Chapter 14
Purpose
Once the initial gasps and sighs dissipated, Giles focused his attention on the blonde vampire.
"Well, I can see how that could prove to add some confusion to the meaning of the prophecy." His hand rose to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Spike, why didn't you say anything sooner?"
"Didn't figure it mattered much. Not like what you're talking about."
"Yes, well....it seems it might matter more than you realize."
"Giles...how are we supposed to figure this out? Where are we supposed to look for this book?" Buffy asked, taking a seat beside Giles, on the sofa.
"I suggest we start with contacts. People who may have access to any ancient artifacts....books, scrolls, anything at all. Angel, you put in a call to Wesley," he directed. "Willow, you and Kennedy go online, search libraries, places of mysticism, anywhere you can think of. It's supposedly ancient. Centuries old. May be a single text, or part of a set. We can't be sure. The oracle wasn't very specific."
"How are we supposed to find it if we don't even know what we're looking for?" Willow asked, frustration showing on her face.
"I don't know. Ask by content. If anyone knows anything about The First, they may be able to point us in the right direction."
"Giles, you don't think he was sending you on a wild goose chase, do you? What if we're going to all this trouble, just to keep us occupied, until The First makes another move?" Buffy suggested. "We don't really know who we can trust."
"That is a possibility. But we can't just sit around waiting to see what happens next. Now, I have some contacts in England, so I'll start there."
"Okay," Xander interrupted, "Looks like it's gonna be another long night. Anya and I should make a food run, get everyone something to eat."
"Good idea," Buffy answered. "Why don't you take Kitara with you. Spike and I should train. We need to pull our strengths together and work on a way to get rid of these vamps." She eyed Spike hopefully, afraid he'd be apposed to the idea. She felt relieved when he didn't speak up to complain.
"I think I should stay," Kitara spoke up, purposely gripping Spike's hand in her own.
"You'll be in the way," Buffy answered, not showing any politeness in her voice. "Besides, I think your being here would just be a distraction."
Buffy just wasn't sure who would be more distracted, her or Spike. Being subjected to the hand holding alone was causing her blood to boil. She really didn't like the thought of anyone else being that close to him.
"It's okay, pet. Go on. Buffy's right," Spike said, turning toward the other woman.
"Are you sure? Cuz I can...."
"Yeah. You should go. I'll see you later." Although feeling a bit uncomfortable with Buffy sitting there, he reached over to kiss Kitara gently on the lips. If he was truly going to move on, he had to put all thoughts of Buffy out of his mind, and concentrate on the girl in front of him.
He turned back around just in time to see green eyes glaring at him, just before Buffy looked away, knowing she'd been caught.
"Let's go before it gets too late," Xander said, heading toward the door. The two girls followed him and disappeared outside, much to Buffy's relief.
Everyone else went their separate directions, leaving Buffy, Giles and Spike alone in the livingroom.
"We should head downstairs," she said. She was speaking to Spike, but couldn't force herself to look at him. She was angry with him for flaunting his new 'girl' in front of her, but angrier with herself for pushing him away in the first place.
"Buffy, you go on down. I'd like to speak to Spike for a moment alone if you don't mind," Giles stated, placing his glasses back on his face.
Spike looked at the man with curiosity as Buffy nodded and stood up to leave.
"I'll be in the basement." She announced, still afraid to meet his eyes.
After she was out of sight, Spike turned his attention toward Giles, waiting for him to say something. They remained in silence for a moment, giving him the chance to light up a cigarette. He leaned against the wall, one leg bent at the knee, free hand looped loosely around his belt.
After exhaling and watching the smoke linger above him, he grew impatient. "Well, what is it then?"
"Sorry," Giles said, hesitantly, "I'm just...this is rather extraordinary. I'm not sure of what to say. You have a soul."
Spike continued to smoke and glanced down at the floor. "Old news to me, mate. Been a year since I got the bloody thing."
Giles watched him, amazement taking over his features. "A year?"
He nodded. "Feels more like a lifetime."
