Notes: Once again, (blah) is Brad, and [blaaah] is Ayastis.

*BACKSTAGE*





Verie: Haaallooo!!
Others: ~death glare~
Verie: ... ^_^;;
Brad: You do realize that once again, you've left us here for an ungodly amount of time?
Farf: ~death glare to Brad~
Brad: ...
Verie: .. how long HAS it been, anyway?
Omi: Well, your last update was in... April, I think...
Brad: And now it's June.
Verie: School's out. ^_^
Brad: ~throws glowblade at Verie~ DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
Verie: Blame my finals!
Nagi: that only accounts for a week of absence.
Verie: shut up. Or I'll skip the last part of disc 1 of FF8 and just move on to Romeo and Juliet. And you'll be Juliet.
Nagi: I'll be quiet. ^_^;;
Verie: As I thought.
Brad: .. wait.... You're not making me Romeo, are you?!
Verie: ... DUH, Brad. DUH.
Brad: ~convulses~
Shinigami: So you won't be casting Brad as the Prince in that...
Verie: Depends on whether or not he gets me to pity him before I write that chapter. ~headtilt~ Anyhow, I've got a ton of stuff for all of you to do! .. Most of it completely off-topic, but oh well!!
Schuldich: Anything that might amuse me?
Verie: ... You get to be Excel if I get around to writing an Excel Saga chapter.
Schuldich: . . . spiffy?
Verie: much.
Brad: ~twitch~
Verie: We'll also be doing the Pirates of Men's Pants.
Brad: That's Panzance you idiot.
Verie: Not the version we're doing. ^_^
Brad: ~twitch~
Verie: See, Panzance lacked a plot. Men's Pants has a plot. .. I think.
Brad: You're just going to make it up, aren't you?
Shinigami: have you ever HEARD of a play called The Pirates of Men's Pants no da?
Brad: no..
Shinigami: There's the answer to your question.
Brad: >.; damnit.
Verie: Anyhow, we're going to get this part done, so I can move on!! ^___^
Brad: ~twitch~


***************

~*DISC ONE: PART FIVE*~

So our overly pathetic heroes woke up, and continued their journey to Galbadia Garden. They also got to watch a spiffy FMV sequence which Verie's too cheap to provide us when they found it. So they wandered in...

"Woah.. it's like.. so different!" Totophie exclaimed.

"Duh." Brad grumbled.

"I'm going to go shi-ne someone into helping us..." Ayastis grumbled.

"That was soo not your line." Kell said, receiving a death glare from Ayastis.

"Do you want this chapter to be over or not?!" He demanded and walked off.

"Well, according to the script, we have to wander off to some random room and sit there for a ridiculous amount of time doing absolutely nothing of any value what-so-ever." Brad stated.

"I thought you didn't have a copy of the script." Kell blinked.

"I stole yours, idiot. Now c'mon." Brad said, grabbing Totophie and Kell and dragging them off to the amazingly spiffy Second Floor Reception Room!

"Who votes we skip all the random talking that doesn't have anything to do with anything?" Brad asked.

"You only want to skip it because it's all our lines..." Totophie pouted.

"Do you enjoy living?" Brad glared.

"... Yes?"

"Then you'll skip those lines."

"Um.. kay..." Totophie whimpered.

Just then, Ayastis conveniently entered!!

"And? Is this chapter over yet??" Brad asked.

"You've got the script right there. You should know it's not. Anyhow, Balamb Garden is safe-"

"Censored."

"Shut up, Crawford or whatever your last name is in this." Ayastis glared.

"It's Leonhart." Kell volunteered.

"You shut up too. They've decided that the attack on the President in Timber was an independent action, therefore Garden won't be held responsible."

"Then Scheifer's taking all the blame?" Kell asked.

"The trial's over, and the sentence has been carried out." Ayastis responded.

"... He was executed? .. Of course he was.. he attacked the President... He sacrificed himself for us..." Ominoa whimpered.

"Hey, it's your group that started all this censored. You should've been prepared for the consequences." Ayastis said coldly.

"... That was cruel. You all really hate him, don't you?" Totophie asked.

"DUH." Everyone stated in unison, excluding Ominoa.

