Verie: ~walks in and points accusingly at Brad~ YOU!!!!!
Brad: .. What did I supposedly do this time? -.-
Verie: YOU NEVER TOLD ME OKIAYU VOICED DARK!!!!
Brad: .. 1) You never asked. 2) It's not my job to encourage your obsessions.
Verie: ~twitch~ You have to sing now.
Shinigami: ~sighs in exasperation~ here we go again....
Brad: No.
Verie: Kodou. Sing Kodou.
Brad: No.
Verie: Or Groovy Blue. Because they were stupid and made a different
cast for the drama album and so Okiayu didn't sing Groovy Blue.
Brad: ... I'm not singing about kittens.
Verie: Who eat junkfood.
Brad: Yes.
Verie: Which is high in calories.
Brad: Exactly why I'm not singing that.
Verie: That implies that you're going to sing something else.
Brad: Which I am not.
Verie: But you already said you would!
Brad: You INFERRED that I said I would.
Shinigami: . . . You sound like Mr. Sausedo. O.o;
Verie: O.o;; Neon blue.
Others: ~lost~ . . .
Shinigami: hehehe... neon blue...
Verie: ^_^;;;
Schu: No inside jokes!
Verie: ... Weren't you THERE at the time we MADE that inside joke?!
Schu: It's not my job to remember everything that happens when I'm
around you people.
Verie: .. That makes no sense, but ok.... Brad! SING GROOVY BLUE!
Brad: NO.
Verie: But whyyy?!
Brad: I am not going to sing!
Verie: ~whine~ But-but... THE KITTEN! WHO DEVOURS JUNKFOOD! HIGH IN
CALORIES!
Schu: .. That sounds like a horribly amusing song.
Verie: It IS.
Others: o.o; DON'T LET HIM LISTEN TO IT!!!!
Schu: -.- If you people don't shut up, I'll sing Rammstein.
Others: NOOOOOOOO!!!!
Schu: Exactly.
Verie: Schwarzes Glas. ^_^
Nagi: You only like that song because it has the word "Schwarz" in
it.
Verie: .. shut up. It's a good song. As is Groovy Blue. ~turns to Brad~
HINT HINT.
Brad: Never. I'd rather die.
Verie: Fine, then. If you won't sing, we'll just have to do a chapter.
THE PIRATES OF MEN'S PANTS!
Brad: THAT'S PENZANCE!
Verie: Not this version.
Brad: ~twitch~ ~twitch~
Verie: Anyhow, you all get COSTUMES. So MWAHA.
Others: ~grumble and go off to get their costumes~
Schu: Mwuahahaha! I'm a pirate! ~cackles like a rabid squirrel [that
laugh. The one he does in the episode where Ouka dies. He sounds like a
rabid squirrel. I've probably mentioned this before.]~
Verie: Yes. Yes you are. And where the hell is Brad? -.-
Shinigami: You're never going to get him to wear that costume...
Verie: It's exactly the same as the one the guy wore in the showing
of Penzance we saw..
Shinigami: I know. O.o;
Jim: Hoe?
Verie: The Pirate King's costume.
Jim: .. With the hat?
Verie: .. no, more like with the shirt. And the pants.
Jim: .... Aaaah.
Verie: Yeeeaah. And he's going to wear it if it kills him. ~goes off
to find Brad~
Others: ~follow~
*A Few Seconds Later*
Brad: I am NOT wearing this!
Verie: And why not? It's not that bad. .. It's actually the best costume
here.
Brad: This is NOT a shirt. It's SLEEVES and a BELT.
Verie: .. Wait... you're not going to complain about the pants?
Brad: I'm getting to that.
Verie: Ah.
Brad: I am not wearing this.
Verie: Yes, yes you ARE. It's called FANSERVICE. And there is an incredible
LACK of fanservice from your end, therefore, I must remedy that.
Brad: It DOESN'T NEED TO BE REMEDIED.
Shinigami: I don't know, it's pretty pathetic how people consider the
part where you take off your tie to be fanservice.
Verie: ... X.x; shut up. It makes me happy.
Shinigami: See my point?
Brad: You're all VULTURES.
Schu: I like the shirt...
Brad: ... All the more reason for me NOT to wear it.
