*BACKSTAGE*





Verie: Ok, who's ready for another chapter?!
Others: Not I.
Verie: ... .... and why the hell not?
Ken: we're out of food.
Omi: we're out of drinks.
Farf: we're out of knives.
Yohji: we're out of shampoo.
Schu: we're out of coffee.
Verie: .... .... ok. .. Wait, we're out of coffee?!
Schu: yep.
Verie: ... .. do you even drink coffee?
Schu: nope.
Verie: so then how the hell do you know we're out of coffee?
Schu: Brad's going through caffeine withdrawl.
Verie: ~blinks~ ... seriously?
Schu: Yeah. It's scary. He's all twitch-y and stuff.
Verie: ... . when is Brad NOT twitch-y?
Schu: When you're not annoying him and he's had his coffee.
Verie: ... ah, fair enough. ... Where IS he, anyway?
Schu: I believe he's in your room.
Others: O.o;;
Verie: ... why the HELL is he in MY room?!
Schu: Because he's pissed that we're out of coffee, so he's taking it out on your stuff.
Verie: ;_;' damnit. >.;; fine, there's only one way to fix this.
Yohji: ~shakes Verie~ HOW?! WE'RE OUT OF SHAMPOO!! I NEED SHAMPOO, DAMNIT!!!
Verie: x.x;; We'll take my NEW Shinra Credit Card, and go to Costco! ~gets out Shinra Inc. Credit Card, which sparkles dramatically~
Aya: .... ... does Costco even take Shinra Credit Cards?
Verie: no, no it doesn't. Which is why we'll be taking the Costco card as well. And then when we get the bill for the Costco card, we'll pay it off with the Shinra card, and thus solve all our financial woes.
Nagi: ... .. what about the Shinra credit card bill?
Verie: It will be banished to the discard pile.
Ken: ... discard pile?
Verie: Yes. Where all bills go.
Omi: .... ... that's not very comforting....
Verie: Are you doubting my ability to keep us out of debt?
Schu: ... aren't we already IN debt...
Verie: .. shut up. Now go get Brad, we're going to Costco.

*Outside Costco.*



Verie: Ok, the following people will be responsible for pushing carts: Aya, Omi, Nagi, Ken and Farfie.
Schu: .. are you certain we can trust Farfie with a shopping cart?
Verie: no, I'm not.
Schu: ... ... ok.....
Brad: ~twitching~ need... caffeine...
Omi: ... ~backs away from Brad slowly~
Shinigami: .... why are we at Costco no da?
Verie: because, they have a lot of stuff for cheap.
Shinigami: .. ;_;' they don't have graphic novels. Or pocky no da.
Verie: but we're here for FOOD. .. And maybe videogames and Sims expansion packs.
Shinigami: -.-; da.
Verie: Anyhow, off we go!!

*Later...*

Verie: Milkyway Midnight.
Shinigami: Twix no da.
Verie: Milkyway Midnight.
Shinigami: Twix no da.
Verie: Milkyway.
Shinigami: Twix.
Verie: MILKYWAY.
Shinigami: TWIX.
Verie: MILKYWAY, DAMNIT!
Shinigami: Twix.
Nagi: Twix, definately.
Verie: -.-; No one asked you.
Farf: ... Dark chocolate hurts God...
Verie: exactly! ^_^
Shinigami&Nagi: TWIX.
Farf: ~brandishes knife~ DARK CHOCOLATE HURTS GOD!
Shinigami&Nagi: O.O;; MILKYWAY.
Verie: ^_^ Ayaaaaa!
Aya: -.-; ~walks over with cart~ shi-ne.
Verie: ~dumps five cases of Milkyway Midnights into the general direction of Aya and the cart~
Aya: X.X;
Nagi: ... you missed.
Verie: did I? ~walks off~
Shinigami: ... that's cruel no da. ~pushes one of the cases off of Aya and walks off~
Aya: ... ... shi-ne.