"I... really liked him, even though I don't but I will for this, he was so. confident.. and smart.. and who the censored wrote this script?!" Ominoa exclaimed.

"Squaresoft. Now shut up and move on." Verie said from offstage.

"Dude, was he your boyfriend or something?" Totophie asked.

Ominoa started twitching.

"Can be skip this part?"

"No." Ayastis grumbled.

"Fine... I liked him, but I don't know what he thinked and I'm overly annoying and blah blah blah..." Ominoa mumbled.

Brad twitched.

"What's wrong?" Kell asked.

"I won't have it!"

"Eh?" Kell asked.

"Are you MAD?!" Totophie exclaimed.

"I'M NOT SAYING THIS STUPID LINE!!!!"(1) Brad exclaimed, running out the door.

There was a stunned silence, until finally everyone started snickering.

So, back with Brad...

"Yo.. Brad... why do I have to talk like Schuldich?!" Naijin whined.

"What are you doing here?" Brad grumbled.

"I'm the messenger... you know... I brought a new message from Headmaster Shinigami. .. You know." Naijin said, twitching every time he had to say 'you know.'

"And...?" Brad asked.

"I gave it to the Headmaster here. .. It's what Shinigami told me to do." Naijin replied.

"EXPLAIN." Farfjin cut in.

".. You're too into this, Farf.... Anyhow, we were supposed to go to Timber. But all the trains are shut down, so we had to come here ya know?" Naijin said.

"This script hurts God. SCHEIFER?"

"Oh yeah! Wasn't Scheifer with you?" Naijin asked.

"He's dead." Brad replied.

"LIES!!!" Farfjin exclaimed homicidally.

"He'd never put up with a trial, much less an execution." Naijin nodded.

"FIND!" Farfjin exclaimed.

"Well, we're gonna go off and look for him..." Naijin said, and the two left as Brad went on to the reception room.

"Let's just wait here. The Headmaster should be coming any second now." Ayastis stated.

"He's LATE." Totophie whined.

"Phwee! I am Headmaster Jimmy Sprinkles!" Jim exclaimed.

"... ... I can't believe this." Brad muttered.

"I have your official orders. And after careful consideration of our options, we've decided to go along with Headmaster Shinigami's decisions. We've actually been planning the same thing for a long time now!"

".. Can you tell us exactly what in censored censored you're talking about?" Brad glared.

"Well, the sorceress has been appointed peace ambassador for the Galbadian Government. But it's all just a cover up! There won't be any peace talks, just threats. The sorceress creates fear among people, therefore peace talks are impossible. Galbadia's going to use this fear to negotiate favorable conditions for itself. It's clear that Galbadia's goal is world domination." Jim explained.

"... .... Isn't that incredibly cliché and over-used?" Kell asked.

"Yes, yes it IS." Brad said.

"Shut up! I'm still saying my lines!! Anyhow, we entrust world peace and the future to you. .... ... We're gonna die...." Jim whimpered.

"Yep." Brad nodded.

"Well, here're your papers, if you have any questions as to how to skew this up more than you have already." Jim handed the papers to Brad.

"It says here we need a sniper. We don't have a sniper. ... Why the censored do we need a sniper?" Brad blinked.

"You thought Yohji wouldn't have a part in this at all? Geez. Introducing, Yovine!" Jim exclaimed dramatically.

"AAAH!! IT'S A BEE! A BEE!!" Yovine exclaimed, grabbing a fly swatter from off-stage and using it to kill the bee.

"Ok, I'm ok now." Yovine stated.

Everyone else blinked, and then turned to glare at Verie offstage.

".. I couldn't find any butterflies..." Verie whimpered. Everyone grumbled irritably and went back to the script.

"Anyhow, yeah. He's your sniper." Jim nodded.

"... Great." Brad grumbled.

"'Allo. I hope you're all cool with me helpin' you." Yovine stated.

"No. But oh well." Brad grumbled.

".. I say things that get a rise out of people. Just don't let it bother you, and we'll get along ok." Yovine nodded.

"... Dude... you're gonna be slaughtered with these people, then." Ominoa blinked.

