Chapter 29
Returning
Spike stepped away from the wall and rubbed his hands together. "Where to next? Got a whole head full of things you might like to see." He smiled coyly and tucked his thumbs in his belt loops.
"No way. Uh uh. My turn. I don't want to know anything else about your perverted history with Angel."
"You sure, slayer? You seemed interested a few minutes ago."
"That wasn't interest, Spike. It was disgust. You and Angel...that's just gross." She rolled her eyes and began walking away, leaving him standing wide-eyed behind her.
"You don't understand anything about vampires, do you? All you know is the killing."
She turned back around with her hands on her hips. "That's all I need to know," she lied.
Inside she desperately wanted to ask all the questions that were now plaguing her. She wanted to know everything about Spike, Angel, and their life before Angel's soul. Neither vampire ever talked about it, keeping it hidden like a shameful secret. Buffy blinked her eyes to see Spike now standing directly in front of her.
"You should ask yourself sometime exactly what being a vampire means. Makes the hunt even better when you know your prey." He bit his bottom lip between his teeth and tilted his head slightly to the left. "Hard to believe you claim to love the poof and you don't even know him. What he is."
"I don't need a lecture, Spike. Especially from you. And I do know Angel. But things are different now. We're just friends."
"Oh. Yeah, I forgot. Just friends. Still playing that game, are we?"
She closed her eyes and sighed. "It's not a game. It's true. There's a lot you don't know and that's why we're here." She turned around again, not wanting him to see the hurt on her face.
She realized he was right. She'd fallen in love with both of them and hadn't even considered their history. They were vampires and what did she really know about them? Nothing before the past few years. Nothing about vampire lore and myths. She'd never wanted to know about the demon side. It was the part she'd tried to pretend wasn't there. The part she'd hated Spike for showing off and the part she'd loved Angel for trying to hide.
She was brought back from her thoughts when she felt Spike's body press against the back of hers and his voice whisper in her ear. "You sure you don't want to know his little secrets? What gets him going? Gets him off?"
"Spike." She tried to stop him.
"I could tell you. You know why?"
She stayed silent, her heart pounding in her chest at the feel of him so close, talking about things so intimate.
"Because he taught me. For eighteen years he taught me the pain and pleasure of it. Sometimes as punishment, sometimes reward. All the same really. I was his to do as he pleased." His hands caught her arms and began sliding up slowly, causing her flesh to prickle under him. "Another thing about vampires, luv. Pain reaps pleasure and Angelus knew all about pain."
She closed her eyes as his fingers glided their way further north, above her shoulder, slightly rubbing the skin beneath her ear. "You know about pain, slayer?"
She was lost in the sensation of him, longing to feel his touch and hear his words of love for her. She shuddered when she felt his tongue reach out to caress her neck, and felt his teeth nip at the tender skin. No. Not teeth. Fangs.
He grabbed her tightly at the elbows and let a low growl escape him. "Should know better than to turn your back on your enemy. You think if I bite you it'd be for real?"
She turned her head enough to see the face of his demon staring back at her. Buffy began to struggle and inwardly cursed herself for forgetting who she was with. Closing her eyes as his head tilted in toward her neck, with no time to waste she grabbed a hold of his hands and quickly thought of another time and place.
They were both thrown off balance and again surrounded in darkness. Buffy opened her eyes, shaking off the dizzy feeling as she became aware of her surroundings. She pushed herself off the ground and stood up, finding Spike doing the same beside her.
The anger was stirring inside of her, the last couple of days finally coming together in a whirlwind of emotion. She screamed out in frustration and charged for him, pushing him up against the wall.
"You stupid son of a bitch! I'm doing this to try to help you! Help us! And all you wanna do is sink your fangs in?!!" She let go and pulled her shirt away from her neck in an overly exaggerated fashion, making sure he'd see the trace of the mark from his first bite. "Well here you go, Spike. Here it is! Yours for the taking!"
He looked down and immediately caught sight of the scar. She watched as he closed his eyes and noticeably shuddered.