*With Yohji & Omi*

Yohji: ~filling the cart up with shampoo~
Omi: .... are you sure we need all of this...?
Yohji: ~glares~ Are you trying to put a price on the wellbeing of my hair? Because if you are...
Omi: o.o;; No, no! Of course not!!! Here, let me help! ~starts dumping shampoo into the cart~
Yohji: Good. ^-^ ... ... get one of the sales associates. They appear to be out. ~death glare~
Omi: o.o; .. you scare me... ~walks off~

*Schu*

Schu: .... so what kind of cheeseburgers are these again?
Sample Lady: vegan.
Schu: and they're made with what...?
S.L: soy.
Schu: ... and someone would eat this crap.. .why?
S.L: because they're vegans.
Schu: and do I *look* like a vegan to you?
S.L.: I don't know, sir...
Schu: Are you accusing me of being a vegan?!
S.L: no, no, of course not! o.o;;
Schu: And so, why did you ask me if I wanted to try one of these things if I'm not a vegan?
S.L: it's my job, sir...
Schu: so your job is to harass the customers?
S.L: no sir...
Schu: then what IS your job?
S.L: I give out free samples...
Schu: to vegans.
S.L: or anyone who wants to try it.
Schu: do I look like someone who wants to try a vegan cheeseburger?
S.L: no sir.
Schu: And vegans... they don't eat anything that comes from an animal, right?
S.L: yes sir.
Schu: and so there's cheese... which is a dairy product... why?
S.L: I don't know sir.
Schu: So, this isn't really a vegan hamburger... because there's cheese... and you can't have a vegan cheeseburger, because it's not vegan cheese, correct?
S.L: I guess, sir.... o.o;;

*Farf*

Sample Lady #2: ... And so that's how I got my eyepatch. What about you?
Farf: I stabbed myself in the eye ^_^
S.L2: .. ... oh.
Farf: It hurt God.
S.L2: ... I... see.... >.> .
Farf: He wept ^_^
S.L2: ... and um... are you interested in trying some chicken stir fry...?
Farf: ... does it hurt God?
S.L2: ... I... have no idea.
Farf: ... oh..... .... it must, though, because chicken is one of God's creatures, and God doesn't like it when one of his creatures is killed, right?
S.L2: ... I... guess....
Farf: So it hurts God! ^_^
S.L2: .... you know what? It's my break. BYE! ~runs off~
Farf: .. that hurt God. ~takes some stir fry and walks off to look for knives~

*Shinigami*

Shinigami: ALL THEY HAVE ARE YU-GI-OH CARDS NO DA!!! ~twitches~ I DON'T LIKE YU-GI-OH NO DA!!
Nagi: calm down.... it's not the end of the world..
Shinigami: I want graphic novels no da...
Nagi: ... you've been hanging around Verie too long.
Shinigami: ~blink~ sou, sou no da.
Nagi: ... there's some casettes on learning Japanese. ~points~
Shinigami: DA!!! ~runs off~
Nagi: ... ... crazy people...

*Ken*


Ken: ~staring at the four aisles of sports equipment, which are glowing and have little angel soccer balls flying around singing Hallelujah and stuff~ ~drools~
Farf: ~walks by~ ~pauses~ ~sees little angels~ ~twitch~ DIE GOD!!! ~attacks angel soccer balls~ YIYIYIIYIYIYIYI!!!
Ken: NOOOO!!! O.O; ~faints~
Farf: ... ~blinks at Ken~ ... ... this place hurts God ^_^

*Verie*


Verie: so you're serving free samples of Starbucks Doubleshot?
Sample Guy: yeah.
Verie: ... absolutely free.
S.G: ... yeah.
Verie: Excellent. ~waves to Brad, who's almost all the way on the other side of the store~ BRAD!! GET OVER HERE!!
Brad: ~glare~ I am NOT your dog! I don't just *run* over to you when I'm called. I'm a HUMAN BEING. And further more-
Verie: so you're saying you DON'T want a free sample of Starbucks Doubleshot?
Brad: ~stops~ .... .... ~walks over~ I hate you. ~takes a sample~
Verie: You've mentioned that. .. A lot. So much, that it's getting OLD.
Brad: -.-; this is degrading. I'm twelve years your senior. TWELVE.
Verie: yes, the world already knows that.
Brad: I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS.
Verie: ~shrug~ your point being...?
S.G: ~lost~