"So what's our mission?" Ayastis asked.

"We're to assassinate the sorceress." Brad responded.

".. Spiffy." Kell blinked.

"We're going to head to the capital of Galbadia, which is Deling city." Brad added.

"... Spiffy." Kell replied.

"Say that one more time and I'll kill you." Brad glared.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So on the train....

".. The sorceress wants to make Galbadia Garden her base of operations no da.." Student 1 said.

".. Phwee?" Responded Student 2.

"You know what'll happen then no da? Garden'll be taken over and we'll all be killed, axed, and eliminated no da!! ... That was a spiffy line.." Student 1 said.

"... ... That scares me." Student 2 whimpered.

"But it was fun to say no da!" Student 1 exclaimed.

"Would you two shut up?" Brad grumbled, as Totophie ran off to go sing her train song somewhere else or whatever.

"Hmm... perhaps it's fate... .. why couldn't someone else have been cast as her?" Yovine sighed, following.

"So what do we do about HIM?" Kell asked.

"Oh shut up.. I'm dealing with it.." Brad grumbled, walking off into the passage.

"Totophie! We're destined to be together! ... Why did she have to cast Tot...? Ugh..." Yovine exclaimed.

"Y-yeah right!" Totophie exclaimed.

"... Yeah, I'm leavin' now." Yovine said, walking off.

"... I had to walk all the way over here for nothing?!" Brad exclaimed.

".. For a workaholic, you sure are lazy." Totophie blinked.

"Go to censored." Brad grumbled, walking back to where the others are.

"Haaallooo Ominoa...." Yovine purred.

"Yovine, shut up." Ayastis grumbled.

"No one understands me! Snipers are loners by nature.... We hone our instincts, pour our whole being into a single bullet. The pressure of the moment... an instant of tension.. that's what I have to face alone! It's not easy! So do me a favor and let me be!" Yovine exclaimed melodramatically.

"... Do all of us a favor.. and never follow the script again." Brad stated.

"Well, we're here..." Kell said, as the train stopped.

"Big city... we're going to Persia's Mansion, right? So we need to take Bus 8." Ominoa nodded.

"... I'm not taking a bus." Brad grumbled.

"Do you want the chapter over or not?" Ominoa asked.

".. Fine, where's Bus 8?" Brad sighed.

"Over there, apparently..." Kell blinked.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"... I rode a... bus." Brad twitched.

"Oh shut up." Ayastis grumbled.

"So we're here?" Kell blinked.

"Obviously." Brad said, walking up to a Guard.

"General Persia's mansion is right through this gate but..."

".. But WHAT?" Brad demanded.

"We can't just let you through. He wants to test your skills first." The Guard responded.

"... How so?" Ayastis asked.

"Well, you've gotta go to the Tomb of the Unknown King. .. That's about it. Bring back a code number." The Guard replied.

"How do we get there?" Ominoa asked.

"Simple, just take the bus across-"

"WE'RE NOT TAKING THE BUS!!" Brad exclaimed, as everyone stared at him oddly.

"Then walk across town and-"

"I have an easier idea." Brad stated.

"Eh?"

"You let us through, and I let you live. It's a good trade, right?" Brad glared.

"... ... Ok...." The Guard whimpered, opening the gate.

"See? Wasn't that simple? And I didn't have to take the bus!" Brad said, walking through.

"... You're overly violent when you're annoyed." Kell said.

"Umm.. is my contract still in effect?" Ominoa asked.

"... If I say 'no', will you believe me?" Brad asked.

"Stop messing up the lines! Just don't leave me in this house, ok? Want to know why?"

"No." Everyone stated in unison.

"Good, because the script doesn't say why." Ominoa said, and they all walked into the mansion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"How long have we been waiting here..?" Kell asked.

"Too long. What happened with getting this chapter over with quickly?!" Brad demanded.

"Hmph.. he always does this! Hold on, I'm going to go complain. And don't worry, this is my house." Ominoa said, wandering off. Seconds later, General Persia walked in.

"... Where's Ominoa?" Kell asked.

"She.. he... .. it... ... ..." Persia started, then got confused.

"Just say 'he.' It's easier that way." Brad said.

