Chapter 18
Sleeping
Buffy heard voices beside her. More importantly, she heard the subtle British accent that could only be Spike. Were they talking to her? She didn't think so. Was she dreaming? She really wasn't sure. She remembered the ubervamp attack, her lack of concentration taking its toll. It was stupid to have come out here by herself, especially being so distracted by her emotions. It hadn't been much of a fight, with the vampire leaving her lying on the ground, not finishing her off when he had the chance. She wasn't sure why she was still alive, but was happy about it nonetheless.
She felt strong arms encircling and pulling her close, lifting her from her place on the ground. Instinctively she knew Spike was holding her and let her body relax into his grip. She felt safe now, but cold, her whole body chilled deep to the bone. She was slipping into darkness, exhaustion and weakness taking over, and she felt compelled to sleep. If she slept for a while, maybe she would wake up and this nightmare would be over.
She welcomed the dreams. A dream of a time that seemed so long ago. She'd had this one often. A memory of that first time, the night she discovered Spike's chip was useless in an attack against her. The night she realized there was nothing stopping him from killing her if he felt the urge to do so. It was also the night that changed the future of their relationship forever. She'd finally given into her desire.
From the moment she'd initiated the first kiss in the alley behind The Bronze, to the moment in the abandoned house when she'd seen the undeniable shock and love in his eyes as she lifted up to slide him inside, she could no longer deny how much she'd wanted him.
The memory of that night was reenacted many times over in her dreams, almost as real and vivid as when it had actually occurred. As they fell to the lower level of the building, all she could concentrate on was the feeling of Spike beneath her, as she flexed and stretched to accommodate his size. She wouldn't allow herself to hear the words of love and devotion he was mumbling in the heat of his passion, instead bruising his lips with steady kisses to keep him from speaking. This was supposed to be nothing but basic animal sex between two people, taking what they wanted from each other. She wouldn't admit to him, or to herself, that it was anything else.
They'd enjoyed each other's bodies constantly throughout the night, touching and exploring every inch and crevice, stopping only when they reached the point of exhaustion. Even then, within minutes, they found each other again, neither wanting the pleasure to end. He'd taken her to new depths, letting her discover the fine line between pain and pleasure, introducing her to the darker side she'd hidden away from all of her other lovers. She dropped her inhibitions and he welcomed it. Begged for it, begged for her to hurt him just a little more. Nails and teeth, scratching and nipping, leaving marks of proof on both of their bodies. He'd tried to slow the pace, to relish the feel of finally having her, but she refused to let him make love to her the way he wanted. If it was fast and harsh she could deny there was anything resembling love involved. Only raw and meaningless sex making her finally feel alive after so many months of pretending.
She found herself enjoying the pleasure of the dream, but also conjuring the familiar feeling between them reminding her of what she had thrown away. What she had given up, by convincing herself it was wrong, and letting her friends' views and opinions guide her into believing his love could never be real. She had forced her own emotions deep inside, to hide from her true feelings of love for yet another vampire.
Visions of Spike walking away from her took over the dream, followed by the sight of another woman enjoying his soft words and kisses. Buffy was standing on the sideline watching while he made love to someone else. Kitara. She tried to call to him, to tell him she had been wrong, but he couldn't hear her. He was too wrapped up in the love he was receiving from the other woman to notice she was there. She crumpled to the floor, crying tears full of sorrow, knowing she had lost him.
She tried to talk herself out of the nightmare the dream had become. She was ready to wake up.
Then she felt him, felt his body next to hers. She wasn't sure if she was still dreaming or not.
"Luv, it's time you wake up now, pet."
She tried to answer, but the words wouldn't form. She stayed silent, listening.
"I lost you once, Buffy. I can't do it again."
She tried to open her eyes, but they felt too heavy. "I'm here, Spike. I'm listening. Why can't you hear me?"