*Narrator*


Narrator: the boy stared at the Lego Block Adventures game pack longingly, wishing he had the money to buy it...
Boy: ... ~blinks~
Narrator: he blinked.
Boy: ~backs away from the Narrator~
Narrator: he moved further down the aisle, in search of other games he knew he could not afford....
Boy: ~starts crying~ MOMMY!! THE SCARY MAN IS FOLLOWING MEEEEEE!!!!
Narrator: he ran off, crying to his mother.
Mother: ~starts hitting the Narrator~ STAY AWAY FROM MY CHILD!!!!
Narrator: GAH!!! ~blocks with an Age of Empires expansion pack~
Mother: SECURITY!! ARREST THIS MAN!!!!!!
Narrator: .. she screamed. ~blocks again~
Mother: CREEP!!!!

*Schu & Verie*


Schu: Are you aware that there is absolutely nothing with a rating over PG-13 here? ~glares at DVDs~
Verie: ... your point?
Schu: meaning there's nothing... explicit. And don't even look at me like that! You're hentai! I'VE BEEN IN YOUR MIND!!!
Verie: >.;; can you say that a bit louder? I don't think you've traumatized the Buddhist monks.
Schu: ... there're Buddhist monks here?
Verie: ... yes.
Schu: ~evil glint in eye~
Verie: ~twitch~ don't even think-
Schu: ~already gone~
Verie: .... ... damnit. ... At least he doesn't know about the nun.... .... ... nun.... ... SHIT. ~runs off to find Farf~

*Later*


Loudspeaker: Would Verie please report to register twelve, your party is waiting, Verie, please report to register twelve, your party is waiting....

Verie: ... ... the hell...? ~looks around~
Shinigami: not me no da.
Farf: ~gnaws on a knife~
Aya: .. shi-ne.
Schu: ^-^ I traumatized a monk.
Verie: I'm sure you're proud. .. But seriously, who's missing?
Censor Dot: ~sits there~
Nagi: Omi and I are here...
Yohji: ~hugging a bottle of shampoo~ my precious...
Verie: ~sweatdrop~ ... where's Brad?
Schu: ... last I saw him he was yelling at the doubleshot sample guy for not letting him have another sample.
Verie: ~massive sweatdrop~ damnit... ok, so it's either Brad or Ken, I guess....

*At Register Twelve*


Security Guard: Are you Verie?
Verie: ... .... ... depends. Who paged her?
Security Guard: are you Vere?
Verie: fine, fine. Yes.
Security Guard: Good. I'll have to request you come with me.
Verie: ... whatever it is, it's Aya's fault.
Aya: shi-ne, Verie.

*Back in some kind of strange holding area*

Brad: I do not deserve to be here.
Narrator: shut up.
Ken: ~unconscious~
Verie: ... ... I don't even want to know.
Schu: ~points~ Braddie got arrested!!
Brad: When I get out of here, I'm going to kill you.
Security Guard: I'm guessing you know these people, ma'am?
Verie: ... ... yes, I'm their legal guardian.
Brad: LIKE HELL.
Security Guard: ~arches eyebrow~
Verie: they're.. mentally ill. We're the team hired to take care of them. .... They have a lot of money. ~nodnod~
Security Guard: I see...
Brad: that's the worst lie you've ever come up with.
Schu: hehe... I'm Braddie's nurse... ~snickers evilly~
Shinigami: .... ~looks thoughtful~ ... hee...
Brad: ~twitches~ I hate you. I really. Really. Hate you. And someday, I will kill you.
Security Guard: ~writing things down on a notepad~
Verie: ~massive sweatdrop~ Brad, you're really not helping anything...
Brad: I'm aware of that. But anything to get away from you. Because you're EVIL and deserve to DIE.
Shinigami: you say "evil" like it's a bad thing no da....
Security Guard: You all wouldn't happen to be lying to me, would you?
Schu: I've never told a lie in my life.
Shinigami: same here no da!
Security Guard: ....
Verie: ... ... they're crazy too. >.>
Narrator: I'm going to charge over time for this...
Verie: IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU GOT YOURSELF ARRESTED!!
Farf: this hurts God.
Security Guard: ~talking to someone on walky-talkie~
Omi: .. nothing good can come from that...
Nagi: ~nods~
Narrator: will Omi and Nagi be correct in their assumption? Find out! After the convenient scene transition!
Verie: ~slaps forehead~ I hate you.