"What are you waiting for?! Go on! Do it!" She took a gamble and pushed her body against his, tilting her head to give him full access.
He stood staring wide-eyed for a moment and then shoved her away. "What the hell are you doing?! You'd never give up that easy!"
She felt a sigh of relief and let go of her collar. "Things have changed. That's what I've been trying to tell you! Spike, you didn't just get back from LA. We're not enemies anymore, and you aren't the big bad you used to be!"
He tilted his head in confusion. "Did you hit your head, slayer? Cuz you're not making any sense." He stopped mid sentence and pointed across the room. "And who the hell are they?"
Buffy took a moment to look around, finally remembering where she'd brought them. They were standing in the corner of his crypt, watching as a broken and bloody version of the vampire stared in amazement after sharing a gentle kiss with buffy. Spike listened to the words spoken between their doubles, not understanding anything about the scene before him. He glanced at Buffy and saw the traces of tears invading her eyes.
"This is when it all changed. This is when I knew." She reached up to wipe her cheeks and tried to keep any more tears from spilling.
"Knew what? What are you talking about?" he asked, suddenly feeling a hint of anxiety.
She looked around. " Three years ago. You'd just done something incredibly brave and selfless to protect Dawn. It was the first time I'd seen... the first time I let myself see the man you could be."
"Dawn?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.
"My sister. The one in the picture you were staring at. I know you recognized her," she accused.
"You don't have a sister."
"I'll explain that later, but now I want to know how you knew her?"
"I didn't. It was just a bloody dream." He pictured the images from the nightmare he'd experienced and shook them off when she spoke again.
"You saw her in a dream?"
"Was nothing. Just a flash."
"A memory? You've been remembering?"
He shrugged. "Don't know. It's all jumbled. None of the pieces fit."
"Spike," she said gently, "I need to show you the last few years."
"If it involves me finding out I don't want to kill you, I don't want to know."
She shook her head in sadness and looked down toward the ground. "I need you Spike. You need to know what happened to you."
"What's it to you? I'd assume you'd just as well dust me."
She managed a small smile and forced herself to look at him. "Sometimes I wish I had."
He shoved his hands into his pockets and took an unneeded breath. "Let's get to it then. Three years you say?"
She glanced around her and back to him. "It'd probably be easier if we sit. I think if it comes all at once, it might unblock whatever's causing you to forget."
"Your call, slayer."
He pushed his duster out of the way and sat down on the ground as she did the same and scooted closer to face him, reaching for his hands. He reluctantly took them.
"Concentrate and just try to be open to it."
He nodded and closed his eyes.
Immediately the feelings came crashing like waves. Buffy decided not to hold back and threw everything at him. In her mind, she relived the images and emotions of all the memories she could conjure up. Starting with the Initiative, she worked her way through the list of important events. The chip, Adam, Dawn, his admittance of love, Glory, her death and resurrection and all their time spent together including the night he'd left. She worked through his return and the events leading up to when he disappeared, stopping finally when they were sitting holding hands in her living room. She opened her eyes to see Willow and Angel staring at them from the sofa and realized they were back.
Spike sat unmoving, with his eyes closed and a deep, troubled look on his face. Buffy reached over, placing her hand on his knee.
"Spike, are you okay?"
His breath became ragged, coming quickly in short pants.
"Spike," she called again.
"I'm fine, luv," he answered, stretching out his fingers. "Just need to get out of these bloody ropes."
"I mean, are you okay? Are you..... you again?"
Their eyes met and she knew instantly it was 'her' Spike staring back at her.
"I remember everything."
"Willow... could you?"
"Are we sure, Buffy? I mean he could be lying."
"Just do it," she answered impatiently.
Angel and Willow exchanged a glance and she began to chant the words to break the spell on the ropes.
Buffy tugged at them until Spike was finally free of his restraints. He stood up, caught himself glancing at the picture on the mantle, and stepped in to kiss Buffy softly.
She let the kiss linger until he pulled away, allowing her to see the pained look in his eyes.
"What is it?" she asked worriedly.