She could hear him, whispering words of loss and pain, telling her he was wrong. "I know I don't deserve you. I don't deserve the happiness you make me feel just by being around you. When we're together, I'm more than just a walking corpse. You make me feel alive. That's the power you have over me, slayer."
"You do deserve me, Spike. I want you! Can't you see that? We both deserve to be happy, and we can be. Please, just don't give up on me. It's time to stop fighting and realize we need each other."
He still couldn't hear her. She wanted to scream. She wanted to throw something. She just wanted to let him know she was there. She felt him curl up beside her, a feeling of warmth enveloping her, his lack of body heat not making a difference as long as he was there.
She began drifting off again, until she lost the comfort of his body. She heard voices, .... cloudy this time. She knew he wasn't speaking to her. He was far enough away that she couldn't make out what he was saying, or who he was talking to, but she felt the tension in his voice, causing her stomach to knot. Something was definitely wrong.
Feeling him close again, she allowed herself to relax a little. Then she felt his body on hers, his lips kissing her neck. She was confused, but her body began reacting to his. She felt his hardness pushing against her, and his lips sucking the tender flesh beneath her ear. Her heart was beating faster, her blood raging from the sheer excitement of having him so near. Her body betrayed her by wanting him, even when she couldn't respond.
She was still focusing on the feel of his body against hers when she felt them. Sharp fangs tearing deep into her flesh. She moaned, not sure if it was out of pain or out of the pleasure of knowing it was Spike who was taking her blood.
He stopped. She wasn't sure why. Then she realized what was happening. He was feeding from her. She'd been too involved in the pleasure of him to comprehend what he was doing. She began to panic and tried to cry out to him. She reached inside with all the strength she could muster and tried to scream his name. It came out as a whisper.
"Spike."
She felt him slide out, almost as if he were afraid. After a moment, she heard nothing but silence and knew he was gone. She was alone. She drifted off again, this time no dreams to keep her company, just the darkness of deep sleep and confusion.
TBC
Please please review!! I need to know 'someone' is reading this!!! Happy to hear positive and negative. as long as you're reading!
Sleeping
Buffy heard voices beside her. More importantly, she heard the subtle British accent that could only be Spike. Were they talking to her? She didn't think so. Was she dreaming? She really wasn't sure. She remembered the ubervamp attack, her lack of concentration taking its toll. It was stupid to have come out here by herself, especially being so distracted by her emotions. It hadn't been much of a fight, with the vampire leaving her lying on the ground, not finishing her off when he had the chance. She wasn't sure why she was still alive, but was happy about it nonetheless.
She felt strong arms encircling and pulling her close, lifting her from her place on the ground. Instinctively she knew Spike was holding her and let her body relax into his grip. She felt safe now, but cold, her whole body chilled deep to the bone. She was slipping into darkness, exhaustion and weakness taking over, and she felt compelled to sleep. If she slept for a while, maybe she would wake up and this nightmare would be over.
She welcomed the dreams. A dream of a time that seemed so long ago. She'd had this one often. A memory of that first time, the night she discovered Spike's chip was useless in an attack against her. The night she realized there was nothing stopping him from killing her if he felt the urge to do so. It was also the night that changed the future of their relationship forever. She'd finally given into her desire.
From the moment she'd initiated the first kiss in the alley behind The Bronze, to the moment in the abandoned house when she'd seen the undeniable shock and love in his eyes as she lifted up to slide him inside, she could no longer deny how much she'd wanted him.
The memory of that night was reenacted many times over in her dreams, almost as real and vivid as when it had actually occurred. As they fell to the lower level of the building, all she could concentrate on was the feeling of Spike beneath her, as she flexed and stretched to accommodate his size. She wouldn't allow herself to hear the words of love and devotion he was mumbling in the heat of his passion, instead bruising his lips with steady kisses to keep him from speaking. This was supposed to be nothing but basic animal sex between two people, taking what they wanted from each other. She wouldn't admit to him, or to herself, that it was anything else.