Verie: FANSERVICE!
Brad: NO.
Verie: Listen, you either shut up and wear your sleeves, or you can
go without. That's more fanservice-ee anyway.
Brad: .. I hate you.
Verie: And the pants.
Brad: NO.
Schu: He doesn't need pants.. ~snickers evilly~
Brad: ~twitch~
Yohji: ... Please no. I don't need to see that. >.;
Schu: No one cares about you.
Verie: He's got a point.
Yohji: ... You people have no taste. All of you.
Jim: Yohji likes you.
Others: O.o eh?
Jim: .. Mononoke.
Ken: wait... there's MORE of you?!
Verie: OBVIOUSLY! ... But Mononoke scares me.
Shinigami: She scares everyone.
Verie: True, that. Anyhow, back on topic.. Brad, you can wear the sleeves
and the belt the pants--
Brad: They're leather.
Verie: Yes. Yes they are.
Brad: I REFUSE to wear leather.
Verie: In which case, I can simply up the rating and you can go without.
^_^ Seeing as how we've already confiscated your suits.
Brad: . . . I hate you.
Verie: And you're not getting them back until the chapter's over. ^_^
Brad: . . . I really hate you.
Verie: And you're the Pirate King. Who steals men's pants.
Shinigami: Thus, the Pirates of Men's Pants!
Brad: ... This was your doing, wasn't it?!
Shinigami: .. She asked me for help with a plot. ^_^;;
Brad: I despise all of you.
Schu: But we knew that.
Narrator: You've been on over-time ever since everyone went off to
get their costumes.
Verie: I KNOW that. Anyhow, quick plottish stuff... Ken, you're taking
the place of Frederick. Because I say so. You were apprenticed to Brad,
but your apprenticeship ended, so you ran off to some island, taking your
pants with you.
Ken: .. the heck..?
Verie: Shut up. It's a plot. The pirates steal pants, and so, since
you're not a pirate, you leaving their ship with pants is a bad thing.
So you go off to the island, and you take Schu, the stand-in for Ruth,
with you.
Schu: .. Wait... who's Ruth?
Verie: The piratical-maid-of-all-work.
Schu: That works.
Verie: But you get to be a guy in this. Because I don't want to make
you cross-dress.
Omi: Gee, thanks a lot. -.-
Verie: ^_^;; Anyhow, so Ken runs off, stealing Schu and a pair of pants.
And they're on an island. There they meet the a bunch of guys, because
in the actual version it's a bunch of women but I'm being nice and not
making anyone cross-dress, and start hitting on them. Then they meet the
Major General, played by Aya. .. And I shouldn't be giving away the plot.
O.o;
Narrator: No, you shouldn't.
Verie: ANYHOW! Brad, if you don't cooperate, you have to wear that
for the rest of the fic.
Brad: ~death glare~
Verie: ... And the fic will go on until Pirates of the Caribbean comes
out on DVD.
Brad: ~twitch~
Verie: .. And I'll blackmail you into being Jack Sparrow and force
you to satchet when you walk.
Brad: I despise you.
Verie: ^_^ Now that that's settled... onto the show!
Shinigami: .. I want Schu to be Jack....
Verie: ~whispers~ He will be ^_^
Narrator: OVER-TIME.
Verie: ~sob~ Shut up!
************************
Our story takes place on an island,
far, far away. (A/N: ... That's quite possibly the stupidest opening line
yet. -.-;)
.. Shut up Verie. Anyhow, this island was inhabited by pirates, and it was a horrible place where pirates would escape to.
... Think Las Vegas, only piratical.
"Wait.. .. THERE'S A BAR HERE, ISN'T THERE?!" .. Schuldich, shut up. I'm describing the setting.
"Bar. Now."
... To your left.
"HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!"
.. Now that he's out of the way...
Anyhow, so, lurking in a local Baskin Robins, was Ken. Ken wa-
"... This is NOT a bar."
Sure it is. It's the closest thing to a bar we can get considering the rating.
".. A Basking Robins."
Yep.
"... I HATE you. What kind of a pirate story is this?!! WHERE'S THE PROSTITUTES?! THE ALCOHOL!! THE BARS FOR THE LOVE OF deity deleted to protect the religious!!!!!!"
