be normal!? And it was your choice to leave, not mine. You didn't give me any options. Now you ride in here on your high horse acting like you own me?!"
"I was just trying to do what I thought was best. You know that!"
"That's what you keep saying. But you won't be happy about anyone I'm with! You came down here as soon as you found out about Riley. Or did you forget that little display of male testosterone?"
He felt a little embarrassed at the memory. "You know I didn't show up because of him."
"Yeah, I know. But it still happened." She turned and reached for his hand. "You have to let go. Honestly, I shouldn't have to explain anything about my relationships to you. I'm all grown up. And you have no right to be jealous over anyone I choose to be with."
"Again, we're talking about Spike, Buffy. Vampire! Killer!..... Can you just overlook all that?" he asked, trying to plead his case.
"I did with you," she answered sternly.
"That was different."
"You had a soul, Spike had a chip. It kept him from killing. He changed... and I don't think it was all because of the chip in his head. He changed because he wanted to. How many other vampires do you know would willingly ask for his soul back?"
She had him there. He really couldn't deny that Spike had changed. He also knew that without the chip to restrain him, Spike hadn't resorted back to his old ways. Even with his soul, after almost a century, Angel was constantly battling the urge he felt to hunt and feed. The inner need for violence. He knew Spike's cravings were even more intense than his own, yet he'd managed to keep control over them.
"I won't accept it," he said flatly, not willing to give in to the idea that Spike could have her when he couldn't. Even knowing Spike had changed, the jealousy he felt was unbearable.
"You don't have to. It's over. Now stop throwing your little tantrum and let's concentrate on more important things than what Spike and I aren't doing!"
He couldn't let it go. "That's why I smell you all over each other?! Because it's over?"
"That's between Spike and me!" She sighed heavily, knowing she was getting nowhere. "I'm not gonna deny there isn't something there, Angel. Is that what you wanna hear? Cuz I really don't think you do!"
"I want the truth."
She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Okay..." she answered as if to say 'You asked for it'. "Do you wanna hear how my life really sucked last year? How I wished I could just cease to exist? Do you wanna hear that Spike was the only one who was there for me, who could give me something that actually made me feel real? Yes! I was sleeping with Spike! Does that make you feel better?! Knowing?!" She ended her rant, tears threatening to spill, waiting for him to answer.
"I had no idea," was all he said.
"No, you wouldn't, would you? Because you weren't here....he was."
The silence that fell was maddening until he finally broke it. "I guess you made your point." He couldn't bring himself to look at her, the anger had dissolved, leaving a sense of guilt in its place. He realized how truly far apart their lives were.
"No one's the bad guy here, Angel. Things just happened. I don't know where Spike and I stand. But I don't need you getting in the middle of it making things worse."
He nodded in understanding. There was only one thing left to ask. "Do you love him?"
"Yes," was her simple reply.
That one answer crushed his heart in an instant. Without saying a word, he rose from the couch, turned and headed for the kitchen.
Buffy decided it would be best to give him some space. The last thing she'd wanted to do was hurt him. She told herself he just needed time to cool off. She was sure things would be better in the morning. At least she hoped they would. She tossed around the idea of checking on Spike, but quickly decided against it. That was another situation that needed time to cool down. Realizing there was nothing else to be done, she climbed the stairs to find Willow sitting patiently outside her bedroom door.
"You heard, huh?"
"Kind of hard not to... you know, with the snarling, and the growling."
"Sorry. I'll tell them to be more quiet the next time they try to kill each other." Her attempt at humor was lost as her friend looked at her with saddened eyes.
"Get some sleep, Buffy. You look drained. Spike and Angel will still be here in the morning."
Buffy closed her eyes and shook her head. "Don't remind me. I don't think I can handle another night like this." She paused. "The only thing I can't figure out is how Angel found out."
Willow's eyes widened, realizing Buffy was clueless to tonight's earlier visit.
"The First. It was here. With Angel."
TBC
Jealousy
"Angel, what's going on?" Giles asked, grabbing the vampire's arm when he attempted to move past him. "Tell us what happened!"
"Not now!" he growled, still in vamp mode.
Feeling a little unnerved, Giles let go and stepped back. Willow and Kennedy kept their distance, watching from the safety of the stairs. An angry vampire was not one to be dealt with easily.
Angel headed to the door tearing it open to reveal Spike, standing oblivious in front of him. Without warning, the larger vamp was on him. Grabbing him by the throat, he pulled him inside and in a flash had him pinned against the wall. A growl echoed as Spike brought out his demon and tried to lunge, with no luck. Trying to speak, his voice cut off by the hand around his neck, the blonde vampire struggled to break free from Angel's grasp. Feeling the grip weaken a little, he managed to sound out a word.
"Angelus?" he asked, still fighting the hand that held him.
"No, Spike. If that were the case you would have been dead already. I'm gonna do something Angelus would never have done." After slipping back into his human visage, he reluctantly let go and stepped back, allowing the other vampire some space.