They'd enjoyed each other's bodies constantly throughout the night, touching and exploring every inch and crevice, stopping only when they reached the point of exhaustion. Even then, within minutes, they found each other again, neither wanting the pleasure to end. He'd taken her to new depths, letting her discover the fine line between pain and pleasure, introducing her to the darker side she'd hidden away from all of her other lovers. She dropped her inhibitions and he welcomed it. Begged for it, begged for her to hurt him just a little more. Nails and teeth, scratching and nipping, leaving marks of proof on both of their bodies. He'd tried to slow the pace, to relish the feel of finally having her, but she refused to let him make love to her the way he wanted. If it was fast and harsh she could deny there was anything resembling love involved. Only raw and meaningless sex making her finally feel alive after so many months of pretending.
She found herself enjoying the pleasure of the dream, but also conjuring the familiar feeling between them reminding her of what she had thrown away. What she had given up, by convincing herself it was wrong, and letting her friends' views and opinions guide her into believing his love could never be real. She had forced her own emotions deep inside, to hide from her true feelings of love for yet another vampire.
Visions of Spike walking away from her took over the dream, followed by the sight of another woman enjoying his soft words and kisses. Buffy was standing on the sideline watching while he made love to someone else. Kitara. She tried to call to him, to tell him she had been wrong, but he couldn't hear her. He was too wrapped up in the love he was receiving from the other woman to notice she was there. She crumpled to the floor, crying tears full of sorrow, knowing she had lost him.
She tried to talk herself out of the nightmare the dream had become. She was ready to wake up.
Then she felt him, felt his body next to hers. She wasn't sure if she was still dreaming or not.
"Luv, it's time you wake up now, pet."
She tried to answer, but the words wouldn't form. She stayed silent, listening.
"I lost you once, Buffy. I can't do it again."
She tried to open her eyes, but they felt too heavy. "I'm here, Spike. I'm listening. Why can't you hear me?"
She could hear him, whispering words of loss and pain, telling her he was wrong. "I know I don't deserve you. I don't deserve the happiness you make me feel just by being around you. When we're together, I'm more than just a walking corpse. You make me feel alive. That's the power you have over me, slayer."
"You do deserve me, Spike. I want you! Can't you see that? We both deserve to be happy, and we can be. Please, just don't give up on me. It's time to stop fighting and realize we need each other."
He still couldn't hear her. She wanted to scream. She wanted to throw something. She just wanted to let him know she was there. She felt him curl up beside her, a feeling of warmth enveloping her, his lack of body heat not making a difference as long as he was there.
She began drifting off again, until she lost the comfort of his body. She heard voices, .... cloudy this time. She knew he wasn't speaking to her. He was far enough away that she couldn't make out what he was saying, or who he was talking to, but she felt the tension in his voice, causing her stomach to knot. Something was definitely wrong.
Feeling him close again, she allowed herself to relax a little. Then she felt his body on hers, his lips kissing her neck. She was confused, but her body began reacting to his. She felt his hardness pushing against her, and his lips sucking the tender flesh beneath her ear. Her heart was beating faster, her blood raging from the sheer excitement of having him so near. Her body betrayed her by wanting him, even when she couldn't respond.
She was still focusing on the feel of his body against hers when she felt them. Sharp fangs tearing deep into her flesh. She moaned, not sure if it was out of pain or out of the pleasure of knowing it was Spike who was taking her blood.
He stopped. She wasn't sure why. Then she realized what was happening. He was feeding from her. She'd been too involved in the pleasure of him to comprehend what he was doing. She began to panic and tried to cry out to him. She reached inside with all the strength she could muster and tried to scream his name. It came out as a whisper.
"Spike."
She felt him slide out, almost as if he were afraid. After a moment, she heard nothing but silence and knew he was gone. She was alone. She drifted off again, this time no dreams to keep her company, just the darkness of deep sleep and confusion.
TBC
Please please review!! I need to know 'someone' is reading this!!! Happy to hear positive and negative. as long as you're reading!