"You seem to be handling it well." He paused in thought. "How did you.what happened?"
"You mean, how did I get it?"
"Yes. I don't suppose it's a curse, like Angel's."
He shook his head in frustration. "No," he answered, sternly. "It was 'my' choice. Something I asked for."
"You realize this is unprecedented, right? Angel, of course, but not by his own free will. What would make you want to do something so drastic?"
Spike narrowed his eyes on the other man, amazed he would even have to ask. Without much hint, other than the expression on Spike's face, Giles understood.
"You did it for Buffy," Giles spoke, more as a statement than a question.
Spike made no move to reply. He shrugged his shoulders and leaned his head back against the wall.
"Spike, do you remember a conversation we had, well, some years ago? When you first received your chip, I asked if you felt you might have some higher purpose. Some other reason for being here."
He shrugged again. "Bit foggy, but I recall you might have mentioned something like that. Didn't pay you much attention though, if memory serves, I was a little preoccupied with the stack of cash you'd just handed me." Spike smirked, recalling the memory of helping 'Giles the Fyarl Demon' out of a spot of trouble.
"Yes, I suppose you were," the watcher answered, less amused than Spike seemed to be. "But now I'm asking you again. Do you think you serve a higher purpose? Can you make a difference?"
Spike contemplated the question for a moment. "Maybe you should be asking Angel these bloody questions. He's the one on the rocky road of redemption; trying to make up for things he knows he has no chance in hell of ever doing. You see, I have it all figured out. I may have a soul, a conscience screaming at me for all the wrong I've done, but in the end, I'm still a vampire. I'm damned no matter what I do."
Giles seemed genuinely surprised by his reply. "Suppose you're not. Suppose you're wrong."
"Well then, hooray for me. Guess I'll know for sure when I find myself on the pointy end of a stick. Until then, I'm not thinking of higher purposes, or prophecies. Hell, I'm lucky to make it through each day without the sodding nightmares getting the best of me. That's about all that matters right now."
"You know Buffy is right. This prophecy may very well be about you."
"Maybe. All I know is that I'm here to help Buffy no matter what happens. Prophecy or no prophecy. Doesn't much make a difference now, does it?"
"No, I suppose it doesn't."
Giles was astonished. It surprised him how in-depth Spike's thoughts and feelings were. He silently wondered if it was the soul making the difference in the vampire, or if Spike had always been this way and he had just been too biased to notice. His train of thought was interrupted when Spike cleared his throat to get the other man's attention.
"Are we finished then?" Spike asked, ready to be done with the probing questions.
"Not yet," Giles answered. "If I might be blunt, I was curious as to your intentions with Buffy. I'm well aware of the... uh...well, relationship you were engaged in. I just hope you realize how wrong it was. It wasn't what she needed."
"I know what she needed, mate. And yeah, maybe I wasn't the right person to give it to her. But she needed someone, and no one else was there. I won't apologize for what happened between us. Not most of it, anyway."
"No, I didn't imagine you would. I just wanted you to understand that it was much better for Buffy after you left. And I wanted to make sure you didn't have any false notions of trying to rekindle any... 'feelings' that might still be present. Buffy doesn't need that kind of confusion right now."
Spike stared curiously at Giles. He was floored at the man's bluntness.
"Well, Rupert, if it make you feel better, that's not why I'm here. But for the record, my relationship with Buffy is not for public debate. I appreciate you trying to protect her and all, but she's a big girl. Even if there were anything between us, it would be her decision, not yours."
"As long as you realize what's in Buffy's best interest," Giles replied, mixing a little hint of threat in with the comment. "I just hope you have moved on and realized how wrong your unhealthy obsession was."
Spike scowled. "I'm well aware of what's in Buffy's best interest, mate. More than you possibly know. Now, are we finished here?" Spike was anxious to leave, anxious to face anyone else besides Buffy's inquisitive watcher. He wasn't sure how much longer he could hold his tongue, or his demon for that matter.
"I think we're done. But please Spike, think about what I've said. All of it."