"Ah.. ok... well, he hasn't recieved the training you people have. He might become a burden, so I figure it's best he stay out of this operation." Persia explained.

"He's already a burden..." Brad mumbled.

"So you're Ominoa's father?" Totophie asked.

"He hasn't called me that in a long time..." Persia said solemnly.

"We're not here to deal with family conflicts." Ayastis muttered.

"Wait.. so the father's a top military officer, and the son's a member of an anti-government faction? That's really... REALLY bad!" Kell exclaimed.

"What did I just say?" Ayastis glared.

"We're here to knock off the sorceress right, so can't we just get down to business?" Yovine asked.

"Ok.. I'm sure you all know about the Galbadian government reaching an agreement with Sorceress Manx. There's going to be a ceremony tonight to commemorate the event. It'll be held at the Presidential Residence. During the ceremony, you will split into two teams and get into position. The Gateway team will enter the gateway and stand by, the sniper team will stand by at the front of the Presidential Residence until the ceremony is over." Persia explained.

"... Great.." Brad mumbled.

"There's the Presidential Residence. Once the ceremony ends, a parade for the sorceress will begin...."

(This chapter is too long...)

[Ah.. so you're starting this again...]

(Yes, I am. Because if I have to lisen to that idiot much longer, I'm going to shoot myself in the foot.)

[The others are all already asleep.]

(I don't blame them...)

"..So do you all know what to do?" Persia asked.

"Of course." Brad and Ayastis responded, as Yovine started snoring.

Persia sweatdropped.

"Just... remember, the sniper team-"

"Yeah, the sniper team shoots her, the gateway team stands around looking useful. Got it." Brad yawned, walking off.

"No!! That's not it!!" Persia exclaimed, trying to stop everyone from leaving.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ok, Ayastis, Yovine and I are the sniper team. Kell and Totophie, you get to be the gateway team. Stand by the gateway and look important, so hopefully any resulting gunfire will be aimed towards you." Brad stated.

"... I object to this plan..." Kell whimpered.

"Too bad. Ok, let's move out." Brad said, and he, Ayastis and Yovine made their way to the roof.

".. That's just great... I get left here. Why am I so neglected?!" Kell whined.

"Hey!" Ominoa exclaimed, running up.

"Yay. I feel less alone now." Kell sighed.

"Lookie what I found!" Ominoa exclaimed, holding up a random piece of jewelry.

"... ... A random piece of jewelry?"

"It's MAGIC. It'll suppress the sorceress' powers!" Ominoa exclaimed.

".. I don't think we have time for this..." Kell blinked.

"Well, what're we supposed to do that's more important?!" Ominoa demanded.

"Stand by the gate looking important. Bye." Kell said, walking off with Totophie.

"... It's not like I don't have a plan or anything! And it's waaay more effective than standing around looking important!" Ominoa exclaimed.

So Kell and Totophie made it to the gate, and sat there looking important.

".. Maybe I was too hard on him..." Kell sighed.

"Eh?" Totophie asked.

"I'm going to go find Ominoa and apologize." Kell said.

"But.. you'll be leaving your post!" Totophie whined.

"It's ok, all you have to do is stand there looking important and be sure to get shot if something comes up." Kell said, walking off.

"But.. I don't wanna be shot!" Totophie exclaimed, running after him.

~~~~~~~~~

"It'll be chaos out there soon. You'll be safe in here." Persia said to Ominoa, walking out of the room and closing the door.

"Gah! He's gonna lock me in!" Ominoa exclaimed, rushing out of the room.

Kell and Totophie rushed in shortly afterwards.

"Ominoa! ... Wait..." Kell blinked, just as the door locked.

"... That Persia guy..?" Totophie asked.

"We're locked iiin!!" Kell exclaimed, kicking the door.

~~~~~~~~

So Ominoa ran off to see the sorceress to give her the random piece of jewelry.

