Chapter 20
Belonging
Giles was pacing, contemplating whether or not to barge into Buffy's room or leave them be. He'd allowed himself to forget how dangerous Spike could be. He was still a vampire.... soul or not. In Buffy's weakened state, fighting him off in an altercation would definitely prove to be more than she could handle.
He turned toward the stairs, moving up several before changing his mind. Turning around, he returned to the living room and grabbed a book to help focus his attention elsewhere. His thoughts kept betraying him, working their way back to the pair upstairs. He knew he should trust in Buffy's judgment, although that hadn't always worked out so well. He thought back to the time of Angelus and the results of the turmoil the vampire had caused. Hours of torture at the hands of angel's demon self made the watcher an expert on the subject. Buffy had been lucky with her former lover. He'd merely played with her, taunted her, out of love for the game. It was always a game to him. If he'd really intended to kill her, he would have no doubt been able to do it.
Now there was Spike. Though the vampire was different than most, no qualms about it, he still couldn't trust in Spike's ability to remain tame. Giles realized early on that Buffy had an undeniable pull toward the darker side. Discouraging her when he could, he found controlling her to be much more difficult. It hadn't surprised him to find out she'd been sleeping with Spike. It fact, 'irony' was the word that had come to mind. He was just surprised it hadn't happened sooner. He'd always felt something between them, convincing himself it was just the vampire-slayer dynamic. Sex was something he could handle... believing she could feel true emotion for the vampire was another.
Dealing with the subject of Spike having a soul was something he was completely unsure about. The fact that he had intentionally sought it out should have been admired, yet somehow he couldn't convince himself to give the vampire the due credit. He'd also said he had done it for Buffy. Giles wasn't quite sure what to make of that. Was it just to win Buffy's favor? Spike had always been one to scheme and plot to get the things he wanted. This would prove to be right in line with his obsessive personality.
Either way, the events of the morning were weighing heavily on his mind. Though trust was not a word he would usually associate with Spike, he never imagined something so drastic as what he'd done earlier. It made no sense. Without the chip, other people.... maybe. But he'd never believed Spike would physically hurt Buffy. Giles had been more worried about the emotional damage in being involved with another vampire.
As more time went by, he began to feel tenser, wishing he could hear something from the room upstairs. He would have heard her scream had there been trouble, but by then it would have been too late anyway. No match for vampire speed. He recalled a time when Spike had called him an over-the- hill librarian. These words actually rang true now that he thought about it. Though reluctantly, knowing he had no choice, he decided to respect Buffy's wishes and leave them be.
Another hour passed with no word when Angel and Kitara finally came bursting through the door.
"I don't know where he is, Giles. He just vanished." Angel stated, with agitation in his voice.
Pulling his eyeglasses from his face, Giles looked up from the book he was reading and answered casually, "He's here. Upstairs."
"What?! Are you out of your mind?!" Angel wasted no time waiting for an answer, storming up the stairs, with Kitara following closely behind him. Giles ran after them, glad to finally have someone else on his side.
Angel slammed the door open, stepping inside, taking in his surroundings. In a flash, Spike sat up, jarring Buffy awake.
"Bloody hell! Can't you people knock?!"
Two hands answered him, yanking him roughly off the bed.
"You don't know how much I'm gonna enjoy this, Spike."
The two men were poised, ready to attack. Angel threw the first couple of punches with Spike easily blocking them.
The blonde smirked and bellowed out a taunting laugh. "What's the matter, mate? I thought you were looking for a fight? You seem a bit off your game."
Angel grabbed him by the shirt, pulling him closer. "You're not worth the energy, Spike." In a quick movement, his hand retrieved a stake from the pocket of his coat.
Before he could draw back to stab, the two men were pushed apart and sent sprawling in opposite directions. Buffy stood between them, eyes filled with anger. "I told you two before to knock it off! What part of those words don't you understand?!" she yelled, looking from one to the other. She was still weak and was in no mood for the heroics being displayed.
"Buffy.... I don't think you realize what he did." His focus stayed on Spike, waiting for any sudden move.