"Just need some time, pet. Need to clear my head." He turned and began to walk away.
"Where are you gonna be?"
He looked back over his shoulder at her and sighed heavily. "Where I belong." Turning back around, he made his way to the door and disappeared into the basement.
Willow moved closer to Buffy, grabbing her hand in reassurance. "He'll be okay. The important thing is that it worked, right? No more multiple personality Spike?"
"Yeah. I guess." Buffy answered, not hiding her concern.
"Can't be easy. Imagine all your memories from the last few years coming back all at once? The guy must be freaked."
"I suppose. You think I should go talk to him?"
"No. I'd leave him alone for awhile."
Angel finally stood up from his spot on the sofa and moved to join them. "He'll need you after a while. Right now he's dealing with more than just the memories. He's probably beating himself up because of the soul too."
Buffy looked at him with a less than understanding expression. "The soul?"
"He killed people, Buffy. And his soul didn't stop it from happening. He's gonna be in pretty bad shape about it until he decides how to deal with it."
"I didn't think about it."
"And I'm sure that it's 'all' he's thinking about."
***************************
Spike was sitting on the mattress against the wall, wiping the falling tears from his cheeks. He'd spent several hours pondering his situation and came to the same conclusion over and over. He was screwed. He would never be a good man, he would never deserve Buffy and he would forever live with the fact that when given the chance his demon was stronger than he was. He'd only made himself feel worse after rethinking his actions over the last two days. He remembered all of it. He'd allowed the demon to overpower him even when his soul had been screaming it was wrong. He'd been weak, feeling the guilt of his actions but too far gone to recognize it for what it was. After all he'd gone through to win the damn soul, and then learning to live with it over the course of the past year, all wiped away as soon as it was put to the test. What good was it but a reminder that he was nothing more than a shell of a man.
The chip. He longed for the days when it held him at bay. A year without it and this was the result. With the chip, it never could have happened. His mind wandered as far as to consider finding those Initiative assholes and begging them to fit him with another piece of government technology. He was sure Buffy could find her ex-demon hunter cowboy if she had to. 'Probably pen pals after his last visit,' he scoffed to himself. He shook his head at the thought. There was no way he would stoop so low as to let Riley have the victory dance. Shattered as he was, he still had some ounce of pride.
Spike was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of footsteps on the stairs. He wiped away the last bit of evidence from his face and made the resolve to appear in control, hard as it may be.
Angel stepped forward, hands in his pockets, not speaking a word as he strode toward the other vampire.
Spike eyed him wearily and gestured back in the direction he came. "Sod off. Not in the mood for you."
"Don't imagine you are. Too bad for you I don't care what you want. "
"I mean it," came the reply in a threatening tone.
"You've been a bad, bad vampire. Haven't you William my boy?"
Blue eyes widened at the use of his given name. Angel had never called him William. "What's your game?" he asked, while rising cautiously to his feet.
"You should know by now, it's always a game. Us against them. Always has been, always will be and we'll always come out on top."
"Have you completely lost it? I don't talk in riddles, Angel. And I'm getting bored with this conversation."
"I thought I taught you better manners, boy. You listen when I talk and you do as I say. Or do you need a lesson?"
Spike looked dumbfounded at the larger man and tried to push past him. "I'm not putting up with this you ponce."
Angel grabbed his arm and pulled him back. "Seems you need a refresher in where your place is. Has it been so long you don't remember?"
The tension was marinating in the pit of his stomach and the blonde tried to control the demon fighting to come to the forefront.
"That's it. Let it out," Angel urged. "Felt good didn't it? The bloodlust, the power."
"No."
"Oh, come on. Be the demon you really are. We could devour this town together."
"That's not what I am."
A sinister laugh belted out as Angel allowed his true features to emerge. "It's exactly what you are. What we are. No matter how hard you try, you'll never be one of them. We are above them. What have you let yourself become, William?"
Understanding finally came over Spike's face and the terror at what he was seeing almost brought him to his knees. This was Angelus. Not the poncy bugger who showed up to claim his fame with Acathla, but the real Angelus. The vampire Spike remembered him to be a hundred years ago.
