A Time of Healing 7
Disclaimer: I own neither ER nor any of its characters and I'm not trying to make any profit by writing this story.
Author's note: This story takes place somewhere during the summer between seasons 9 and 10, about a month after the Evil Amputation. It's about Romano and Elizabeth and how they find themselves in each other's company during the time of Romano's medical leave.
I'm sorry I've again taken so much time to update. I've read some spoilers for season 10 now, and I wish I hadn't, but I promise this story is going to remain spoiler-free.
Sorry if this isn't such a great chapter. I've been a bit uninspired lately. :(
Rated PG-13 for now, but the rating may go up in later chapters.
Chapter 7 - Resolutions
Robert couldn't believe he had said those words aloud. And he couldn't believe that Elizabeth was still sitting next to him. Not that there was much to rejoice about that. He had always thought nothing could be worse than seeing her run away after he had said or done something emotional.
He had been wrong.
It was much harder to keep watching her, trying to guess whether the look on her face was pity, guilt, horror or something else. Whatever it was, it was not the same feeling he had just proclaimed – unless she had a very strange way of showing it. The fact that she had gone completely speechless wasn't making the situation any easier.
"Well, you wanted to hear the truth, so…" he said defensively.
Elizabeth was still silent. She was frantically searching for some witty remark to lighten up the mood, but all her ideas were pathetic at best. Robert's words had hit her harder than she had expected. It was almost as if his confession had managed to touch and find resonance in some part of her own feelings which she hadn't even known existed.
"I – I honestly don't know what to say, Robert," she finally spoke, abandoning the idea of laughing things off.
"I know," he replied quietly, "I understand."
"No, I don't think you do," Elizabeth said a little more firmly, "because I certainly don't understand."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I…I'm not sure." Elizabeth looked down at her fidgeting hands.
Robert snorted. If this was her way of trying to break it to him gently that she wasn't interested, then screw it all. He didn't want her pity.
"Really?" he snapped, more sharply than he had intended. "And which part might it be that you're finding so hard to understand? That I am foolish enough to still have feelings for you after you've made it so clear that you don't want anything from me? Or that I'm stupid enough to say it aloud? You're probably feeling so sorry for me now, but look – I don't want your pity, so why don't you just shove it!"
For a moment Elizabeth gaped at Robert in disbelief. Then she got up. She felt anger rising in her but she did nothing to stop it. If she'd learned anything from all the years she had worked with Robert, it was the fact that it was much easier to be angry and throw insults at him than to try and have a serious conversation.
"No. What I don't understand is why you always have to be such an insufferable prick," she spat out, "and I don't understand why I just can't hate you like any normal people would! Do you ever even listen to other people before you start barking at them?"
Elizabeth didn't stay to wait for an answer. She stormed out, banging the door shut behind her as she went, but she didn't get far before she began to feel awful about what she had just said. As if it was perfectly normal and acceptable for everyone to hate Robert. She knew she hadn't meant it, but did he know? He had taken enough crap lately even without her adding anything to it.
But she couldn't go back. Not yet. She was too much worked up and too confused. It was a bad combination. She was afraid she would act on an impulse and do something stupid. She needed more time.
Elizabeth forced herself to turn her back on the door again and walk away, and as she did so, she suddenly became very much aware of how much a part of her was hoping that Robert would come after her. But the door remained closed. Perhaps it was beneath Robert Romano to run after any woman.
Or perhaps it was just a man who had been rejected too many times trying to avoid yet another rejection.
Elizabeth's resolution almost broke, but she remembered Robert's words:
'I don't want your pity'
Fine. His wish would be granted.
Elizabeth soon found her way to the guest room, but as she opened the door and saw that Ella was still sound asleep, she didn't have the heart to wake her up just yet. It couldn't hurt anyone if she waited a little while longer.
Robert fell on his back on the bed as soon as Elizabeth was gone. She had done it again. Or he had done it again…Whatever. He had let his guard down and she had run. Only this time, he had driven her away because he hadn't been able to stand her presence anymore. If she didn't care about him, why didn't she just say so? It would have been easier for both of them. But no – she was sorry for him, he could see it, and she obviously didn't want to be responsible for breaking his heart.
She probably wasn't aware that now she was tearing him down piece by piece and that way making the torture much longer and more painful for him. Robert closed his eyes. He'd wait until she was out of the house and the less he'd see of her in the future, the better. If she wouldn't put an end to this, then he would.
That's what he should have done long ago.
Robert waited. Now she had probably picked up Ella and convinced the child that it was time to leave. Soon he would hear the front door being opened and closed, and then he'd hear her car. He wanted to get up and go peek through the window, just to get a last glimpse of her, but he convinced himself not to. If he was going to stay away from her he had better start learning self control. Besides, she might look up and see him.
Or not. She probably wouldn't bother.
And neither would he. He would wait until she was gone.
He waited…
….and waited.
But why couldn't he hear anything? Surely she should be out by now – unless…Robert sat up abruptly. What if she hadn't gone anywhere? He jumped up before he could remember his new resolution and rushed out of the room, hurrying through the floor until he reached the staircase. There he stopped.