"Um.. excuse me... I'm the son of.. um.. General Persia... so I thought I'd um... pay my respects, you know.. 'cause of my father and all. So I um.. brought you a small gift." Ominoa said, before Sorceress Manx used her evil magic powers of FLAMING DOOM on him, and knocking her out, then posessed him or something, and walking out to a podium above the city where President Deling (A/N: the brick, if any of you have forgotten...) was waiting. Ominoa, being posessed or something, followed in a trance-like state. He seemed kind of drunk or something, actually.

~~~~~~~~~~

"... Is that Ominoa..?" Brad glared.

"... Looks like..." Yovine answered.

"And he is up there... why?" Brad continued glaring.

"To complicate things, I'm assuming." Yovine said.

Brad glared some more.

"Wow.. this is a really cruel speech... well.. ok... um.. I hate you all. You're idiots. What happened to the evil, cold-blooded sorceress from your fantasies? Where is she now? She stands before you now to become your ruler. HAHAHAHAHA-- ... I'm just not good at that laugh. I'll work on it. A new era has just begun..." Manx started.

"Manx! What are you doing?!" President Deling "exclaimed" despite the fact his voice was coming from offstage. Manx picked up the brick and threw him over the balcony.

"This is reality. No one can help you, so sit back and enjoy the show." Manx said, turning to walk away. "Let us end the ceremony with a sacrifice." She added, as two stuffed animals were thrown from offstage and Ominoa.

"... That is.. so lame." Ominoa sighed.

~~~~~~

"Hey... he's in trouble big time! We need to go help him!" Yovine exclaimed.

"One: the parade hasn't started yet. Two: I don't care. Three: Since when do we follow the script when it involves work? And last of all, four: THEY'RE STUFFED ANIMALS." Brad exclaimed.

"Inu Yasha and Kuronekosama stuffed animals." Yovine stated.

".. Shut up." Brad glared.

"I think there's another one of you, too." Yovine snickered.

"SHUT UP."

~~~~~~~~~

Back in Persia's mansion....

"Oh no! It's starting!" Totophie exclaimed.

"We've gotta get out of here quick..." Kell sighed.

"Maybe there's a key in here!" Totophie exclaimed.

"... A key. That's right, he'd just LOCK US IN WITH THE STUPID KEY." Kell glared at Totophie, as she scrambled around the room searching for a key.

"Or a secret passageway!" Totophie added, staring at a statue.

"Right, he's just going to lock us into a room with the key and a secret passageway... real smart." Kell rolled his eyes, just as the statue moved aside to reveal a secret passageway.

"... Hee!" Totophie exclaimed, running down the stairs.

"... I've officially lost all respect for Persia." Kell blinked, following.

~~~~~~~~~

And so, back with our sniper team...

"Now's our chance! .. What are you waiting for? Ominoa might die!! ... Killed by a plushie form of you..." Yovine started snickering.

"I thought I told you to SHUT UP?!" Brad glared.

"Hey look.. it's Scheifer." Yovine said, pointing at where Scheifer was standing on the float smirking evilly.

"... Peachy. Now shut up about the plushie thing." Brad said.

"Both of you shut up. This is the last chapter, remember? We need to get this over with." Ayastis stated.

"But.. we might be doing Romeo and Juliet next..." Brad twitched.

"I DON'T CARE. We're getting this OVER WITH." Ayastis glared, and the three ran off and saved Ominoa from the evil anime plushies of DOOM, a.k.a Inu Yasha, Brad, and the Trigun cat.

So Ominoa rushed over to Brad and threw his arms around him... ahem... what did I just say?

"NO." Brad and Ominoa stated in unison. ... It's in the script guys.

"NO." They glared.

.. Well fine then. Just screw up the entire scene. See if I care!

"Yovine, it's in your hands now." Brad said triumphantly, tossing the sniper rifle to Yovine, who took the gun and got into position.

"Ominoa, Scheifer's alive. I saw him in the parade." Brad stated.

".. What does it mean..?" Ominoa asked.

".. That he's alive, you idiot." Brad blinked.

"It was in the script, ok?!" Ominoa glared.

"Well, Yovine? .. Don't tell me you're freaking out." Brad asked.