"What's wrong, boy? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"Angel?"
Another deep, bone chilling laugh and the dark haired man was pulling Spike into an embrace, kissing him roughly. The blonde pushed him away in a fit of disgust.
"Could Angel make you tremble so easy? You know who I am, just as you know who you are. William the Bloody was your favorite pseudonym as I recall. Until you started with all this Spike nonsense. We were quite the troublemakers, weren't we, William? Always making our presence known."
"You're not him."
A snicker came as a reply. "Can't you feel it? The bond? Angel would never care about his family the way I do."
"Angel is good. Seeking redemption. We would have just held him back." It was the first time he could ever remember defending the other vampire.
"Angel is a fool. Redemption is impossible for him. Just as it is for you. You were made to be more. You are a vampire! Or have you forgotten what that means?"
Spike found shock in the words as he recalled the earlier conversation he'd had with Buffy. At the time, he was the one trying to convince her of his true nature. Ironic now that he was in her place and trying to deny it.
"You were made for the hunt, the kill, the love that can only be achieved when the life is gone and the blood stops flowing. Can't you taste it, William? Didn't you enjoy that girl? Being inside her? Fangs and cock? And the slayer. Her rich blood filling you up? Nothing better I'd wager, except maybe your sire."
Blue eyes met brown in a show of knowing. "Aahh. You do remember, don't you?"
"No. Stop. This isn't real. You're not real." Spike pushed away and dropped to his knees on the mattress burying his face in his hands. "Go away."
"I'll always be real, and you'll always be mine. You are what you are and you, my boy, are an evil creature. A vampire. Born to live in darkness. Don't ever forget that. Don't deny what you are... what you want."
"I don't want it!" he screamed, pulling at his hair, as the tears full of rage and frustration were unleashed.
In the distance, he heard footsteps and the sound of fading laughter until all was silent. He found the courage to look up through a tear-covered haze to see Buffy and Angel staring down at him.
Returning
Spike stepped away from the wall and rubbed his hands together. "Where to next? Got a whole head full of things you might like to see." He smiled coyly and tucked his thumbs in his belt loops.
"No way. Uh uh. My turn. I don't want to know anything else about your perverted history with Angel."
"You sure, slayer? You seemed interested a few minutes ago."
"That wasn't interest, Spike. It was disgust. You and Angel...that's just gross." She rolled her eyes and began walking away, leaving him standing wide-eyed behind her.
"You don't understand anything about vampires, do you? All you know is the killing."
She turned back around with her hands on her hips. "That's all I need to know," she lied.
Inside she desperately wanted to ask all the questions that were now plaguing her. She wanted to know everything about Spike, Angel, and their life before Angel's soul. Neither vampire ever talked about it, keeping it hidden like a shameful secret. Buffy blinked her eyes to see Spike now standing directly in front of her.
"You should ask yourself sometime exactly what being a vampire means. Makes the hunt even better when you know your prey." He bit his bottom lip between his teeth and tilted his head slightly to the left. "Hard to believe you claim to love the poof and you don't even know him. What he is."
"I don't need a lecture, Spike. Especially from you. And I do know Angel. But things are different now. We're just friends."
"Oh. Yeah, I forgot. Just friends. Still playing that game, are we?"
She closed her eyes and sighed. "It's not a game. It's true. There's a lot you don't know and that's why we're here." She turned around again, not wanting him to see the hurt on her face.
She realized he was right. She'd fallen in love with both of them and hadn't even considered their history. They were vampires and what did she really know about them? Nothing before the past few years. Nothing about vampire lore and myths. She'd never wanted to know about the demon side. It was the part she'd tried to pretend wasn't there. The part she'd hated Spike for showing off and the part she'd loved Angel for trying to hide.
She was brought back from her thoughts when she felt Spike's body press against the back of hers and his voice whisper in her ear. "You sure you don't want to know his little secrets? What gets him going? Gets him off?"
"Spike." She tried to stop him.