Purpose
Once the initial gasps and sighs dissipated, Giles focused his attention on the blonde vampire.
"Well, I can see how that could prove to add some confusion to the meaning of the prophecy." His hand rose to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Spike, why didn't you say anything sooner?"
"Didn't figure it mattered much. Not like what you're talking about."
"Yes, well....it seems it might matter more than you realize."
"Giles...how are we supposed to figure this out? Where are we supposed to look for this book?" Buffy asked, taking a seat beside Giles, on the sofa.
"I suggest we start with contacts. People who may have access to any ancient artifacts....books, scrolls, anything at all. Angel, you put in a call to Wesley," he directed. "Willow, you and Kennedy go online, search libraries, places of mysticism, anywhere you can think of. It's supposedly ancient. Centuries old. May be a single text, or part of a set. We can't be sure. The oracle wasn't very specific."
"How are we supposed to find it if we don't even know what we're looking for?" Willow asked, frustration showing on her face.
"I don't know. Ask by content. If anyone knows anything about The First, they may be able to point us in the right direction."
"Giles, you don't think he was sending you on a wild goose chase, do you? What if we're going to all this trouble, just to keep us occupied, until The First makes another move?" Buffy suggested. "We don't really know who we can trust."
"That is a possibility. But we can't just sit around waiting to see what happens next. Now, I have some contacts in England, so I'll start there."
"Okay," Xander interrupted, "Looks like it's gonna be another long night. Anya and I should make a food run, get everyone something to eat."
"Good idea," Buffy answered. "Why don't you take Kitara with you. Spike and I should train. We need to pull our strengths together and work on a way to get rid of these vamps." She eyed Spike hopefully, afraid he'd be apposed to the idea. She felt relieved when he didn't speak up to complain.
"I think I should stay," Kitara spoke up, purposely gripping Spike's hand in her own.
"You'll be in the way," Buffy answered, not showing any politeness in her voice. "Besides, I think your being here would just be a distraction."
Buffy just wasn't sure who would be more distracted, her or Spike. Being subjected to the hand holding alone was causing her blood to boil. She really didn't like the thought of anyone else being that close to him.
"It's okay, pet. Go on. Buffy's right," Spike said, turning toward the other woman.
"Are you sure? Cuz I can...."
"Yeah. You should go. I'll see you later." Although feeling a bit uncomfortable with Buffy sitting there, he reached over to kiss Kitara gently on the lips. If he was truly going to move on, he had to put all thoughts of Buffy out of his mind, and concentrate on the girl in front of him.
He turned back around just in time to see green eyes glaring at him, just before Buffy looked away, knowing she'd been caught.
"Let's go before it gets too late," Xander said, heading toward the door. The two girls followed him and disappeared outside, much to Buffy's relief.
Everyone else went their separate directions, leaving Buffy, Giles and Spike alone in the livingroom.
"We should head downstairs," she said. She was speaking to Spike, but couldn't force herself to look at him. She was angry with him for flaunting his new 'girl' in front of her, but angrier with herself for pushing him away in the first place.
"Buffy, you go on down. I'd like to speak to Spike for a moment alone if you don't mind," Giles stated, placing his glasses back on his face.
Spike looked at the man with curiosity as Buffy nodded and stood up to leave.
"I'll be in the basement." She announced, still afraid to meet his eyes.
After she was out of sight, Spike turned his attention toward Giles, waiting for him to say something. They remained in silence for a moment, giving him the chance to light up a cigarette. He leaned against the wall, one leg bent at the knee, free hand looped loosely around his belt.
After exhaling and watching the smoke linger above him, he grew impatient. "Well, what is it then?"
"Sorry," Giles said, hesitantly, "I'm just...this is rather extraordinary. I'm not sure of what to say. You have a soul."
Spike continued to smoke and glanced down at the floor. "Old news to me, mate. Been a year since I got the bloody thing."
Giles watched him, amazement taking over his features. "A year?"
He nodded. "Feels more like a lifetime."