*Later*

Narrator: and now, after the convenient scene transition, it appears that Nagi and Omi are correct, as we are currently being hauled off by a large white van!
Brad: ~twitches~
Nagi: ... after years of assassination... we get caught for harassing people in a Costco....
Omi: my life is so incomplete...
Verie: what are you talking about!? You've gotten to kill someone!! I haven't committed murder yet!! YOU CAN'T TAKE ME AWAY, DO YOU HEAR ME?!! I'M SEMI-SANE, DAMNIT!!! I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN TO LIVE A LIFE OF CRIME!!! YOU'RE DEPRIVING ME OF MY BASIC AMERICAN RIGHTS!!!!
Shinigami: ... I don't think that's helping no da...
Verie: but it makes me feel better.
Shinigami: ;_;'
Schu: ... exactly where are we going, anyway? Prison or a mental institution?
Brad: they can't put us in prison for threatening to kill a Costco employee...
Verie: ... they can put you in prison for actually attempting it.
Brad: he was asking for it.
Verie: -.-;
Ken: I didn't even do anything!!! I just woke up here!! WHAT'S GOING OOOON?!!
Narrator: you haven't figured it out yet?
Yohji: ~hugging bottle of shampoo~ they don't provide good shampoo in prison... I might get split ends.... SPLIT ENDS!!!!
Schu: .. we haven't even gotten there and you're all already cracking. WEAKLINGS.
Others: SHUT UP!
Shinigami: .. wait.. where's Jimmy?
Verie: ... .... I have no idea.. she didn't go to Costco with us, did she?
Shinigami: .. I dunno no da...
Nagi: maybe we'll get a phone call and we can call her to bring help.
Verie: hopefully.
Brad: can we depend on her to help us?
Verie: probably not.
Ken: .. that's not very reassuring..
Farf: but it hurts God. Prison hurts God ^-^
Brad: we're not going to prison.
Verie: which is lucky, because we could be since we've got an attemped murderer and a pedophile.
Narrator: I'm NOT a pedophile. I was merely narrated the child's actions.
Verie: WHICH YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO!! REAL LIFE DOES NOT NEED A NARRATOR!!!
Narrator: it would all make much more sense if-
Verie: SHUT UP.
Shinigami: ... they don't have graphic novels in mental institutions no da...
Verie: ... .... ... .HACK//INFECTION!!! ~bangs on the wall of the van~ I NEED .HACK//INFECTION TO LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVEEEEEE!!!
Aya: someone shut her up...
Schu: gladly. ~knocks Verie out with an empty coffee can~
Brad: .. where the hell did you get that?
Schu: plot hole.
Narrator: damn plot holes.
Farf: they hurt God.
Yohji: but they don't keep my hair from getting split ends, now do they?!
Brad: we do not care about your hair. We have MUCH more important matters to worry about. Such as the lack of COFFEE in mental institutions.
Schu: caffeine-addict.
Brad: Nazi.
Schu: I'M NOT A NAZI!!! -.-
Brad: and I'm not a caffeine-addict.
Schu: yes, you are. You were going through withdrawls this morning.
Brad: ... .. no I wasn't.
Schu: were too.
Brad: was not.
Schu: were too.
Aya: shut up, both of you.

*Yet another convenient scene transition....*


Guy-In-White-Coat#1: Welcome to your new, temporary home.
Verie: ~now conscious~ hey.. this place looks familiar.
Brad: figures.
Verie: ... hey.. THIS IS MEMORIAL CENTER! ~cackles maniacally~
Omi: .. I'm not even going to ask how you know this place...
Verie: for the record: I call the big room. >.> And my mom works here.
Nagi: your mom... works in a mental institution...
Verie: yes.
Ken: ... I'm scared.
Verie: but she works nights, so we won't be seeing her.
Brad: ... ah.
GIWC2: Which one of you goes by the alias "Shinigami"?
Shinigami: .. me no da...
GIWC2: You'll be first for the test.
Shinigami: o.o;;;
Verie: ... >.> bye. I'll be in the only room with a kitchen unit.
Ken: wait! You get a kitchen unit?
Verie: ... yes. ~runs~
Ken: I WANT A KITCHEN UNIT!!! ~runs after her~
Brad: ... ... they give mental patients kitchen units... .... why?
Schu: because the doctors are crazier than the patients.
GIWC2: ~drags Shinigami off~
Shinigami: DAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

