A Time of Healing 5
Disclaimer: I own neither ER nor any of its characters and I'm not trying to make any profit by writing this story.
Author's note: This story takes place somewhere during the summer between seasons 9 and 10, about a month after the Evil Amputation. It's about Romano and Elizabeth and how they find themselves in each other's company during the time of Romano's medical leave. I've read no spoilers for season 10, so there won't be any of them in this story either. Whatever will be written, will be pure speculation of what might happen.
Rated PG-13 for now, but the rating may go up in later chapters.
Chapter 5 ~ Together Again
Two nights after dining with Robert, Elizabeth woke up with a start. She had been dreaming – about Robert of all people! She had been at his house again, only this time everything had looked somehow different. First of all, Robert had two arms and he had been outside trimming the garden. She had opened the door that had been ajar, walked through the empty house, and finally found him from the backyard all sweaty, his wet shirt glued to his body, revealing all the muscles. Elizabeth had never seen Robert like that while awake, and she had no idea how the image had entered her mind, but in the dream it had all seemed very natural – and real. Then she had gone to him, without any hesitation – and then, still as if it was the most natural thing in the world, she had kissed him, tasting the sweat on his lips. The dream had ended with Robert muttering against her lips that she was beautiful and that he loved her.
Elizabeth shook her head, returning to reality. It was just a dream. Dreams were supposed to be crazy. Of course she would never really kiss Robert…although technically she already had – she had kissed his cheek. She had no idea what had prompted the action, but at that moment it had seemed like the right thing to do. Elizabeth shook her head again, this time more vehemently. A little peck on the cheek was not the same thing as kissing someone's lips.
But Robert's words from the dream kept ringing through her head:
'I love you, Elizabeth.' Those had been his words, and now that she was fully awake, Elizabeth realized she had heard the words before - only that time she hadn't been the one dreaming. Robert had said those words to her when he had been coming out of his anesthesia after the amputation.
Elizabeth sighed. She hadn't taken the words seriously at the time – or hadn't wanted to take. She had told herself it was all because of the drugs, but she still couldn't completely brush off the possibility of Robert having meant every word he said. In fact, deep down she knew she could only blame the drugs for him having said something he hadn't meant to say, not for him having said something he didn't mean.
A series of memories rushed through Elizabeth's mind as she was trying to convince herself that Robert couldn't possibly love her, but even though the early memories clearly supported this, the latest ones seemed to be indicating that what had once been lust had perhaps indeed turned into something much more over the years.
So, maybe Robert did love her. But did she love him? For the third time that morning, Elizabeth shook her head. Of course she didn't love him. Why was she even asking that of herself, knowing full well what the answer was? She cared about Robert, yes. She couldn't deny that. But there was a great difference between caring and loving. And yet, there was something about her feelings for Robert that she couldn't quite grasp, nor define, nor – and this was the scariest part – control.
Elizabeth sighed and, willing to take her mind elsewhere, looked at the clock on her bedside table. Only 7. Who would have thought she was having a vacation? Even Ella was still asleep. She yawned. It would be pointless to try to sleep any more, knowing that Ella would probably start making noises in her crib as soon as she'd catch sleep again. She could just as well go and make herself some coffee, and try to forget her dream before seeing Robert again – otherwise the meeting might turn out to be a bit awkward.
He had called the day before to make sure she was still coming. They had agreed to meet at noon at his house and she would bring Ella with her. At first Elizabeth had been a bit apprehensive about how Ella and Robert would hit it off, but then she had to ask herself what there was to worry: It was not like this was going to turn into any habit. Ella and Robert wouldn't see each other often so it didn't really matter if they'd get along or not.
But still, Elizabeth found herself hoping they would enjoy each other's company. She didn't know what Robert was like with kids, nor was she sure how Ella would react to a man who wasn't her father. Did she even remember Mark anymore? Just as she was considering how to tell Ella about Robert's accident and the fact that he lacked an arm, the little girl started chanting for 'mommy' from her crib, making sure she'd be heard and let out.
"I'm coming my dear," Elizabeth yelled from downstairs, setting down her coffee and climbing the stairs to get Ella. She opened the door to Ella's room, which was right next to her own chamber, and conjured a smile on her face: "Good morning, honey," she greeted her daughter. "Did you sleep well?"