Spike instinctively let out a breath, pulling at his neck. "What's that, mate?"
"I'm gonna give you a chance to explain 'before' I kill you."
"Thanks for the news flash," Spike stated with a hint of sarcasm, smoothing out his rumpled coat and running a shaky hand through his hair. "So what's gotten your knickers in such a bunch, peaches?" He, too, shed his demon and went straight for a much needed marlboro.
Angel grabbed the cigarette from his hand and threw it down, showing he was still in charge. "Don't push me, boy."
An eyebrow arched. He knew these words well enough after spending countless years at Angel's mercy to know it wasn't a bluff. Deep down, he was aware that Angel would always have power over him. Glancing around to realize they weren't alone in the room, he gestured toward the others who were staring in shock.
"Giles, take the girls and go upstairs. This is between me and Spike," Angel demanded, his eyes never leaving the blonde in front of him.
Giles removed his eyeglasses and stumbled a little as he turned. "Yes, well... if you need....."
"Go!" he repeated, with an underlying warning.
The three figures retreated upstairs, not willing to see if the hidden threat would actually be carried out.
Upon hearing the slamming of doors above them, Angel sauntered over to Spike who hadn't moved from his place against the wall. He lingered close, showing his dominance over the younger vampire.
"Was there a little something you happened to not mention that I should know about?" he asked, reaching up to play with the collar on Spike's coat.
Feeling like a child about to receive a lecture, Spike angrily pushed Angel away and stomped past him into the front room. "What are you playing at, mate?"
"Buffy." He paused. "Need I say more?" A stake appeared from inside his pocket and he casually began twirling it through his fingers.
"Buffy? What are you..."
"Try to deny it, Spike. Please." He glanced at the piece of wood he held, silently challenging the other man.
"Are you off your bird?! What are you yammering about?" Spike attempted to act shocked by the accusation. He needed to feel Angel out to see if he really knew anything, or if he was just fishing for information.
Again, the older vampire eased his way closer to him. When he was almost in his ear, he spoke. "I would choose my words wisely. I can smell her all over you."
Spike thought he felt his heart jump. Angel did know. And if he hadn't, he and Buffy's little tryst earlier left little room for denial. The seriousness of the situation hit him and suddenly the point on the stick Angel was holding seemed sharper than it had before. There was only one way out of this. He had to win. Stepping back on one foot, he swung around with the other and knocked the weapon out of Angel's hand. Angel growled, grabbed the offending leg and pushed him down to the floor with a thud.
"How long have you been screwing Buffy, Spike?" His tone alone was enough to scare any normal man.
"Can't see that it's any of your business, now is it, peaches?" Spike taunted, quickly recovering from the fall. This was gonna be fun.
They were now standing face to face, circling one another. Each vampire ready to pounce.
"Buffy will always be my business! You'd do well to remember that!" Angel jabbed and Spike threw a punch.
"Buffy's a big girl! She chooses who she shags..." he motioned toward his opponent. "And who she doesn't."
The comment warranted another swing, which directly connected to Spike's already injured nose. With a maddening scream, Spike attacked. Angel retaliated. The sound of punches and kicks echoed through the house, both men bloody and bruised, neither willing to give in to the other.
That's how she found them when she walked in. Buffy glanced around the shattered room. Lamps and knick-knacks scattered over the floor, furniture overturned, she found the two vampires beating each other to a pulp. Two sets of yellow eyes fixed on her when she finally shouted out to get their attention.
"What the hell is going on in here?!" she screamed, holding a broken picture frame in her hand.
At once, both men stood at attention, like two children caught holding a cookie jar.
"He started it," they both sang in unison.
Buffy dropped the frame and stood stomping her foot, both hands on her hips.
"You have ten seconds to answer me or I'm gonna have two piles of dust to clean up in the morning!"
They stood in silence.
"You think I'm joking?" she asked, eyeing the stake lying on the floor next to her.
Spike spoke up. "You might wanna give your ex-honey here a little talking to. Seems to have some superiority issues."
She looked toward Angel in confusion, waiting for him to explain. His eyes burned into Spike with an unspoken warning and then focused on Buffy.
After a moment of silence, he bit back the anger he was feeling for both of them. "When were you gonna tell me you've been sleeping with Spike?"
She was caught off guard by his question and looked toward Spike as if to accuse him.
"Don't look at me, pet. 'This' cat was out of the bag before I even got here."
She sighed and tried to relax the tension she felt, knowing the time had come to finally be honest with Angel about her relationship with Spike. She had to get it over with.
"Spike, can you leave us alone?" she asked with pleading eyes, still red and puffy from the previous exchange they'd had earlier.
"Have it your way, slayer," he answered sharply. "You might want to tell your watcher I got some information that might be useful." Storming off toward the basement, he grabbed another bottle of the first liquor he could put his hands on. Thinking to himself that he really needed to restock what he had nicked, he made his way downstairs. His feelings for Buffy were a mottled heap of jumbled emotions. There was the jealously of seeing her kissing Angel, mixed with the adrenaline of their fight. Topped with the sensation of almost shagging, and finally, feeling like he was being disregarded and pushed aside. "Yeah. Angel. Knight in shining armor, my ass," he mumbled to himself, uncapping the bottle as he situated himself on his makeshift bed. He swallowed hard and fast. This was nothing that couldn't be cured with a fair amount of brooding and a lot of alcohol. Two things he'd grown very accustomed to.