"I do know, Angel. Believe me. But it's between us. We've worked it out and I don't need you interfering." She glanced at Spike, lying on the bed where he had landed from her shove, and caught the gloating smirk on his face. "And you! Stop trying to piss Angel off. Just makes it worse for everyone."
He looked up at her, a dumbfounded expression replacing the smirk.
Angel tried to bite back his anger. "We are talking about the same thing, right? Buffy, he bit you!" He reached up, trying to caress the wound on her neck.
She pulled away, pushing his hand down before he could touch her.
"It wasn't his fault. It was The First. It was controlling him the way it did with you." She turned and made eye contact with Giles, who had been standing in the doorway, watching the show. "Giles, you know what this thing is capable of."
"Yes.... well.... I just thought...." He was afraid to meet her eyes, aware that she would see the embarrassment behind them.
"I know what you thought. What all of you thought," she added, pointedly looking at the three figures watching her. "You're so fast to make judgment. It's like you're sitting back waiting for Spike to screw up. Well, I've got news for you. I trust him more than anyone else in this room, and if any of you have a problem with that, you don't have to be here."
An awkward silence filled the room, no one attempting to argue.
"I'd like to get some sleep now, if you don't mind," Buffy stated, gesturing toward the door.
Reluctantly, Angel, Giles and Kitara slowly stepped out, retreating back downstairs, leaving Buffy and Spike alone in the room. She caught a much- needed breath and climbed slowly onto the bed.
"Are you alright, luv?"
"No, Spike. I'm tired, I hurt everywhere, and I just want all of this to be over with."
He pulled her toward him, letting her melt into his arms, taking in the feel of her body snuggled against his.
"You'll find a way. You always do." He smiled gently, brushing her hair away from her face. "Thank you for that. For what you said to them."
"I meant it."
"I'm not used to it. I'm not usually on the receiving end of your kindness."
"I told you things are different. We've come a long way, Spike."
"That we have, luv. Hasn't been a bloody picnic either."
She looked up, giving him her best Buffy Summers smile. "Yeah. You were such a pain in my ass."
"Pain in 'your' ass?!" he blurted out.
"Yeah. You're the one who kept trying to kill 'me', remember? The first time in the school? Halloween? Sending the Order of Taraka?! What was that all about?!"
"Only because you deserved it, slayer," he answered in a playful tone. "You kept mucking up all my plans."
"Yeah, well... I should have dropped a bigger piano on you. Although I should get points for originality."
He gave her an exasperated look. "Originality! You put me in a bloody wheelchair!"
"Consider yourself lucky, it could have been an urn." She smiled again, enjoying the taunting going on between them. Things hadn't felt this comfortable with him in a long time. She realized how much she missed just having his company.
Bickering came to an end, and they remained silent, as he lightly caressed her arm that was wrapped around him. He felt her relax and then removed himself, rising from the bed, grabbing his duster off the chair.
"Where are you going?"
"Just out for a smoke. I'll be back."
"Try not to start anything, okay?"
He gave her a sly smile as he slid the coat over his shoulders. "'S not in my nature, luv."
She gave him a look of warning, no words needing to be spoken.
"I'll be good. Promise." He leaned down, brushing her lips with his. He was still in awe that he could touch her without having to worry about being scolded afterward. Finally, things were looking up.
"You get some rest, luv. Slayer healing can only do so much if you're exhausted."
"I will. Hurry back, okay?" He nodded, and turned to leave. "I love you, Spike."
He stopped dead in his tracks, a shiver running down his spine. The words were music to his ears. Turning around to face her, he returned to the bed, gazing into her eyes. She pulled him back down, catching his lips, the kiss more desperate than the others. Lost in her touch, he hadn't realized her hands were quickly unfastening his belt. He reluctantly pulled away, knowing he would curse himself for doing so later.
"Not now, luv. You need to preserve your strength." He felt a touch of remorse when he saw the pout appear on her lips. "Believe me, there's nothing I want more. But we have all the time in the world. Get better first."
She ran her fingers through his tossled hair with one hand, and traced the smooth outline of his face with the other. "I do love you, Spike. I should have admitted it sooner."
He pulled away before his body gave in, already feeling the results of what being so close to her was doing to him. He stood up, repositioned and buckled, then coaxed his legs to head for the door. He glanced over his shoulder and smiled. 'Yeah, this was definitely where he belonged,' he thought happily to himself.