"Ella want out," the girl stated, stomping with her feet. Elizabeth noticed she was getting a bit big for her crib already. She would probably have to start considering buying a real bed soon. 'But not yet,' she told herself as she lifted Ella up from the crib.
A bit later at the breakfast table Elizabeth decided to tell Ella about Robert. She let the toddler finish her cereal and then began:
"Ella, what do you say if we go to see a friend of mom's today?"
"Who friend?"
"A friend from work," Elizabeth explained. "His name is Robert and he has been a bit sick lately so he'd be happy if someone visited him."
Ella frowned.
"Mommy always with sick people," she pointed out.
"That's mommy's work," Elizabeth sighed. "Mommy tries to cure sick people so that they can get better again."
"Will mommy make Roba better too?"
"I don't know if I can," Elizabeth replied, smiling sadly. "You see, Robert had an accident and he hurt his arm very badly – so badly actually that he doesn't have that arm anymore."
"Ow." Ella frowned. "Will mommy put arm back?"
Elizabeth sighed. It was hard to explain a two-year-old about sensory recovery and infections – not to even mention amputations and prosthesis.
"No," she replied, still with a sad smile on her face. "But mommy will try to make Robert feel better."
"How?"
Now there was a good question, Elizabeth thought. She really had no idea how anyone could make a man feel better after he had lost an arm and a career.
"I don't know," she replied honestly. "But I will try."
Ella was silent and thoughtful for a while, then she lifted her head determinedly and announced:
"Then Ella will try too."
Elizabeth smiled and got up to hug and kiss her daughter. So far things were going better than she had even dared to hope.
In the meanwhile Robert was busy preparing for the arrival of both Elizabeth and Ella. He had decided on a picnic on the backyard and was making salad and little snacks to be had on the lawn. Keeping himself busy, he found, was a great way of getting his thoughts away from the approaching meeting for which he had two reasons to feel apprehensive. The first was Ella and how she would react to him and his unnatural number of limbs. The second was, as always, Elizabeth. Their dinner two days ago had ended in a way he hadn't even dared to dream of and now he wasn't sure of what he should expect of her or what she expected of him. As much as he wanted to return her favor and greet her with a peck when she arrived, he wasn't sure if she'd allow that. She might already be regretting the fact that she'd kissed his cheek in the first place.
'You wanted a sign. Isn't that sign enough for you?' he kept asking himself, but each time the answer was the same: 'No'. Just because Elizabeth wasn't trying to strangle him wasn't enough of an implication that she suddenly was falling for him.
But she had agreed to come to see him again today, and she was bringing Ella with her. That had to mean something too. At least she didn't hate him anymore.
This time Robert took care of getting dressed well in time, as well as of having all the food prepared before Elizabeth's arrival. Nothing was going to go wrong.
The doorbell rang at quarter past noon. Elizabeth had also learned from their previous meeting and, instead of arriving earlier than expected, she came, with Ella in tow, fifteen minutes later. Robert was relieved when he finally saw Elizabeth's car pulling in. As much as he hated to admit it, he had already began to fear she had changed her mind.
Robert hurried down to open the door, but at the doorway they immediately found themselves in a danger of falling into an awkward silence when neither of the adults seemed to be certain of how to greet the other. Fortunately the wall between them was soon broken by Ella's excited exclamation:
"Roba!"
"I told her a bit about you this morning," Elizabeth explained, smiling at Robert's surprised expression.
"Well, that explains it," he noted, also shrugging of the stiffness. "I mean, I know I'm hard to forget and all, but it's been a while since she's seen me – not since –" he cut off, remembering all too well the last time he had seen Ella. By the look on Elizabeth face, she remembered it too.
"Not since last Halloween," she completed the sentence quietly.
Instinctively Robert stole a glance at Elizabeth's left hand, but as he had noticed before, the ring wasn't there anymore. Again, Ella had to save them from another awkward moment:
"Roba sick," she stated, pointing at where Robert's left arm had been.
Robert smiled at the child.
"You think so?" he asked, noticing how blue her eyes were. Just like her mother's.
"Mommy will make Roba better," Ella continued emphatically.