"You seem to be handling it well." He paused in thought. "How did you.what happened?"
"You mean, how did I get it?"
"Yes. I don't suppose it's a curse, like Angel's."
He shook his head in frustration. "No," he answered, sternly. "It was 'my' choice. Something I asked for."
"You realize this is unprecedented, right? Angel, of course, but not by his own free will. What would make you want to do something so drastic?"
Spike narrowed his eyes on the other man, amazed he would even have to ask. Without much hint, other than the expression on Spike's face, Giles understood.
"You did it for Buffy," Giles spoke, more as a statement than a question.
Spike made no move to reply. He shrugged his shoulders and leaned his head back against the wall.
"Spike, do you remember a conversation we had, well, some years ago? When you first received your chip, I asked if you felt you might have some higher purpose. Some other reason for being here."
He shrugged again. "Bit foggy, but I recall you might have mentioned something like that. Didn't pay you much attention though, if memory serves, I was a little preoccupied with the stack of cash you'd just handed me." Spike smirked, recalling the memory of helping 'Giles the Fyarl Demon' out of a spot of trouble.
"Yes, I suppose you were," the watcher answered, less amused than Spike seemed to be. "But now I'm asking you again. Do you think you serve a higher purpose? Can you make a difference?"
Spike contemplated the question for a moment. "Maybe you should be asking Angel these bloody questions. He's the one on the rocky road of redemption; trying to make up for things he knows he has no chance in hell of ever doing. You see, I have it all figured out. I may have a soul, a conscience screaming at me for all the wrong I've done, but in the end, I'm still a vampire. I'm damned no matter what I do."
Giles seemed genuinely surprised by his reply. "Suppose you're not. Suppose you're wrong."
"Well then, hooray for me. Guess I'll know for sure when I find myself on the pointy end of a stick. Until then, I'm not thinking of higher purposes, or prophecies. Hell, I'm lucky to make it through each day without the sodding nightmares getting the best of me. That's about all that matters right now."
"You know Buffy is right. This prophecy may very well be about you."
"Maybe. All I know is that I'm here to help Buffy no matter what happens. Prophecy or no prophecy. Doesn't much make a difference now, does it?"
"No, I suppose it doesn't."
Giles was astonished. It surprised him how in-depth Spike's thoughts and feelings were. He silently wondered if it was the soul making the difference in the vampire, or if Spike had always been this way and he had just been too biased to notice. His train of thought was interrupted when Spike cleared his throat to get the other man's attention.
"Are we finished then?" Spike asked, ready to be done with the probing questions.
"Not yet," Giles answered. "If I might be blunt, I was curious as to your intentions with Buffy. I'm well aware of the... uh...well, relationship you were engaged in. I just hope you realize how wrong it was. It wasn't what she needed."
"I know what she needed, mate. And yeah, maybe I wasn't the right person to give it to her. But she needed someone, and no one else was there. I won't apologize for what happened between us. Not most of it, anyway."
"No, I didn't imagine you would. I just wanted you to understand that it was much better for Buffy after you left. And I wanted to make sure you didn't have any false notions of trying to rekindle any... 'feelings' that might still be present. Buffy doesn't need that kind of confusion right now."
Spike stared curiously at Giles. He was floored at the man's bluntness.
"Well, Rupert, if it make you feel better, that's not why I'm here. But for the record, my relationship with Buffy is not for public debate. I appreciate you trying to protect her and all, but she's a big girl. Even if there were anything between us, it would be her decision, not yours."
"As long as you realize what's in Buffy's best interest," Giles replied, mixing a little hint of threat in with the comment. "I just hope you have moved on and realized how wrong your unhealthy obsession was."
Spike scowled. "I'm well aware of what's in Buffy's best interest, mate. More than you possibly know. Now, are we finished here?" Spike was anxious to leave, anxious to face anyone else besides Buffy's inquisitive watcher. He wasn't sure how much longer he could hold his tongue, or his demon for that matter.
"I think we're done. But please Spike, think about what I've said. All of it."