They've been slightly alterred to protect the rating. Why do you think you're official job title is "piratical-maid-of-all-work" and not censored?
"... I'm surprised you didn't change me into the censored milkman." Schuldich grumbled.
That can be arranged.
"Censored you."
ANYHOW, if there aren't anymore interruptions, Ken is lurking in a local Baskin Robins. As it turns out, Ken is an unwilling apprentice to a local pirate ship, run by the Pirate King himself.
For a long time now, Ken has been planning to escape from the pirates, and with the ship finally docked, he sets his plan into action.
"I'll steal a ship. Along with all the men's pants, because you can never have too many pants, and pants are worth a lot of money."Ken exclaimed. .... Verie, you're on crack.
(A/N: Hey! Just think of the pants as a form of currency... everyone loves pants.)
... Riiight.
"Are you plotting to steal the Captain's pants, Ken?" Schuldich smirked, walking in.
"What? NO!! Of course not! I would never dream of stealing the Captain's pants! ... Censored that sounds.. so wrong..." Ken twitched.
"Hehe... this chapter is amusing. Anyhow, I KNOW you're plotting to steal the Captain's pants. And as the local piratical-man-of-all-work, it's my duty to report you. .. Unless of course, you offer me something I can't refuse."
"... I'm not certain I want to..." Ken sweatdropped.
"Well then, it looks as though I'll have to report you to the Captain after all...."
"Wait!! I'll um.. split the loot with you."
".. You mean the pants."
".. Um.. yeah." Ken said nervously.
". . . That's quite possibly the strangest thing anyone has ever offered me." Schuldich blinked.
".. And it's the strangest thing I've ever offered someone." Ken responded.
"Well then... sure, why not. As long as there's more than one pair of pants involved. Because splitting one pair of pants would be horribly strange." Schuldich said.
".. The entire thing is horribly strange."
"... True. .. Hey, can we steal pants that people are wearing?!" Schuldich exclaimed.
".. Don't even think about it." Ken glared.
"Aaaw.. but c'mon! The Captain hates those pants so much, we'd be doing him a favor..." Schuldich snickered evilly.
"NO."
".. You're no fun." Schuldich sighed.
So, later, while the rest of the pirate band was still out, Ken and Schuldich stole quite a few of the pants (as it turns out, there were too many for them to take on the boat they were planning on stealing), then moved them all to a boat and set off, to escape the pirates.
~~~~~~~~~~
Later, with the pirates...
"... They're gone. And they took some pants." Crawford, the Pirate King and Captain of the ship said half-heartedly.
".... deity deleted to protect the religious laughs." Farfarello said angrily.
"Brad, if you don't get more in-character you're never seeing a normal shirt again." Verie said, fiddling with the feather on her hat.
".. And why are you cast in this?" Crawford glared.
"Because we didn't have enough people to be pirates, and I wanted a spiffy hat with a feather on it." Verie stated simply.
"PHWEE!" Jim said, bouncing around in her spiffy Nazi/Pirate-boots and playing with a bunch of feathers that were left-over from the making of the hats.
"We'll get the pants back, or else my name is Miscellaneous-Pirate-Number-Fifty-Six-And-Seven-Tenths!" Verie declared.
"... Aye." Brad grumbled.
And so, the pirates took off in a random direction hoping to find the treacherous Ken and Schuldich and get the pants back!!
~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile, Ken and Schuldich had landed on a distant and uncharted island.
".. This is all YOUR fault!! If you hadn't have dragged me into this, I could be back at the ship plotting to steal the Captain's pants!" Schuldich whined.
"... STOP SAYING THAT!" Ken whined.
".. Stop fantasizing!" Schuldich exclaimed indignantly.
"You're the one who keeps on conjuring up the mental images! I don't WANT to see them!" Ken argued.
"Suuure. And everyone says I'M the hentai! NOW STOP FANTASIZING!!!!"
"I'M NOT FANTASIZING! You're purposely inducing bad mental images!!"
And so, Ken and Schuldich continued arguing, until they saw two boys not to far down the beach.
"... Oh censored. ... We have to flirt with... NAGI AND OMI?!" Ken exclaimed.