"I could tell you. You know why?"
She stayed silent, her heart pounding in her chest at the feel of him so close, talking about things so intimate.
"Because he taught me. For eighteen years he taught me the pain and pleasure of it. Sometimes as punishment, sometimes reward. All the same really. I was his to do as he pleased." His hands caught her arms and began sliding up slowly, causing her flesh to prickle under him. "Another thing about vampires, luv. Pain reaps pleasure and Angelus knew all about pain."
She closed her eyes as his fingers glided their way further north, above her shoulder, slightly rubbing the skin beneath her ear. "You know about pain, slayer?"
She was lost in the sensation of him, longing to feel his touch and hear his words of love for her. She shuddered when she felt his tongue reach out to caress her neck, and felt his teeth nip at the tender skin. No. Not teeth. Fangs.
He grabbed her tightly at the elbows and let a low growl escape him. "Should know better than to turn your back on your enemy. You think if I bite you it'd be for real?"
She turned her head enough to see the face of his demon staring back at her. Buffy began to struggle and inwardly cursed herself for forgetting who she was with. Closing her eyes as his head tilted in toward her neck, with no time to waste she grabbed a hold of his hands and quickly thought of another time and place.
They were both thrown off balance and again surrounded in darkness. Buffy opened her eyes, shaking off the dizzy feeling as she became aware of her surroundings. She pushed herself off the ground and stood up, finding Spike doing the same beside her.
The anger was stirring inside of her, the last couple of days finally coming together in a whirlwind of emotion. She screamed out in frustration and charged for him, pushing him up against the wall.
"You stupid son of a bitch! I'm doing this to try to help you! Help us! And all you wanna do is sink your fangs in?!!" She let go and pulled her shirt away from her neck in an overly exaggerated fashion, making sure he'd see the trace of the mark from his first bite. "Well here you go, Spike. Here it is! Yours for the taking!"
He looked down and immediately caught sight of the scar. She watched as he closed his eyes and noticeably shuddered.
"What are you waiting for?! Go on! Do it!" She took a gamble and pushed her body against his, tilting her head to give him full access.
He stood staring wide-eyed for a moment and then shoved her away. "What the hell are you doing?! You'd never give up that easy!"
She felt a sigh of relief and let go of her collar. "Things have changed. That's what I've been trying to tell you! Spike, you didn't just get back from LA. We're not enemies anymore, and you aren't the big bad you used to be!"
He tilted his head in confusion. "Did you hit your head, slayer? Cuz you're not making any sense." He stopped mid sentence and pointed across the room. "And who the hell are they?"
Buffy took a moment to look around, finally remembering where she'd brought them. They were standing in the corner of his crypt, watching as a broken and bloody version of the vampire stared in amazement after sharing a gentle kiss with buffy. Spike listened to the words spoken between their doubles, not understanding anything about the scene before him. He glanced at Buffy and saw the traces of tears invading her eyes.
"This is when it all changed. This is when I knew." She reached up to wipe her cheeks and tried to keep any more tears from spilling.
"Knew what? What are you talking about?" he asked, suddenly feeling a hint of anxiety.
She looked around. " Three years ago. You'd just done something incredibly brave and selfless to protect Dawn. It was the first time I'd seen... the first time I let myself see the man you could be."
"Dawn?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.
"My sister. The one in the picture you were staring at. I know you recognized her," she accused.
"You don't have a sister."
"I'll explain that later, but now I want to know how you knew her?"
"I didn't. It was just a bloody dream." He pictured the images from the nightmare he'd experienced and shook them off when she spoke again.
"You saw her in a dream?"
"Was nothing. Just a flash."
"A memory? You've been remembering?"
He shrugged. "Don't know. It's all jumbled. None of the pieces fit."
"Spike," she said gently, "I need to show you the last few years."
"If it involves me finding out I don't want to kill you, I don't want to know."
She shook her head in sadness and looked down toward the ground. "I need you Spike. You need to know what happened to you."
"What's it to you? I'd assume you'd just as well dust me."
