Sometimes I love you

And sometimes I don't

And sometimes I feel

So alone

I watched you from my desk across the room. Seriously, I hardly heard a word the teacher said. You brushed your hair out of your eyes, and I was totally mesmerized by your eyes. Those eyes; sometimes I loved them but sometimes they totally brought me to hell. Like when, after the bell rung, you went to her locker and kissed her, drawing her face up to yours, tenderly and strongly all together, I knew that you were the one for me, and that you were wrong for her. She was not the popular one but always had a lot of friends. Casually I start talking with my friends again, what else can I do when I know we are wrong for each other. But each move you make makes me want to kick her, kill her, kiss you and come closer to you. Some say I suffer from a slight mental disorder, but I think I just love you too much. And the worst part is, I already have a boyfriend, and you have her. So it's not even like I'm allowed to like anyone.

Oh, who am I kidding? I don't want you. It's not a conscious choice. I need you. At night I look at my ankle, where I've written your name over and over again with a blade, carving it in so there's a dent. And life goes on, and my mom is still gone. And my dad is hardly home, but I have to find money. I take his weed, and sell it to the people downstairs. And I still have that image thing to take care of, so even if someday they do come home, I can't cry. I can't cry, because my friends look up to me.

But still, you're there and I love you. And I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, you, you…

We used to be friends. All of us, together. She helped me in some instances where I would have been rejected.
But this isn't fair. I love you, you don't know, he loves me, I slept with him, and now I'm going to..
Can't bear to write it, to say it, to make it true.
Dear Mom, Ethan, Dad, Claire, and everybody else:
I can't bear this. Everyday in cheerleading I see it. Every day at school I see him. He has Lizzie, and I thought that I was in love with Ethan. But it's him. I'm getting bigger every day, and in 7 months my life will be ruined. Lizzie, you are the luckiest girl in the world. Don't let anybody take Gordo away from you… even though I love him, with my life.
Ethan, you're a great guy. Someday you should be a comedian. I loved you, and.. I can't bear to write this.
Claire, and the cheerleading team, keep up the good work. Claire and Jenny can be the captains now.
Mom, I just think you should know that, when you bury me, you're also burying your grandchild. I love you.
Daddy, you took too much from me and now I'm gonna give it all back to you now.
I don't want to do this, but I gotta crush on a pretty pistol.
I love you.
-Kate