"No problem there." Schuldich said, walking off.
"B-but... I feel like such a pedophile." Ken sighed.
"That's because you ARE a pedophile." Schuldich stated.
"I AM NOT!!" Ken exclaimed defensively.
"Oh yeah, suuure. Mr. Child's Soccer Coach." Schuldich said.
"..... STOP DOING THAT!!!" Ken screamed, trying to get rid of the bad mental image.
"Hehe.. you're too easy." Schuldich said, walking up to one of the boys.
"Why, hello there!" He said suggestively.
"... Why do I always get stuck with the degrading roles...?" Nagi grumbled.
"AHEM. Who keeps on having to be the princess?! ME." Omi glared.
".. I can't hit on Omi. I just can't." Ken whined.
"Face it, you can't hit on ANYONE. Even when you TRY. .. Because you SUCK." Schuldich said.
"AHEM."
Schuldich and Ken looked behind them, to find a very angry looking Major General.
".. Umm.. hello there." Ken whimpered.
"Shi-ne." Aya glared at Schuldich.
"I swear, I didn't touch him officer!" Schuldich exclaimed.
"Sir, I would like to request permission to marry your son!" Ken said, twitching slightly.
"I object to having pirates at sons-in-laws!" Aya exclaimed angrily.
"Well, we object to having a Major-General as a father-in-law, but we're willing to waive that." Schuldich winked.
Aya looked thoughtful, but then, the Pirate King and his band stormed up!
"RETURN MY PANTS IMMEDIATELY! ... The pants. That's it. THE pants...." Crawford blinked, muttering something aboud idiotic plot lines.
"Or else we'll kill you all!" Farfarello added.
"BWEE!" Verie exclaimed.
"PHWEE!"
"NO DA!"
".. Did I mention I'm an orphan?" Aya asked quickly.
"Yeah, me too." Nagi said.
"Me three." Omi added.
".. But I thought--" Ken started,
"Shut up." Nagi glared.
"... Actually, no, no you didn't." Crawford stated.
"Do you have any idea what it's like to be an orphan?" Aya asked.
"Actually.... we do." Crawford stated.
"Really. Then you must know how horribly painful it is." Aya said.
"We can't kill an orphan!" Verie whined dramatically.
"Often?" Jimmy asked.
"No, orphan." Shinigami corrected.
"It sounds like he's saying 'often' to me." Jimmy said.
"No, no, I'm saying 'orphan.'" Aya said.
"It sounds like 'often' to me too, actually." Crawford stated evilly.
"Well then, I can kill an often just fine." Verie smirked.
"ORPHAN! I'M AN ORPHAN! O-R-P-H-A-N!" Aya exclaimed.
"Oh. An orphan." The pirates sighed.
"We don't kill orphans." Shinigami stated.
"Because we're all orphans ourselves." Jimmy nodded.
"Yeah, we're orphans too." Schuldich nodded.
"All the pirates are orphans, idiot." Brad glared.
"Well I haven't seen this play." Schuldich pouted.
"Considering you're all orphans.. I would like to request that you return the pants. Despite the fact that we can't harm you because you're orphans." Brad stated.
"... No." Ken said.
The pirates twitched.
"But..." Jimmy said.
"No. The pants are OURS." Ken declared.
".. Well... that sucks." Verie blinked.
"Deity deleted to protect the religious is mocking us..." Farfarello grumbled.
"That he is." Verie agreed.
"There's no helping it. You four can set up camp here for the night, and I'm going to find someplace very far away from all of you." Brad stated, walking off.
"... That sucks more." Verie whined.
"... Phwee."
~~~~~~~~~~
So, that night, Aya went to the ruins near his mansion to repent.
.. For, he is NOT an orphan.
".. Actually, I AM." Aya glared.
But you're not in this.
"... I see... so, everyone who's not an orphan, is, and the only person who is an orphan, isn't."
Exactly.
"... That makes very little sense." Aya grumbled.
"Haaallooo." Schuldich said, walking in.
"...." Aya glared.
"... What're you doing sitting around in some ruin?" Schuldich asked.
"I'm here to humble myself before the tombs of my ancestors in atonement for the lie I told those pirates." Aya stated.