When she heard the door to the basement slam shut, Buffy gestured for Angel to join her on the couch. He approached slowly and sat beside her, trying to contain his anger.
"So how long, Buffy?" he repeated through gritted teeth.
"It doesn't matter. Honestly Angel, it's really none of your business. You don't have any say in my life anymore."
"But Spike!? How could you let him.you slept with him?" he asked, with a cringe.
"There's a lot you don't know, and a lot I don't think you'd understand even if I tried to explain it to you. Hell, I don't even understand half of it myself."
"That wasn't what I left for. I left so you could have something normal in your life, a normal relationship. Not so you could ruin it with another vampire!"
She shook her head in astonishment. "When will you realize I'm never gonna be normal!? And it was your choice to leave, not mine. You didn't give me any options. Now you ride in here on your high horse acting like you own me?!"
"I was just trying to do what I thought was best. You know that!"
"That's what you keep saying. But you won't be happy about anyone I'm with! You came down here as soon as you found out about Riley. Or did you forget that little display of male testosterone?"
He felt a little embarrassed at the memory. "You know I didn't show up because of him."
"Yeah, I know. But it still happened." She turned and reached for his hand. "You have to let go. Honestly, I shouldn't have to explain anything about my relationships to you. I'm all grown up. And you have no right to be jealous over anyone I choose to be with."
"Again, we're talking about Spike, Buffy. Vampire! Killer!..... Can you just overlook all that?" he asked, trying to plead his case.
"I did with you," she answered sternly.
"That was different."
"You had a soul, Spike had a chip. It kept him from killing. He changed... and I don't think it was all because of the chip in his head. He changed because he wanted to. How many other vampires do you know would willingly ask for his soul back?"
She had him there. He really couldn't deny that Spike had changed. He also knew that without the chip to restrain him, Spike hadn't resorted back to his old ways. Even with his soul, after almost a century, Angel was constantly battling the urge he felt to hunt and feed. The inner need for violence. He knew Spike's cravings were even more intense than his own, yet he'd managed to keep control over them.
"I won't accept it," he said flatly, not willing to give in to the idea that Spike could have her when he couldn't. Even knowing Spike had changed, the jealousy he felt was unbearable.
"You don't have to. It's over. Now stop throwing your little tantrum and let's concentrate on more important things than what Spike and I aren't doing!"
He couldn't let it go. "That's why I smell you all over each other?! Because it's over?"
"That's between Spike and me!" She sighed heavily, knowing she was getting nowhere. "I'm not gonna deny there isn't something there, Angel. Is that what you wanna hear? Cuz I really don't think you do!"
"I want the truth."
She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Okay..." she answered as if to say 'You asked for it'. "Do you wanna hear how my life really sucked last year? How I wished I could just cease to exist? Do you wanna hear that Spike was the only one who was there for me, who could give me something that actually made me feel real? Yes! I was sleeping with Spike! Does that make you feel better?! Knowing?!" She ended her rant, tears threatening to spill, waiting for him to answer.
"I had no idea," was all he said.
"No, you wouldn't, would you? Because you weren't here....he was."
The silence that fell was maddening until he finally broke it. "I guess you made your point." He couldn't bring himself to look at her, the anger had dissolved, leaving a sense of guilt in its place. He realized how truly far apart their lives were.
"No one's the bad guy here, Angel. Things just happened. I don't know where Spike and I stand. But I don't need you getting in the middle of it making things worse."
He nodded in understanding. There was only one thing left to ask. "Do you love him?"
"Yes," was her simple reply.
That one answer crushed his heart in an instant. Without saying a word, he rose from the couch, turned and headed for the kitchen.
Buffy decided it would be best to give him some space. The last thing she'd wanted to do was hurt him. She told herself he just needed time to cool off. She was sure things would be better in the morning. At least she hoped they would. She tossed around the idea of checking on Spike, but quickly decided against it. That was another situation that needed time to cool down. Realizing there was nothing else to be done, she climbed the stairs to find Willow sitting patiently outside her bedroom door.
"You heard, huh?"
"Kind of hard not to... you know, with the snarling, and the growling."
"Sorry. I'll tell them to be more quiet the next time they try to kill each other." Her attempt at humor was lost as her friend looked at her with saddened eyes.
"Get some sleep, Buffy. You look drained. Spike and Angel will still be here in the morning."
Buffy closed her eyes and shook her head. "Don't remind me. I don't think I can handle another night like this." She paused. "The only thing I can't figure out is how Angel found out."
Willow's eyes widened, realizing Buffy was clueless to tonight's earlier visit.
"The First. It was here. With Angel."
TBC