"I.. I can't do it!" Yovine exclaimed.

~~~~~~~~

Cue convenient scene transition to gateway party.

"Yes! We made it to the gate! Just in time!" Kell exclaimed.

".. What're we supposed to do...?" Totophie asked.

".. Um... ... I dunno. I wasn't listening..." Kell blinked.

"Ooh.. switch.." Totophie said, flipping a random switch, which closed the gates.

".. Cool." Kell said, just as the float came up to the gates. Sorceress Manx looked really pissed off, and turned around to see the gates behind her close as well.

~~~~~~

"YOVINE!!" Brad exclaimed.

"I.. I'm sorry.. I just can't do it.. I always freeze up like this..." Yovine said.

"JUST SHOOT HER!!!"

"My bullet.. the sorceress.. I'll go down in history.. I'd change the history of Galbadia.. of the world! .. I just can't do it.. it's all too much.."

"JUST CENSORED SHOOT HER!!" Brad spazzed.

"I can't, censored!!" Yovine exclaimed, as Brad tackled him and tried to steal the gun.

"I'll shoot her, then! Just to get this chapter over with!!" Brad exclaimed.

"Fine! Take the stupid gun! Geez." Yovine grumbled, "Just have to screw up the entire script, don't you?"

"Yes. Yes I do." Brad said, firing.

The bullet sped at Manx, but then stopped, blocked by a MAGIC SHIELD OF DOOM.

"... That's crap." Brad grumbled.

"Ha." Yovine snickered.

"Oh shut up. I'm going to go attack her on the ground. You three be ready to back me up." Brad said, running off.

"Ha... YOU MISSED, BRAD!!" Yovine yelled after him.

"I DID NOT!!! SHE BLOCKED IT!! THERE'S A DIFFERENCE!!" Brad yelled back irritably, before jumping off the second story, hitting some random person, and jumping into a spiffy convertible car and driving away from the crowd. Then, he crashed into the gate, jumped through the grating, and climbed to the top of the float where Manx and Scheifer were waiting for him, smirking evilly.

"Well, this is how it turned out." Scheifer said.

"You've become the sorceress' lapdog." Brad stated, as Scheifer started snickering uncontrollably.

"SCHULDICH!!" Verie yelled from offstage.

"I'm sorry..! But these lines!!" Scheifer continued snickering.

Brad twitched irritably.

"Want me to tell you about my ROMANTIC dream?" Scheifer started snickering again.

"That's not your line and you know it." Brad glared.

"Sorry, I just love saying that." Scheifer grinned.

"I swear.. if you don't get on with the script.. I'm going to kill you." Brad glared.

"Tsk tsk.. so violent, Braddie." Scheifer said, and so they got into a really spiffy glow-blade fight, with Scheifer's amazing red glow-blade, and Brad's amazing blue one. HUZZAH.

Also, the author would like you to insert your own spiffy fight scene here, since she sucks at writing them. Thankyou for your time.

"I.. lost?!" Scheifer exclaimed.

"That's a stupid thing to say. Of course you lost." Brad stated.

"Shut up. I'm following the script." Scheifer glared.

".. You're losing it." Brad said, turning to fight Manx.

".. It would make so much more sense if both she and I attacked you at once.." Scheifer grumbled, grabbing some popcorn and sitting there watching the fight.

Ominoa and Yovine ran up to Brad to back him up.

"Impudent SeeDs!!" Manx exclaimed, throwing an ice cube at the group, which went past Ominoa and hit Brad.

Meanwhile, Scheifer kicked Brad's leg out from under him.

"BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!" Ominoa screamed, as Brad fell a whopping six feet to the floor and offstage.

*********************






A/N:

(1): The line Brad's refusing to say is "I WON'T HAVE ANYONE TALKING ABOUT ME IN PAST-TENSE!"

Verie: and there you have it. The final chapter of Disc 1. THANK FARFIE. But yeah.. there'll be a long pause before I start disc 2, because I've found a lot of other stuff I'd like to turn into chapters too (yes, I'm looking forward to the Pirates of Men's Pants. ^_^) Oh, and any suggestions as to who should be who in Romeo and Juliet would be duely appreciated. ^_^; (I'm thinking of making Schu Tybalt, but as for who Juliet will be.. I'm totally clueless x.x;;)

.. Isn't the ending just ever so dramatic and cliff-hanger-ee? ^_^;;