".. What lie?" Schuldich blinked.
"I am... NOT an orphan." Aya stated sadly.
".. Gee. That sucks." Schuldich blinked.
".. It does." Aya responded.
"But these can't really be your ancestors.. because you just bought the place a month ago." Schuldich blinkded, remembering a conversation he had with Nagi a few hours ago.
"I don't know whose ancestors they are, but I feel I am their descendant by purchase." Aya replied.
"... Oh. .. Ok. So you're crazy." Schuldich nodded.
"Pretty much." Aya nodded as well.
"I'm going to lead an expedition against the pirates at eleven o'clock tonight." Ken spoke up.
".. And who exactly do you have backing you?" Schuldich arched an eyebrow.
"The police!" Ken declared.
".. Oh, well that works then." Schuldich said.
Little did they all know, the pirates were spying on them from outside.
".. So wait.. he's NOT an orphan, and they're sending the POLICE after us?!" Verie whined.
"Shut up, they'll hear you." Crawford glared.
"But... he's not an orphan!" Verie whined again.
"They lied! To PIRATES." Jimmy exclaimed.
"... You're all the sorriest bunch of pirates I've seen, but yes, yes they have." Crawford stated.
"... No insulting your inferiors." Verie grumbled.
"Why not?"
"Because you'll never see your suit again."
"Fine." Brad grumbled.
"General Aya is no orphan no da." Shinigami shook her head.
"More than that, he never was one!" Verie exclaimed.
"... I'm surrounded by idiots." Brad sighed.
~~~~~~~~
11:00 That Night...
"We are now ready to attack the pirates!" Ken declared.
"Hear hear!" Police Cheif Yohji exclaimed, drinking some more... um.... quite possibly alcoholic beverage.
"Oh, sure. He gets to drink. But not me! Nooo! No Jagermeister for Schuldich!" Schuldich whined bitterly.
".. Is it really going to do any good for you to send a drunken Police Chief out against a band of pirates?" Nagi arched an eyebrow.
"The only pirates we really have to worry about are the Captain and Farfarello." Ken stated.
"... True." Nagi said.
"And now, to commence the attack!" Ken declared importantly.
"If you don't mind, my sons and I will be staying in our house. Where it's safe." Aya stated.
"... Ok..." Ken blinked, as Aya, Omi and Nagi ventured back to the mansion.
So Ken, Schuldich, and Yohji ventured out to sneak up on the pirates and kill them.
However! The pirates were waiting for them!
"Give us back the pants!" Brad glared.
"Neeeveeer!" Ken exclaimed.
"BRADDIE!" Schuldich exclaimed, latching on to Crawford's leg.
". . . What the censored??" Crawford blinked.
"Did I ever mention how he kidnapped me and I really didn't want to leave and I had nothing to do with this at all?" Schuldich asked, looking up at Crawford innocently.
".. No, no you didn't. And it's a load of censored anyway." Crawford glared.
"You know, I can steal your pants from down here." Schuldich snickered evilly.
". . ."
"Anyhow, it was all so awful! He threatened me--"
"I did not!" Ken exclaimed.
"AHEM. I'm telling the story here. He threatened me and hauled me off to this island and he wouldn't let me go back to you and then the Police Chief started drinking in front of me!" Schuldich sobbed into Crawford's leg.
"... Get off." Crawford glared.
Schuldich sobbed louder, and Yohji passed out from drinking too much.
"... You know what? You're all useless." Ken sighed, glaring at Schuldich and Yohji.
"Hey, so are we!! Don't leave me out!" Verie exclaimed.
"... I'm not useless." Jimmy said.
"Yes you are." Brad stated.
"No, I just don't like you." Jimmy said.
"The feeling's mutual. ... Schuldich, get OFF." Brad glared down at Schuldich again.
"No." Schuldich said, grinning up at Brad.
".. .You know what? Considering the fact that all of my forces have either defected or are currently passed out, you can have the pants back." Ken sighed.
"Good. And you can have the German back." Brad stated.
"What? NO!" Schuldich exclaimed, tightening his grip.
"That was a really stupid thing to say, Brad." Verie snickered.
"That's Crawford to you." Brad glared.
"El Capitan." Verie said.