The house was silent. Robert snorted. He had probably just been too busy swelling in his self pity to hear the door and the car. Of course she had gone. She had no reason to stay. He had been a fool.
Robert decided to go downstairs nevertheless, to pour himself a large drink – he might just as well, now that he had been stupid enough to get up. Anything with a decent amount of alcohol would do. The sooner he'd be senseless the better.
Having helped himself to a glass of brandy, and having taken a few gulps straight from the bottle to get started, he made his way to the living room – and nearly dropped his glass as he saw the sleeping form of Elizabeth curled up on his couch.
She was sleeping peacefully, a little smile gracing her lips. Robert hardly dared to breath in his fear of waking her up. As quietly as he could, he sat down on the chair opposite the couch and let out his breath. She was so beautiful. He felt he shouldn't be staring at her like he did, he knew she would feel uncomfortable if she knew, but he couldn't help himself.
Time went by and Robert had already finished his glass when Elizabeth finally stirred and opened her eyes. She started as she noticed where she was and then sat up quickly.
"What time is it?" she mumbled hastily, reaching for her own watch. "Where's Ella?"
"She's still sleeping," Robert replied softly, half relieved, half disappointed that she was only interested in the watch and scarcely seemed to notice his existence in the room – as if nothing had happened between them earlier.
Elizabeth relaxed and leaned back on the couch.
"I should probably go and wake her up soon," she sighed, "or she'll never sleep tonight."
But she made no effort to get up. Instead, for the first time after waking up, she let her eyes rest on Robert.
"I'm sorry I took over your couch," she said with a hint of a smile. "I was waiting for Ella to wake up and fell asleep myself."
"You're welcome to crash on my couch anytime you wish," Robert replied monotonously.
Elizabeth looked down guiltily and bit her lip. There was a silence, which she broke after a while:
"Look, Robert, I'm sorry…" she began, but Robert got up and began heading towards the kitchen to refill his glass.
"Don't be, it's just a couch," he quipped as he swept pass Elizabeth.
"I'm not talking about the bloody couch," she snapped and got up to follow him. Her voice softened again as she reached him in the kitchen:
"I shouldn't have yelled at you before." she almost whispered.
Robert set down his glass, but didn't turn to face Elizabeth. He couldn't. All his resolution would disappear if he allowed himself to look into her eyes.
"It's ok," he replied softly, staring into his glass. "It was my fault."
"No it wasn't," Elizabeth insisted gently, placing her hand on Robert's shoulder. "You said the most beautiful thing to me and I freaked out."
Robert did not reply. He smiled grimly at Elizabeth's words. So, his words had freaked her out? Perhaps the look on her face had been horror after all.
And yet, now her hand was resting so warmly on his shoulder and he was beginning to feel an almost irresistible urge to turn around and kiss her forcibly on the lips, even though he knew it could only turn into another disaster. He'd have to get a grip of himself.
"I don't know why I reacted like that," she continued, taking the glass away from Robert and setting it down so that it was out of his reach. "I guess, in a way, I already knew you had feelings for me. I thought I was ready to hear whatever you might have to say to me. I just didn't realize I might…eh…Never mind." Elizabeth trailed off. Robert had turned to look at her, his dark eyes burning with emotion and desire, and as she met his gaze she soon forgot what she had been intending to say. Surely it couldn't have been anything that important.
"I - I have to go and wake up Ella. It's getting late," she finally mumbled, blinking and taking a few cautious steps backwards. The fire in Robert's eyes disappeared instantly and she quickly began to regret her movement.
"Yeah, that would probably be the best," he said morosely.
"I'll call you tomorrow," Elizabeth offered almost apologetically. "This day has been just…too much." She didn't know how to express her feelings. In fact, she had no idea what her feelings really were. It was better to just flee now that she had already excused herself.
Before Robert could decide whether he should feel offended or hopeful, Elizabeth had disappeared upstairs to get Ella. But by the time she returned and bid him goodnight with a quick kiss on the cheek, he had decided to stay hopeful. Damn the resolutions. He had made another resolution much, much earlier, and he would rather hold on to that: he would get Elizabeth Corday if it was the last thing he did.
Once outside, Elizabeth tried to focus on putting a yawny Ella in the car.
"Did you sleep well, honey?" she asked, her mind still drifting back to the man she had left behind.
Ella nodded sleepily.
"Where's Roba?" she asked, as if reading her mother's mind.
"Robert is inside," Elizabeth replied, blushing against her will and turning to look towards the house just in time to see Robert's figure retreating from the window.
"Why Roba not come with us?" Ella continued her questioning.
"He lives here and we live in another place," her mother tried to explain. "Everybody must sleep in their own house."
Ella frowned, but didn't make any further questions before they were both in the car. Then she continued:
"Did mama make Roba better?"
Elizabeth fell silent. She looked down at the steering wheel until a smile finally crept onto her face.
"Not yet," she replied, turning to grin at Ella. "But I will."
"I will," she repeated to herself as she drove away, taking one last glance at the window that was now deserted.
To be continued…