She managed a small smile and forced herself to look at him. "Sometimes I wish I had."
He shoved his hands into his pockets and took an unneeded breath. "Let's get to it then. Three years you say?"
She glanced around her and back to him. "It'd probably be easier if we sit. I think if it comes all at once, it might unblock whatever's causing you to forget."
"Your call, slayer."
He pushed his duster out of the way and sat down on the ground as she did the same and scooted closer to face him, reaching for his hands. He reluctantly took them.
"Concentrate and just try to be open to it."
He nodded and closed his eyes.
Immediately the feelings came crashing like waves. Buffy decided not to hold back and threw everything at him. In her mind, she relived the images and emotions of all the memories she could conjure up. Starting with the Initiative, she worked her way through the list of important events. The chip, Adam, Dawn, his admittance of love, Glory, her death and resurrection and all their time spent together including the night he'd left. She worked through his return and the events leading up to when he disappeared, stopping finally when they were sitting holding hands in her living room. She opened her eyes to see Willow and Angel staring at them from the sofa and realized they were back.
Spike sat unmoving, with his eyes closed and a deep, troubled look on his face. Buffy reached over, placing her hand on his knee.
"Spike, are you okay?"
His breath became ragged, coming quickly in short pants.
"Spike," she called again.
"I'm fine, luv," he answered, stretching out his fingers. "Just need to get out of these bloody ropes."
"I mean, are you okay? Are you..... you again?"
Their eyes met and she knew instantly it was 'her' Spike staring back at her.
"I remember everything."
"Willow... could you?"
"Are we sure, Buffy? I mean he could be lying."
"Just do it," she answered impatiently.
Angel and Willow exchanged a glance and she began to chant the words to break the spell on the ropes.
Buffy tugged at them until Spike was finally free of his restraints. He stood up, caught himself glancing at the picture on the mantle, and stepped in to kiss Buffy softly.
She let the kiss linger until he pulled away, allowing her to see the pained look in his eyes.
"What is it?" she asked worriedly.
"Just need some time, pet. Need to clear my head." He turned and began to walk away.
"Where are you gonna be?"
He looked back over his shoulder at her and sighed heavily. "Where I belong." Turning back around, he made his way to the door and disappeared into the basement.
Willow moved closer to Buffy, grabbing her hand in reassurance. "He'll be okay. The important thing is that it worked, right? No more multiple personality Spike?"
"Yeah. I guess." Buffy answered, not hiding her concern.
"Can't be easy. Imagine all your memories from the last few years coming back all at once? The guy must be freaked."
"I suppose. You think I should go talk to him?"
"No. I'd leave him alone for awhile."
Angel finally stood up from his spot on the sofa and moved to join them. "He'll need you after a while. Right now he's dealing with more than just the memories. He's probably beating himself up because of the soul too."
Buffy looked at him with a less than understanding expression. "The soul?"
"He killed people, Buffy. And his soul didn't stop it from happening. He's gonna be in pretty bad shape about it until he decides how to deal with it."
"I didn't think about it."
"And I'm sure that it's 'all' he's thinking about."
***************************
Spike was sitting on the mattress against the wall, wiping the falling tears from his cheeks. He'd spent several hours pondering his situation and came to the same conclusion over and over. He was screwed. He would never be a good man, he would never deserve Buffy and he would forever live with the fact that when given the chance his demon was stronger than he was. He'd only made himself feel worse after rethinking his actions over the last two days. He remembered all of it. He'd allowed the demon to overpower him even when his soul had been screaming it was wrong. He'd been weak, feeling the guilt of his actions but too far gone to recognize it for what it was. After all he'd gone through to win the damn soul, and then learning to live with it over the course of the past year, all wiped away as soon as it was put to the test. What good was it but a reminder that he was nothing more than a shell of a man.