Brad muttered something under his breath.
"Actually, you can keep him. I'm perfectly happy here. ... Bye!" Ken said, running off before anyone could attack him.
"... I hate you all." Brad grumbled.
"Wait.. aren't we supposed to be killing the General? .. For lying to us about being an orphan?" Jimmy asked.
"Technically. But we're not really orphans either." Verie said.
"But we knew that." Shinigami blinked.
"Yeah, but we should probably let him off, considering that fact." Verie nodded.
"... That works then." Jimmy said.
"... Wait.. we're NOT killing anyone?" Farfarello asked.
"Nope." Verie stated.
". . . censored." Farfarello grumbled.
".. Schuldich. Let go. NOW."
"Never!"
"... I think we should leave them alone now." Verie smirked evilly, dragging Shinigami off.
"NOOOO! DAAAAA!"
Jimmy and Farfarello followed.
"... Hey.. the chapter's over right?"
".... Apparently."
".. I CAN STEAL YOUR PANTS NOW!"
"CENSORED SCHULDICH!"
********************
A/N:
I'm in a writing rut. So sue me. x.x;; Anyhow.. FINALLY! A CHAPTER! YAY!!!! ... I'm actually not particularly fond of this chapter, but oh well. I'm not particularly fond of anything I write until at least five months after I write it, so that might explain that problem ^_^;;;
And a few notes on the real Penzance...
For one thing, the pirates don't attack anyone who's an orphan, so they never get to attack anyone, because everyone knows that they don't attacks orphans, so they just claim to be one themselves. Thus, they're really crappy pirates.
For another, in the actual play, there's a big thing where Frederick (played by Ken, if you recall) turns 21, so he's no longer apprenticed to the pirates (this is all in the very beginning), so he decides to leave, and the pirates make him take Ruth (Schu). As opposed to him running away and willingly taking Ruth with him.
Later, it turns out that Frederick was born on leap year, and since the apprenticeship goes by birthday, he's only served 5 of his 21 years. This is when he's forced to tell the Pirate King that Major General Stanley isn't really an orphan. So that's how the pirates find out in the real version ^_^;;
And then in the end, it turns out the pirates aren't really orphans, but are actually noblemen gone wrong. This is about the point where they're about to kill Major Stanley. ... No, I really have no idea what the hell is up with that either. But oh well. The play didn't make sense, so I found no problem in horribly maiming it for this chapter.
And now on to my normal horribly off-topic rambling!!!
Did anyone got to Anime Expo this year??? Because I did. And it was fun, but I didn't get to meet anyone. ~sob~ Shinigami and Jimmy were also there. We all cosplayed Fushigi Yuugi. I bet none of you can guess who Shinigami was! (- sarcasm). And I was in desperate need of a haircut (.. I still am. ~sob~ Need... haircut! I haven't had one since like.. January. -.-; Mom won't let me get one because there's "no reason to" because I'm not in school right now. ~grumbles angrily~)
For anyone who missed it/want to figure out if they saw us:
And I'm leaving you to guess who's who. MWUAHAHAHAHA. (No really, I want you to guess. :P Note that one of the Miakas isn't part of our group, and that there is only ONE guy in that picture [we get mistaken for guys enough so that I feel I must emphasize this]) Other people involved would be Mononoke Yohji (mentioned in the beginning of the fic because she's evil and NEEDS TO STOP GLOMPING ME!!! .. And Shinigami.), Aya, and Hell (he's the only guy. He's supposed to be Tasuki. Yes, his nickname is from Schreient. We're evil like that.)
And be afraid of next year. We're all cosplaying from Weiss. .. And a few of us already have most of our costume (.. I'm lacking PANTS. [Pants just seem to be the topic of the day, don't they?] -.- Because it's a men's suit and so the pants don't fit. But everything else is fine. ^_^;; Yes, I'm Brad. Obviously!)
... And this is a ridiculously long A/N (but when are mine NOT?) , so I'd just like to thank everyone for reviewing! And sorry for the horrible lateness! .. AGAIN. x.x;
And because I can't go without quoting Bryce...
"So I said to the guy; 'These aren't my pants!'"
.. Yes, I've been waiting way to long to do that.