Spike headed down the stairs, avoiding the others who where all gathered in the living room. He walked passed them and made his way outside, stopping only when he reached his normal spot in the yard. Cigarette in hand, he leaned against the tree, keeping his eyes focused on Buffy's window.
He turned his attention toward the front door when he heard a noise on the porch. He waited, trying to catch a glimpse of the person who had come outside, hoping it hadn't been Angel. Regardless of Buffy's warning, it was just too hard not to toy with him, and knew he would get himself into trouble. He figured the best thing to do was to steer clear of the other man for a couple of days. He relaxed a little when he saw Kitara step around the pole and head down the porch steps into the yard. He tensed again when he realized she was moving in his direction. He knew he would have to talk to her eventually about what had happened between them, but had hoped to avoid it for the time being. She continued to move toward him, any hopes he'd had that she hadn't seen him, pushed away. He'd have to face her whether he wanted to or not. When she finally stepped in front of him, he flicked the used cigarette to the ground, grinding it under his boot.
"Look, Spike. Let me start by saying I don't know exactly what happened between you and Buffy. I've only heard bits and pieces. All I know is when I woke up, you were gone."
"I'm sorry, luv. Didn't have time. Buffy was..."
"In trouble... I know." She cut him off, irritation crisp in her voice. "I guess I knew she'd be your first priority. I was just hoping after last night, things would be different."
He stayed silent, not wanting to hurt her feelings more than he already had.
"I'm guessing by your lack of response that it didn't mean anything to you."
He met her eyes, catching a hint of anger in them. "I'm sorry, pet. Things just got... what happened between us..."
"You don't have to say it, Spike. I already knew you would regret it."
"It's not that I regret it. I just needed someone... something..."
"You wanted her and she wasn't there. I was available."
He wanted to disagree, but knew she was right. "Kit, maybe if things were different... but Buffy...." He leaned back against the tree again, a long deep breath escaping his lips. "I'm sorry, Kit. I never should have gotten you involved in this. It really wasn't fair to you."
"No, it wasn't. I just didn't realize how much you still loved her."
"Neither did I." He pushed his hands into the pockets of his duster, allowing his eyes to wander back toward Buffy's bedroom window. Pulling out his zippo, he tilted his head, lighting the cigarette he'd grabbed along with the silver lighter.
"So that's it then?" she asked, already knowing the answer before she asked.
"Guess so. But I hope you know I never meant to hurt you. Wasn't my intention."
"Yeah...well.... I hope she's worth it. Seems to me she's more trouble than you need."
He ignored her comment, beginning to walk toward the house, hoping she would take the hint. Things were bad between them, and talking about it right now wasn't going to make it better. He was also anxious to return to Buffy.
"Spike. Wait a minute," she called, causing him to turn back around to face her.
"What is it, pet?"
She moved closer, within touching distance, and grabbed his coat to pull him to her.
"It's not supposed to be like this. I tried to do things the easy way. Now you don't leave me any other choice."
"What are you talking about? I'm sorry things didn't work out, but you knew how I felt about her. I belong with Buffy."
"Sorry, Spike.... but there's some that would disagree. A slayer and a vampire? Get a grip."
He knew she was hurt, but couldn't hold back the anger at her words. "I'm not much for other people's opinions, luv. You can keep 'em to yourself."
She laughed, catching him off guard. "Oh, it's not me. I could care less if you're doing the slayer. It just doesn't work out well for the opposing team. You could have made this simple and stuck with me."
"Opposing Team?" He gave her a confused look, not paying attention to her hands moving up to rest on the sides of his head.
"It's all about sides, Spike. And you're on the wrong one."
She pressed on his temples, closing her eyes, as she began a low chant. He tried to pull away, but found himself lost in an almost hypnotized state. The process took only minutes, but left him unconscious, lying on the ground. Kitara smiled, goal accomplished, and stepped around the vampire, making her way back toward the house. She took a deep breath and grinned, ready to put on her false act for the others, knowing things were about to get much more interesting.
TBC
Again, thank you so much for the reviews!!! Makes my day a little brighter!!!