At this point Robert turned his attention from the girl back to her mother.
"Really?" he asked, directing her words to Ella but not letting his eyes leave Elizabeth's face. "Is that what she will do?"
Ella nodded enthusiastically, but Elizabeth did not answer. She colored slightly and then chose to change the subject:
"Robert, are you sure you haven't left anything in the oven?" she asked, her lips slowly curling into a smile.
"As much as that would bring you satisfaction, no," Robert replied in kind, deciding do drop the first subject in order to avoid any more uncomfortable silences. "Everything is prepared for a nice little picnic in the backyard, so there won't be any use for the oven today. Will you follow me?"
Robert moved aside from the doorway and let Elizabeth enter together with Ella. The house was exactly like it had been two days earlier – but something was clearly missing. Elizabeth looked around. She let Ella down, but kept a hold of her hand so she wouldn't wander too far.
"Where's Gretel?", she asked when she finally figured out what it was that was missing.
"Upstairs, sleeping" Robert replied, getting serious. "I guess it's the heat. She's been pretty much out of it all day. She isn't exactly young anymore."
"I'm sorry," Elizabeth voice was full of compassion. She had seen how much the dog meant to him. "Do you think she'll get better when it cools down, or…?"
"I don't know," he replied. "Probably. She's had days like this before."
"Oh,"
"So, " Now it was Robert who wanted to change the subject. "Shall we get out? I'll just pick up the basket and we can settle down on the lawn."
"Sounds good to me," Elizabeth replied, smiling again. She looked down at her daughter: "Ella?"
"Out!" Ella stated, and so it was settled.
Robert went to fetch the picnic basket he had prepared and then he led the ladies out of the back door to a large and quiet yard. It looked like there had once been a garden, but lately it had clearly been abandoned. The lawn had grown so that the grass easily reached above the ankles. Two apple trees were standing quietly in the far end of the yard and what flowers grew among the grass were all wild and unkept. Yet, it was the very unruliness of the place that made it look intriguing as opposed to the other well-kept gardens of the neighborhood.
"Um…I'm sorry this is a bit…messy," Robert began to excuse the surroundings as soon as he stepped out after Elizabeth and Ella. "It's a bit hard to mow the lawn with only…"
"It's lovely," Elizabeth interrupted him, turning to face him with a dreamy look on her face. "Beautiful."
Robert sighed in relief.
She walked on to where the apple trees were growing and let Ella toddle freely in the long grass. The hedge separating them from the rest of the world was so tall and thick that nothing could be seen of the other side.
"This must be a great place to relax," Elizabeth said conversationally.
"It' ok," Robert replied, having followed her steps. "Do you wan to sit down here?"
"Yeah. I think I could use the shadow of these trees," she nodded. "It's been so hot."
"I know. But we only get this once a year in Chicago so I won't complain."
"You've lived here all your life?"
"I was born and raised here. I guess this is where I'll always keep coming back."
Robert was surprised of how simple it felt to be talking to Elizabeth like this, openly – as if that was the way they had always talked – even though in fact this was the first time. This was the way things should have been long ago.
"What about you?" he asked to keep the conversation up once it had started. "Do you miss England?"
"Sometimes," Elizabeth replied, watching as Ella picked up a flower, sniffed it, dropped it, and kept toddling on. Then she turned to look at Robert again. "But I'm not sure if that's where I belong anymore."
"I know the feeling," Robert sighed. "But you know what they say; 'home is where the heart is'".
"And your heart is here?"
"Well, at least my arm is here," Robert retorted, "So I guess I can say a part of me will always bee in Chicago."
They both chuckled a little, but as the subject was still painful for both of them, the laughter died off pretty quickly.
"As for my heart…" Robert continued when Elizabeth didn't say anything. A part of him wanted to confess all his feelings to her and let her either encourage him or smash everything. In a way, both options seemed better than sticking to the situation he was now in; still hoping, but not knowing if there was any real reason for it. If he told Elizabeth he loved him and she said she could never love him back, it would break his heart, but that way he might at least in time have a chance to move on instead of hanging on to the last bits of hope, like he had done with his arm before deciding to 'cut the losses'. Only, amputating a heart would be more painful than amputating an arm.