*Later, in an examination room that may or may not exist in real life, but I don't think it does.*


Doctor: Hello, "Shinigami."
Shinigami: .... konnichiwa no da.
Doctor: ... ... ... eh?
Shinigami: it means good afternoon no da.
Doctor: I see... and what is this.. "no da"?
Shinigami: it's a verbal exclamation mark.
Doctor: uh huh... and in.. what language, exactly?
Shinigami: Japanese no da.
Dr: ... I see. So, do you make up languages often?
Shinigami: ... ... eh? ;_;' it's Japanese...
Dr: and where do they speak this... 'Japanese'?
Shinigami: .... Japan....
Dr: and where is this... 'Japan'?
Shinigami: .... in the Pacific ocean.. off the coast of China. North of Australia.
Dr: I see... and has anyone told you about this... 'Japan'?
Shinigami: .... history, anime... Japan's mentioned a lot of places...
Dr: Mm hmm... so, you make up your own little world to get away from reality...
Shinigami: .. it's real no da...
Dr: I'm sure it is.
Shinigami: but.. it is no da...
Dr: It's ok, I'm here to help. Now tell me, does anyone tell you to speak this language?
Shinigami: .. not really no da...
Dr: I see.
Shinigami: .. Japan's a real place.... everything's made in Japan.. that pen you're writing with says "made in Japan" on it no da..
Dr: I'm sure it does.
Shinigami: you're not listening to me no da!! >.;;
Dr: I see.
Shinigami: SEE?!! >.;;;
Dr: ~writes stuff down on note pad~
Shinigami: >.;; Damn Bakersfield no da!!
Dr: Do you frequently have such violent tendencies...?
Shinigami: .... .. shut up no da.
Dr: Do these... 'Japanese' tell you to hate Bakersfield?
Shinigami: ~screams~ JAPAN'S REAL, DAMNIT!! IT'S WRITTEN ON YOUR GODDAMN PEN!! ~grabs a pencil holder~ SEE?!!! ~points at the "Made in Japan"~ SEE?!!! IT'S EVERYWHERE!!!!
Dr: ~writes on notepad: "Delusional. Violent tendencies. Padded room recommended"~


~*To Be Continued*~

*********************

A/N:

Verie: I decided to have a short intermission series thing... ... for no apparent reason. ~nodnod~ I'm sure none of you are surprised that I just got back from Costco. If any of you don't have a Costco, it's a really huge store where you can buy everything in bulk and save a lot of money and stuff. ~nodnod~ And it's HUGE. And they give out free samples. And there's this cool lady with an eyepatch who's really nice, so yeah.. I kind of included her. And today they had vegan cheeseburgers. .. With cheese. Which isn't vegan. It's vegetarian. Not vegan. >.> that kind of bugged me just a bit. False advertising and all.

Yes, I have met Buddhist monks at Costco. They were cool. There was also a nun. So.. yeah.

And now for the mental institution... yeah, my mom does work at one. Yes, there is a room with a kitchen unit. Yes, there are armored doors. .... Sadly, I'm not allowed to be there, so all I know is the padded room, the room with the kitchen unit (I spent the night there once when the power went out at home, so that's the only room I really know anything about other than what mom's told me), and the hallway. Yeah, it's pathetic. But the other nurses/doctors there are crazy and think that I'll bother them or something while I'm there (gee, it's not like there's anyone more annoying than me in a mental institution. Just ignore the girl who's attacking them with a piece of the airconditioner. -.-; seriously, I haven't tried to kill anyone with a chunk of metal I ripped out of an airconditioning unit, and I doubt my being there would be any more bothersome than that. Then again, they're all crazier than the patients anyway -.-;)