Belonging
Giles was pacing, contemplating whether or not to barge into Buffy's room or leave them be. He'd allowed himself to forget how dangerous Spike could be. He was still a vampire.... soul or not. In Buffy's weakened state, fighting him off in an altercation would definitely prove to be more than she could handle.
He turned toward the stairs, moving up several before changing his mind. Turning around, he returned to the living room and grabbed a book to help focus his attention elsewhere. His thoughts kept betraying him, working their way back to the pair upstairs. He knew he should trust in Buffy's judgment, although that hadn't always worked out so well. He thought back to the time of Angelus and the results of the turmoil the vampire had caused. Hours of torture at the hands of angel's demon self made the watcher an expert on the subject. Buffy had been lucky with her former lover. He'd merely played with her, taunted her, out of love for the game. It was always a game to him. If he'd really intended to kill her, he would have no doubt been able to do it.
Now there was Spike. Though the vampire was different than most, no qualms about it, he still couldn't trust in Spike's ability to remain tame. Giles realized early on that Buffy had an undeniable pull toward the darker side. Discouraging her when he could, he found controlling her to be much more difficult. It hadn't surprised him to find out she'd been sleeping with Spike. It fact, 'irony' was the word that had come to mind. He was just surprised it hadn't happened sooner. He'd always felt something between them, convincing himself it was just the vampire-slayer dynamic. Sex was something he could handle... believing she could feel true emotion for the vampire was another.
Dealing with the subject of Spike having a soul was something he was completely unsure about. The fact that he had intentionally sought it out should have been admired, yet somehow he couldn't convince himself to give the vampire the due credit. He'd also said he had done it for Buffy. Giles wasn't quite sure what to make of that. Was it just to win Buffy's favor? Spike had always been one to scheme and plot to get the things he wanted. This would prove to be right in line with his obsessive personality.
Either way, the events of the morning were weighing heavily on his mind. Though trust was not a word he would usually associate with Spike, he never imagined something so drastic as what he'd done earlier. It made no sense. Without the chip, other people.... maybe. But he'd never believed Spike would physically hurt Buffy. Giles had been more worried about the emotional damage in being involved with another vampire.
As more time went by, he began to feel tenser, wishing he could hear something from the room upstairs. He would have heard her scream had there been trouble, but by then it would have been too late anyway. No match for vampire speed. He recalled a time when Spike had called him an over-the- hill librarian. These words actually rang true now that he thought about it. Though reluctantly, knowing he had no choice, he decided to respect Buffy's wishes and leave them be.
Another hour passed with no word when Angel and Kitara finally came bursting through the door.
"I don't know where he is, Giles. He just vanished." Angel stated, with agitation in his voice.
Pulling his eyeglasses from his face, Giles looked up from the book he was reading and answered casually, "He's here. Upstairs."
"What?! Are you out of your mind?!" Angel wasted no time waiting for an answer, storming up the stairs, with Kitara following closely behind him. Giles ran after them, glad to finally have someone else on his side.
Angel slammed the door open, stepping inside, taking in his surroundings. In a flash, Spike sat up, jarring Buffy awake.
"Bloody hell! Can't you people knock?!"
Two hands answered him, yanking him roughly off the bed.
"You don't know how much I'm gonna enjoy this, Spike."
The two men were poised, ready to attack. Angel threw the first couple of punches with Spike easily blocking them.
The blonde smirked and bellowed out a taunting laugh. "What's the matter, mate? I thought you were looking for a fight? You seem a bit off your game."
Angel grabbed him by the shirt, pulling him closer. "You're not worth the energy, Spike." In a quick movement, his hand retrieved a stake from the pocket of his coat.
Before he could draw back to stab, the two men were pushed apart and sent sprawling in opposite directions. Buffy stood between them, eyes filled with anger. "I told you two before to knock it off! What part of those words don't you understand?!" she yelled, looking from one to the other. She was still weak and was in no mood for the heroics being displayed.
"Buffy.... I don't think you realize what he did." His focus stayed on Spike, waiting for any sudden move.