When Robert's thoughts reached this point, his courage failed. He wasn't ready for another loss so soon.
"As for my heart," he repeated, trying to speak lightly. "I didn't know you actually thought I had a heart."
Elizabeth, who had been fearing Robert would say something more serious, and had been trying to decide how she should reply, only let out a nervous giggle when she heard his words. She hadn't realized before that it was possible to be feeling relieved and disappointed at the same time. Although she wasn't quite certain why she should even be feeling disappointed.
"I never thought you didn't have a heart," he protested as soon as she had recollected herself well enough to reply. "You just keep it well hidden."
At that point, to the relief of them both, they were interrupted by Ella who had picked up some more flowers and now came running to show them to her mother.
"Mommy, look!" she cried excitedly. "Flowas!"
"They're pretty," Elizabeth replied, taking the flowers from the girl and smelling them.
"Mama make Roba better already?" Ella asked next, her eyes inspecting Robert with a curious look in them, as if she was trying to decide whether the man was dying or not.
"She's doing pretty well," Robert replied before Elizabeth could, wondering if those little blue eyes could see through him as easily as the other pair that he knew so well could. "But," he then changed the subject, "I'm afraid she has forgotten that none of us is going to be feeling well in the end of the day unless we eat something now."
He opened the basket he had brought and under the curious eyes of both Elizabeth and Ella, took out everything he had made.
"Some sandwiches…" Robert itemized to fill the silence, even though the ladies could quite clearly see for themselves what he was taking out. "…Salad…" he continued, "…Fruit."
"Exactly how mane visitors were you expecting?" Elizabeth couldn't help asking when there seemed to be no end to the food that had been fitted into the basket.
"Didn't you say you always eat like a rhino?" Robert asked innocently, finally producing the last apples from the bottom.
"You said that, not I!" Elizabeth protested, folding her arms over her chest. "Which, by the way, wasn't very gentlemanlike."
"And when did I ever pretend to be a gentleman?" Robert countered, the sides of his mouth curling into a playful smile.
"You do have a point." Elizabeth had to admit.
"I always do."
"But it's very annoying,"
"What is?"
"That you're always –" Elizabeth cut off.
"What? Always right?" Robert, having stood up, looked triumphantly down at Elizabeth.
"No!"
"But you were going to say that."
"It doesn't matter because I didn't say –" Elizabeth cut off mid-sentence when she noticed that Robert was suddenly heading towards the house. " Where are you going?", she cried after him.
"To get the drinks from the fridge!" Robert quipped over his shoulder before disappearing into the house.
Two hours later they had all finished eating and Ella was beginning to show signs of tiredness as she crouched beside her mother under the apple trees and was soon asleep.
Robert and Elizabeth exchanged looks and, as if on cue, dropped their voices so as not to wake up the girl.
"If you want to take her inside the house, there's a bed in the guestroom," Robert whispered, motioning towards the sleeping child.
Elizabeth shook her head.
"I think we'd better get going," she hissed. "She has had so much action today she could sleep for hours."
"I don't mind," Robert replied honestly, locking Elizabeth's eyes and willing her to stay.
"I'm sure you have better things to do than…" Elizabeth tried to protest, but she felt herself drowning into the depths of Robert's dark eyes, and after a while she couldn't bring herself to think of any good reason not to stay. What would she do alone at home anyway, if Ella was sleeping?
"You haven't even taken that tour around the house yet," Robert pointed out, not breaking their eye contact.
Elizabeth, however, looked down and smiled.
"That's true," she admitted, finally making up her mind. "Ok, I – we'll stay then."
Robert could hardly believe his ears. Did she just say she would stay?
"You're staying?"
"Yes," Elizabeth smiled, feeling easier now that the decision was made. "But only until Ella wakes up," she hastened to add.
"Of course," Robert replied, beaming.
Elizabeth then quietly picked Ella up while Robert led the way into the house and up the stairs to where the guestroom was, and so Ella was soon tucked safely under the sheets. Elizabeth stayed behind for a while to make sure her daughter was still fast asleep and wouldn't wake up anytime soon. Then she followed Robert out of the room, feeling both apprehensive and oddly comfortable about spending the whole afternoon alone in his company.
To be continued…