The chip. He longed for the days when it held him at bay. A year without it and this was the result. With the chip, it never could have happened. His mind wandered as far as to consider finding those Initiative assholes and begging them to fit him with another piece of government technology. He was sure Buffy could find her ex-demon hunter cowboy if she had to. 'Probably pen pals after his last visit,' he scoffed to himself. He shook his head at the thought. There was no way he would stoop so low as to let Riley have the victory dance. Shattered as he was, he still had some ounce of pride.
Spike was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of footsteps on the stairs. He wiped away the last bit of evidence from his face and made the resolve to appear in control, hard as it may be.
Angel stepped forward, hands in his pockets, not speaking a word as he strode toward the other vampire.
Spike eyed him wearily and gestured back in the direction he came. "Sod off. Not in the mood for you."
"Don't imagine you are. Too bad for you I don't care what you want. "
"I mean it," came the reply in a threatening tone.
"You've been a bad, bad vampire. Haven't you William my boy?"
Blue eyes widened at the use of his given name. Angel had never called him William. "What's your game?" he asked, while rising cautiously to his feet.
"You should know by now, it's always a game. Us against them. Always has been, always will be and we'll always come out on top."
"Have you completely lost it? I don't talk in riddles, Angel. And I'm getting bored with this conversation."
"I thought I taught you better manners, boy. You listen when I talk and you do as I say. Or do you need a lesson?"
Spike looked dumbfounded at the larger man and tried to push past him. "I'm not putting up with this you ponce."
Angel grabbed his arm and pulled him back. "Seems you need a refresher in where your place is. Has it been so long you don't remember?"
The tension was marinating in the pit of his stomach and the blonde tried to control the demon fighting to come to the forefront.
"That's it. Let it out," Angel urged. "Felt good didn't it? The bloodlust, the power."
"No."
"Oh, come on. Be the demon you really are. We could devour this town together."
"That's not what I am."
A sinister laugh belted out as Angel allowed his true features to emerge. "It's exactly what you are. What we are. No matter how hard you try, you'll never be one of them. We are above them. What have you let yourself become, William?"
Understanding finally came over Spike's face and the terror at what he was seeing almost brought him to his knees. This was Angelus. Not the poncy bugger who showed up to claim his fame with Acathla, but the real Angelus. The vampire Spike remembered him to be a hundred years ago.
"What's wrong, boy? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"Angel?"
Another deep, bone chilling laugh and the dark haired man was pulling Spike into an embrace, kissing him roughly. The blonde pushed him away in a fit of disgust.
"Could Angel make you tremble so easy? You know who I am, just as you know who you are. William the Bloody was your favorite pseudonym as I recall. Until you started with all this Spike nonsense. We were quite the troublemakers, weren't we, William? Always making our presence known."
"You're not him."
A snicker came as a reply. "Can't you feel it? The bond? Angel would never care about his family the way I do."
"Angel is good. Seeking redemption. We would have just held him back." It was the first time he could ever remember defending the other vampire.
"Angel is a fool. Redemption is impossible for him. Just as it is for you. You were made to be more. You are a vampire! Or have you forgotten what that means?"
Spike found shock in the words as he recalled the earlier conversation he'd had with Buffy. At the time, he was the one trying to convince her of his true nature. Ironic now that he was in her place and trying to deny it.
"You were made for the hunt, the kill, the love that can only be achieved when the life is gone and the blood stops flowing. Can't you taste it, William? Didn't you enjoy that girl? Being inside her? Fangs and cock? And the slayer. Her rich blood filling you up? Nothing better I'd wager, except maybe your sire."
Blue eyes met brown in a show of knowing. "Aahh. You do remember, don't you?"
"No. Stop. This isn't real. You're not real." Spike pushed away and dropped to his knees on the mattress burying his face in his hands. "Go away."
"I'll always be real, and you'll always be mine. You are what you are and you, my boy, are an evil creature. A vampire. Born to live in darkness. Don't ever forget that. Don't deny what you are... what you want."
"I don't want it!" he screamed, pulling at his hair, as the tears full of rage and frustration were unleashed.
In the distance, he heard footsteps and the sound of fading laughter until all was silent. He found the courage to look up through a tear-covered haze to see Buffy and Angel staring down at him.