"I do know, Angel. Believe me. But it's between us. We've worked it out and I don't need you interfering." She glanced at Spike, lying on the bed where he had landed from her shove, and caught the gloating smirk on his face. "And you! Stop trying to piss Angel off. Just makes it worse for everyone."
He looked up at her, a dumbfounded expression replacing the smirk.
Angel tried to bite back his anger. "We are talking about the same thing, right? Buffy, he bit you!" He reached up, trying to caress the wound on her neck.
She pulled away, pushing his hand down before he could touch her.
"It wasn't his fault. It was The First. It was controlling him the way it did with you." She turned and made eye contact with Giles, who had been standing in the doorway, watching the show. "Giles, you know what this thing is capable of."
"Yes.... well.... I just thought...." He was afraid to meet her eyes, aware that she would see the embarrassment behind them.
"I know what you thought. What all of you thought," she added, pointedly looking at the three figures watching her. "You're so fast to make judgment. It's like you're sitting back waiting for Spike to screw up. Well, I've got news for you. I trust him more than anyone else in this room, and if any of you have a problem with that, you don't have to be here."
An awkward silence filled the room, no one attempting to argue.
"I'd like to get some sleep now, if you don't mind," Buffy stated, gesturing toward the door.
Reluctantly, Angel, Giles and Kitara slowly stepped out, retreating back downstairs, leaving Buffy and Spike alone in the room. She caught a much- needed breath and climbed slowly onto the bed.
"Are you alright, luv?"
"No, Spike. I'm tired, I hurt everywhere, and I just want all of this to be over with."
He pulled her toward him, letting her melt into his arms, taking in the feel of her body snuggled against his.
"You'll find a way. You always do." He smiled gently, brushing her hair away from her face. "Thank you for that. For what you said to them."
"I meant it."
"I'm not used to it. I'm not usually on the receiving end of your kindness."
"I told you things are different. We've come a long way, Spike."
"That we have, luv. Hasn't been a bloody picnic either."
She looked up, giving him her best Buffy Summers smile. "Yeah. You were such a pain in my ass."
"Pain in 'your' ass?!" he blurted out.
"Yeah. You're the one who kept trying to kill 'me', remember? The first time in the school? Halloween? Sending the Order of Taraka?! What was that all about?!"
"Only because you deserved it, slayer," he answered in a playful tone. "You kept mucking up all my plans."
"Yeah, well... I should have dropped a bigger piano on you. Although I should get points for originality."
He gave her an exasperated look. "Originality! You put me in a bloody wheelchair!"
"Consider yourself lucky, it could have been an urn." She smiled again, enjoying the taunting going on between them. Things hadn't felt this comfortable with him in a long time. She realized how much she missed just having his company.
Bickering came to an end, and they remained silent, as he lightly caressed her arm that was wrapped around him. He felt her relax and then removed himself, rising from the bed, grabbing his duster off the chair.
"Where are you going?"
"Just out for a smoke. I'll be back."
"Try not to start anything, okay?"
He gave her a sly smile as he slid the coat over his shoulders. "'S not in my nature, luv."
She gave him a look of warning, no words needing to be spoken.
"I'll be good. Promise." He leaned down, brushing her lips with his. He was still in awe that he could touch her without having to worry about being scolded afterward. Finally, things were looking up.
"You get some rest, luv. Slayer healing can only do so much if you're exhausted."
"I will. Hurry back, okay?" He nodded, and turned to leave. "I love you, Spike."
He stopped dead in his tracks, a shiver running down his spine. The words were music to his ears. Turning around to face her, he returned to the bed, gazing into her eyes. She pulled him back down, catching his lips, the kiss more desperate than the others. Lost in her touch, he hadn't realized her hands were quickly unfastening his belt. He reluctantly pulled away, knowing he would curse himself for doing so later.
"Not now, luv. You need to preserve your strength." He felt a touch of remorse when he saw the pout appear on her lips. "Believe me, there's nothing I want more. But we have all the time in the world. Get better first."
She ran her fingers through his tossled hair with one hand, and traced the smooth outline of his face with the other. "I do love you, Spike. I should have admitted it sooner."
He pulled away before his body gave in, already feeling the results of what being so close to her was doing to him. He stood up, repositioned and buckled, then coaxed his legs to head for the door. He glanced over his shoulder and smiled. 'Yeah, this was definitely where he belonged,' he thought happily to himself.
Spike headed down the stairs, avoiding the others who where all gathered in the living room. He walked passed them and made his way outside, stopping only when he reached his normal spot in the yard. Cigarette in hand, he leaned against the tree, keeping his eyes focused on Buffy's window.
He turned his attention toward the front door when he heard a noise on the porch. He waited, trying to catch a glimpse of the person who had come outside, hoping it hadn't been Angel. Regardless of Buffy's warning, it was just too hard not to toy with him, and knew he would get himself into trouble. He figured the best thing to do was to steer clear of the other man for a couple of days. He relaxed a little when he saw Kitara step around the pole and head down the porch steps into the yard. He tensed again when he realized she was moving in his direction. He knew he would have to talk to her eventually about what had happened between them, but had hoped to avoid it for the time being. She continued to move toward him, any hopes he'd had that she hadn't seen him, pushed away. He'd have to face her whether he wanted to or not. When she finally stepped in front of him, he flicked the used cigarette to the ground, grinding it under his boot.
"Look, Spike. Let me start by saying I don't know exactly what happened between you and Buffy. I've only heard bits and pieces. All I know is when I woke up, you were gone."
"I'm sorry, luv. Didn't have time. Buffy was..."
"In trouble... I know." She cut him off, irritation crisp in her voice. "I guess I knew she'd be your first priority. I was just hoping after last night, things would be different."
He stayed silent, not wanting to hurt her feelings more than he already had.
"I'm guessing by your lack of response that it didn't mean anything to you."
He met her eyes, catching a hint of anger in them. "I'm sorry, pet. Things just got... what happened between us..."
"You don't have to say it, Spike. I already knew you would regret it."
"It's not that I regret it. I just needed someone... something..."
"You wanted her and she wasn't there. I was available."
He wanted to disagree, but knew she was right. "Kit, maybe if things were different... but Buffy...." He leaned back against the tree again, a long deep breath escaping his lips. "I'm sorry, Kit. I never should have gotten you involved in this. It really wasn't fair to you."
"No, it wasn't. I just didn't realize how much you still loved her."
"Neither did I." He pushed his hands into the pockets of his duster, allowing his eyes to wander back toward Buffy's bedroom window. Pulling out his zippo, he tilted his head, lighting the cigarette he'd grabbed along with the silver lighter.
"So that's it then?" she asked, already knowing the answer before she asked.
"Guess so. But I hope you know I never meant to hurt you. Wasn't my intention."
"Yeah...well.... I hope she's worth it. Seems to me she's more trouble than you need."
He ignored her comment, beginning to walk toward the house, hoping she would take the hint. Things were bad between them, and talking about it right now wasn't going to make it better. He was also anxious to return to Buffy.
"Spike. Wait a minute," she called, causing him to turn back around to face her.
"What is it, pet?"
She moved closer, within touching distance, and grabbed his coat to pull him to her.
"It's not supposed to be like this. I tried to do things the easy way. Now you don't leave me any other choice."
"What are you talking about? I'm sorry things didn't work out, but you knew how I felt about her. I belong with Buffy."
"Sorry, Spike.... but there's some that would disagree. A slayer and a vampire? Get a grip."
He knew she was hurt, but couldn't hold back the anger at her words. "I'm not much for other people's opinions, luv. You can keep 'em to yourself."
She laughed, catching him off guard. "Oh, it's not me. I could care less if you're doing the slayer. It just doesn't work out well for the opposing team. You could have made this simple and stuck with me."
"Opposing Team?" He gave her a confused look, not paying attention to her hands moving up to rest on the sides of his head.
"It's all about sides, Spike. And you're on the wrong one."
She pressed on his temples, closing her eyes, as she began a low chant. He tried to pull away, but found himself lost in an almost hypnotized state. The process took only minutes, but left him unconscious, lying on the ground. Kitara smiled, goal accomplished, and stepped around the vampire, making her way back toward the house. She took a deep breath and grinned, ready to put on her false act for the others, knowing things were about to get much more interesting.
TBC
Again, thank you so much for the reviews!!! Makes my day a little brighter!!!